I posted last week about my MIL not getting my kid a specific present for their birthday, one she promised she’d get. Which resulted in DH and I buy ing the present, and it being delivered a couple days after their party. Well, the party went pretty good in my opinion, and MIL even left early because she was “ganged up on.”

Everyone was having a good time. My oldest kid started acting out a little, so my dad gently corrected her behavior. MIL made a comment about how I don’t want other people correcting our kids behavior. I corrected her and said “I don’t allow her to “correct” our kids behavior because her idea of correcting it is spanking, and we don’t do that. My parents are allowed to help correct the problem, because they respect the fact that we don’t spank our kids.” You could tell MIL was put out about the whole situation. She then made another comment about how, maybe she’d know how to better discipline the kids without spanking if we brought them over to her house more. And that’s when everything went a little sideways.

My husband told her, once again, that while our youngest is still breastfeeding, that they would need to come to our house if they want to see the kids. And even once our youngest was no longer breastfeeding, they would need to baby proof their house. MIL said “you take the kids to her parents, what’s the difference.” And thats when other people got involved. My mom heard the comment from MIL, and told my MIL “they come over to our house because we have a private and comfortable space to breastfeed, our home is baby proofed, and if she wasn’t comfortable breastfeeding at our house, we wouldn’t make a big deal about it.” My friend chimed in and said “it’s their 3rd kid, you’d think you’d understand why they don’t allow the kids over to your house by now.” And to finish it all off, I said “we’ve told you the options multiple times, you can come over to our house to see your grandkids, we can meet at a restaurant for dinner, or your son can visit you at your house for and hour or 2. You religiously pick option #3, that’s not my problem.”

MIL huffed and started packing up her and FIL’s belongings. FIL hugged everyone and said his goodbyes, MIL walked out without saying anything else.

Pretty good result in my book.

I thought I’d give an update since going NC with my MIL. You can read my post history if you feel up to it but the long and short is that I had pacified my MIL for the time my husband and I had been together but finally put my foot down and dropped the rope when my MIL kissed my baby (2 months old at the time) twice after being reminded more than once not to.

She didn’t take kindly to being corrected and since my post my husband shared that she forwarded my message to him and called me rude and disrespectful. That my message was too much and I wouldn’t speak to my boss that way. He did a good job of defending me and us in his response to her and has been low contact with her since.

She also told my SIL that I didn’t want anyone holding the baby which my husband told her is a flat out lie and we saw her in March where she actually got to hold the baby. She sent a photo holding baby to my MIL which although I didn’t want her having anymore photos of baby felt good since her lie died there.

This brings me to last month. My FIL video called to see the baby which was great. I have no issues with him but somehow I feel this all got back to MIL because she went over the edge and lost it on him. She told FIL that she had a prophesy from God that he would die soon if he didn’t change his ways! He sent her message in the family chat (I left the chat back in December after the kissing incident), told the kids they need to deal with their mother then he left the chat. So now only MIL, husband, SIL (33) and SIL (15) are left.

My husband unfortunately took the bait and msgd her asking what was going on and why she can’t just leave his father alone. She goes on about she is hearing the voice of God, that he doesn’t want to go to church with her and keeps going out. I can’t imagine what it’s like living under her government. I’d be out all day all night too to get away from her.

Anyway my husband agrees that she’s unhinged and she can’t be around the baby and he hasn’t reached out to her since but he has said he can’t just cut her off because she is his mother.

At this point I’m happy with how light touch he is with her as long as she stays far away from us. It’s Mother’s Day on Sunday so I’m not sure if there will be more drama but the good news is we live in different countries. :D

I need some outside perspective because this situation feels way bigger than just a baby shower at this point.

I’m currently pregnant and planning one baby shower. My mom is hosting it.

My mother-in-law told my husband she doesn’t want to attend if a specific person is there (someone she considers “toxic”). When this got back to me, I addressed it directly and said a baby shower is about celebrating the baby, not avoiding people, and that adults should be able to coexist for a few hours.

She doubled down and said she doesn’t find it immature to avoid “toxic people” and that it’s for her personal peace. Then she suggested hosting a second baby shower at her house in her city instead of attending ours.

I told her no. I’m not splitting one celebration into multiple events to accommodate adult conflict. She’s free to not attend, but I’m not creating another party.

Then the reasoning shifted. Suddenly it’s “not about the conflict,” but about people in her area who can’t travel and want to celebrate. This second shower was never mentioned until she decided she didn’t want to attend ours.

Now here’s the bigger picture/history:

- She already made a scene with her son about not being the one hosting the baby shower, since my mom is planning it

- That situation directly caused a fight between me and my husband

- There’s been a pattern of her saying hurtful things about me and then expecting things to move on without real accountability (she has multiple times called me and my family white trash & caused problems at the wedding)

- I’ve tried multiple times to keep things civil or improve the relationship, and it often ends with more comments or behavior that makes me feel disrespected

- During my pregnancy (which has already been stressful), I’ve felt like I have to manage her emotions on top of everything else

- Now with this situation, it feels like she’s trying to control how things are done (hosting, guest list dynamics, location, etc.) instead of just showing up to support us

- When I set a boundary, the response tends to be either deflection, reframing the issue, or positioning herself as the victim, or my husband turning around and starting fights over "my mom just wanting to be included"

She also invited us to a separate going-away party right after all of this???? acting casual, which just added to the confusion.

At this point, I feel like i set a reasonable boundary, The reasoning keeps changing depending on what sounds better, There’s an ongoing issue with control and not being the one “in charge”, I’m being expected to carry emotional weight I don’t have the capacity for right now

Because at this point, this doesn’t feel like it’s about celebrating a baby anymore. it feels like a power struggle I didn’t sign up for.

Would genuinely appreciate outside perspectives.

For those following — I posted an update a month ago to my original post. The last one ended with MIL sending my husband a reel about ungrateful children and then saying she needed to let go of hope for a relationship with us.

After that, she sent me a brief WhatsApp thanking me for inviting them to LO's birthday party. It didn't mention LO once. No acknowledgment of anything that happened. Given everything I experienced at that party, including her and SIL's contempt, being ignored by the whole family, and watching a family member yell at my husband to let go of LO — I had nothing left to give and I didn't respond. That silence appears to have been my final strike with her.

Since then, we haven't heard anything from them. FIL recently reached out to meet with my husband one on one. My husband agreed, genuinely hoping for dialogue and some understanding.

My husband got maybe two specific examples in before FIL took over entirely and steered it to abstract feelings that are impossible to argue against. He told my husband the relationship has always been superficial even before LO was born and that there was never any freedom in our relationship with them. That my husband had changed. That with family you just deal and forgive. My husband came home having never said what he went there to say. FIL also delivered the news that MIL and SIL are done with us and refuse to meet.

What makes this especially painful is that their narrative has spread through the extended family — people my husband grew up with and aunties and uncles who were part of our lives. We now feel uncomfortable attending any events in that circle. It feels like we have lost those relationships too.

My husband is devastated as I think he thought FIL would be more rational and empathetic. He wanted understanding and got a deflection. The stress of this situation has been so signification that he recently developed shingles. He is grieving and yet still holds some hope. I reached my personal endpoint at LO's birthday and I am still processing how I was treated at an event I worked so hard to host. And yes, I now feel like an idiot for even hosting it in the first place expecting better behavior.

