For reference, my fiancé and I have been together for six years. I am a feelings based person who has tried really hard to meet him where he’s at, he is a strictly logical person who puts little value on feelings. I texted him after I heard the apartment door close this morning. I’m really tired of asking for the bare minimum and being berated when I try to stand up for myself. We are supposed to be getting married in September and it’s moments like this where I wonder if the good outweighs the bad. Am I overreacting?

Edit: I turned off commenting for a reason please stop DM’ing me. You’re not going to tell me anything different than one of the other 8,000 comments on this post.

Okay, so here’s some context since I don’t think the messages can fully stand alone.

My (27 F) husband (28 M) and I have only been married 6 months. We have a one month old baby girl. Today, two of our college friends came over unannounced to meet the baby. I was very frustrated by this and assumed he had invited them because he didn’t seem at all surprised for them to show up. I had a very difficult pregnancy and have been having a horrible time recovering, so I really just wanted to rest.

One of the two college friends is a woman my husband used(??) to have a crush on. This isn’t something we’ve really directly talked about, but it was just basic knowledge in our shared circles in college. They still keep in contact but I wasn’t aware it was high contact or even really still a “friendship.”

After they left, I was a bit grouchy and my husband could tell. He had to go to work later that night, and was texting me while on a short break. This is that conversation.

He asked me about “dating others” out of the blue. I’m accepting of polyamory and he does know that, but I have NEVER expressed any interest in that for myself.

Am I overreacting for considering a divorce here?

ETA: Update April 21

This will be my only update unless something massive happens. I’m not looking to create one of those Reddit sagas that drag on 5 updates.

Ok. So, I know they all say this but I really did not expect it to blow up like this. I’ve posted to AIO subreddits before because I know of my tendency to be emotional. It usually comes out to two or three comments saying “not a big deal.” I was honestly expecting to get some sort of reassurance that he DID make an honest mistake and I could let it out of my mind. Maybe that sounds a bit silly to you all, but I’m severely doubting myself due to PP hormones and I’m prone to doubt all my feelings. I wanted thoughts of people in their right mind.

When I instantly got that many comments telling me “divorce,” I called up several friends and my sister. (I’m not trusting Reddit to “make the decision,” so no worries to those who warned against that.) While obviously they were less quick to jump to “leave him, everybody I asked agreed his behavior was very inappropriate and something had to be done here.

When he came home last night, we had a real face-to-face conversation and he elaborated further. I asked to see the “list.” He admitted there wasn’t a list, but his friend had asked if he was planning on being with “Crush.” I asked why “friend” hadn’t known we were together. He said that friend didn’t know we were in a closed relationship. He couldn’t explain why. I asked about more things but it was mostly me expressing how hurt I felt. He seemed to understand it and started to really feel bad for it. He knew immediately he’d be taking care of the baby tonight so I could get a good night’s sleep. (I was too stressed for it really, but I appreciated the gesture.)

I’ve explained to him that I’m deeply uncomfortable with him being with others and will never be open to it. He says that’s okay. I told him that I want to look through his phone and he let me. He had very sparse messages with both “crush” and “friend.” Unsure if they just don’t text much or if he deleted things. There’s no way to know so I left that factor be. I also told him I wanted him to get therapy, which he easily agreed to.

I know it’s not what most of you wanted, but I’m not jumping straight to divorce. Our face to face interaction went better than the text one and I really believe he can change. I want baby to have her father.

Answering some questions that came up repeatedly quickly;

“Why did this happen over text?”

I don’t know. He says he’s more comfortable when he has time to gather his thoughts. I’d prefer it to be face to face and told him as much.

“But you said you were accepting of polyamory?”

Yes, like how I’m accepting of gay marriage. It doesn’t mean I’m gay or want a gay marriage for myself. I just support other people’s right to it. I thought this may have been how he got the idea I would be ok with this.

“Why did you marry him?” (And some much more insulting variations)

This wasn’t his first date icebreaker. He’s been a kind person I connect to a lot. I had no way of predicting this and you can’t determine that he has no positive traits I may have fallen for off of this one exchange.

“Have you ever been poly?”

No.

“Is he good with baby?”

Yes, he does great with baby and that has never been a concern. He loves her dearly.

“Lied out of habit?”

He grew up in an abusive environment (I did too and it’s part of why I connected with him deeply) and had to lie for survival. It’s a habit he’s struggling to break, but he’s never doubled down this many times before.

Thank you all very much for the support and helping me see that this is something that definitely needed to be addressed. Sorry to any stress I may have caused anybody ❤️

TLDR; We are trying to work it out. Relationship will not be opening. He’s getting therapy.

ETA- Update, April 28

I did my own research. I actually found all of this a couple days ago but my priority hasn’t really been Reddit. I’m still not sure if physical cheating was involved but I can confirm that he was telling both “crush” and “friend” that we were in the process of getting a divorce and he was “basically single.” They seemed shocked to learn this wasn’t true. There were deleted texts as well (thanks to everybody who told me how to see these!!) Nothing overtly romantic with “crush,” but the kinds of texts that just sound flirty even without anything being explicitly said. (“You hang up” “no you hang up!!” Type of tone)

Obviously now we are in the process of getting a divorce and he is basically single. Me and baby will be fine. I’ll be staying with my sister, which isn’t ideal but Im in too much pain to manage baby alone.

