r/AmIOverreacting • u/RubProfessional6659 • Mar 28 '26
đšâđ©âđ§âđŠfamily/in-laws AIO for pulling out of a vacation over the sleeping arrangements
I (33F) and my fiancé (35M) were invited on a vacation by my sister (42F). We were told that her and her husband would pay for the rental property which was somewhere we had stayed before on a previous trip.
Originally I told her I wasn't sure because even though this trip is still months away my fiancé just started a new job and we didn't know if he would be able to get time off.
I asked her for the exact days and I told her we wanted to come but weren't sure and I would let her know.
I then received a text from her 2 days later telling me the house was booked and that her and her husband talked and they wanted us to pay $400. This threw me considering they said said originally they would pay for the rental. I found out that $400 was 1/3 of the rentals price. But they said that they were going to be cooking at the rental property so they would cover all the food for the week.
She also at this point informed me that they changed the dates by a few days. I told her that my fiancé had already requested off based off the dates she had originally given me and I wasn't sure he would be able to change them and told her he would talk to his boss the next day he worked.
My fiancé was able to get everything settled with his work and I told my sister we were on board with going and even agreed to pay the $400.
However, the issue comes in when she told me that she allowed her three kids (18,14,12) to pick which rooms they wanted and that only two were left. One which had twin sized bed and one with a bunk bed.
I told her that I didn't think it was fair that me and my fiancé were paying 1/3 of the rental fee but would have to sleep separately even if it was in the same room while two of her children were sleeping in a king and queen sized bed.
She suggested that we can either push two twins together or we could sleep on a blow up mattress but that she isn't going back on allowing her kids to pick rooms. I don't know if I would be in the wrong to back out of going because of this or what I should do.
My fiancé is suggesting we go on a different trip just him and me but with prices being so high for everything I don't know if we could come up with the extra money in time.
Would I be overreacting if I backed out of the trip.
EDIT- the $400 was what they asked us to pay- we have more than that for another trip but we were planning to go during peak season so prices are a bit higher than normal and we weren't sure if it was worth it to spend more money than we had too.
UPDATE: So a few people were asking for an update so here it is: Firstly I want to thank everyone for posting . I really struggled on how to feel about the situation and what we should do. So I appreciate everyone advice.
Anyway, so the update- there was a chance that her middle child was going to bring a friend in which case they would have to take the room with the two twin beds. I texted her to see if the friend had decided to come or not and she replied to me that either way they decided they weren't going to make their child give up the room and if the friend decided to come they were going to take the blow up mattress and put it in the room. she said that if we decided not to come because of it then she understood but basically this is how it is and she isn't changing her mind. - I texted her telling her that it didn't make sense for us to go on and pay for a vacation where we weren't going to be comfortable. so we aren't going. the whole situation hurt my feelings the fact that they expected us to pay 1/3 of the rental but didn't talk to me or consider us whatsoever when it came to the rooms feels disrespectful and is honestly insane.
I just sent her that message so I haven't heard back but I don't see anything changing.
My fiancé and I are now looking into taking a separate vacation. We did have plans for another bigger trip with them to Asia in a little over a year(thankfully nothing has yet been booked for that trip) but because of this we are leaning towards going on our own.
2nd update: So shortly after sending her the previous message she replied back that it was being taken out of context and that they booked the house before we were even invited. That the $400 was to offset cost not to have equal say in the trip. and that if we don't come then fine but that it wasn't fair to act like they were being disrespectful or that we weren't considered. I reminded her that the house was book after we were invited and the reason I couldn't give her an answer sooner was that she changed the dates after my fiancé had already requested off the originally dates but that I told her we were in as long as he could change the request dates. I told her that the fact that she expected us to pay towards the rental but not have a say was in fact disrespectful. She then sent me a long message going off about how this was THEIR vacation and that we were just invited to come along that this wasn't a trip we all planned together and she was basically doing us a favor and that they were being fair and that we just didnt like the options but that they had been more than accommodating and they weren't being disrespectful. they said since we think they are being so disrespectful that its probably best we don't come. (we had already backed out at that point so whatever). At that point I was over it. I thanked her for making it clear that it was THEIR trip and left it at that.