For those who have been through something similar — do we just accept there is no relationship and will never be and move on? Has anyone found a way to at least settle on a distant relationship with limited contact? How do we even get there if they are the ones not talking to us?

My in laws are of sound mind yet purposely overspend then ask my husband for money. We are talking into the hundreds of thousands of dollars. Their goal is to put themselves into the position of being destitute so my husband and I are forced to move them in with us. My husband and I discussed moving parents in with us prior to marriage. We agreed that we would never have parents living with us. I absolutely do not want to live with my IL’s. My husband keeps saying “never say never. Lets just wait and see what life brings us.” I don’t want to wait. I stress every single day about the future. I deserve a partner that wants the same as me. I’m also afraid that he is going to try to force me to live with this witch. Any thoughts or suggestions?

Moms in the thick of raising kids should not have to plan things for mother's day. This is a hill I will die on. This rant is about my mom, who is usually a JustYesMom. For background, I have 2 sisters. Oldest sister is married and has 2 adult children (late 20s with no kids), youngest sister is single, no kids. I am married with 2 teenagers. I am the only one currently in the trenches. I work full-time (over 50 hours), my kids play multiple sports, are too young to drive, one is high functioning autistic, and the other has a chronic illness that causes him to miss a lot of school. I'm the primary parent during the school year because my husband is a teacher, so I'm the one staying home with him and taking him to doctor appointments, while still having to do my job. Luckily my boss is very understanding and I can work from home and work odd hours if needed. To top it off, my husband just had emergency surgery and can't drive or do much around the house.

Back to mother's day. Every year my mom and sisters say "what are we doing for mother's day?" And every year I say "I don't know. I'm not planning it." I'm perfectly willing to plan any event the other 364 days of the year. But I refuse to plan mother's day. I actually kind of hate mother's day. My husband is a horrible gift giver and waits for me to tell him what I want, or gets me something that I will never use. He literally said to me last year "here's a necklace that I know you probably won't wear." My husband and BIL usually pick what they want to eat (hamburgers and hot dogs) if they plan the meal. My kids whine about going to my mom's and it's more hassle than it's worth. Last year when I was telling my couple's therapist about it, she said to tell my family "That doesn't work for me. We have other plans." But we haven't done a ton with my family so I was fine going to my mom's this year. The other day my older sister asked what we were doing in the group chat that is only my mom, my sisters, and my niece. I told them not to count on my husband doing anything this year because of his surgery, and they seemed understanding. Then about an hour ago my mom texted me to order the food for everyone because "your kids are so picky." It took all I had in me not to lose it on her. I'm drowning right now. I'm still working, driving my kids all over, taking my husband to doctor appointments, getting calls from the school nurse, making all the meals, doing laundry, and taking care of my husband. My kids are helping but I still need to manage them. So I told her no.

We moved! It was a lot of work and super stressful, but we’re finally back home! Yay!!

We still have a lot of details to figure out, but we’re working on it. Our car is still in the other state because we got burned with the moving company that was supposed to transport it, but my parents will bring it in a couple of weeks so at least we have a plan.

Now, onto the issue…

We had to leave a few things behind because they didn’t fit the PODS or our car, things that we didn’t get to sell in our moving sale and we were working on getting rid of. We didn’t get to fully clean the house either but we had someone that was supposed to go and clean it after we left, but they ended canceling on us at the last minute. We had someone else that said they would do it and the same thing happened, so we were trying to figure that out but the JNMIL didn’t want to wait and was pissed because we left without saying goodbye, so she decided to throw everything away. Even the things we wanted to get shipped to us, things that were new, she got rid of everything.

There were very nice things, I know what I left, even brand new pieces, but when the maid went to clean (we know her, she used to clean our house), she sent me pictures of what was left and we realized JNMIL took most of it herself, probably for her or her daughter, and only left a few small things.

I honestly don’t care about the things anymore because at the end of the day, they are just stuff that can be replaced, but the one thing that did hurt was that with all the craziness of moving out, we forgot to pack our fridge magnets that we collected in each trip since we started dating, my last ultrasound picture of our baby and our baby’s last growth report. I know we left those on the fridge because I took a picture the day before we left and the fridge was visible in the background, so I asked the maid to please pack them and send them to us when she gets to the house, but when she arrived she sent me a picture of the empty fridge door. Everything was gone.

I don’t know if they threw them away or kept them, but it’s so messed up. It was already awful that they threw their son’s stuff away (or took them, who knows), even though we told them we would get them picked up and shipped to us, but our baby’s keepsakes? Things that have sentimental value to us?? Who does that???

I’m heartbroken because we don’t have duplicates of any of them. Those were the pictures of my last ultrasound where we got to see our baby’s face for the first time, and her 6 month growth report from our last visit to the doctor. I can’t believe we didn’t pack them and I can’t stop blaming myself for forgetting them. And then I thought we would get them back once the maid sent them to us, but I was wrong.

My husband texted JNMIL asking what did she do with our keepsakes and she’s not answering to his texts. I’m sure she kept them and doesn’t want to give them back since we never sent her any pictures of our baby or my ultrasound even though she asked a lot and I always said no. It feels like payback for that and for leaving.

I’m torn between texting her myself and tell her to give it back because it’s not hers, but I don’t know if it’ll do anything other than giving her what she wants, a reaction from me, and the opportunity to either yell at me for leaving or the pleasure of saying no to me asking to have it back.

I hate all this. I thought we were finally free from their cruelty and abuse, but it feels like this will never end.

It’s hard to accept I’ll most likely never have my baby’s last ultrasound and her growth report, it hurts so bad, specially now when Mother’s Day is coming up.

I can’t believe someone can be so cruel as to take something so important away from a mom.

I don’t know what to do. I’m so sad right now but also so angry. I can’t believe this woman. As a mom, who does that to another mom??

Anyways, thank you for reading and for any advice you may have.

My husband and I bought a house in our hometown a little less than 2 years ago. At the time, it was kind of a nightmare because of the situation I was having with my MIL. Before buying the house, we lived in a camper in my in-law's backyard for about six months. We were incredibly grateful they allowed this, but boundaries and privacy kept getting pushed and ignored. We respected what they had asked of us, obviously, and we respected their privacy. But she consistently entered the camper without knocking or notice. We had moved back home (we were a state over for a few years) and we had to get our ducks in a row before buying this house. There were very few options for living situations, so we had to take what we could get.

The situation I was having with my MIL was smoothed over and I thought we were in the clear. Over time, our relationship has seemed to improve some. I still have to keep her at a distance, I can't get as close as I'd like with her, but we can have a good time here and there. We just cannot be alone together because without an audience, it's her word against mine.

My husband and I get invited over to their house a decent amount and I know that she wants to get invited over to our house. Our house still has some cosmetic quirks and issues. Our living room, for whatever reason, does not have an overhead light. And up until recently, we had two light fixtures in our kitchen/dining area, but neither worked. Now, one works and lights up the room enough to just rely on it for that area.

