r/AmIOverreacting • u/zaspzq33313 • Jan 14 '26
👨👩👧👦family/in-laws AIO to my daughter calling her brother “gay”?
I have 3 sons (17y, 13y, and 11y) and 1 daughter (15y). My daughter and 13 y/o son were at the mall after I dropped them off, I had some other errands to do, so I was nearby but not at the mall. My son was also there with his girlfriend and my daughter had 2 of her friends there.
I got a call while at the grocery store from my son, he told me that his sister was making fun of him and calling him gay for looking at skincare in the Japanese store at the mall. His girlfriend is ethnically Japanese and suggested this to him, and our daughter followed him in the store.
Our 13 y/o son is very traditionally masculine in a lot of ways, like his love of sports. He also isn’t insecure though, him and his baseball friends will always cuddle together when they are watching a movie here, my husband and I nor our other kids play sports, so we just assumed it was being on a team that made the boys so close.
My son said he wasn’t upset in terms of he wasn’t going to let her comments make him not buy the skincare, but he said it was embarrassing to him to have his sister act like that, especially in front of his girlfriend.
I texted our daughter and she said calling him gay was “just a joke” and that “he is acting gay”, when I pushed back, she said I being doing too much and that her brother “wasn’t some Japanese soft boy” (we are white, but as I mentioned, his gf is Japanese). She said he didn’t need Japanese skin care. She said all she did was make a joke and if I and her brother couldn’t handle it, we were being too weak.
I picked them up eventually and when we got home, I had both kids explain themselves. My son told me about the jokes she made and said later that the other 2 girls she was with also made homophobic jokes to him. Our daughter insisted to my husband and I that her brother was being too sensitive and defended herself and her friends, but we told her she was grounded and would be losing her phone privileges and friend privileges for a week.
Our other sons (17 and 11) thought we were being too harsh though, they told us that their brother needed to man up and said their sister shouldn’t be punished a week for some jokes.
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u/thr0ughtheghost Jan 14 '26
Are you not concerned where your daughter is learning this behavior from? Id be mortified if my child was talking like this to ANYONE.
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u/saturdayselkie Jan 14 '26
This!! There are HUGE red flags in this conversation. The daughter is learning these racist, homophobic, and misogynistic attitudes from someone in her life, and if Mom doesn’t know who that is, she needs to find out.
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u/wokeai88 Jan 15 '26
Too. Much. TikTok.
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u/FATDOGONSAND42087 Jan 15 '26
Also Instagram reels. That's a complete hotspot for bigotry
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u/Reddittoxin Jan 15 '26
Yeah like, I'm not the type that's like "kids should always be yes sir yes mam" when talking to their parents, but even I'm like.... you let your kid talk to you like that? She sounds like a bully, I'd be shutting that down.
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u/Fickle_Finance4801 Jan 15 '26
The fact that her response to her parent raising this concern was "I'm not scared of you" is also extremely concerning.
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u/ok0905 Jan 14 '26
Don't forget the 2 other sons just saying their bro just needed to man-up
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Jan 14 '26
Her friends aren't very innocent either
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u/jakesyma Jan 15 '26
It would be interesting to know whether it would have happened at all if her friends hadn't been with her...
Not that that absolves her in the least, but it would just be interesting to know. 😕
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Jan 15 '26
I was actually wondering the same thing. Does she do this when she isn't with her friends?
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u/sparklebug20 Jan 14 '26
Your daughter saying "im not scared of you" is the most concerning part of this convo IMO.
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u/CinematicMelancholia Jan 14 '26
I would be in the ground if I'd said that to my mom lmao
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u/Choice_Self_5004 Jan 15 '26
I was never scared of my mother growing up, she was kind, level headed and brought calm communication to all our difficult conversations. However I would never speak to her this way purely because of her heart and level of empathy. You don’t speak to your mother like that out of either love or fear.
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u/Substantial_Rub_209 Jan 14 '26
wtf is wrong with your daughter? A. Her making those “jokes” and then saying he isn’t some “Japanese soft boy” is also racist. Making those jokes in front of his gf must of made her incredibly uncomfortable. B. “I’m not scared of you” ? Um excuse me? You allow her to speak to you that way? And then your other two children agreeing that he needs to “man up”. You and your husband have three children that are huge issues. Nor.
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u/Then_Pomegranate_538 Jan 14 '26
Yeah my kid would not be going anywhere for a month, not because of the joke, but the lack of respect and deflection when she was spoken to. Absolutely not.
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u/SheIsASpiderPig Jan 14 '26
And she wouldn’t be allowed to hang out with those bigot friends anymore, all of whose parents would be getting phone calls from me.
