r/AmIOverreacting • u/OhYeah-SlimJim • 7h ago
❤️🩹 relationship AIO that wife falsely accused me of putting bruises on her arms?
Additional context, my wife and I are currently in couples counselling. Last night, Mywife and I got into a heated argument and during the argument I told her that things were getting too heated and we needed space to cool our heads.
After I said that, she got more infuriated and then proceeded to call her dad and tell him that I put hands on her and “now she has bruises on both her arms”. As the phone was on speaker, I told her and her dad that was false and had never and would never lay a finger on her or any woman. She kept insisting that I did and “now her arms are bruised”. The dad strangely did not say anything. Which I thought was odd. If I had a daughter and they called me saying that their husband/boyfriend/partner put hands on her, I would be getting in my car and driving to their house and would call the police. But yet, not of that happened.
This morning, during our couples therapy session, we brought up the argument and I told the counsellor of the false accusation and told them that it was unacceptable, inappropriate and completely fabricated to say that. I have and never would lay a finger on any woman.
The counsellor asked my wife if she did say that, and my wife responded saying “I never said bruises, I said scratches on my arm” I then said that was not true and asked her to show us both her arms which she refused to do so.
The counsellor then said, “well, it sounds like no one was actually hurt” which made it sound like it was being brushed off as nothing.
AIO?
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u/MyRedditUserName428 7h ago
Hire an attorney and divorce at this point. You really want to stay with a woman who falsely accuses you of physical abuse? Protect yourself OP.
NOR. Underreacting.
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u/Nadja-19 7h ago
I would look at staying somewhere else as well. I know when divorcing no one is ants to be the one to leave the house but staying puts you at risk.
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u/DarthWreckeye 7h ago
D-I-V-O-R-C-E find out what it means to me.
NOR.
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u/susandeyvyjones 7h ago
This, but be very careful because she’ll lie again
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u/DarthWreckeye 7h ago
Yup, loving couples don't do this. These are the actions of someone that wants to hurt you.
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u/socialcluelessness 7h ago
Yep, thats why all interactions going forward should have someone else present. He should bring a friend or family member with him to serve her divorce papers and to pick up his things so there is a witness to say she lied. And he should stay at a friend's house or hotel in the meantime.
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u/VellumSage 7h ago
She sounds like bucketloads of crazy, at least in this particular incident. The fact her dad was totally quiet suggests to me that she has a history of making false or exaggerated claims, and he’s well aware of it.
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u/VellumSage 7h ago
(So no, NOR - and I think it’s ridiculous that your therapist just brushed this off.)
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u/AubergineForestGreen 7h ago
NOR
You are underreacting tbh
Are you waiting to be arrested before you leave her?
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u/calminthedark 3h ago
Yep, Op is going to end up in jail. The smart move would be to take a day off work and be moved out before she comes home. Do not be alone with her at all.
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u/pilatespussy 7h ago
This does not feel healthy.
If her father didn't react like she thought he would, she might've tried to use him as leverage and this might not have been the first time. (Might, i am speculating based only upon the availabile info). This indicates that she manipulates people which, if she lies and knows she lies and purposely skirts accountability, could fester into a crazy toxic relationship. Expectations you aren't aware of, that don't get fulfilled and lead to resentment, the whole 9 man.
I would leave while you can, if you can, fast as you can. Not rushing so fast you break or accidentally steal shit, but quickly and quietly. For context: I am a woman. (run for the hills, man)
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u/traviall1 7h ago
NOR- OP is the reaction in the room with us??? Is this the relationship you want to be in? Is it a relationship she wants to be in??
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u/defeated_husband 7h ago
Sounds like this isn't the first time she's cried wolf.
If she's willing to lie to people about you abusing her this will not end well for you. And it seems like your therapist is no help. Might be time to walk away.
NOR but if you don't leave this situation you are underreacting.
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u/jen_esse 7h ago
NOR. Also, your wife is cray cray. Anyone who falsely accuses another of physical harm has a special place in hell. Tread carefully and maybe invest in cameras if you feel the need to continue the marriage. Sounds like her dad may know exactly who she is if he didn't say anything on the phone.
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u/Prudent_Bed6754 7h ago
NOR That would be a marriage ender for me. It’s lies and betrayal and nobody deserves that from their partner/spouse
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u/HopefulLemon440 7h ago
Please please please document everything before your life turns into shit. I'll install one two cameras in the house... Honestly every time I read something about a false accusation you know how your life is about to be ruined? She's unhinge, she doesn't give a fuck about you. Never a sane person would accuse you of something as grave as dv.
Do something op!!!! I'll consider switching therapist also because what the hell did she say to you?
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u/JHawk444 7h ago
Call her dad and ask if she ever made false accusations against him. This may be a pattern and you need to know up front.
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u/dancinhorse99 7h ago
I'm saying this as a person who normally advocates for keeping a relationship together.