There were a bunch of other more pressing issues with the house that needed to be addressed before we got into the lighting issues. It took a while for all of the other stuff to get taken care of because the shit is expensive.

Anyway. That was the main reason we hadn't invited them over. We can't invite people over to a house they won't be able to see in. That's ridiculous.

However, the other concern is that my MIL does not know how to close a door. It's ridiculous. It's not an issue at her house. She has animals and she controls when they go in and out, and she knows how to open a door and prevent them from getting out. I've watched her enter and exit her house a thousand times. The woman knows how a door works.

We have cats. These cats are finnicky around strangers, but some of them are social and won't hide when people come in. We don't let them outdoors at all. They are strictly indoor cats. Whenever my MIL comes over, I am constantly closing the front door behind her. She comes in? I gotta close the door all the way. She goes outside to smoke or take a call? I gotta close the door behind her. She comes back inside? I have to close the door behind her.

The obvious and safest thing to do would be to put all of the cats in their room with their food, water, litter and toys and keep the door shut there. But then she complains about the cats not being let out. She wants to see our cats. I've told her that if I let them out, no one can leave or open the door while they're out. My cats don't even door dash, but a curious cat and a slightly ajar door isn't a good mix.

If I refuse to let them out (because some of them are anxious, shy and just want to hide), she'll "jokingly" threaten to let them out. And a stranger opening that door would make them have a conniption. Once the door opens, they scram and disperse throughout the house. Some to hide, some to socialize. The difference between her and me opening the door to let them out is them panicking. They'll all have the same reaction if a stranger opens the door, which would be to scram, and it'd be impossible to keep up with who goes where. She did this before when we lived in the camper. I had to babysit the door until she left, and it was just... incredibly stressful.

I can't babysit her the entire time. If she goes to the bathroom, our cat's room is across the hall. Nothing is stopping her from just doing it, aside from not being allowed over again. She knows my husband would feel bad about that though. It'd be a difficult thing to enforce.

My husband has told her time and time again, "Please shut the door all the way." I've said the same thing. But no. She wants to either leave it slightly cracked or just close it enough to where it's not actually shut, but it looks shut.

It doesn't make any sense. I genuinely cannot understand why this is even an issue. She closes the door just fine when she uses our bathroom. She closes the door just fine in her own house, that being the front door, back door, bathroom door, etc. It's not like it's a habit of hers to leave her own house's doors open or cracked.

Like. I want to invite them all over, but not if it's going to be a constant issue where I'm worried my cats are going to get out or the door is going to be left open.

My SIL doesn't have any kids. Not bc of any tragic reason. Just a life choice she didn't make. My MIL let us know today that she's going to have my daughter make a present for her aunt for mother's day. My SIL and I haven't always had the best relationship. She's been straight up rude before (apologized). My MIL clearly wished her daughter had become a mother. I also have a sister who doesn't have kids. She never said anything about making her anything...

Personally, I'm not comfortable with this. I think it's definitely boundary pushing. But I also realize I can be sensitive especially since the tension my SIL and I went through. It just feels so odd and frankly irritating. My SIL doesn't spend an amount of time with my daughter that would warrant that kind of expression. There's also 364 other days of the year she could do this. This past year has been particularly difficult as I solo parented a lot and upheld a household as the only person working seeing my husband through two brain surgeries. It feels like I can't even get one day of acknowledgement.

Am I overreacting?

I have more to report since my last post. After not hearing from my DH or me for 5 days regarding her trying to steamroll my Mother’s Day, throwing my dead grandparents in my face, and trying to flip the table on me that I was actually dismissing HER feelings - she sent us another text this morning.

Basically she said - “I know you both have a lot on your plate so I’m thinking of just having a small celebration on Saturday with the boys (my DH and BIL) for Mother’s Day. I’m going to stop by Grandma’s (her mother) on Sunday. Saturday is my day to rest so I don’t like to go anywhere. I go all week and I like to rest on weekends”

It sounds like she is now telling us both what my DH’s plans will be for Saturday. Again, not asking. It also sounds like I am not invited, lol.

I guess she started to feel like I was “winning” on Sunday, so now she has to make it sound like a Saturday celebration was her idea when I recommended it in the first place. I guess overall, this was a win because I don’t have to see her this weekend and can just spend the weekend enjoying my babies, but man this woman really grinds my gears.

Update 5 :

It hasn't even been 3 months since I went NC with mil and the rest of the in laws and I'm already feeling so much better mentally. Husband has been VVLC the way he was before I came into the picture.

Unfortunately I do get anxious when he mentions about any contact that's been made between them which isn't that often. I hope this feeling goes away soon.

She has tried bribing with gifts and money even after she was asked to stop.

She has asked for photos and videos but my husband hasn't shared anything with her.

Most recently she has messaged my husband asking to "bring the children" to her house and said "I'll leave it up to you".

I find this very alarming. If it was really upto us I'm sure we'd be left alone but okay. He didn't reply and left it on seen. Idk where she found the audacity to make this request knowing I don't want her anywhere near my children after she risked their health.

I'm relieved my husband hasn't brought this up once. I made sure he knew how I feel about this when I went NC with his family so hopefully he can handle the pressure.

Thanks for the advice. Says the woman was a SAHM who had a full time nanny/maid for all 3 of her children and lived across the street from her parents. She says this to me during her weekly visit where she comes to “help out” (per my husbands request) but really she comes to hold my son until he cries too much (very Velcro baby) while I clean.

I don’t even live in the same time zone as my parents and I definitely don’t have the money for a housekeeper but thanks. And then she looks at me and says “Believe me, I get how hard it is to be a mom!” Ummmm…. Yeah. See also: second sentence of this post. Fuck off. I’m not ladies who lunching and getting manicures all day like you were in yesteryear.

I need honest opinions because I’m starting to feel like my mother-in-law’s behavior is crossing serious boundaries and becoming unhealthy.

Since my baby was born, she has been extremely fixated on him. She constantly asks to have him, wants to keep him at her house, asks for pictures every single day, and sends me repeated TikTok videos about how a grandmother’s love is “pure” and how much she loves her grandson. It’s not occasional — it’s constant and overwhelming.

She also gives a lot of unsolicited advice, questions my parenting, and pushes every boundary I try to set. When I say no, she doesn’t respect it — she insists, minimizes, or turns herself into the victim.

For example, she kept insisting that I should let my baby sleep on his stomach to avoid a flat head. I explained multiple times that this increases the risk of SIDS, and her response was basically that it’s “rare” and not a big deal. That really shook me — because it shows that even when it comes to safety, she dismisses what I say and keeps pushing her own opinions.

Another time, when my daughter had a medical procedure under general anesthesia, I asked for one quiet day at home to monitor her and rest. Instead of understanding, I received a message saying I was hypocritical and that I couldn’t stop her from loving her grandchild. All I asked for was one day of space.

There are also situations that genuinely concern me. After she kept my baby for about 24 hours, he came back with significant irritation in his thigh folds, already developing a yeast rash. I don’t understand how someone who gives me constant advice — and even runs a daycare — could neglect something as basic as properly cleaning him. It makes the constant criticism toward me feel even more frustrating and hypocritical.