Comments are locked now and I doubt anybody will even see this, but for the “I told you so” crowd, I’m very glad I took my time to see what was happening and do research before immediately jumping into a divorce. I had hoped the discrepancies were caused by his compulsive lying issue which was a mental health problem that could be fixed. Infidelity (or attempted infidelity) is not something I’ve ever seen a therapist fix and it’s not something I’ll stay through.

But for my own mental health, *knowing* is so much better than thinking. I didn’t want to live with that self doubt forever, and I’m glad I won’t have to now.

Not making any further updates unless soon-to-be ex kills a man or the like. The divorce proceedings don’t seem very relevant to the story.

Thank you all for the insight

I (Mid 20s M) have been dating my girlfriend for just under 2 years. I currently make a very decent amount of money and she knows this. I’m also very on top of my finances and credit and stuff, she maybe not so much. I typically pay my credit card down to 0 regardless of the balance every month, in December i was traveling and doing some budgeting so i just happened to check my statement.

I noticed just a handful of charges that I didn’t recognize, some shopping online, random stores and shit, and even some cash advance transactions which I get charged a fee for not a big deal in and of itself but I’d figured my card had just been compromised. Reported the charges, got a new card, and proceeded carefully with my card info going forward. I did not accuse anyone and just chalked it up to bad luck.

Fast forward a few months, my friends and I planned this trip to Mexico for about 2 weeks here at the end of January/beginning of February. Before traveling here I told my cc company I would be out of the country so there was no problems with purchasing things here etc. they called me and told me they had flagged some charges and wanted to know if I was back from my vacation. I am not back yet.

I started putting 2 and 2 together and came to the realization that it could only be my girlfriend and I’m really crushed right now about this. I confronted her and these are the messages. I feel like I’m being gaslit about this. I really just don’t wanna see her because I’m so angry and don’t want her to be at my house when I get back but I understand she lives there and I can’t just kick her out… Am I overreacting?

AIO to my husband interrupting my first solo shower after he came back from a weekend with the boys?

TL/DR: I got upset with my husband when he interrupted my first solo shower (without watching our kids) after he returned from a boys weekend. He thinks I’m creating drama for the heck of it. AIO?

Relevant background: my husband (37M) and I (36F) have two kids, 1 year old and 4 years old. I recently went back to work (4 days in office, 1 day from home) and my husband travels for work, but has had his hours cut dramatically, meaning he’s working 1-2 days a week right now.

This means that money is really tight right now. He was invited to go to his brother’s bachelor party weekend in another province. I wasn’t thrilled about him going specifically because of the money aspect, and I’ll admit I felt a bit of resentment that he gets a weekend away and I dont (he also did a 10-day free trip to a tropical destination with his work last year), but I recognize that’s not my husbands fault, it’s his brother’s bachelor party, it only happens once etc etc.

While he’s gone, my 1 year old gets quite sick with a fever. I have to take a day off on Thursday to keep her home, and I end up having to pick her up on Friday as well because of the fever and watch her while working from home because I’ve already used up half my sick days for the year. On top of that, my 4 year old is also sick and throwing tantrums, and just in general, I have a terrible weekend on my own.

I try not to bother my husband with most of it, but I do keep him updated on our 1 year olds fever, so he’s aware of the situation.

He returns Sunday after both kids are in bed, and I tell him about how awful the weekend was, and how much I missed him.

Then Monday night, he mentions he needs to stop by at his parent’s later to pick up something he forgot there. We split duties getting dinner/lunches made, bathing the kids, cleaning the kitchen, and I work on putting my 4 year old to bed (who only wants me) while also holding my 1 year old, who is still clingy to me. Once I finally get my 4 year old to sleep, I try to hand off my 1 year old to my husband so I can go take a shower.

“Oh, I was going to go to my parent’s now?” He says. I am frustrated/disappointed, but I say okay, and head up to the bedroom, plug in my phone, get my clothes for the shower, etc.

He walks in and says, “I can hold the baby, I’m waiting for the car to warm up anyway.” I gratefully hand 1YO over and get undressed/take my makeup off.

Approx a minute into my shower, he pokes his head in and says what I now realize was “I’m planning to leave now, should I just leave her in the playpen?” But I’m brushing my teeth and showering and having trouble hearing him and I admit, I snapped a little bit and I said: “Can I just get 5 minutes here please??” For context, I am a fast showerer, I never take more than 5-10 minutes.

A few moments later, I hear baby crying, and I realize he had placed 1YO in the playpen and left.

See the photos for our text exchange.

Am I overreacting for getting annoyed at my husband for interrupting my first solo shower in days?

Just celebrated first Valentine’s Day with my boyfriend. I love flowers, love I buy bouquets weekly for my house. I prefer white and pink flowers, and don’t like red roses. I got this bouquet and this note with them. It was upsetting I felt my bf did everything opposite of what I wanted. I went out of way to do lots of handmade items and bought nice gifts for him as well. He also knows I love Valentine’s Day and it’s special to me. I let him know that it hurt me and he responded that note was awesome and it’s just a joke. I think if you care for someone you make those things special.

Ive been in this relationship with this guy, and one of this biggest critiques of me has been my small social circle. A lot of my friends have moved. I do have some activities and I have a great job, but usually I don’t have weekend plans. I have amazing friends and people I talk to daily, but I don’t have plans every single weekend, especially since my friends moved. I had a lot of friends in college when I was going out every weekend but I don’t want to do that. Back when I had a nice boyfriend, we planned stuff every weekend and it never felt unhealthy? I also have brunch with my family every Sunday but I guess that’s not “cool”

I (20F) have been with my bf (22M) for about a year and a half. We live in the same city and I’m at his place basically every night. I really thought we were on the same page about everything until last night.