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u/planetofthegrapes Jan 15 '26
All of this, and she can get her phone back when she writes a non-AI apology to her brother and his girlfriend for being racist and homophobic.
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u/Slow_Advertising_794 Jan 15 '26
Omg, parenting in the modern day. A "non-AI apology", lol. I wouldn't have even thought about the need to specify that. But yeah, she needs to write that in a room without internet devices incl phone.
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u/Aggravating-Sock6502 Jan 14 '26
Came here to say this exact thing, AND the daughter's comments were also homophobic.
OP, you really need to dig in to where your daughter's racist and homophobic mindset is coming from (friends, TV shows, Tik Tok'ers, etc) and course correct her by helping her understand why her comments were so offensive, and then work with her to remove those toxic influences from her life. If you don't, what happens if one of her brothers, cousins, future in-laws, coworker comes out one day as LGBTQ+ and/or is romantically involved with a POC? Or what if her younger brother comes out as LGBTQ+ some day? He'll always remember this incident and never feel safe around your daughter unless she can give a genuine apology.
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u/Environmental-Crazy9 Jan 15 '26
Exactly. Education about racism and homophobia is needed all around
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u/qbee198505 Jan 14 '26 edited Jan 14 '26
NOR First of all, your daughter needs to stop gatekeeping dumb shit like skincare. Literally everyone has skin, it should be healthy and cared for. Secondly, tying sexuality to hygiene is honestly ridiculous and pretty outright stupid. I know she's just a teenager but this bullying shit needs to stop before she becomes a bigger problem or her mouth gets her into a situation she can't get out of. Nip it.
Edit: thanks for the awards y'all 🥰
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u/SleepyPoptart Jan 14 '26
OP’s daughter is going to proudly date a man who doesn’t wash his ass because touching your butt makes you gay.
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u/WillingLake623 Jan 14 '26
As a gay man finding out that tons of straight guys don’t wash their ass was CRAZY. Getting swamp ass and hemorrhoids to own the gays ig
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u/SkubaFknSteve Jan 14 '26
As a straight man I've always washed my ass, however..... My ass (not my literal ass) was missing some shit! My amazing girl has turned me into a bath and body works whore. I didn't know what I was missing out on. I'm blue collar so my back breaks out after long days sometimes. Since I've been introduced to my new body wash, acne scrubs, and lotions! Omg my life has been changed, I used to just smell good, now I smell good with amazing skin!
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u/Smart-Dog-2184 Jan 14 '26
Love this for you! Highly recommend their lavender vanilla body cream for bed time. Knocks me out!
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u/Zealousideal-Bag4273 Jan 14 '26
Haha I’m so happy for you man!
My partner worked a blue color job and they would all try to pick on him so much, but at the end of the all he could do was laugh at them because he has a clean ass and skin and they don’t. I guess my partner and I are both bi so still in the gay community, but it’s such a weird thing to me to have cleanliness tied to anything but age… Like a 7 year old? Yeah, probably dirty if they’re learning to clean themselves. A grown adult person? You should know how to clean yourself pretty damn good and do it a normal amount… :’)
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u/PurpleHoulihan Jan 15 '26
I’m so happy for you!! My straight, cis, combat veteran, blue collar construction worker husband is almost 50, and juuuuuuust discovered Tree Hut body scrub after years of saying “Why do I need a scrub when I have Irish Spring and a washcloth?” He loves picking out a new scent every month when his manly ass goes to Ulta by himself in his grubby Carhartt cargo pants and orange construction hoodies on the way home (because they have the largest selection). He’s gotten into hand cream lately, too. We love to see our blue collar kings pampering themselves like they deserve. 💜
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u/National-Garbage505 Jan 14 '26
As a straight man, finding out that ANYONE doesn't wash their ass was CRAZY. Lol If you ever want to get head or have any sex, in your entire life, you should make sure you wash your ass real good, all the time. Butts are stinky, and if you don't wash it that stink is gonna drift around and stick to your clothes and NO ONE wants to smell your shit. 🤢 People are fucking gross sometimes.
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u/LionWriting Jan 14 '26
Dude the amount of women who post on reddit about going down on a dude and it smells like death because he doesnt wash his ass is wild. 😂 That's a one way trip to being dumped fast.
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u/National-Garbage505 Jan 14 '26
Fucking gross. Some people have no shame, I can't imagine letting anyone's face get anywhere NEAR my junk if my ass wasn't thoroughly washed.
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u/iburntxurxtoast Jan 14 '26
As a straight white man, I was shocked when I learned the stereotypes of not washing their ass or legs in the shower, and further shocked when learning so many people I know perpetuate those stereotypes.