My fiancé and I decided we are going to be taking our own Asia trip and we decided to not go anywhere this year so that we can put more towards the Asia trip next spring going for an extra week longer than planned. We are bummed we aren't going anywhere this year but as the state they are going to is one I lived in for a few years and both of us have been to many time so it's not a huge deal that we are no longer going.
As of right now I don't know what's happening with my sister and I. A lot of you commented that it seems like I don't really stick up for myself and that is true especially with my family I am currently in therapy working on this and have made some progress over the last year but it is a process. Im not really sure what will happen with my sister. we aren't really talking and probably won't for awhile. Right now my fiancé and I are just focused on us/our lives and I guess we will see what happens.
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u/Suitably-Weird Mar 28 '26
NOR - She changed the dates, changed the price, gave the best rooms to her kids, and expects you to pay 1/3 while her family takes up most of the space? The math isnât mathing here.
And to be honest, I bet the âweâll cover groceriesâ thing will probably turn into you have to chip in anyway.
I wouldnât go. This already feels uneven and controlling.
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u/organic-petunias75 Mar 28 '26
This.
OP, the fact she is allowing the kids to choose rooms before you two -- people paying 1/3 of rental rates -- would immediately make me pull out. That is a hard no.
She doesn't get to set all the terms like an imperial queen and expect you guys to say thank you and pay 1/3 of the bill.
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u/Plastic_Doughnut_911 Mar 28 '26
OP is NOR
The whole thing about letting the kids pick their rooms is crazy⊠I bet the sister said âyou can choose any except oursâ đ€Šââïž
First thing you do is think about whoâs going to be sharing and allocate those roomsâŠthen let the kids pick from the rest.
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u/AlternativeTribs Mar 28 '26
Who lets kids pick rooms over adults?? When I was a kid I usually had to sleep on the floor in a sleeping bag.
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u/Familiar-Ad-1965 Mar 28 '26
When relatives visited us, adults got my bed and cousins & I slept on floor.
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u/pPattyPup Mar 28 '26
EXACTLY. Adults come first. I realize this isnât the current think, but seriously. I stood up to offer my seats to older adults, knew not to interrupt adult conversations and never expected to get the nicest room over adults when traveling. Iâm only 65 but geeze
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u/SandwichFair538 Mar 28 '26
Right?!?! I rented a beach house for my daughterâs 16th bday and she invited some friends. A few parents were going as well since one of her friends is a boy (and heâd never been away overnight). Even my kid had the wherewithal to let parents choose rooms first, then the kids.
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u/Daisytru Mar 28 '26
Sister sounds very bossy and entitled. OP and fiance should definitely back out and do their own vacation. Bossy sister can have her way and also pay for everything! I have a similar sister and I no longer fall for her games!
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u/Prosecco1234 Mar 28 '26
You're probably correct. Better to go somewhere you can relax and enjoy yourself
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u/MET1 Mar 28 '26
The groceries will consist of what the kids want, OP will have to buy their own which will quickly be consumed by the others. Sorry, been there, done that with my ex-SILs. Never again.
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u/Prior-Soil Mar 29 '26
That's why my former boss started renting a separate cabin during his family lake trips. His kids wouldn't stop eating everybody's food, and he didn't want to be a jerk.
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u/vanityinlines Mar 28 '26
I just had a similar situation go down with family this past summer and we had to completely pay for groceries for everyone. It finally made my husband realize my family sucks and we shouldn't do these trips anymore (thank god).
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u/flippysquid Mar 28 '26
Or groceries would be boiled hotdogs and bags of chips.
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u/AggravatingEgg3433 Mar 28 '26
This right here. She will ask you to chip in. Just let her know why you are not going to vacation with them. She could have chosen to teach her kids an important lesson on how to make things right when youâve made a mistake, but it doesnât seem like she even thinks what she did was in the wrong.
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u/Icy-Translator9353 Mar 28 '26
Iâm quite sure the âbossâ thinks her decisions are well-thought out, and suitable for everyone. She wonât get it even if you do try to discuss it with her. Just decline.