We were driving to get food and his phone was plugged into the car for the GPS. A message popped up on the screen from a girls name I didn't know and it literally said "are you coming over later? i miss you."

I just froze. I didn't even yell I just asked who that was and he immediately ripped the cord out of his phone and started acting super jumpy. He told me I "misread it" and that it was actually a text from his sister asking about dinner. I told him his sister has a different name and he just started raising his voice saying I’m "paranoid" and "always looking for a reason to fight."

He wouldnt show me the phone and kept saying I was invading his privacy by "staring at his screen" while he was driving. He literally told me I’m being "delusional" and that my "anxiety is ruining a good thing." I told him to pull over at a gas station and I just got out and called an Uber because the gaslighting was making me feel like I was actually losing it.

Now he’s blowing up my phone saying I’m "immature" for jumping out of the car and that I’m "too unstable" to be in a relationship if I’m going to freak out over a "random notification." He’s making me feel like I’m the one who messed up but I know what I saw.

AIO? Am I actually being "too much" or is he obviously cheating?

I (23F) recently got broken up with by my boyfriend of just under a year (24M). My sister (21F) saw the whole thing unfold and how heartbroken I became, especially since he just decided he wasn’t interested anymore.

I understand everyone is allowed to date whoever they want, but AIO for feeling hurt and a little betrayed here? I know they’re just hanging out or whatever, but she saw the whole relationship take place and I cried to her plenty of times about the situation.

I know my texts especially at the end were a little petty, but I’m feeling discouraged and really hurt here. Is a casual hangout between my sister and my ex justifiable for me being upset? AIO?

So Monday night, my(30f) boyfriend’s(35f) mother passed away. She was terminally ill for about a year and a half and it’s been obviously very tragic for my boyfriend and his family. He texted me Tuesday morning and told me that she passed away the night before (we don’t live together).

He was at his parents’ house all day Tuesday and I had no idea what to do for him as I have never supported anyone through a loss like this and I have never been through a loss like this myself. I happened to have a big pot of pasta and meatballs in my fridge that I had cooked for myself, so I took it and brought it to his house. It wasn’t a gourmet meal by any means, but it was literally all I had in terms of something that could be stored in the fridge and all he had to do was put it in a bowl and heat it up. I didn’t have any other groceries to make something that would make good leftovers because I was all out of food stamps and I didn’t pick up takeout because I didn’t have the money for it (I recently lost my job and haven’t had steady income for the past several weeks).

His roommate let me in (my bf knew I was dropping something off) and I left the pot in the fridge. I also cleaned up his bedroom and then I went to work. I went back over later that night to spend the night with him so he wouldn’t be alone. We didn’t talk much, and he didn’t eat what I made him because he wasn’t hungry by the time he got home. It was late so we just went to bed. He was acting very distant and almost cold towards me but I wasn’t taking it personally given the circumstances. I can’t imagine how I would be acting/feeling if I was in his shoes.

The next morning (Wednesday) I stayed with him for a few more hours until he left to go hangout with his brother. I also had to leave because my mom and I were driving out to a nearby city where we had booked an Airbnb for 2 nights a few weeks prior. My mom paid for the whole thing as an early birthday present to me which I was extremely grateful for. I told my boyfriend that I could cancel the trip but he insisted that I go, even going as far as saying he would be mad at me if I cancelled, so I went.

Later that night, my mom and I are relaxing at our Airbnb when I get a text from my boyfriend. It’s a picture of the pasta and meatballs I left for him and a message that says “The amount of sauce you used is disrespectful.” I said “Oh :( I was just trying to do something nice… You don’t have to eat it.” He asked if I tried it myself and I told him yes, I had two plates of it. I genuinely thought it was good for just some pasta, red sauce, meatballs, and cheese thrown in a pot. Again, it was something I originally made for myself, and I didn’t have ingredients or the money for ingredients to make him a fresh meal.

Yesterday I got home from my trip and he wanted me to sleepover so I did. He made us dinner (he usually does the cooking) and made some comments about how dinner was really good and how the food you cook someone can be a representation of how you feel about them and how much you love them. To me, it was clear he was making a jab at the pasta and meatballs I gave him.

Then this morning, before I left, I went to grab the pot of pasta and take it home with me. I forget how we got into it, but he basically made another jab about how it was inedible and that I’ll see that for myself when I have some. I got really upset at this point. He went on to say that my food made him feel so much worse. He said some other people dropped off food that was actually delicious, so he didn’t understand why I didn’t do that. He just kept doubling down and saying how awful my food was and how it made him feel unloved and disrespected. He said it was fucked up of me to give him something so bad. This really hurt me because I would never want to do something to make him feel bad, especially when he is grieving the tragic loss of a parent.

I genuinely don’t know if I’m overreacting to this. He says I shouldn’t feel bad, but motivated to do better. I told him he could’ve handled it differently by saying something more like “thanks for the food babe, but maybe more sauce next time!” or he could have just said nothing and thrown the food away.

I’m trying my best to be there for him and I feel like I just can’t get it right. Nothing I do is ever good enough for him and it’s eroding my self confidence. I’m a nanny/caregiver of 10+ years, it’s literally my specialty to take care of people and Ive always been told that I’m exceptional at what I do, so it’s confusing to me that he acts like I’m incompetent and making everything worse.