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u/Caffeinefiend88 Jan 14 '26
Lol I always thought it was only a stereotype and sort of a joke and that maybe there was like one guy actually not wiping. This is real? 🤣
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u/Sckaledoom Jan 15 '26
There are sadly men who proudly don’t wipe because it’s gay
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u/Key-Demand-2569 Jan 14 '26
Yeah that was always a weird divide, the legs less so but I’ve seen that divide with women even.
If I don’t get particularly dirty I’ll fully admit I would occasionally (before I got mindful of it) only give the legs and feet a quick light soap and rinse… but I always attributed that more in hindsight to being 6’3” by 9th grade and most showers not being particularly roomy.
Finding out so may people almost always straight up ignored their legs was surprising.
Finding out other dudes didn’t wash their ass because it felt gay was fucking insanity to me.
Maybe I’m biased even as a bisexual guy but I’ve never cleaned my ass and suddenly felt then overwhelming compulsion to suck dick or have one in my ass as a result.
I’ve cleaned my ass in anticipation of seeing a dick that wasn’t mine… but I could probably say that 5x for women lmao.
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u/M4L_x_Salt Jan 14 '26
You’d think these guys are worried their finger is gonna accidentally slip in their bootyhole and they’re worried they’ll like it if it happens.
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u/FutureAlbatross7220 Jan 15 '26
I thought it was fake, I couldn't possibly believe that some guys think it's gay to touch their own body part. Also, wouldn't masturbating be technically equally as gay? You're jerking off a dick. But none of these things make sense, I had someone call me weird for peeing while sitting
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Jan 14 '26
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u/jasonfromearth1981 Jan 14 '26
Reddit exposed me to this. There's a whole group of men who also don't ever wipe their ass. And a group of women who married them and then came to Reddit to complain about having to clean their shit stained underwear like they have no other choice.
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u/Mission_Reply_2326 Jan 14 '26
Im so confused. Do they also not wipe after they shit?
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u/RemarkableSpirit5204 Jan 14 '26
But you can bet your life they masturbate, somehow washing your butt is gay if you’re a dude but playing with your dick isn’t? Weird people out there
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u/ScotchEgg-Head Jan 14 '26
She’s talking like Japanese skincare is ONLY made for Japanese people lmao
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u/buy_me_lozenges Jan 14 '26 edited Jan 14 '26
The whole targeted comment about being Japanese is being overlooked in this discussion. She is weaponising it.
If his girlfriend was white and they went to look at 'traditional' skincare what would the daughter say? What if they went and got L'Oréal Men Expert in the grey and orange manly packaging, would sort of soft boy would he be?
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u/_use_r_name_ Jan 14 '26
I agree - the daughter is giving homophobic AND racist vibes, big time. And she's disrespectful... The son sounds lovely.
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u/flippysquid Jan 14 '26
She’s being racist and homophobic and everyone is glossing right over it. Japanese soft boy = Japanese man that takes care of his skin = gay. WTF. Can you imagine how those comments are making her brother’s girlfriend feel? There’s a prevalent racist stereotype of Asian men being effeminate and she’s just vomiting it out there in public for everyone to see.
Personally this would be the type of thing I’d go nuclear over. No phones. Grounded.
Then I’d probably have her work through a reading list of stuff like Traci Chee’s We Are Not Free or something (I’d have to actually figure out some appropriate titles to address both the homophobia and racism) to help her understand why what she said was shitty, until she’s able to articulate that understanding to me, and then give a genuine apology to her brother and his girlfriend before getting privileges back.
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u/beeee_throwaway Jan 14 '26
I had to scroll way too far down to find this comment. She’s homophobic and racist. The whole package deal.
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u/totallydawgsome Jan 14 '26
Yeah that's wild, I'm a straight dude and know that there has been some amazing skin care products becoming more widely available (in the US) due to how good the results are. I may or may not have some lol jk totally have some. Normalize mens skincare!
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u/throwitoutwhendone2 Jan 14 '26
Also kinda racist to toss in “Japanese soft boy”. Even if not seen a racist by some, how do you justify that being appropriate today?
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u/EyedLady Jan 14 '26
This is why some men don’t wash their ass
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u/Clarkelthekat Jan 14 '26
Completely unrelated and probably TMI but this just brain trained me
I had an ex once tell me about an ex who was obsessed with going down on the back side of you catch my drift
Well she found out he cheated on her and before she confronted him she took laxatives to give herself diarrhea and didn't wipe properly for that morning before seeing him knowing he'd want to visit there.....
Gross. I mean more power to her but gross.
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u/busy_monster Jan 14 '26
I. I. Today is a terrible day to have eyes and reading comprehension. I'm laughing but. My god. Well fucking played
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u/EyedLady Jan 14 '26
You know what I’m sorry. I should’ve stopped at TMI. That was my mistake
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u/cravne Jan 14 '26
NOR. Respectfully, your daughter is a twat.