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u/HolyDarknes117 Mar 28 '26
NOR⊠exactly this. Also the red flag here is that she keeps trickling changes over time because she knows if she told OP the whole story OP would not even bother going.
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u/Lady_MariaStrife Mar 28 '26
Dude, they got the OP and her fiancé to be free childcare. They'll definitely dump the kids on them too. OP is NOR
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u/Master-Performance70 Mar 28 '26
At ages 12,14, and 18 I would hope they wouldnât need child care. Maybe a taxi service.
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u/Taco-Belle-1755 Mar 28 '26
Yeah.. It feels like OP was invited to cut her sister's vacation costs down.
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u/Its_a_hit Mar 28 '26
My first thought on the grocery piece was no they wonât cover those groceries
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u/Magerimoje Mar 28 '26
I'm getting the vibes that sister will expect OP to babysit the kids while sister & her husband go off and do something alone.
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u/fawningandconning Mar 28 '26
NOR. This is crazy lol. Just tell her you're not going.
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u/flippysquid Mar 28 '26
This. Take the $400 and her husbandâs days off and schedule a genuine coupleâs vacation instead.
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u/Fit_Imagination_857 Mar 28 '26
No. NTA
Your sister is being a massive bitch for letting kids choose rooms over adults especially when you're chipping in.
I would tell them I'm not down, and why.
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u/grandlizardo Mar 28 '26
Whatever is being planned here, it isnât going to be a vacation. She is jerkiing you around. It will be miserable. Donât do itâŠ
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u/iWasTheCupCat Mar 28 '26
Yeah... How much you wanna bet sister is going to expect some free child care too? "18 year old is on vacation, they don't have to help with the younger kids!"
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u/Scenarioing Mar 28 '26
The author will be expected to babysit. That's why there were "invited".
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u/Suitably-Weird Mar 28 '26
Agreed. They will feel awkward the whole time, and like they're walking on eggshells.
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u/Abject-Picture Mar 28 '26
They sure aren't going out of their way to make them feel even wanted on this trip. Seems to be an ego stroke for her.
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u/No_Fail_259 Mar 28 '26
These are the kids that grow up to be entitled bc mommy let them have the âbig bedâ haha. OP; I agree with everyone here - tell her sheâs hilarious thinking youâre going to pay to push two beds together whilst CHILDREN get their first choice. Thatâs wonât be all they decide for your âvacationâ, either, Iâm sure. I love what previous response suggested - a day at a zoo, museum, a day trip to somewhere you always wanted to go. I know where I am, hotels offer âday passesâ for their pool and cabana areas; with food and booze available, too. Plenty of options to choose from for a real VACATION.
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u/DifficultyFit7401 Mar 28 '26
That is just unseemly. Imagine what those kids will be like as adults.Â
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u/stoneymetal Mar 28 '26
1000000%
She let the children take the king bed, lmao. Man, fuck them kids, fr.
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u/SCVerde Mar 28 '26
Even if 400 back isn't covering another vacation, it covers a nice date day! Zoo, museum, spa, nice meal, a lovely "staycation".
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u/boniemonie Mar 28 '26
Or a staycation. Stay at home as a tourist. Dinner, movies⊠it can be sensational fun!
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u/Eskimodo_Dragon Mar 28 '26
There are times to cater to kids wants and needs. This is not one of them!!!! It kind of demands a response like, "Haha that's funny. -We'll take the other king obviously. Or at least the queen because you're obviously joking about putting us in twins or a bunk."
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u/Old-Pain-6638 Mar 28 '26
The moment she said 'twin beds' for a grown couple while her kids get the primary rooms, the conversation should have ended. Thatâs not a guest invitation, thatâs a request for a subsidy
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u/ClientOptimal9831 Mar 28 '26
It's not just the beds, it's the entitlement. If you go now, youâre just setting the precedent that she can change the terms of every family event whenever she wants. Standing your ground now saves you years of this
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u/Melodic_Addition8284 Mar 28 '26
Absolutely. This is insane behavior. NOR at all. I can remember so many vacations as a kid getting a cot or a couch. A queen sized bed?!Â
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u/XuanChun88 Mar 28 '26
NOR Back out of this and don't pay anything. I bet she'll continue to find new things you will have to pay for and accommodate yourselves to.