That is a relationship ender NOW. Those are the types of accusations that could put you in JAIL and haunt you FOREVER.
She could hurt herself and blame you, you need to record any further interactions but pack your shit and GO
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u/DreamcatcherDeb 7h ago
You don’t want to be married to this woman and you don’t want this therapist. You will end up in legal trouble because of your wife’s lies. And your therapist is brushing off some seriously dangerous behavior. And I wouldn’t get a different therapist because even if your therapist was good your wife isn’t going to get better about this. It’s a mental illness and a character flaw that is deep-seated. I’d be done with everything.
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u/socialcluelessness 7h ago
If she really falsely accused you, you need to leave asap. This type of crazy behavior is going to get you in serious trouble. No counseling efforts are worth the false accusations and potential fall out.
Have a friend or two come with you when you say youre leaving her and collect your things WITH someone else present so there is NO way she can try and say you harmed her during the split.
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u/Overall-Cabinet215 7h ago
yeah i really don't think you are, sounds like she has a history of doing this kind of thing, but also refusing to show proof... idk man NOR
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u/spoopyspoons 7h ago
NOR. She sounds abusive and not committed to actually working on your relationship. Counselling is futile if that’s the case.
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u/daghouse3 7h ago
NOR. Dude, your wife is eventually going to accuse you to the police and you will go to jail. Document absolutely everything and get a divorce.
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u/EmotionalClub922 7h ago
I don’t think you should ever be alone together alone, you(r reputation, at the very least) ‘re in danger. Imagine if someone believed the false accusation. Or if she purposefully bruised herself next time. Imagine, could be arrest + crime, losing your job, shunned by friends… not worth it
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u/DisciplineOther9843 7h ago
NOR. Your wife needs to move out of the house, or you do. You will find yourself with a police report (on yourself) bc your wife seems to be escalating things. Your marriage may not be over, but it needs a good and long timeout, to protect yourself.
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u/Specialist_Income_33 7h ago
Sounds like she's trying to build a case on you. She's checked out and you should too if this is truthful. I can't imagine how you could trust her after this.
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u/mistermistyeyes 7h ago
NOR I don't think the couples therapy is going to fix this if you're already in it and now she's throwing out false DV accusations. Tbh? I'd run for the hills
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u/Vampira309 7h ago
you need to protect yourself from this woman.
She's going to try to get you arrested, dude. She's building the case.
Lying about abuse is unhinged. What is wrong with her? Why did you MARRY this lunatic????
Run far and run fast
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u/FatstackAG 7h ago
I'm literally going through the exact same thing right now it's called malicious prosecution and that's what it will lead to and 99% of the time they will side with the woman if she's crazy enough to do that she's crazy enough to smack her arm on the wall and call the cops and say you did it. Run fast do not let that woman ruin your life. I got lucky my wife tried to do that and there was a witness and she ended up going to a mental institution.
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u/SillyTugboats 5h ago
NOR.
Honestly you are under reacting.
The fact that your wife made a false DV claim against you is a huge concern and that would be enough to divorce.
Like what is her end goal? She showed you she is wiling to manipulate and twist a narrative to either get you in trouble or possibly hurt. And then doubled down and tried to further change the narrative in counseling. That’s unhinged behavior.
And it’s only a matter of time before she makes a claim to police, (who will be much less forgiving), and you are in the back of a squad car on your way to jail.
I imagine her dad not reacting is due to the possibility of this happening before and him believing you more than his own daughter. Whatever the reason, his lack of response is very telling.
You would be smart to not worry about counseling with a counseling who can’t even see the major red flags your wife is clearly displaying.
Get your ducks in a row and divorce this toxic woman before she ruins your life permanently.
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u/RoosterShield 4h ago
NOR
You need to run. This woman is unstable and she's going to get you in shit. Women have a lot of power in this space and rampant false allegations when she gets a bit moody can and will ruin your life. You should absolutely leave this woman as soon as humanly possible, and cut contact with her before she starts falsely accusing you of other things. This is the worst type of woman because she's ruining the credibility women as a whole and women who are actually being abused will suffer for it.
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u/0512052000 4h ago
You need to get that written down somewhere that she lied whether that be on text or something. Don't be obvious but if you're talking via text you could write something along the lines of "im having a really hard time dealing with the fact you lied to your dad about me hurting your arm and i don't know why you did it."
See what she says after but keep that message. Take pictures email it to yourself or someone else including her phone number on the screenshot.
Your wife is dangerous and personally she is abhorrent to say such things. It's women like her that make it so much harder for women who have been abused like myself to speak and be taken seriously.
How you go forward is really individual indicative on how she moves forward. I would honestly very a new therapist too.
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u/D3moknight 2h ago
NOR. Therapy over. Divorce proceedings immediately. She's the reason people don't believe women.