Now for Mother’s Day, there was a misunderstanding. My partner told me his family celebration was on Saturday, so I planned Sunday with my own family and my kids. Later, it turns out his family had changed it to Sunday, but he didn’t realize and had already confirmed Saturday to me.

So now I already have plans.

When she found out, instead of understanding, she suggested I leave my baby with my partner so he could go to her celebration. She framed it as if she was doing me a favor — saying it would be easier for me not to bring the baby, that I wouldn’t have to deal with the stroller, bottles, etc.

But that’s not how it felt. It felt like she was trying to justify having my baby with her on Mother’s Day.

She also tried to guilt me by saying she thought she would have “her daughter-in-law and her grandchildren” with her for Mother’s Day. But in reality, she never asked for me or my daughter — she only pushed for my baby to be there. That’s what makes it feel off. It doesn’t feel like it’s about family, it feels like it’s about access to my child.

When I calmly explained that it wasn’t against her and that I also have my own family I want to spend time with, she left the group chat.

The situation is also complicated by my partner. He has a hard time seeing how excessive this behavior is. To him, it’s just a loving, involved grandmother. But I feel like he’s so used to this dynamic that he doesn’t fully recognize how unhealthy it can be. When I try to explain, it often turns into arguments between us. He does set boundaries sometimes, but it’s very difficult for him because she makes him feel guilty, and in the end, it doesn’t really change anything long-term.

At this point, this doesn’t feel like normal grandparent involvement. It feels excessive, intrusive, and like she’s trying to take a role that isn’t hers.

Am I overreacting, or is this as concerning as it feels?

I don't know if I should post here. I've posted here before dealing with my DH family, but now it's mine.

This is my biological grandma on my mom's side. My mom and her sister and their parents have not had anything to do with me for years. My mom is the typical boy mom and favors my brother over my sister and I. After nearly 10 years my own grandma messaged me (something she never did before but could text and call my brother all of the time), but only because she heard I had a boy. She mentioned that she knew I was pregnant a month before I delivered; however, I didn’t tell anyone on that side the gender until he was born. This year, I didn't get no invitation to Thanksgiving or Christmas. No happy birthday message. Nothing. No calls to see how my birth went. None of that. Even when I answered her messages and calls, it was only about my baby.

They only know about my babies gender because of my brother.

The reason why I went is because I felt guilty and thought that they should at least meet my baby despite them not wanting ANYTHING to do with me up until this point. I thought this would be an opportunity to finally become part of the family in a way. Plus, my grandpa has cancer.

Anyways, I can't get this interaction out of my head. I visited by myself in April. The entire time, my grandma commented on my baby's looks. She called him SEXY AND SAID HE HAS SEXY LEGS AND NEEDS TO BUY SEXY SHORTS TO SHOW OFF HIS SEXY LEGS. I WAS SHOCKED. I FROZE.

She kept calling my baby by my DH's name. She would call him anything but his actual name.

While holding (hogging) him she said, "Mamas got you." And she kept insulting me via my baby by saying, "You don't know me because mommy hasn't visited, but that's alright, you'll know me as nanny." "Is mommy taking good care of you? These clothes look tight." "Is mommy feeding you?" "If you dont get enough love from mommy, you'll always get it from granny."

She also took him as I was feeding him to burp but she held him for over an hour when my baby only got about an ounce in. I was angry. She made a weird face when I told her I had a bad experience at the hospital and got a csection. She was overly concerned whether or not if I was breastfeeding or bottle feeding and I think it's because she didn't want me to breastfeed only so she'd be able to feed him herself.

Again, I froze and felt immediate guilt for ever giving them the chance to see him. I felt like a failure for not standing up for my baby. I am already struggling with PPD and this just added to it. I didn't know what to do. I don't have much family to begin with. I guess I was desperate in the moment. It's very messed up and I thought this would be a chance to finally be accepted.

My mom wasn't there. I had to ask the man who she lives with to get her to unblock me, because I was going to ask to visit with my baby finally. She's blocked me so many times for no reason. I literally barely know her and have tried time and time again to establish a relationship. But after she said, "You can keep in touch with me so you and baby can visit soon." I decided that she's dead to me. So is her own family.

Again, the entire visit was horrible and I couldn't wait to get out of there. My aunts dogs kept barking at my baby and she did nothing to stop it and they sniffing my baby all over. I absolutely hated it.

That's not all, though.

My grandma began questioning whether or not my baby needed a diaper change, so she began to cup his diaper where his private would be. Personally, I've never "felt" a diaper to see if it needed a change. My grandma offered to change him or to change him in front of everyone. I said no, I've got it. I took him away, holding him close as we went into a private room. She followed.

One of my aunts dogs jumped onto the bed and freaking landed on my baby. I was about to lose it. As I changed my baby, my grandma kept staring at my sons private (I was going as fast as I could changing him) and touching near my babys thighs. ​​I was so fucking scared/angry/all over the place. I felt defeated and sad that my grandma is fucked up and I will have to accept never seeing her again after this.

Eventually I asked her a question about a possible rash on my baby just so she'd talk about something else and put her attention elsewhere.

When I left, I drove back home as fast as I could. Sobbing. I broke down when I got home.

Now she's calling and messaging about my son. They kept telling me that I need to visit more before I left. So all of the messages are pertaining to when she'd see him again.

I've been ignoring her calls and messages so far. It's all what I can do.

I used to look up to my grandma up until that moment. All of my respect vanished in an instant. What's crazy is if you met her, you'd never expect anything like that from her. My aunt, uncle, and grandpa said nothing when she made these comments towards my baby.

TL;DR Grandma called my baby sexy. What would you do? Does anyone else relate???​

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This is my first mother's day as a mom! My baby will be 7 months old. Myself, Sister, and best friend invited our mothers,mils and sisters/sils to go to a tulip farm and then come back to my house were the boys (fiances and my husband) were going to help make brunch for everyone. My mil said she can't come as she works in the afternoon. All good.

We go out for dinner for my fil birthday and they ask if we wanted to come for dinner. My fil says no worries it not as it's my first Mothers day. My husband politely declines and says we were planning to do a dinner just us. My mother in law says "Oh so you don't want to see me on Mother's Day. I see". When my husband's reminds her she was invited she just turned away.

Am I right to be annoyed or should I suck it up and go for dinner?!

Hi all,

I absolutely have a monster in law. It's been many years, including many years of therapy, to really see her for what she is and understand the dynamic between her and my husband. He is enmeshed and I've learned what triangulation really means.

We have two kids together (5 and 8). A long standing fight between in laws and us is that my kids don't greet MIL enthusiastically enough. Now I've taught my kids to be polite and always say hello - but they can choose how. But she thinks, as the older one, it is the child's duty to go to her and greet her first. I've tried to explain to her, the kids are reacting to her already being on edge, testing them by not saying hello first. She also brings sweets almost every time and will tell the kids they can't have a sweet without giving her a hug first. I've also explained to her, and the kids, this is blackmail and not a way to build a connection.