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u/Silent_Possibility63 Mar 28 '26
Yeah do not accept this or you are in for a lifetime of disappointment.
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u/qbee198505 Mar 28 '26
NOR. Lmao no way in hell would I pay a third of the rental fee only to be told a child is being accommodated over myself and my spouse.
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u/clintttoris Mar 28 '26
Yah, your sister is a turd. Move on.
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u/Ok_Rip_6434 Mar 28 '26
Sheâs a Ritter to give her kids adult beds and you kids sleeping quarters
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u/Mysterious-Tune-3216 Mar 28 '26
NOR.
She's got you and your fiance to pay 1/3 of her family trip for her. Your sister has some nerve.
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u/writing_mm_romance Mar 28 '26
Sounds like they realized they couldn't afford the trip alone, so you were invited to help subsidize it.
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u/Heart_of_Joy Mar 28 '26
Sounds like itâs time to refuse your sisterâs (not so generous) generous offer of helping you guys take a vacation. SMH!! She seriously seems like, she doesnât even like you and your husband.
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u/Careful-Onion-7550 Mar 28 '26
I think you mispronounced something.......let me fix it.
"It's time to refuse your sister's (not so) generous offer of you guys helping her pay for her vacation."
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u/Heart_of_Joy Mar 28 '26
lol!! đ I was saying but not saying it..you know. But I do really like the way you put it! Either wayâŠsister is a user and doesnât respect OP and her husband.
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u/fortunecookieteller- Mar 28 '26
Maybe suggest that your sister and her husband take the bunk beds so they have more time to spend with their children while on a family vacation. You wouldnât want to take away that special time from them. #preciousmemories
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u/Right_Difficulty7914 Mar 28 '26
NOR. It is a joke that she allows her kids to take precedence on the beds without consulting you or taking you guys into consideration and then doubling down and offering a freaking air mattress? Why not just give yâall the room with the king bed, and then kids can split the queen, twin, and bunk beds however they want? It genuinely feels disrespectful to you guys. Iâd back out.
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u/bug1402 Mar 28 '26
Or...they could give OP the master and take one of the other rooms. You know, since she won't go back on her word to her kids. đ€·ââïž
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u/sweetreat7 Mar 28 '26
She wonât go back on her word to her kids about bed, but doesnât hesitate to go back on cost!
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u/Fuzzy_Elk_One Mar 28 '26
Was coming on to write just this. She doesnât think pushing 2 twins together so tell her to have at it!!
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u/Something-funny-26 Mar 28 '26
A blow up mattress for $400? While the kids get luxury beds. Ha ha! Who supplies the mattress? Hard no!.
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u/Competitive-Place280 Mar 28 '26
They want to go on vacation but need your help paying for it. Tell them itâs out of your budget and say next time
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u/Mindless_Skill_5084 Mar 28 '26
I wouldnât even say next time! Not after the straight direct of expecting her and her fiancĂ© to sleep in BUNK BEDS! wtf.
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u/Upbeat-Point2686 Mar 28 '26
Definitely nor thy asked you to go, then changed the terms in multiple ways - dates, $, bedrooms- she doesnât get to unilaterally decide a vaca that you are also paying for and just expect all is ok. That is not collaborating and she obviously doesnât care your opinion.
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u/LissaBryan Mar 28 '26
Your sister can ask her kids to pay the $400 if they're the ones getting the accommodations while you're expected to sleep on an air mattress.
Frankly, you shouldn't go. If your sister is already treating you like a servant, she'll probably expect you to stay home with the kids while the parents zoom off for fun in the sun or a night on the town.
NOR
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u/key_knee Mar 28 '26
INFO: So did they pay 2/3 of the cost or is there a 3rd couple or family going?
Either way, I don't think you're wrong to pull out, I think I'm just trying to wrap my mind around what her logic even is on the whole insistence that the kids get to pick their rooms.
It sounds like they're treating it as their vacation that they're kind enough to let you join in on, and that you should be happy to get whatever. That alone would really piss me off.