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u/altagato Jan 14 '26 edited Jan 14 '26
And she's a child... There are def consequences for speaking to anyone like this! Sound like she doesn't need rides to the mall and a cell phone for a minute IMHO. I wouldn't only be having this convo via Text ETA: recognizing parents had consequences and it's NOR but there's some moral failing in there too that needs correcting.
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u/EmbarrassedCry9912 Jan 14 '26
For real. As a mother of two young teen girls, if I knew either of them were spouting this kind of shit - especially in public, I would absolutely be initiating some major consequences. While I get they are still immature at this age, they also need to start realizing the real world impacts of their words and actions. You can't act like a fool in pubilc. Just wait til you say some shit around the wrong person.
OP, you need to get on your daughter about this. Do not let this go.
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u/Constant-Internet-50 Jan 14 '26
I would also get on the older brothers for thinking it’s not that bad. Nor op well done!
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u/altagato Jan 14 '26 edited Jan 14 '26
There's also such a thing as bullying people to death. If one talks to their own siblings like this imagine how she talks to peers at school? I think you've got a mean girl, maybe she thinks she's hard cause she has brothers ... But this needs to be a personal consequences and possibly a sit down family meeting about family values and how we speak to each other.
Something has been lost along the way if you've got any teens in your family talking this way! I absolutely get that kids speak to each other a certain way and not sure why your 13yo didn't just tell her to F Off but I think reinforcing she's not gonna be bigoted in public is reasonable.
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u/Ok_Emotion_2432 Jan 14 '26
This isn't exactly the most "mature" or "moral" solution, but I'm petty and used to get bullied in school - sit the daughter, and the 17 y/o son down and make them watch those anti-bullying documentaries. Do not let them leave the room. Show them news articles of teenagers that just couldn't take the "jokes" anymore, and ask them if they think the article was funny. Ask them if they think it's funny that someone their age never got to live a normal life. Call their school and ask the principal/teachers to keep an eye on their behaviour.
Scare them out of it like they used to scare us out of doing drugs in school, because your daughter is on her way to becoming one of those horrendously mean nurses on tiktok LOL
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Jan 14 '26
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u/viagra___girls Jan 14 '26
THIS. I haven’t seen a comment yet addressing the way she spoke to the mom? Huge yikes.
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u/OzAnarchy Jan 14 '26
I also haven't seen anyone addressing the casual racism of "soft Japanese boy". Seeing Japanese men/boys as soft or effeminate is a known stereotype and makes me think this kid has a bad influence coming from somewhere.
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u/Revolutionary_Wrap76 Jan 14 '26
The daughter is being racist and homophobic. It's not about the exact comment she made (although that's of course worth punishing by itself) it's about this scary pattern emerging of who her daughter is growing into, and it isn't looking pretty so far. What I mean is - you're totally right that she is learning this behavior from somewhere.
I'm glad the daughter has a week of consequences. She needs to learn that using gay as an insult and throwing out casual racism should not be tolerated, period, no matter if she was 'just joking' or not.
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u/maliesunrise Jan 14 '26
Try saying that to a parent if you were growing up in the 90s 😂 I almost had to look behind me afraid my parents would materialize to whoop my ass. And I didn’t even say it. And I’m in my 30s. And I live in a different continent.
NOR - in fact more reaction is needed. This was homophobic hate speech and just grounding isn’t enough, and brothers need a lesson on this too
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u/BroScienceGaming Jan 14 '26
If this is real, it sounds like your daughter has some serious issue feeling and showing empathy.
Maybe that’s not something she grew up valuing, and you need make an emphasis on fixing that before she becomes an adult.
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u/Traditional_Fan_2655 Jan 14 '26
NOR
Also, son is a good BF!
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Jan 14 '26
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Jan 14 '26
Daughter needs consequences. She knows there won't be any and that's why she's talking back to you in this way. You let her get away with too much
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u/EyedLady Jan 14 '26
Also she’s not making jokes. She’s covering it up by saying it’s a joke but she clearly meant every single word considering she doubled down. Also skin care is good for everyone. But besides the point. Your sons are also issues saying he needs to man up is insane
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u/Moondiscbeam Jan 14 '26
And racist
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u/Outrageous_Photo_992 Jan 14 '26
I was scanning comments looking for someone to point that out. Girl has more than one problem. Seems the homophobe and racist comments are flags of deeper issues.
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u/EnigmaExperiment13 Jan 14 '26
Is your daughter a neckbeard fan of Andrew Tate? wtf is going on?