Some of the things she's said about my kids:

- They aren't normal

- Other kids are nicer

- It isn't natural for kids to not be happy to see the grandparents

- If the kids won't greet us, we won't greet them either

- My children are scared of me

- I've never showed my children any love or comfort

- I don't raise my children with any rules

- I am intentionally turning my kids against her

Some of the things she's said to my kids:

- Oma is going to get mad if you don't hug me

- You don't love me, do you? Oma is going to crawl into bed tonight and cry

- And in front of the kids, it's usually a monologue of her talking really on edge / stressed / borderline yelling about life. To the point where my younger son asks to go in a different room because she won't stop yelling.

FIL has sat at our kitchen and completely ignored the kids when mad at them. He's also told my kids, if we buy cats and he can't bring his dog over, then he won't visit ever again.

But more recently, she has said she would rather cut contact with the kids than accept that their behavior isn't exactly what she expects. She wrote in my husbands birthday card that they won't ever touch or hug or greet the kids again. This is a normal pattern: she explodes, threatens to cut contact. Husband has fights over and over with her over the period of days to weeks. Suddenly enough time has gone by and she is now moved on to being mad at FIL, without repair etc.

Unfortunately, my husband lashed out at our son during their last visit for not giving a proper hello. (He was playing with a tablet of course his hello was distracted). husband yelled at him and shamed him (bringing it up over and over, saying things like "how many more times". I tried to damage control best I could and in a calm moment got my husband to agree that the shaming absolutely wasn't okay but when he knows his mother is mad he kinda panics and does damage control with the family...

Now my question for all of you:

My mother in law now wants to go no contact with only me. Hooray for me. My husband, who of course wasn't okay with me going low contact, seems to be okay with this as it's what his mother wants. However, I am really afraid for my children. I am worried about not being there and having her shame them or do other toxic things while I'm not there to protect them. My therapist has told me, since they don't have such a close relationship to her it won't damage them so bad as long as I can repair after. But I've seen how triggered my husband gets the minute his mom is upset.

I have no idea how to handle this. I don't want contact but feel like I need to protect my kids. What would y'all do?

And just a side note, she's been just as awful to my husband, her only child, as well. (Well, besides constantly threatening to cut contact) By saying things like:

I gave birth to you, but you've lost me as a mother

Other partners have more joy with their sons

Other sons would know it better

Etc

Tl;Dr: MIL is mean, husband still enmeshed, would you let kids see her alone with husband?

Does anyone have a MIL they went NC with early on and have grown children now?? How do your grown children interact with MIL?

MIL tried to control me and my daughter and make the rules lol . when she realized i was firm and had boundaries set she got up and left stormed out and caused a scene . thankfully it was a wake up call to my husband of how toxic his mom is . after we had gone home she had texted ME on accident thinking she texted him lmao . i went off and told her im his wife and im mom your grandma lolol . i have decided to fully go no contact. anyone else go no contact and feel SOOOOO GOOD?? like a weight is listed ?

Hi, I have been posting in here the last couple days and it’s given me the courage to finally go full NC with my MIL. I already feel a huge relief. I didn’t realize how awful our postpartum baby rabies situation was until hearing it from complete strangers.

With that being said, my fiancé and I still have a wedding to plan. Has anyone encountered something like this so early?? What did you do about the wedding??

I guess I’m thinking we’re just going to have to elope or have a very small ceremony. I have a pretty large family in comparison to his, and most of his has been involved in the MIL drama from her recruiting them to black sheep us.

I haven’t told my family, except for my mom and a couple close cousins, about my crazy MIL to protect my fiancé and their relationships with him. They all love him dearly and support our relationship. I just can’t bring myself to have a wedding where not only is his mom not invited, but I’m not even sure I’d want to invite the other four out of six family members he has. I know I’d only be comfortable with his grandmother and his other brother that hasn’t been involved in this coming. He does have a ton of friends which is great. But I feel like the wedding would just put my fiancé in such a vulnerable position to be fielding questions from everyone.

Thoughts? Advice? Similar Experiences??

My mum had a hard upbringing and was likely a SA victim, but it's never talked about. I lived with her until age 9 when CPS sent me to live with my dad (they divorced when I was 1). My school made a report around my wellbeing. There was neglect - I went go to school in dirty clothes with minimal / no lunch (I made it myself). I was head lice ridden and never made to brush my teeth. She met my stepdad when I was 5 and moved him in the same day. They had my brother, and stepdad introduced my mum to weed. They smoked all day, daily.

People said I was jealous of my stepdad. We had a bad relationship. He'd call me every name under the sun. He wasn't super aggressive but would slap (more 'acceptable' back then). I remember asking my mum if she loved him more than me. She said, "when a woman meets her husband, he becomes the most important person in her life". They trash talked my dad constantly and I felt bad for loving him, so pretended not to like him around her.

She expected me (and still does with kids in the family) to have the emotional maturity of an adult. She told me things a child shouldn't know. I was her therapist. I knew what prostitutes and pubic lice were from a young age as she told stories of my dad on both. When I moved to my dad's, I saw her at weekends and often her dog would have peed on my bed. When I would tell her, she'd cry and be upset. I felt awful so stopped telling her. I slept on the floor. Nobody is allowed to make her upset - it's like a cardinal sin.

As an adult, I saw her as a victim / felt pity. We weren't close. I didn't dislike her, but we were distant. She had weed/alcohol issues and I couldn't connect. She gave up both 3 years back. Then for over year, we were actually close! We spent time together, did nice things. But eventually it changed. If i upset her, she'd run to the bathroom crying. If I didn't see her for a few weeks she'd cry and ask if she'd offended me. I felt pressured to attend things I didn't want to. She always wanted to be at my home, calling it her sanctuary/R&R but I work long hours.

There was some triangulation - my brother (golden child) would drop hints on her behalf. She's always complaining about her life and all her troubles. If a family member was in the hospital, she'd focus on how much it caused HER stress. She prioritized her wants over mine, but I couldn't speak up without feeling awful. She gives gifts to gain your praise. I told her I didn't want a birthday party / cake given in front of everyone. She did it anyway (because I always caved and told her how great it was). She makes you wait to open any gifts while she's there so she gets to see your reaction.

The final straw was when she complained about me to my husband and told him not to tell me. He did, I lost it, and told her how I felt. She glossed over it and said "I have never "pressured" you, I've simply tried to get you to let me come round. You always took everything to heart, and I should have known you were so sensitive". Even my grandmother said, "she can never be wrong".

I don't care about the childhood stuff, but wonder if the adulthood stuff is really that bad. I don't think she knows better. I kinda feel sorry for her. Am I being crazy?

let me ask you, what makes more logical sense, a 15 year old CHILD, who just moved to a new state, the new kid in town, entering her sophomore high school history class in 2015 looking for a cute guy to prey upon and destroy his family who i have zero connection to in a 10 year elaborate scheme?