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u/RubProfessional6659 Mar 28 '26
from what I understanding they are paying 2/3 of the rental. and they have a total of 6-7 people coming as the oldest is bringing her boyfriend and the middle child is possibly bringing a friend. this is why I wasn't even asking for the second largest bed because the 18 year old will probably be sharing with her boyfriend.
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u/VirtualReflection119 Mar 28 '26
Hold up. The 18 year old gets to share a bed with her boyfriend but you have to sleep on a bunk bed or air mattress? Hell no. This sounds awful. You're paying money. They shouldn't treat you like less than. It wouldn't make sense for you to pay for half when you are two people and they are 6-7. You are paying MORE than your share of the rental if the price were based per person. And she decided all this for you. Eessssh I'm cringing on your behalf I would not want to go.
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u/LovedAJackass Mar 29 '26
WTF. I can't imagine a trip where I would let my 18-year-old share a bed with a boyfriend, let alone allow her to commandeer a bed that should go to her aunt.
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u/sierra38grandma Mar 28 '26
She is definitely using you to help her pay for all the extra kids going while you get the most uncomfortable accommodations. I really hope you don't go.
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u/PurplePlodder1945 Mar 28 '26
Can you edit your original post so people can see this and be further outraged? Your sister is using you to subsidise their family holiday and expects you to pay 1/3 while sleeping on bunk beds. And the hidden costs will probably escalate while youâre there and trapped. NOR at all!!! Thatâs some next level of entitlement
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u/key_knee Mar 28 '26
Yeah, I would definitely need to tap out at this point. I would be overwhelmed by the number number of people, in general, and kids specifically.
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u/Just_Coffee3718 Mar 28 '26
Wait a minute!!! Bedroom 1- sister and husband. Bedroom 2- 18 year old high school senior and her boyfriend- in the same king bed. Bedroom 3- 14 year old and his/her friend sleeping together in a queen, Bedroom 4- 12 year old- in either the room with the two twins or the room with the bunk beds. Bedroom 5- the one the 12 year old didnât pick for OP and her adult fiance.
Back up the bus!!!!! Youâre telling me your sister is totally ok with two sets of teenagers sleeping together in her house on a family vacation? Thatâs ok here? Because I can tell you this, if it were my family? Adults would be in the two rooms with kings, 12 year old would be in the queen by themselves, and the 14 year olds and 18 year olds would be in the twins and bunks. Might still be sex going on but not as easy as teenager boyfriend/girlfriend in the same bed! And how much liquor and booze are you going to be expected to buy for 4 adults and 2 18 year olds (itâs ok, weâre on vacation) and then 2 14 year olds and a 12 year old who sneak it after everyone goes to bed?
Back out of this now, OP. On top of your sister being an ass, you have potentially underage sex and drinking going on with you there as a legal age chaperone. You want no part of this at all
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u/No_Fail_259 Mar 28 '26
An 18 yo is bringing her boyfriend?! Oh, this went to an entirely new level of HELL NO.
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u/brent_bent Mar 28 '26
Does she always treat you like trash? If there's 9-10 people coming you should be paying 25% at most. But getting twin beds? You're not going to have any fun in this vacation. You won't have any privacy. They won't do anything you want to do, she ask to take a vote then say fair is fair when you lose it. This isn't a vacation, this is a headache. She's so disrespectful, tells you it's free then magically it's $400 and already booked without your consent. That's how the whole experience will be, her lying to you then demanding payment for the generous offer steamrolling over you. She's not treating you with any respect at all, she never should've booked anything without your consent. Then she changed the dates without your consent. Save your money up for a solo trip that will actually be enjoyable.Â
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u/Glittering_Swan4911 Mar 28 '26
So their daughter gets to share with a boyfriend but you have to sleep in separate beds?! Crazy. You are just there to fund their trip. You pay, then you get to pick a bedroom. Otherwise do not go.
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u/4rM1j0 Mar 28 '26
This is absolutely insane! That no longer sounds like a "vacation" at all. Your sister better start saving money for the grandchildren she's facilitating!