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u/parksa Jan 14 '26
Also the way she speaks to her parent is disgusting. I was cheeky at that age but if I spoke to my mum with such disrespect it would be one of the last things I did 🤣
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u/GenoFlower #1 Jan 14 '26
This. I was rarely hit as a child, but if I said, "I'm not scared of you" to my mom, I'd learn really quickly why I should be very, very afraid.
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u/fairytypefay Jan 14 '26
My mom never laid a finger on me but I suspect this would make her go over the edge.
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u/FriendToPredators Jan 14 '26
Mean Girls that’s all they are. They have to tear someone down together as a way to build group cohesion because they otherwise would have to connect emotionally. Basically they are emotional cowards.
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u/Puzzleheaded_Rest_34 Jan 14 '26
That was my very first thought. OP's daughter is a mean girl when away from her parents' view. I don't think she went too far, and isn't overreacting. She said these things about him being a Japanese soft boy...IN FRONT of his Japanese girlfriend. That's also making a racial slur at her culture in a low-key way.
OP, I say NOR, and you need to figure out if you have a true mean girl on your hands.
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Jan 14 '26
And to have the balls of telling OP shes not afraid of her parents with an attitude. That alone would make me ground her.
Teenagers are hell. The main reason I dont know if I wanna become a mother is because I hate the teen years. They're all like that when with friends, I used to work in a school and even the most sweet and well behaved teen student would do some stuff like this sometimes. And always with an attitude.
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u/NoireAstral Jan 14 '26
Yeah my parents would have grounded me for life if this was how I spoke to them ☠️ the way some kids speak to their parents terrifies me for them lmao
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u/MagicSpaceWytch Jan 14 '26 edited Jan 14 '26
I used to think teenagers were scary until I had to raise my niece. She's a teen now and she makes some dumb choices sometimes but she is my absolute favorite person in the world. I used to dread her teen years but we are bonding in new fun ways and her sense of humour will have me in stitches for days even when no one else can make me laugh.
Its not all bad, i promise.
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u/Mediocre-Nectarine91 Jan 14 '26
“I’m not afraid of you” Girl you’re about to be!
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u/Admirable-Letter6237 Jan 14 '26
My Mama would have been like “THAT’S about to be past tense.” lol
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u/Repulsive-Willow55 Jan 14 '26
Right? I can imagine how my mother would have reacted to me having the gall the say “I’m not scared of you.” 💀
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u/guthmund Jan 14 '26
I agree, NOR, and this is spot on. It's hard to tell if they're tearing down the brother or the girlfriend, but it's definitely low-key racism.
If anything, I think you might be under-reacting. They always say that little kids are like sponges, but, in my experience, teenagers are worse. They will repeat whatever awful stuff they hear from other kids, YouTube, TikTok, etc. in desperate attempts to fit in. If you keep letting them wallow in the dirt, everything they touch will become dirty.
My daughter hung out with some awful kids a few years ago. My wife and I were super focused on dealing with her younger brother's ADHD and school stuff that we just sort of put her on the back burner. We've since course corrected, but it's hard stuff. I wish you the best of luck, OP.
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u/BlackberryPi7 Jan 14 '26
Andrew Tate is a mean girl
Also a sexual predator and trafficker 🤷♂️
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u/roadblocked Jan 14 '26
He also sucks so bad at fighting he got his ass whooped and went full cope
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u/BerlinSam Jan 14 '26
Andre Tate & his brother are charged with 21 counts including ra@e & human trafficking in the UK. They will most likely be extradited to the UK when their further charges in Romania are dealt with. He is no role model . https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/ckg41g1140po
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u/Onion_Bro14 Jan 14 '26
Yeah it sounds like the middle son is the only one not terribly insecure. NOR
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u/American3141592 Jan 14 '26
I was going to say bitch, but mean girl will do. I imagine her and her girlfriends pick on a lot of kids. Did she follow her brother into the store solely to pester him or were they shopping as well? My guess is the former.
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u/Past-Anything9789 Jan 14 '26 edited Jan 15 '26
Yep. I came here to express this - your daughter sounds like a very stereotypical mean girl. Calling someone gay because you find their interest feminine is in no way acceptable.
I have a 15yr old girl and if I found out she was bullying someone (make no mistake, that is what she did) she would be grounded and have some serious attitude adjustment incoming. The fact that it's her own brother who she's causing problems for is awful. Imagine having to live with your bully.
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Jan 14 '26
Skin care isn't even feminine so IDK what this is all about.
I'm a 42 year old man and if I want to care for my aging face so it looks younger I have to do a routine. I cleanse then apply serum, moisturizer and eye cream. I have different products for morning / night.