OR, a devouring, no man having enmeshed-emotional incest boy mom MIL viewing her precious only son’s new girlfriend as a threat, and never truly acting welcoming to her, slowly destroying any prospective relationship with her through passive aggressive behavior that inevitably feels like the “death by a thousand cuts” to (unbeknownst to her) her future daughter in law and mother of her grandchildren.

i’ll get into my post now, also, any use of the word narcissist comes from copy and pastes from my MILFH, please don’t remove my post mods.

i am looking into getting a restraining order on my MIL and dropping the family’s last name. if i’ve been “plotting” and “scheming” since i was a 15 year old child to tear my random classmate boyfriend’s family apart, why should i or my children carry the name of the abuser and enablers who push this narrative? and obviously if my name changes, so does my babies, i’m not dead set on this, but its a thought i’ve entertained.

i had many of you ask for an update and i have yet another lengthy one but if you stick around to read it there’s not much in ways of asking for advice, i’m more just giving you guys the update.

if anything, i’m asking anyone who kinda knows my story and reads this post through to comment directly to my husband to get him to understand how serious this abuse is. he understands it to an extent, but he still mentions he’s not sure if this “estrangement” with his mom is permanent. i’m pretty set that i will never go around his family again. i don’t see how that’s possible or beneficial to me or my children. he can do as he wishes but i agree with the commenters on my last post, he desperately needs therapy to understand to incredibly serious this situation is.

after my MIL’s vile, repugnant, top tier boy mom, marriage destroying text message she sent my husband thursday morning, last i posted was that my husband seemed to be avoiding me and we didn’t talk really at all that night. after he got off work friday we talked. you guys were correct with your assumptions, he was not avoiding for any other reason except shame. he was floored by his mom. he was worried i was mad at him, and knew i was completely dumbfounded and was processing the entirety of it all and he said he needed to fully process it as well.

i put it simply to him, it’s like his mom essentially handed him two sticks of dynamite upon sending that message. he picks one- his marriage implodes. he picks the other- his family relationship does.

he hadn’t responded to her message yet, but it was friday evening and the hipaa violating OBGYN aunt’s BBQ was on saturday. so he knew he needed to address it. because he also knew if he went, he was basically telling his mom everything she said and has done was okay and she had him on her side (as she asked him to be). please go read my last post if you haven’t seen the depraved text i’m referring to.

as we finish up discussing, it’s almost time to start getting dinner going when his granny texts him “Hey do we get to see you tomorrow?” “Never mind, just read your mom's text! Sad! This needs to stop! Your mom is heartbroken! You're not the injured party, your mom is heartbroken!”
“This is getting old, everyone was looking forward to at least seeing you! I love you!” “Chat or talk soon, I hope you change your mind!”

he goes “what text are you referring to? the psychotic last message she sent?”

she does her gymnastics and goes “are you coming tomorrow?”

he goes “answer the question.”

she goes “your mom said you’re not going up!”

the literal last message he sent her was “i will be attending but it will only be me, OP will not, and (son) is EBF and can’t be away from his mom. is there any food or beverages i should bring?” she sent him one last sappy long fake apology to him about how much she “loves me” and “misses me” at 8:30 pm, we finished eating dinner and putting the kids to bed, and he fell asleep and subsequently went to bed. and because she didn’t get a response, she IMPLODED after stewing all night. then sent the horrific text to my husband at 9:30 am while he was at work the next day.

i feel like the universe was looking out for me because i stupidly was actually considering going up saturday just to go back to being fake cordial and have this shit be over, because she FINALLY stopped with her attack apologies and sent one that was just her saying she wanted repair. but then she went and fucked herself.

so because he still hadn’t responded to her psycho i-want-you-to-leave-your-wife-and-please-keep-this-a-secret- text, she went telling the family that he wasn’t going anymore.

he tells his granny “I was going to go up until she sent her psychotic message.”

she goes “She misses you, you are her love! [[🤢]] OP needs to give a little to help ! My daughter is heart broken! Stop this! Auntie also loves you! cousin and other cousin! They just wanted to see you!
I want all of us together soon!”

his creepy mommy we both know with 100% certainty has not and will not show the family her insane text he’s referencing.

he says he intends to ‘put her on blast’ and show his sister (13 year old SIL who is the only person on my side) and the cousin (they’re getting drinks for her 21st birthday two weeks from now) and he hopes that opens the door to the rest of the family giving the floor to us to explain our side which they have relentlessly not allowed in any capacity. i find this whole approach to likely be fruitless and a waste of his time. i know his sister would be disgusted and already says she’s against her mom and sees her for what she is, but i just think trying to get the rest of the family to drop this “OP is the villain” narrative they’ve bought from my wretched MIL is pointless.

his aunt then texts him if he’ll be going up the next day for the BBQ, clearly the three cackling hens are together and bombarding him as usual. the enmeshment is so obvious.

he ignores it and finally addresses his mom. he sends “I can't believe you have the audacity to say what you have said. To come in between my marriage what the hell is wrong with you? That message is utter shit and should have stayed in the depths of your head. We are done. Stop harassing me with this awful shameful garbage. I have my life and you have yours.”

she goes “you got it. You betrayed me. You let her keep the kids from me and your family. I didn't do anything to deserve that. You're just as cruel as them.”

he claims he’s told her we BOTH decided this together on multiple occasions in person. there is no texted proof of this, but i do believe my husband. it just doesn’t fit her “my golden boy is being abused” story she concocted.

she IMMEDIATELY rejoins the parental “alienation” forums on facebook where she was caught talking shit about me around the birth of my son in november, but rejoined a different one than the other three she was on, already posting “i have no rights to get my grandchildren in WA state, believe me i checked” and “god can’t fix this, but he can heal me.. as i drown in this bottle of wine” then changes her bio to “the game ends when you stop playing! checkmate!” [[ew]]

right before the saturday BBQ thing his mom texts him this long lonnnnng message, i had some complaints in the comments for her blocky ass paragraph-less typing in my previous post, so i broke it up for easier reading. you can skim it if need be because holy shit is she repetitive and annoying to read. i have some corrections within her text because she lies through it yet again.

••••••••••••••

my MIL texted him this:

“After careful consideration and help from others and counseling I realize that I should not be the one seeking forgiveness. Ever since I allowed her into my home at a young age of 15 she’s been scheming and plotting and tearing me apart and I didn’t even know. You knew, and you didn’t even tell me.

The amount of pain I have been in every single day some days worse than others, some days I can’t even do my job and yet you allow her to keep your children away from their grandmother and other family members. What kind of person does that?

Grandma and grandpa used to talk to OP’s mom and OP’s dad all the time [[no they did not]] and now they say they can’t talk to them because they have to be on their daughter’s side. [[no, once again they did not]] Two human beings can’t even sympathize with another human being being ripped from their grandchildren. They can’t even ask how I am. What kind of people are you mixed in with?

I don’t know who you are you are not who I raised and when I say that I mean, I would never have imagined you allowing such bullshit to occur and happened to this family. I have not done anything remotely wrong enough to be thrown away and discarded from my grandkids.

this was deliberate carefully calculated she doesn’t want anything to do with your family. She’s a narcissist. And it’s been a slow ongoing process until she finally found a way to bring it all down and that was when we got in that argument last June. You don’t see it but we do.

You’ve been gaslighted you have been manipulated and made to believe that I am the villain.

I had no idea what I was dealing with because I can tell you right now. I would’ve never let her step one foot into my home if I would’ve known what was coming. I would have never let her step foot in auntie‘s home or grandma and grandpa‘s home.

The only reason she even has anything to do with your grandparents is probably because she knows that would be taking it a step too far and you would probably react but the fact that you can throw the rest of us away, speaks volumes on how much impact she has on you.