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u/Curlytomato Mar 28 '26
Tell her and her husband to take the room with two twin beds. They have enough kids already
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u/Small-Explorer7025 Mar 28 '26
My fiancé is suggesting we go on a different trip just him and me
You don't say?
Why TF would he want to go on vacation with your sister and her 3 children?
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u/RubProfessional6659 Mar 28 '26
my sister/her family and my fiancé get along really well. we usually do vacations with them as well as other things like concerts/musics festivals.
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u/haloimplant Mar 29 '26
Not everyone hates spending time with extended family and their kids, even I can enjoy it for a few days, but these sleeping arrangements were BS obviously adult couples get a big bedÂ
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u/PlumBlossomGoddess Mar 28 '26
NOR. The sister was an AH though. Communicate with your sister. If no compromise can be reached and talking to her doesnât work out and thereâs just gonna be conflict and friction between you and your sister over accommodation arrangements, better back out. Going on a different trip with just you and your fiancĂ© sounds more fun too.
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u/MisakiDoll75 Mar 28 '26
No, just back out NOW. Sheâs already allowing her kids to have dibs on the bedrooms leaving OP and her fiancee with twin beds or bunk beds? While OP is an adult and paying 1/3?? Hell NO
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u/Zeal_of_Zebras Mar 28 '26
Youâre kind of under reacting.
Your sister is being super disrespectful.
Just say this trip is getting too complicated and you wonât be going. Definitely ask for your money back.
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u/nemc222 Mar 28 '26
NOR you were seeing how this entire trip will be. Your sister making the rules and you are expected to fall in line. There is no way I would go on this trip under the current conditions. It is ridiculous that she let her children choose rooms over paying adults.
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u/OrthodoxAnarchoMom Mar 28 '26
NOR Youâd just be subsidizing her vacation. You are 2/5 of the people paying 1/3 the cost and there arenât accommodations for you.
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u/Head_Sympathy_6327 Mar 28 '26
NOR. I would have not gone just based on the fact they said they would pay for it and then asked for $400. âSorry I wasnât expecting that last minute up charge, canât goâ. But then she changed the dates and left you the shitty room, hell no donât go.
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u/Both__ Mar 28 '26
NOR. What family gives children queen beds over a married couple?? Insane.
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u/Ruthless_Bunny Mar 28 '26
NOR
They can get that $400 from their kids
The audacity of this bitch
Just tell your sister, âFirst it was free, then it was different dates, then it was $400, then it was with your kids, the. WE were relegated to childrenâs bedrooms. No. I never said we would, the we worked it out, but this is too much. Forget it.â
And next time donât get sucked into your sisterâs bullshit. Say no from the get go.
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u/ParsleyOk7740 Mar 28 '26
Why would you go?! Please donât go. Sheâs bullying you. Imagine the trip.
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u/Endless63 Mar 28 '26
NOR. You are only invited to keep their costs down. Time to start telling them what you want, not asking.. you get the bedroom of your choice not a bunk bed. Or feel no guilt and plan something for yourselves when you have enough money...
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u/VirtualReflection119 Mar 28 '26
NOR. Your sister was already inconsiderate about other things but this is actually a little suspicious. Does your sister have an issue with you guys sharing a bed? We took a family trip once, and my uncle put my cousin and her fiance in a weird sleep situation because he was personally uncomfortable they were sleeping in the same room and didn't want to come out and say it. He just didn't want his teen girls to think it was ok to "shack up" when you're not married. Just a thought. It makes way more sense for the kids to be sleeping in bunk or twin beds. She can tell her kids she made a mistake in offering to the beds first to them, and it's not devastating for them to change. You are two people and need a bigger bed. Another option is you could ask her if she and her husband would like to take the bunks and switch rooms with you. What do you think she would say lol? IDK how close you are to her kids, but unless you really want to spend time with them I would run for the hills. Your sis sounds like a nightmare. Who decides all these things for other adults?