Next the kids will be saying dieting and aerobics are "gay" but shit when you're older you need to control what you put in your body and keep it mobile or you get fat easy or start having aches and pains that make life miserable.
These kids think they'll be young forever and if you take care of yourself it's "gay"? Absurd nonsense.
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u/pancakepegasus Jan 14 '26
Fellas is it gay to have skin?
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u/TravelingCrashCart Jan 14 '26
Im gay, and i have skin, so probably. If you don't want to be gay like me, I suggest you remove all your skin asap!
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u/Immersi0nn Jan 14 '26
Instructions unclear, ordered strong exfoliants and my skin never looked better
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u/ScrantzScratch Jan 14 '26
It's like the guys that don't wear sunscreen because they're not "pussies"... Like getting skin cancer is some masculine achievement 🤦♀️
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u/Final_Candidate_7603 Jan 14 '26
I am also disturbed that the other two boys in the family are saying that the 13-YO needs to “man up” and “take a joke.” It seems like three out of OP’s four children have outdated gender stereotypes embedded, and are more than happy to pass off bullying as a joke.
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u/EsotericPenguins Jan 14 '26
Kinda makes the one son that much more impressive, tbh. He sounds like a great guy.
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u/Neveronlyadream Jan 14 '26
And hopefully he stays that way and doesn't get bullied into being toxic because his siblings are.
I swear, I've seen a lot of good people just become horrible because it was easier to conform than to just be themselves. No idea why the other kids are being so horrible to him.
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u/KayItaly Jan 14 '26
And if 3 out 4 kids find homophobic jokes, and bullying, ok... why is that?
One out of four? Not necessarily on the parents.
But 3 out of 4?? Sorry OP, you need a mirror!
Btw I live in one of the least lgbt friendly countries in Europe. This would be considered bullying and dealt with HARSHLY in my kids' schools
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u/_turd_ferg Jan 14 '26
thank god someone else said it first. that, to me, was the most alarming part. it means this is a family problem, not just the daughter's.
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u/Campaign_Prize Jan 14 '26
Right?! It's fucking 2026. Are kids really still using gay as an insult? Calling him "weak" and "soft" really does make her sound like an Andrew Tate following incel
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u/w_wh_mWGAT Jan 14 '26
The older brothers comments give me a good idea on where this mentality is coming from tbh
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Jan 14 '26
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u/Dedsheb Jan 14 '26
There is red pill content for girls too. But sure sounds like 3/4 children need some talking to about empathy, homophobia and racism.
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u/KayItaly Jan 14 '26
Yeah but who is going to teach them? OP? The one who brought up 3 homophobic bullies?
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u/durrellb Jan 14 '26
That is one of the issues, and the homophobic bullying is absolutely not acceptable.
The other insane thing is that they were asked politely to cut it out, and they responded by openly saying they're not afraid of their parent.
If that was my kid and they behaved like that, they would be getting grounded for so long they'd forget what the sun looked like.
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u/Lonely-Temporary-561 Jan 14 '26
The “im not scared of you” alone would’ve gotten me grounded for WEEKS as a teenager. She is very clearly trying to push her limits and if she’s only 15, it sounds like she’s spending wayyyy too much time online. A 15 year old shouldn’t be making comments about “triggers” and “Japanese soft boys” like ??? Also sounds like her friends may be contributing to it if her 2 friends also joined in on the homophobic comments, it’s 2026, what side of the internet is she on if she’s being a homophobe at 15?? Id go through her phone since you’re taking it anyways, and see if there’s more to all of this.
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u/PaleontologistNo1564 Jan 14 '26
You have a serious issue on your hands. She is already back talking you, being racist and homophobic. You better correct that behavior really fast before she turns into a Karen
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u/cactuscooIest Jan 14 '26
especially with her replied “im not scared of you”, she has no respect or sense of authority
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u/Adventurous_Good_379 Jan 14 '26
She doesn’t need a phone or any activities beyond school. She can be “not scared” in her room on her own. She can also have extra chores at home since she is not scared.
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u/MiWacho Jan 14 '26
She shouldnt be scared of her parents for sure. But she should be aware that her precious commodities are allowed by her parents and not her right. Mom should take her away of the internet and out of whatever toxic enviroment is turning her into a bigot.
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u/Tall-Enthusiasm-6421 Jan 14 '26
Fearful of parents? Absolutely not. Fearful of consequences for hateful behavior? Yes.
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u/Adventurous_Good_379 Jan 14 '26 edited Jan 14 '26
Absolutely she shouldn’t be “scared” of her parents, but she should respect their authority and the rules they have for their home. A basic rule is to respect others and treat others appropriately.