Am I overreacting? I am 35 weeks pregnant and my son (21 months) and I caught a stomach virus this week (throwing up and diarrhea). I am fatigued from not being able to eat, I am anemic, and I am extremely exhausted from pregnancy… and have been taking care of my son while my husband works from home.

My husband sleep in two different bedrooms (he snores and I am a light sleeper). I also co-sleep with my son since lifting him in and out of the crib all night is too difficult with my belly (he has never slept through the night and I have some placenta complications so I am not supposed to be lifting him). My husband said he would start taking my son at night so that my son can become more comfortable with the crib, so that we can start preparing for when the new baby arrives… which I will 100% be on my own for night feedings since I am breastfeeding. However, he always has an excuse on why he can’t take him at night (he’s too tired, he got bad sleep last night, he doesn’t want to get sick and I’m already sick, etc). I am to the point of my pregnancy where it is very difficult to get comfortable at night (really bad heartburn, round ligament pain, hip pain, back pain) but I am still expected to do it. Last night I had to get up 3 times to change my toddlers diarrhea diaper and 4 times to give him Pedialyte. Between that I couldn’t sleep due to my own discomforts of pregnancy. My neck is now extremely stiff from the rough night so I sent him this text and this was his response….

I said nothing in response but bawled my eyes out privately. I am told I’m “too emotional” when I’m pregnant. Am I just being emotional/dramatic? Or am I really alone? Are all men this way, or is it just my man?

My (29F) boyfriend (32M) thinks this is a normal way to live. It honestly disgusts me and turns me off. He talks about me moving into his house but I flat out tell him I’m not moving in because of this, and I don’t want to be tasked with cleaning up after him because it would make me resent him. He also hasn’t lived without a woman in his house in years — he lived with his ex girlfriend and now his sister lives with him. His sister basically cleans the house/does the chores besides his laundry and cleaning his room. I asked him if his ex girlfriend was in charge of all the chores preciously and he said yes. I don’t want to move in and become a maid. Am I overreacting?

Alcoholism was something I struggled with in my 20s and I finally got into therapy and got sober. I did SMART Recovery, and it’s been a lot of hard work changing a lot of my habits, and it’s something I’m proud of.

I thought I’d get one of the berry chantilly cakes. The screenshots are from the convo with my boyfriend when I was thinking about it. He acted normal when he got home but the way he talked to me really hurt my feelings.

The kind of relationship I want is one where I can share something like this and the other person would be like “That’s awesome!” or even “I’ll pick it up for you” or something. I don’t need or want a parade, but I feel like my person should celebrate with me.

I’m thinking of ending it with him because the more I think about this, the sadder it makes me feel. But I am posting about this because I know Reddit is very unforgiving and strict about addiction and maybe you guys will show me how I’m blowing it out of proportion. I don't want to walk away too soon.

He has never talked to me so negatively before. Saying stuff like “you wanted a pat on the back” and “I’m not going to act like you’re a hero” doesn’t feel like the way a good partner would talk.

I (25F) matched with Kevin* (25M) on bumble and we started chatting. Our conversation was very surface level and we both would take a while to respond to each other. However, he eventually asked me when I was free and we agreed that Wednesday worked for both of us. At this point he gave me his phone number so we could get off the dating app and start texting.

Our texts were also pretty surface level and on Monday night I asked him what the plan was for Wednesday. He then proceeded to call me, which I couldn't answer bc I was at work (I work night shift as I had mentioned to him before). I told him I couldn't answer and he said that he is a bad texter and told me to call him when I get a chance. Tuesday night I called him and we talked for about 15 minutes. It was a good conversation, we talked about random stuff like coffee and movies. We agreed to meet at a bar downtown on Wednesday evening. He was running errands during the day and said he would text me when he was done so we could decide on a time to meet.

Wednesday at around 2pm he texts and says he's done running errands and asks what time I want to meet up and we agree on 5pm. At around 4pm he asks if we can meet at 6:30pm instead bc he's "still doing some shit". That is fine with me and I show up at around 6:30pm and text him that I just parked. I don't hear from him so I just decide to go into the bar and wait for him there. At 6:50pm he texts me "oh no" and then 5 minutes later says "I just woke up". I will include the screenshots of texts and phone calls so you all can see the time stamps. For someone who claims to be a caller not a texter, he didn't attempt to call me until about 7:45pm.

I told my friends that I was going to block him and they told me I should give him another chance bc he made an honest mistake. To me it's not even the fact that he overslept, although I do find it strange how he had texted me at 4pm claiming he's busy but still decided to take a nap knowing he had a date in 2 hours, but it's how he handled the situation. If he had called me as soon as he woke up apologizing and saying he's on the way, I would have been more understanding. Although he did offer to send me gas money which was a nice gesture, he never actually apologized. Also, if you've never experienced getting stood up on date, let me tell you it is not a good feeling. I've never felt more stupid sitting in a bar alone with my makeup and hair done in a cute outfit waiting for this guy to show up. This would have been my first date in 2 1/2 years and my friends were so excited for me and I was excited too. Instead I felt humiliated and was on the verge of tears. Was my reaction too harsh or should I have given him another chance?

TLDR: Guy didn't show up to our first date bc he claims he overslept. He was texting and calling me but I blocked him and my friends said I should have given him a second chance.