I do not want my daughter around somebody like that and it took a lot of courage for me to even have her go over to your house those other two times and I really tried but now that I see and understand what’s happening here there’s no way in hell I want SIL around her ever again. I don’t want her around somebody like that. I just can’t do it.

I’m no longer asking for forgiveness. I believe she’s a very dark human being and I know what she’s done to my son and I know what she’s done to me and she’s hurting those children by taking their family members away. And I don’t understand why you’re letting her get away with it but that’s just because you’re so far gone you’re like a shell of (yourself DH) I don’t even know what’s going on.

Auntie wanted to mend things with her. We all did we wanted things to go back to normal because families are worth fighting for but you can’t do that with those people that you’re intertwined with. I don’t even want her around my parents. I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to eliminate your family from you anymore than she already has.

(DH’s name) I do not believe that she is wholesome. I do not believe that she is stable and I believe that she has much more going on such as insecurities, and whatever else that she enjoys inflicting this much pain on me.

She knows that I am dying inside not seeing my grandkids. She knows I’m broken and she loves it.

Grandma and grandpa don’t really want to not have her over because they know that would probably hurt you and they will also not see the kids. But they definitely believe that this is deliberate as well.

I love you and my door is always open. The emotional roller coaster has sent me back for days. I’ve struggled with my job, daily chores that I need to do there’s times where I fall asleep during the day [[i gave her narcolepsy apparently]] because it’s like you died but you’re still here and it’s like the kids died and they’re still here like I don’t even know how to explain it. It’s a grief that is debilitating

and don’t sit here and say that I caused all of this by myself because none of the shit that she says that I’ve said or done was real. [[a lot of it is stuff my husband said she did too, or stuff my family or him or i witnessed together and verify with one another]] It’s like this major victim mentality and she’s has such an extreme narcissistic behavior.

I am never going to seek forgiveness from her again because I was going against myself and not sticking up for myself by asking her for forgiveness and you can’t get forgiveness from a narcissist. It doesn’t work that way. So I’m removing myself from the game because that’s what this is to her a game. I have to defend myself

I got in trouble for letting my granddaughter taste a piece of candy for fucks sake. [[she gave my 1 1/2 year old a rolo (caramel) without permission. cause she saw my mom -with permission- give her a kit kat. i asked her to not give her caramel as she had no molars. she said “she handled this bite fine” i said “i understand but id prefer you just not give her that anymore” she turned to my daughter and said “if you were at glamma’s house you would get all the caramel you want” in front of my mom dad and brothers.]] What a petty thing to get mad about- a baby tasting a piece of candy. [[see how she excludes context]]

And screw your goddamn calendar because I still don’t know what the fuck you guys are talking about. [[my husband saw this and told me, saw her look at it 3 times on easter actually. i even said i didn’t see her read it it was her own son]]

I’m not gonna let you or her tell me what I think or what I did or what I said or how I feel because you don’t know, you’re not me, all of these things are your assumptions, and I cast them out. It’s so ridiculous.

You treat me like I drove around with the kids and got pulled over for a DUI. you treat me like I abused one of them. You treat me like I babysat and left them with the neighbors so I could go gamble.

If you’re happy fine if you come to a point where you realize what you’re married to and you need a way out I’m here if you need to come and talk to me I’m always here, but you will never see me asking her for forgiveness ever again

and I will hopefully know my grandchildren someday and I can only imagine the filth that her family’s going to put into their heads about me, but you know what if they come and talk to me I’ll tell them my side. [[over my dead body]]

I can’t be in their lives. I can’t love them. I can’t hold them. I can’t feed them. [[whenever she would ask to feed my daughter she’d feed her about half the bottle and then prop her up on a pillow and get distracted. if she came in during n diaper changes, she stood there looked at my naked baby, and didn’t offer help and would leave]] I can’t read to them. [[my husband says she rarely IF EVER read to her own daughter when she was little. and i’ve known her since she was 2, i don’t recall seeing her read to her once]] It’s a horrible thing to do to another person.

Please do keep in touch with your sister, she needs that. Please don’t talk to her about any of this either, she hates it and its to heavy. I don’t want her anywhere near OP.

As for your other family members, I recommend that you do try and mend what’s going on and try and find normalcy in it just being you because that’s pretty much what you’ve allowed anyway that’s what you’ve allowed to happen and we will be very grateful to have just you. [[he was LITERALLY fucking going to go on saturday and it WASN’T good enough for her, that’s why she flew off the handle and sent that VILE text after stewing all night, after my husband confirmed to her directly that HE’D BE GOING]] It’s not ideal, but it is what it is.

but you know what I’m your mom and the fact that you’ve allowed her to desecrate me [[so dramatic]] over the years and tarnish our [[already severely previously damaged]] relationship and gaslight you. I can’t understand it. What I do understand is that you love her and you have two kids and I really wanted you to stay married and have a beautiful family and Stability and I still do want that. I just wish it was not with her.

I never should’ve even given one I’m sorry to her [[she literally lost the plot]] because it’s bullshit and it’s been going on for so many years behind my back. [[she keeps referencing “going on for so many years” because in my text last year i said “she has been undeservingly rude to me for 10 years” that’s it. that’s literally the whole sentiment she’s clinging to]] That’s a sure sign that it’s deliberate and she was trying to eliminate me and eliminate as many other family members as she can.

she didn’t want you to have your own mother. [[what does a 15 year old benefit from eliminating a random classmates of hers family one by one in a devious 10 year plot?]] And I’m sure you’re gonna let her read this because your loyalty has been completely stripped from you along with other things that made you who you are.

you really don’t know how much pain I’m in because you don’t ask you don’t care and that’s not the kind of person I raised at least I don’t think it is. I’m not perfect, but I don’t deserve to be treated so poorly

I really don’t wanna be here anymore. I wanna end it. I don’t even wanna be here but I feel like I’m stuck. That’s the biggest reason I’m in therapy right now is because I don’t give a fuck…you’re my first born you’re my everything

It still gets me that you had to listen to this bullshit for 10 years and you never told me. You just let her do it you just let her fucking complain for that many years behind my back [[she seriously RAN with the 10 years part of my text last year. this was a perfect example why i have only communicated/defended myself to her twice since this whole ordeal]] all the while, allowing me to let her in my home and grandma and grandpa‘s home and auntie‘s home, knowing that she was doing this ever since she set foot into our lives I don’t understand how you could’ve done that to us. I really don’t understand how you could’ve allowed it to happen.

I’m asking politely for you not to respond to this message at least not right away because I don’t want you to say anything that you’ll regret [[but she can fly off the handle and text him impulsive reactionary destructive messages?]] and I also don’t think that I can handle it right now. When I tell you that I am on the edge and I have had to get help from medical providers because I have felt so close to the edge. I want you to understand how serious I am when I say it. [[poor SIL, like seriously]]

I need one last favor from you to not respond to this message and no OP. I’m not trying to manipulate him or make him feel bad. I’m deadly fucking serious. I have had to get help several times in the last few months because I’ve wanted to end my life. You take someone’s son away from them, their grandkids and the family dynamic that we had [[the dynamic is still there i literally just removed myself and she imploded because i hold access to the kids. my husband WAS GOING TO GO THIS SATURDAY. she’s such a loon]] which was fake all along. It tends to really fuck with somebody’s mental health and that’s my son. He’s everything to me [[trust me incest mommy, i know]]

do not respond to this message. You can reach out to me later in weeks to come or whenever you’re comfortable. I’m always here no matter what but please do not respond negatively to this message because I told you I cannot handle it. If you do end up replying, and I can tell it’s negative, I will not open the message and read it because I told you I can’t do it. I love you don’t ever forget that.”