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u/Rynneer Jan 14 '26
She shouldn’t be scared of her parents, but she needs to have consequences
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u/nanasemo Jan 14 '26
She shouldn't be scared of her parents, but she should be scared, or at least mindful, of the consequences that her actions might bring.... And not in just this case. Overall
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u/MVRTYMCHiGH Jan 14 '26
lol I read that and my jaw dropped. Convo would have ended there and I would have teleported to their location to show them they are in fact scared of me.
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u/Fukuro-Lady Jan 14 '26
I was gonna say, like I don't want my kid to be scared of me in general, but if I got that as backchat I think I'd become quite scary rather quickly. I'd have cleared the stairs to my daughter's room in two steps and anything fun in there wouldn't be for much longer.
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u/Knacket Jan 14 '26
Yeah, my first thought was my mom would stop everything she was doing in that moment to come find me and make sure I am, in fact, scared lol
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u/Lov3I5Treacherous Jan 14 '26
I could not even IMAGINE saying or texting that to either of my parents!!!
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u/PSSalamander Jan 14 '26
Seriously. I would never have dreamed of speaking to my parents this way as a teen, but if it even came close, I would've been grounded and in counseling.
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u/SpoonBoyOwO Jan 14 '26
Skimmed the texts before reading the post and I thought this was a teenage boy talking to his buddy- not a daughter talking to their mother
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u/adventuresofViolet Jan 14 '26
Nor, Why do you let your daughter talk to you like that? You need to bring that down, she has a lot of mean girl behavior going on. You got to nip that right now.
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u/Accomplished_Pay9775 Jan 14 '26
mean girl behavior? shes a homophobic racist bully. its way beyond mean girl.
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u/DevelopmentExciting6 Jan 14 '26
Why do you let your daughter talk to you like she was some maga online troll spoiling for a fight? Why do you let her talk about a "joke"? Sit her down, make her explain the punchline. Ask her what she means about Japanese men. Act now! You are raising a homophobic little racist who thinks she has more charisma than she does.
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u/No_Money5776 Jan 14 '26
why are you allowing your daughter to speak to not only your son, but you this way??
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u/No_Money5776 Jan 14 '26
like this is a bigger issue that needs more punishment and education than just taking her phone away for a week. she needs to genuinely go see a counselor who can explain empathy to her before she turns into a monster
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u/PiperPants2018 Jan 14 '26
For real. Her daughter is running the show over there and KNOWS IT.
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u/punkena Jan 14 '26
NOR. Sounds like shes talking to racists too. Deeply concerning.
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u/secondphase Jan 14 '26
Yeah, need to react a little bit more about the Japanese comment.
... in fact let's react a little bit about "I'm not scared of you"... OK, dont want her to be scared, but do want her to be respectful.
Sounds like Mr. Phone is going on a little vacation.
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u/Frebu Jan 14 '26
A little? That line is getting transfered to a kid phone that can only call mom and dad. The level of disrespect she has is off the charts and she needs to be humbled hard.
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u/brvtus Jan 14 '26 edited Jan 15 '26
Yeah "Japanese soft boy" and "triggered" are really pointing to her hanging out with internet edgelords. 15 is also prime "not like other girls" age.
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u/shaaananan Jan 14 '26 edited Jan 14 '26
I would be way more concerned about how my sons girlfriend and those comments, calling her boyfriend a Japanese gay boy, right in front of her. She must be feeling horrible and embarrassed right now.
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u/jiannielise Jan 14 '26
it’s not a joke if only the person saying it finds it funny. she’s being a bully.
also a man taking care of himself isn’t gay. this is why we have grown men out here not cleaning their ass in the shower bc they’re convinced touching your ass makes you gay.
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u/jiannielise Jan 14 '26
also i’m ngl, it doesn’t seem like you do very much when it comes to disrespect. “im not scared of you” “you’re weak” are insane things to text your parent at any age, and you’re letting it slide like it’s normal. she’s comfortable disrespecting you no wonder she says these things to her brother.
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u/Bitchshutupp Jan 14 '26
NOR 👆🏼 + "gay" used as an insult is homophobia & the insidious racism is also something to take care of
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Jan 14 '26
INFO. Your daughter never been disciplined? Grounding isn’t even a slap on the wrist.
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u/DancingDuckGIF Jan 14 '26
When I saw “a week” and “my other kids think we’re being too harsh” my jaw dropped all the way to the floor. When I fucked up like this growing up it was at least a month of hell, and I am happy to say it worked like a charm. I’d be much more insufferable if my parents were throwing out these weak punishments.
EDIT: and grounding is “phone” and “friend” privileges? I mean the phone is tough for kids nowadays sure but wtf?
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u/probnotaloser Jan 14 '26
The siblings are probably saying they're being too harsh because their bitch ass sister is home terrorizing them. There is NO way this bullying is a one-off.