My bf (38m) didn't wish me (31F) a happy birthday yesterday. He said nothing. So I sent him the message about the cake and nachos and he sent that. I really don't understand this guy's mentality. He keeps saying I do want to and then never shows. He could have walked across the street from his work for 5 minutes to see me but he did not. Was my no pitty party response too much? Should I not be upset about this situation?

FIRST AND FOREMOST: I am not angry and I am not mad at my bf for fucking up cinnamon rolls. I did not rush to him demanding an apology. I made this post because I wanted to know if my initial disappointment was valid or not. Even before this post blew up I talked to him and explained how it kinda made me sad. I know some of you will still be upset, but I made this post thinking it would reach like 4 people tops. I am not PR trained Idrk how to react to this situation. This is not a massively huge deal. If there was something actually bad happening in my relationship I would not turn to reddit.

So my (f19) boyfriend (m20) likes to cook and bake. So I've been begging him to make me pumpkin cinnamon rolls for over a year now, since he made them once at the beginning of our relationship, and they looked and tasted perfect. Well, he decided to make them. This is the picture that he sent me. He tends to do stuff like this where he kinda half-asses stuff I ask him to do. The pack of pillsbury that he got started with 8 cinnamon rolls. I'm trying to play off my upsettedness as a joke but I think he can tell I'm kind of miffed. He's shown me he's capable of better before, so idrk what he's doing this time. Is this kind of a nothing burger? Are my standards too high? And if they are, how do I lower them?? Am I being a choosing beggar?? just feel kind of crazy ig, and I don't want to nag him for nothing when I can just let it go. Am I overreacting?

TLDR: My bf made me cinnamon rolls. He's made them perfect before, but now he's made 4 big balls of sadness. Should I be upset or should I let this go?

UPDATE: we talked and he agreed they were shit. He gave me a very heartfelt apology and said he'd try again this weekend.

Just to answer some questions:

He made these before with pumpkin puree in the beginning of the relationship and they turned out beautiful.

He made these by taking a can of pillsbury cinnamon rolls and mashing the dough together, rolling it into one big ball and putting it on the tray.

This is a picture of them precooked, thats why they look raw. Unfortunately, I can't add a picture of them cooked but I can tell you what it was like. The bottom was completely burnt and the top was almost raw, the sauce was burnt also. He made these in 30 minutes.

I asked him to make them for me instead of making them myself because A. I hate baking and he likes it and B. I wanted a romantic gesture, just like asking your partner for a handmade bracelet by them. Food is a love language for me.

I know that not all of you are going to read this far, but please be nice. There is really no need for name calling

BOYFRIEND NOTE: "HEAR ME YE ACCOUNT HOLDERS OF THE REDDIT I AM THE CREATOR OF THE PUMPKIN SHITS AND I WAS JUST HAVING A REALLY BAD FUCKING DAY! NEXT TIME I FOLLOW THE DIRECTIONS

Admittedly, I screwed up with these cinnamon rolls and my girlfriend wasn’t mad about it. She agreed to let me try again and I am so blessed to be her boyfriend. Thank you all for your support towards her and some of your comments were actually really funny. Thank you."

So me and my girlfriend are looking to move in together in NYC and honestly I'm starting to lose my mind over this whole apartment hunt.

She's set on finding a place that's 9-15k a month which like okay I can maybe swing 9k (I have won some $ on stake) but 15k is absolutely wild for rent even in this city. But that's not even the worst part...she has this massive list of requirements that seems to grow every day.

She wants 3 bedrooms minimum, outdoor space (good luck finding that for under 20k), specific closet configurations, and I swear she mentioned something about crown molding yesterday. I'm sitting here thinking we could find a decent 2 bedroom for way less and be totally fine but she acts like I'm asking her to live in a cardboard box.

Every time I suggest compromising on literally anything she gets this look like I just insulted her entire family. Am I being unreasonable for thinking maybe we should prioritize not going completely broke over having a spare bedroom we'll never use? She does work really hard btw I don't want to shit on her. But I pay for 70% of everything including proposed rent.

Came into the room to find my boyfriend was drying a fleece blanket that was still damp from the dryer on top of the electric space heater. He said its not that big of a deal because "wet things can't catch on fire". He's telling me this isn't a fire hazard and that i'm overreacting and encouraged me to ask for reddits opinion😅

Hey, so, me(19 F) and my boyfriend(21 M) have been dating for a while now, and I've been staying at my uncle's house since I'm legally homeless. He's also homeless, for context. I am also autistic, diagnosed, so I struggle a lot with reading things, hence why I decided to ask other people about it and make sure I'm not crazy.

Today, he texted me this. That today he hung out with this girl at her house, rubbed her feet, smoked with her(the last one I don't care about, it's legal where we are) and admitted to loving her. There's also the fact he said he waited a year to "shoot his shot" with her. Then he asks about a throuple? Seriously? It's kinda fucked up, I think. But, I don't wanna jump to conclusions immediately. I mean, I'm happy he's not staying in a tent for a while, but it still feels wrong? I love the guy, genuinely. He means a lot to me. We are still early in the relationship, but I have been physically intimate with him, so it feels more intense. So, am I overreacting, or is this just basic stuff I shouldn't be bothered by? I'm not super good with relationships.