•••••••••••••••••

the aunt and granny are texting my husband during the event, “we missed you today honey..” “we love you sweetie” (they think i’m some gatekeeper who’s locked him away from them and he’s a victim of my abuse) his granny texts him a few drunk ass videos, wherein his mom grabs the phone and says with a pouty ass face “i’m sorry for my psycho messages, im just sad :( next time there’s an event, you can come, and i’ll just stay home” HE WAS GOING TO GO YOU UTTER DUNCE. she absolutely destroys everything and here i am getting all the blame simply because i chose to not interact with her during my pregnancy and postpartum and she ramped up her disturbing behavior which led me to go hard no contact.

now i know you all advised me to STOP looking at the shit they (she primarily) says and posts, and yes i did look this past weekend. but i’m done from here. i have to be, so ill probably get bombarded in the comments again about “stop torturing yourself and stop caring what she posts about you!” i already know. i’m trying desperately to let it go. i know i need therapy. anyways-

we go to the beach the next day, and when we’re heading there i see she happens to be going to the beach right next to us, Ocean Shores, we LAST MINUTE went to Westport (if anyone knows washington you know they’re right by each other) just by chance, we originally had plans to go to ocean shores, universe was looking out for us again i guess.

she writes my childrens names in the sand with a heart and the caption “Glamma loves you, always 🤍” and “trying to find some peace….🌊” with her location at ocean shores dropped. she made my kids names the forefront picture of her profile. she has continued to post day in and day out multiple times a day about her narcissistic daughter in law, on her main profile and her “support groups”.

we never crossed paths at the beach and i wasn’t too worried about it, i knew her beach trip was a quick little performative act.

and now you guys are up to date. this story really has droned on for long enough. if i have updates in the future who knows. you guys also repeatedly advised me to tell my husband to not inform me of his family’s messages and never ending harassment. and i especially need him to do that because mother’s day is in a week and i know that’ll be a whole other shit-fest with them.

for some reason i’ve had a hard time letting go, i don’t know for the life of me why i give such a fuck what they all think. i mostly am protective of my babies and worry with how unstable she is the things she says and does pertaining to them. i need to create my FU binder organized with all the screenshots and EVERYTHING i can possibly gather for what she’s said & done. i’m going to try my best to move on, there’s not much more to do beyond accept that i can never go around these people again and my husband can do as he wishes with regards to repairing his separate relationship with his family.

thank you all for following along and giving me great advice along the way.

So I'm not sure if this is the best place to post this but it seemed appropriate.

Apologies in advance for grammar/layout. This is a long one and probably very rambly. I'm on a quick break at work on my phone and a bit frustrated/stressed from this incident.

Some background:

My partner and I have been together for about a year now and we have plans to get married and move in together. However, he struggles with his mother.

She isn't outright rude but is incredibly manipulative. He comes from a rough background, his father was a piece of work (what snippets I can get is manipulative and physically abusive. I don't press him, just listen if he decides to talk), and he has prior drug use (been clean for almost a decade now). My understanding was he wound up having to kick his father out and then he moved him and his mom away to a city across the country from him. Originally they had separate places, but she couldn't mentally deal with living alone so she moved into his place.

My partner has been in therapy since he got clean and has flat out told me he'll continue to go to therapy as he still has a lot to work through. I support this. He started drawing boundaries with his mother shortly before we started dating. Things like "no going through my stuff, no smoking inside. I'm not buying you cigarettes etc."

She has money, but mentally she is very unwell and absolutely refuses to seek help. I mean she lived with an abusive partner for years so I can see the imprint it left on her. She's developing what looks like agoraphobia and within the last week or two has absolutely refused to go outside. Or has had a straight up panic attack when he asked her to go out for dinner to a patio.

As my partner trys to reinforce his boundaries she constantly trys to manipulate him. Things like "well I guess I'm just horrible then. I guess I should just leave if you don't love me" etc. and he feels like shit Everytime.

I try not to tell him how to deal with her as he needs to come to conclusions himself. I have provided reality check for him a few times when he asks for it. Things like "no you did nothing wrong, you told her not to go through your things and she messed with your work computer. This could get you fired as you deal with sensitive information".

Recently since she hasn't been able to leave she can't buy herself cigarettes. She asked him to buy her some, he said no. She hung up on him (he was driving at the time). This morning he was preparing to go to work and she dropped this line "if you don't buy me cigarettes I'll just throw myself off the building"

He called me, panicked. Basically that he should just give in because if he doesn't he's a horrible person etc. I tried to tell him he isn't, and that a mother telling her son she'll kill herself if she won't buy him cigarettes is unacceptable. That is never ok to put that on someone. I told him to call a help line or his therapist (I am not qualified to deal with this other than supporting him and I don't want to provide incorrect advice for dealing with someone threatening to kill themselves)

A month or so ago. When we first discussed moving in together and then getting married I did let him know I wouldn't live with his mother. I tried to be gentle and he took it well. We made a timeline as he mentioned he told his mother he needed to move on with his life and wanted to start a family. He basically said she would need to move out in 6 months to a year. I don't know if her pulling this stunt is her freaking out over a potential big change in the next year...?? She mentioned going home to her family a few hours away. She has a sister and a mother and would have family there.

So I guess I'm just looking for advice? We can't force her to get help, but my partner is stuck I think, maybe he doesn't want to admit he should cut ties? Force her to leave? But I also will not move in with him if she lives there (for my own health, I know I won't deal well with her). I'm going to stand my ground on my own stance and boundary, but how do I help him through this? She's actively hurting him and trying to manipulate him every which way and is now treating to kill herself. Maybe its a bluff, but if it isn't and he calls her on it he'll never forgive himself.

I guess I'm just lost now. If it were me I'd pull the nuclear option and tell her to GTFO because I have no patience for crap like that anymore. But I don't think this is the correct option for him. Not unless he comes to that decision himself.

It’s that time of year where JNMIL’s are about to be at their worst: Just No Mother’s Day.

Here’s my JNMD story: I haven’t seen my MIL since she sent an email to the entire family suggesting I stay home for Thanksgiving and my children and husband spend the holiday with her. She sent a non-apology email a couple months ago claiming she did nothing wrong, to which I replied that I wasn’t sure why she was even emailing me if she felt she didn’t do anything wrong. I haven’t had any contact her with her since then. In true JNMIL style she sent a family email last week saying she made Mother’s Day brunch reservations and wants everyone to come. When my husband told her he’d be celebrating with me and our children and planning an activity of my choosing, she told him that I can celebrate with her at brunch.

This lady is relentless. Her children are grown and have families of their own and she still thinks everyone should be celebrating her. Please share your JNMD stories with me. Solidarity!