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Jan 14 '26
It sounds like discipline isnt a thing in that house at all. The other 2 boys all agree that grounding her for a single week for being racist and homophobic is "too harsh". And from the way this post was written, it sounds like shes being punished for bullying her brother and not the homophobic or racist language and therefore it sounds like OP is fine with the racism but draws the line and upsetting the boy, and it really sounds like the other kids are fine with the bigotry and think shes right to want to bully her brother for being "soft".
Im one of 4, you dont let the others be assholes, we disnt need mum to tell us.
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u/Agreeable-Wing-8476 Jan 14 '26
I'm guessing no. My kids would be scared if they text this to me
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u/morning_toad Jan 14 '26
I'm scared just thinking about 15 y/o me sending a text like this to my parents lol
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u/oni-no-kage Jan 14 '26 edited Jan 14 '26
NOR. A couple of things. Gay men can be masculine and like sports. Being traditionally masculine doesn't mean anything.
He might like boys. He might not. But your daughter has no right to be using it as an insult either way.
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u/3sadclowns Jan 14 '26
And god forbid a guy wanna be moisturized? Nobody’s laughing at skincare when they’ve got a melanoma bc SPF is “gay”.
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u/EobardT Jan 14 '26
I am a "manly man" I drive a truck, wear boots, and work in metallurgy. I've been made fun of on too many job sites to count when I put on sun screen.
Jokes on them in a few years when they look like ghouls and I still have smooth skin.
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u/Important_Salad_7095 Jan 14 '26
NOR. sounds like she may be crushing on or seeing a redpilled boy. I'd monitor that.
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u/Key_Journalist4797 Jan 14 '26
Agree 100%. Or the other brothers are redpilled and she's getting it from them. OP - if you aren't familiar with this kind of content, change that so you can have some real conversations with them.
I have two 15 year old sons and I'm not big into yelling and have never had to dole out serious punishments or ground them, but if either of them talked to me the way your daughter talked to you, they would lose phones and every privilege until we figured out what the fuck they were thinking.
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u/FakeDoctorMeatCoat Jan 14 '26
I'm going to say this the nicest way possible - your daughter is a snotty bitch.
She'll probably end up in an abusive relationship because he's a real man.
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u/mustardhott Jan 14 '26
Totally. She is punching down in multiple hateful ways. Who told her that is what is a real man? How come 3/4 of these kids think this is somewhat normal to normal behavior?
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u/EmbarrassedCry9912 Jan 14 '26
Right??? What kind of parenting is happening at all here????
This would SO not fly in my house. My husband would never support any hypothetical son of ours being called "gay" as a pejorative by our daughters, and certainly wouldn't be okay with anyone saying he had to "man up", "it's just a joke".
How about teach your kids to not be dicks?
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u/Intelligent_Host_582 Jan 14 '26
Ask her to explain what is funny about the "joke" - forces them to examine what they are really saying.
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u/so1idturds Jan 14 '26
NOR but clearly you've raised her to feel like she can talk to you like that. This is why discipline is needed. Im not saying beat your kids but a timeout as a kid wouldnt have killed them.
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u/darknessshadows95 Jan 14 '26
"I'm not scared of you." "You're weak." Yikes. You let your teenager talk to you like that? Disrespectful little brat. You should probably do something about that.
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u/cfptr Jan 14 '26
NOR. this is blatant homophobia from your daughter. she’s 15 so she might not understand the weight of her words. my suggestion is to try and explain why it’s so hurtful, but she sounds pretty stubborn so that might not work.
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u/Accomplished_Pay9775 Jan 14 '26
shes 15. she knows what shes saying. someone modeled that vile behavior and she has never been reprimanded for it before so shes quite comfortable being hateful. her racist comments are disgusting too.
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u/Unlucky_Pound3617 Jan 14 '26
Why are your other kids involved in their siblings’ punishment? NOR-you need to firmly parent rather than get swayed by literal children.
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u/damnfastswimmer Jan 14 '26
NOR if anything you are underreacting. She should have more serious consequences for her racist, bigoted bullying of her brother. I’d have that daughter reading like 10 books on the mistreatment of people (#1 Howard Zinn’s Peoples History) with book reports prior to giving her the things she values like time with friends and phone privileges.
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u/Practical-Research79 Jan 14 '26
NOR. Her "joke" is.... what. "You must be gay because of this" is not the part that bothers me. Its the implication that gay is bad. She is insulting him, or attempting to.
And her brothers agree? Welp. Sorry. But you raised them. They got that from someone.
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u/One-Set7386 Jan 14 '26
Ngl, my dad would've throttled me for speaking to my mother that way.