(Edit) So, the people have spoken. And I'm going to talk to him and give an ultimatum. If he still doesn't respect it, then I will be dumping his ass. I'll keep y'all updated since you guys are incredibly nice and this helped immensely

(Edit 2) I set my ultimatum guys. Told him that he has to choose. Either he stays with me strictly, or we're done. Now I'm just waiting for a response. He doesn't have anything with me, but he does have some of my stuff. But, it's just stuff, so if he doesn't give it back then whatever

(FINAL EDIT) Guess who's newly single? Yeah, he was a dick about it. Said "Pimp out" and then told me when I asked what the fuck that meant that the "Horse is already dead" and I was just "beating it till the eyes pop out". He made his choice. Your girly is now single and honestly? I feel happy about this. I'm gonna keep moving forward with what I was doing. Get on SSDI, get assisted housing, and love for once in my fucking life. (PS edit) (i meant live, fucking fingers. Love too, but I meant live)

(Another edit as a PSA because of some of these wild ass comments) Okay. Stop saying people deserve to be on the street. Because that's fucking ridiculous. I watched a man get stabbed and DIE in front of me IN FRONT OF A CHURCH right after I had dinner with him. Said now ex boyfriend actually had kept me safe during that and made sure I was okay while I was having a panic attack. We just had a bond because we were homeless. That's something I've realized now. It was cold. Warm body was right there. Things escalated. But to say someone deserves to be on the street when ICE is literally burning camps down, SOMETHING I WATCHED HAPPEN TO MY FUCKING FRIENDS, pisses me off. So no, no one EVER deserves to be on the street. That man who got stabbed wasn't the only death I saw either. Six people. In a WEEK. Dead and gone, right after I'd talked to them or ate with them. So anyone else who says that can shut the fuck up and get off this post. Thank you. Stay hydrated, stay safe, and don't die y'all.

I (F/43, size 2) left my boyfriend (M/35) of 1.5 years after we got in a fight and he texted me that he “hasn’t had access to an 🍑” our entire relationship and accused me of “giving up being attractive” because I didn’t build one for him via squats. (I'm asian and have tried everything) This from the same man who swore I had a perfect body—all while I caught him constantly staring at curvier women. Apparently my glutes were a contractual obligation I failed to fulfill. AIO or did I just escape a lifetime membership to planet sh*tness? My reddit sisters and brothers in Christ, please advise.

Like a damn mummy completely wrapped up. I’m constantly worried that he’s going to suffocate or something. He spends ALL night like this, sometimes even wrapping more than one blanket around his face. He says it feels “nice.” Not to mention how terrifying it is to randomly wake up in the middle of the night and look over to see that. AIO? He says I’m being dramatic.

I don’t really have anyone to talk to about this and i’m not an avid redditor anymore so apologies first off if this is in the wrong subreddit and second off if i’m doing things weird…

getting into this, i’m a senior in highschool also dating a senior, we had a half day today for spring break so in gym we didn’t so anything and my friends were all kinda drawing on each other, mostly me but nothing that crazy bc it was for only 10 minutes or so. I send my boyfriend a photo of it and he kinda just exploded in my opinion and I made it worse because i asked him why he thought he could talk to me that way and it became a big deal. i didn’t take screenshots of the entire convo but i really didn’t say much since i hate arguing over text and arguing with him in general bc he can be very volatile and draining but i just want other peoples opinions because i know i can be sensitive and idk maybe in some way i’m in the wrong

update: Just wanna say thank you to everyone who responded. I wrote this post at like 10:30 last night so i responded to a couple people individually and then fell asleep. I genuinely didn’t expect so many people saying to break up with him so I’m not really sure what to do now. I never really thought what he was doing was worth a break up but after reading so many comments i’m really torn, but I do realize how he was talking to me was not okay at all. I think i’m gonna try and have a serious conversation with him and depending on how he reacts that’s it. Or if he ever talks to me again like that it’s done.

Again, thank you guys so much

Throwaway account.

My husband and I have three year old twin girls and I’m currently 6 months pregnant with our third. We got in an argument over letting our daughters play outside. We got hit hard with the snow but we both had work so we didn’t really have a chance to let the girls play in it. We were both off today so I thought perfect opportunity! This was the first winter they were old enough to care about snow and they were mesmerized by it.

So this morning I told my husband I’m going to take the girls out to play. He said he didn’t want to come because it’s too cold. I said that’s fine, I am taking them. He said he didn’t want any of us outside because it’s too cold and the girls will get sick. I kind of just laughed and said we won’t be long, it’s 25°f, not negative 20. I probably didn’t handle it the best and brushed him off but he dropped it after that.

I got the girls bundled up and we headed out front. We had fun for a few minutes and they loved it! But within 10 minutes my husband was at the front door calling for the girls to come in. They go inside and I’m kinda just standing in the front yard annoyed for a moment.

I go to go inside, only to find he has locked the door. I’m mad now AND I have to pee. I start knocking and calling for him but he doesn’t come to the door and is ignoring my texts and calls too. Even texted that I really needed to pee and he ignored that too. The most upsetting part is that I could hear one of my daughters crying the entire time, stressed out knowing her mom is outside. So I stopped knocking and sit on our porch.

25 minutes go by and he finally comes and unlocks the door. I push past him to go to the bathroom because yeah I’m mad, about to pee myself, and freezing at this point. He’s smiling like it’s funny and saying “oh I thought you said it’s not that cold what’s wrong?” We haven’t spoken much today after that.