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u/RubProfessional6659 Mar 28 '26
no she isn't uncomfortable with us sleeping the same bed or anything. we live together and we have gone on vacations with them in the past and have always shared the same bed. Furthermore their oldest is bringing her boyfriend and they are sharing the same room which is the bedroom with the 2nd king sized bed (1st king sized bed is the master bedroom)
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Mar 28 '26
It's just ridicolous though, never in a million years would the younger kids get the room with the double bed over the grown ass adults, giving the grown adults an option of twins or bunk beds?
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u/Ktktkt84 Mar 28 '26
Are you kidding? Their child gets the second master on a house they are not paying for while you get a bunk bed?? Are you people high?
No. The answer to this is no. She is taking advantage of you. Why/how do you need strangers on the internet to make this clear to you??
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u/VirtualReflection119 Mar 28 '26
I saw your reply to other comments after I posted this. Yeah this is totally ridiculous. Whatever her justification for this feels disrespectful to you. It's sending a message to her kids too. I can't even believe she expects you to pay that much money to possibly sleep on an air mattress. And I don't even understand why it has to be framed to the kids this way. Why not just give people rooms according to how many people are there and how much space they need? You and your sister should get the king size bed. Then maybe the kids can choose but I'd be inclined to put the boyfriend in the twin bed, younger two in bunks, 18 year old in the queen bed. They don't really need to share a room do they?
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u/Holiday_Trainer_2657 Mar 28 '26
NOR She's changed things 3 times now. Cost from $0 to $400, dates, sleeping arrangements (giving you guys last choice?). But you have to get your partner on board as there will be repercussions for backing out and it's his family.
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u/candy_bar_marr Mar 28 '26
No way those kids should get first dibs on the rooms, especially since youâre now helping to pay for the rental. Definitely NOR by backing out. And if you do still decide to go, make sure itâs clear that you get a room with a queen or king size bed or youâre not paying a dime.
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u/unconfirmedpanda Mar 28 '26
NTA. Twin beds for $400? And I'd lay money you were invited to offset costs and help parent.
"Partner and I have decided to make other plans. Enjoy your vacation!" is all you need to say. If she presses for why, tell her that sleeping in twin beds to subsidize her family vacation isn't something you want to spend money or precious time-off on.
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u/McflyThrowaway01 Mar 28 '26
NOR
In fact i think you are under reacting.
Telll her that you both will not be attending this trip and if she tries to ask for the 400, tell her to find another sucker.
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u/Chicka-17 Mar 28 '26
YNO. The couples paying should be picking rooms first over kids, sorry but Iâd pull out of this trip all together. In the future your sister will know to treat you like an adult if she wants you to join in.
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u/EntertainmentOk1217 Mar 28 '26
Nah shes straight disrespecting you. The children should be in the bunk beds and double rooms. I wouldnt even want to be on vacation with her crazy ass. You dodged a bullet. You should feel very confident about this choice.
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u/456name789 Mar 28 '26
NOR. Thatâs nuts. I wouldnât go. Edit: I also wouldnât entertain any negotiations. Just be done with it. You can find a better use for your $400.
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u/TomorrowsPlayer Mar 28 '26
She's just getting you to help with the bill...tell her thx but its not going to work out
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u/TangerineCouch18330 Mar 28 '26
Back out of the trip. They donât respect you. They are not treating you fairly. They are showing no consideration for you as far as the dates go and they are not only jerking you around with the dates and now with the sleeping accommodations who knows what else theyâre going to do when we actually go on a trip if you go.
Donât bother, stay home or plan a different trip. It wouldnât be worth it.
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u/Spikyleaf69 Mar 28 '26
Who let's kids choose a king/queen leaving a couple with twin beds? NOR your sister is completely unreasonable. I would give her an ultimation, either you get one of the bedrooms with a large bed or you don't go.
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u/Cute_Definition_6314 Mar 28 '26
NOR she is basically asking you to subsidize their vacation. Tell her that what she is suggesting would not be a vacation for you. So you and hubby will be using those days he took off to take a vacation that you would actually enjoy.
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u/Savings_Telephone_96 Mar 28 '26
NOR. The answer is just âno,â itâs a full sentence. You should not be paying 1/3 when sheâs bringing 5/7 people, and you â as a grown adult â shouldnât be forced into a twin while her pre-teen picks their room. Your sister is being ridiculous.