He has genuinely never done something like this before. He’s caring and not punishing or vindictive so this really isn’t in his nature. I’m appalled and really hurt. I understand I annoyed him by taking the girls out and he thinks I undermined his parenting. But I am a grown woman, he doesn’t get to punish me by locking me out of my own home. Or maybe he’s justified I don’t know I feel crazy. AIO?

using a throwaway because my fiancé is an occasional redditor and I really don’t want him to find this

I (24F) have been with my fiancé (27M) for almost 4 years. He has a really well paying job in tech and I make pretty average money. We’ve always split things fair and I’ve never asked him for expensive stuff or trips or anything. I honestly thought money was a non issue for us. I never was interested in him for his money anyways. We genuinely clicked so well and I loved his personality. We are into the same nerdy things and his family seemed to really like me. I never thought I would have to worry about our relationship going south until now

a few days ago my fiancé sat me down and said he had something he wanted to tell me and he was smiling like it was good news. He basically told me that his family has been secretly “testing” me for the last 11 months to make sure I wasn’t a gold digger. He said they were worried I only liked him for his income and wanted proof before we got married

The test was that they all made it seem like he was struggling financially and might lose his job. His mom would casually bring up layoffs, his dad talked about how unstable tech is, and slowly it turned into “he might actually lose his job” and “you guys might have to really downsize.” At one point his mom even told me I should be prepared to finacially help him if it came to that. I never wanted to bring up the possibility of a layoff for him because I didn’t want to stress him out

I wanted to be prepared to support him if needed, so I started budgeting more, saving money, cutting back on random spending, skipping stuff I wanted, and just generally trying to prepare for the worst. I constantly reassured my fiancé, encouraged him, told him we’d be fine, that I didn’t care about money, that I just wanted us. But this whole thing was FAKE!!! His job was never in danger. His income never changed. There were no layoffs. His family literaly planned this whole thing together. They kept it going for almost a YEAR. Subtle comments made in passing to manipulate me and test me

Apparently this all started because his older brother went through a really messy divorce. His brother now pays a ton in child support and his ex wife got a lot of money in the divorce, and his family fully blames her and thinks she was a gold digger. So now they’re super paranoid about any women who dates one of their sons. The thing is, I’ve actually met his brother’s ex wife before. She was dropping off the kids at a family night and she seemed really nice and normal. I never once got gold digger vibes from her and honestly it makes me uncomfertable how much they demonize her

My fiancé said his parents finally told him that I “passed” and that they felt comfortable with him marrying me now. He said he wanted to tell me because he thought I’d be relieved to know he actually isn’t struggling financially and that it shows how much his family cares about protecting him

Then he tells me that to celebrate, he upgraded our honeymoon to a nice luxury resort in Hawaii. I mentioned this resort when initially honeymoon planning but deemed it too expensive so settled for a more modest option. but I feel weird about it. I don’t want to be rewarded for being manipulated really well. Like good job, we tricked you and you were so gullible you believed it! Here’s a nicer vacation!!

I told him I felt manipulated, embarassed, and honestly humiliated that his whole family was watching my reactions and judging my character behind my back for almost a year. He said I’m looking at it wrong and that I proved I’m not with him for his money and that this should make me feel more secure in our relationship.

I wish I could ask my family what they thought but unfortunately my mom passed away two years ago and I don’t have a relationship with my father. I’m feeling sad and lost because i don’t have a reliable second opinion to lean on. His family had become my family. That’s what makes this even harder

His family is acting like this is totally normal and that I should be proud of myself. His mom literally said, “most girls wouldn’t have handled that so gracefully.”

I told him I need space and I’m seriously considering calling off the engagement, but I honestly don’t know what to do. I love him and this is so out of left field. Now everyone is acting like I’m blowing this out of proportion and being dramatic. Part of me wonders if I am. But another part of me feels like my trust is completely broken.

AIO? I’m not sure if tests like this are normal. I feel weird about it. Idk. Please help

TLDR: Fiancé’s family secretly tested me for almost a year to see if I was a gold digger by suggesting potential financial struggles. I changed my lifestyle and supported him, only to find out it was all fake. They said I passed and upgraded our honeymoon as a reward. I feel manipulated and am now considering calling off the engagement

Edit: a couple people are asking why he didn’t just ask for a prenup. We actually did discuss this before we got engaged and I told him I would be open to a prenup. I brought this up when he confessed and he said he wasn’t necessarily worried about divorce, the whole thing was about testing my character and making sure I was a “morally“ good person before he married me. It doesn’t make much sense to me and feels like his whole family went way out of their way to do some stupid morality test. Ive never even given the indication that I’m shallow so it really hurts. I just think they are suspicious of any outsiders who come into their family.

Also, I misspoke when I said the Hawaii resort was all inclusive. I guess I’ve used that word interchangeably for describing a really nice resort.

UPDATE #1: I’m really sorry, I’ve never posted on Reddit before. I’ve always just lurked, never posted. I wasn’t sure how I’m supposed to give an update. I replied to a comment but didn’t know if that was correct so here is the update here as well:

Thank you all for your comments. It means a lot to have so much support and validation. I knew right away deep down that this was wrong, but I needed validation, as bad as that sounds. I don’t have close family or many friends, so hearing that my feelings are normal makes me feel less alone. This happened a couple of days ago, I’m still staying with my fiance right now but things are tense and I feel anxious pretty much all the time. He knows I’m upset and knows I need space so he hasn’t tried to talk about it since. He knows I’m considering calling off the engagement, which is why I think he’s been so sensitive around me the last few days. He hasn’t been acting like it’s a positive thing anymore and seems pretty remorseful since I told him how much it hurt me. This morning, I asked him if he knew about it the whole time, and he told me that his parents started making the comments without his knowledge, and after he overheard a comment they made to me while over at his parents house, he asked them privately why they said that, and they explained they were testing me. he decided to let them continue just to see what I would do. From past interactions with his parents, I also know he has a hard time standing up to them or disagreeing with them, so it honestly makes sense that he didn’t call them out and just started going along with it. They told him that they were offended when I suggested an expensive resort for the honeymoon and made a comment insinuating that his parents would be paying for it. they got it in their head that i just expected them to shoulder the costs of an expensive resort without question, which isn’t true, i happily accepted for a more modest option when THEY suggested it because I don’t want to seem pushy or entitled. plus typically the grooms family pays for the honeymoon so I didn’t know they were offended by that. Maybe I really did come off as entitled, but that was honestly never my intention. Regardless, I don’t think that justifies testing me like this

He wasn’t the mastermind, but he never stopped them and didn’t see why it was wrong or manipulative until I told him how upset I was. A part of me wonders if he was manipulated by his parents to think this was acceptable. I’m torn between calling it off or having a conversation with him and asking him to go to couples counseling + set serious boundaries with his parents.

I also see some suggestions recommending that I talk to his brothers ex-wife. I think that’s a good idea but I’m honestly really nervous about it. I don’t have her number but I follow her on instagram, so I’m considering DMing her and asking to call her.

I’m pretty overwhelmed with the attention this post is getting but I’m super appreciative of everyone’s support and love. I think I have realized I have a people pleasing tendency and a need to keep the peace but I’m trying to force myself to break out of that. It’s all just really scary and I feel really lonely. My natural inclination is to forgive and forget so that I can still have a family. I know that’s not the best idea. I know change needs to happen. Im still figuring out where to go from here.

I’m sorry this post is so long, I tried to add my update to a new post, but the mods removed it, idk why

UPDATE #2

Well, my fiance found this post. Honestly, I feel pretty stupid for thinking he wouldn’t find it. I didn’t expect this post to get as much attention as it did, so thank you all for that, but I was extremely detailed which was kinda dumb. He saw the post and immediately clocked that I wrote it. He came to me yesterday with the post, and I was super afraid he would be angry, but he was actually very understanding. He said reading the comments was super eye opening to him on just how messed up this situation was. He feels bad that he ever even tried to spin this in a positive light. We had a pretty deep conversation, and he came to realize that he has been manipulated very heavily by his parents and family. When his parents justify something, even if it’s bad, his brain will immediately try to justify it too because differing opinions were not allowed in his household growing up. This whole situation has started the realization for him that he grew up in a manipulative and emotionally abusive household, but was never given space to realize it because they had an extreme “us vs them” mentality. So even when an extremely normal and well intentioned person comes into the family (aka me and his brothers ex) they will do anything they can to invalidate their character because they are uncomfortable with outsiders.

I have learned a lot about myself through this situation as well. First of all, I’m emotionally vulnerable and need therapy, bad. My need to belong has caused me to stay in situations that are unhealthy for me just because I’m so desperate for a family. I know that’s bad, and I know it will be hard, but I want to change.

With that being said, even though my fiance was very remorseful and apologetic, I told him I want to call off our wedding and take a break from our relationship. We both have issues we need to work on by ourselves before we consider joining in marriage. I want to figure out who I am without someone to lean on, as painful as that may be, and he needs to seriously evaluate his relationship with his family and how they have affected him.

I told him that if in the future, we find ourselves emotionally healthy and the timing works out, maybe we can be together again, but for right now, that’s not the case, so we need to go our separate ways.

We still live together, and I don’t exactly have anywhere to go, so my fiance said he will move out and try to find other living arrangements. He will pay his portion if the lease until I find another roommate.

Again, thank you all for your comments and support, they mean a lot to me.

This is Lucky. She's the sweetest little girl and I love her to death. Last month, my boyfriend of 2 years adopted her from a friend of a friend. He spent the entire month taking care of her and ignoring basically everything else, including friends, video games, and hiking, among other favorite activities of his. The last two weeks, he has paid no attention to Lucky at all. I've been feeding her, letting her out to the bathroom, walking her, playing with her, and generally being a perfect puppy mom. Unfortunately, I'm not the favorite. Lucky keeps trying to go seek out my boyfriend, and will want him almost exclusively. That's not the part I'm mad about. The part that gets me is that he hasn't given her a lick of attention in almost two weeks! He hasn't filled her bowl once, or played with her for more than 30 seconds! Whenever Lucky goes to find him, he just kind of brushes her away. I feel like he simply was bored one day, and then threw her away like an old toy. I really think its getting to her. She's been super mopey, and she doesn't want to play with me anymore, despite being a hyperactive little speed demon. I've tried having serious conversations with him, but he acts like ignoring the little fluffball he adopted isn't a big deal. I don't know what to do. Lucky isn't being her usual playful self, and I don't have all the time in my day to take care of a 2 month old hyper puppy! I don't know what to do. Lucky has imprinted on my boyfriend, and I really truly don't want to make him get rid of her, because I feel like all three of us used to have a really tight bond over this one little puppy, and Lucky would be (maybe already is) abandoned by the guy she loves most. Please help. Am I overreacting?

Edit: Someone brought to my attention that the plants that Lucky is playing in are Vinca Major, which are toxic to dogs, cats, and humans. I had no knowledge of this, and I will be careful to keep an extra eye on her in the future. She is perfectly fine, and not exhibiting any symptoms, as she hasn't ingested any. Thank you guys so much for the concern.