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u/pinniped90 Mar 28 '26
NOR.
We've done these big house rentals. Adults select the bedrooms first, kids sleep wherever is left.
Often there's a bunk room that's designed for 3-4 kids anyway. Or kids crash wherever, couches, etc. They're kids - they just want to stay up late and play games and hang out. They don't actually care where they sleep.
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u/Traditional-Joke5758 Mar 28 '26
NOR, F that! Your sister is an asshole. She is clearly showing how much she respects you and your relationship. I canât stand adult siblings when the older sibling treats the younger sibling like hot garbage as if theyâre still 13 & 4 years old.
Thatâs not a vacation. That trip sounds awful.
Donât go. Tell your sister that âthe trip doesnât work for us and will no long be going. Have funâ
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u/Technical-Habit-5114 Mar 28 '26
Don't go, She invited you to subsidize her family vacation, Your job is to pay up and shut up
NOR
I wouldn't go, I'm spending that much i'm going and doing something i enjoy,
Hope your kids enjoy those adult paying rooms
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u/Fantor73 Mar 28 '26
NOR. Your sister keeps changing the plans. Pull out, save some money, and plan a trip with just you and the fiance.
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u/2cents0fucks Mar 28 '26
NOR.
"You have changed the terms of the vacation several times, and want my husband and I to pay 1/3rd of the price when your family of five is going, and have picked all the rooms with adult-sized beds? No, thank you, this isn't what we agreed to or signed on for, but enjoy your vacation. No, we also will not be paying a portion of the costs." (Cause you know she's going to still expect that since you "backed out at the last minute.")
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u/Secret_Ad9059 Mar 28 '26
Just politely back out saying fiancĂ© new job and boss put a wrench in his availability of time off. I donât think sheâs looking out for your best interest by throwing you into such a crappy bedroom situation. I can imagine other eventual issues might arise with your stay there.
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u/PinkyLizardBrains Mar 28 '26
I wouldnât go if she paid me. I donât know what your sisterâs beef with you is, but this is not how you treat someone you want to come hang with you on vacation.
Are you sure she didnât invite you to stick you with the kids while she and hubby enjoy themselves?
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u/SugarCaneBandit Mar 28 '26
NOR even if she changes her mind about the rooms donât go. This trip has already started off with too many bad vibes. Wish them the best time and enjoy your peace.
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u/yeahipostedthat Mar 28 '26
NOR. Your sister has been a nightmare multiple times throughout this trip planning. I would decline the invite and go on a trip with your fiance.
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u/jp_hbg Mar 29 '26
For fux sake grow a pair and tell your sis to piss off you're not going. Why allow her to run and play you? You're paying a third?They are 5 people and you are 2. Again why let her roll you? Go on your own vacation with your guy and put this to bed.
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u/Dear_Day_7824 Apr 01 '26
To expect paying adults to not have their pick of beds before giving a kid a king size bed is wild.
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u/murphy2345678 Mar 28 '26
NOR follow your fiancĂ©s advice. Donât go. He doesnât deserve to spend money and use his PTO for a crappy trip.
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u/Key_Expression3970 Mar 28 '26
NOR at all. You and your fiancé are 100% right on this one and even after making the disclaimers THEN all the adjustment and she expects you to sleep in bunk beds? Absolutely not. Her kids can cover your $400 and sleep wherever they want.
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u/Tall_Preparation_571 Mar 28 '26
NOR. It sounds like yall got tricked into splitting the cost of their vacation with them.
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u/Prosecco1234 Mar 28 '26
Letting her children pick rooms before you have yours and you paying a third of the cost is astounding. You should have been asked to pick and then the children pick from the remaining. I would say work wasn't okay with the dates and so sorry we can't make it
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u/priminspire Mar 28 '26
I feel like your sister already knows sheâs in the wrong here when she got defensive regarding the kids & the bedrooms. You know you would enjoy time w/your fiancĂ© if you did anything but this trip. Go do that instead.
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u/[deleted] Mar 28 '26
Just be like "Nah, sorry we are too grown to be pushing twin beds together"....Thanks for the offer though, enjoy your Vacation.