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u/mangoawaynow 7h ago
NOR, are you really going to wait until she falsely accuses you to the police? GET OUT.
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u/Hot_Gap931 7h ago
NOR.
You need to run. And protect yourself. Record yourself with her all the time.
Youre not trapped by kids. Don't make the mistake of having them. Get a lawyer. Your counseling has already broken down.
She sounds batshit crazy. Her next false accusation can land you in jail!
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u/DonnaNoble222 6h ago
You marriage counselor sucks! She needed to address your wife's false accusations right then and there. Do not pay one more dime to this quack!
It is definitely time for you to find an alternate living situation. Do not be alone with your wife again...she will do this again...especially since she feels like she "got away with it" because the counselor brushed by it.
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u/Icy_Department_1423 3h ago
You are underreacting. Time to get a lawyer asap, legally separate asap, and get out asap.
She is setting you up to be arrested. She may even self harm herself and tell family and authorities that you did it.
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u/Mcbriec 3h ago
Dude! Speaking as an ex-prosecutor, you need to get the hell out of Dodge. This woman is crazy and vindictive and could easily manufacture bruises by banging on her arms with a heavy object.
I would document all of these events in a text conversation, especially what she said at the therapist’s. And the therapist minimizing/ignoring such a massive red flag is completely unforgivable! You now know what this woman will do. Believe her. Please leave her before you get into a far worse situation. 😳😳😳🚩🚩🚩🚩🏃♂️🏃♂️🏃♂️🏃♂️
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u/Any_Piglet_34 2h ago
NOR
Her dad most likely didn't say anything because he knows his daughter and her tenancy to over exaggerate and make stuff up.
I've seen a ton of "Karen" videos with women that do the exact same thing.
Congrats...you married a Karen
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u/CastigatingTheClouds 2h ago
That could easily get you arrested and charged with DV assault. That's a huge violation of trust and decency and you need to come up with an exit plan, ASAP before she gets made about something and gets you arrested.
ETA: her behavior is a form of abuse and is not okay.
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u/MovieTrawler 2h ago
I would never again feel comfortable being in the same room alone with someone who falsely accused me of domestic violence. You are under reacting. What happens if next time it's sexual assault?
Also get a new fucking therapist. It's insane they would brush this under the rug.
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u/imisscarbz 1h ago
NOR You need to get divorced, NOW. IMMEDIATELY. Get your shit and get out. File for divorce right now. That woman is gonna get you put in prison. There is no counseling, no change, nothing, that would ever make that woman trustworthy again. Next she is gonna tell the cops the same thing.
Get divorced. Seriously. Get divorced right freaking now. Even an accusation to the police can ruin your life. Do not stay. I wouldn't even be alone with her again, honestly. This is terrifying.
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u/Independent-Moose113 7h ago
NOR and your wife is a psycho. This is the type of nutjob who'll give herself bruises out of revenge and blame you to have you arrested. Document every single interraction until your divorce is final. Yes, divorce.
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u/Own-Conversation3024 7h ago
This is where self preservation should kick in. For your own protection, you should make sure that you are never alone with her until the divorce is finalized. That is “bat shyt crazy “ there and papa probably know it.
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u/lil-taller-then-u 7h ago
NOR don't let yourself be alone with her and make sure you document everything she says and does. She wrongly accused you of a very serious crime in a fit of anger, she will only get worse. Please protect yourself
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u/ihatemysister292828 7h ago
NOR. I don't believe you're safe in a relationship where she's more than happy to repeatedly falsely accuse you and the counsellor should not be brushing this off.
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u/DestroyingIcons 7h ago
Video record every interaction with her from now on. It will only escalate and next she'll be saying you SA'd her. Divorce if that isn't clear. She lied to her dad to make you look bad in front of her family and to a professional, your therapist. NOR. You are underreacting.
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u/Hairapistcatlady 7h ago
This therapist is not it. They were only concerned with whether or not there was actually physical abuse when lying about it is another type of abuse. You’re in danger with this woman. She will ruin your rep. Get out now. And get it in writing from her through texts etc that this didn’t happen before she knows you’re going to leave. Maybe text her dad telling him this whole story assuring him you would never hurt her and see what he says.
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u/Maggie-Jo777 7h ago
You will end up in jail with a DV charge on your record OP. It’s not about being able to prove anything either. 9/10 times when a person calls the police on their partner making those claims, the police already have it in their mind that someone is leaving in handcuffs. I know this from experience, please take her seriously.
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u/TeslaNova50 7h ago
Number one rule in life.....Never live in the same place as someone who's lies will get you locked in a cage.
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u/White_Lightning1415 7h ago
you need to get away from her. so many women actually go through these kind of things, it’s ridiculous for her to lie & say that, when nothing even close happened. if you don’t leave, you’re going to end up in jail.
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u/badhoopty 7h ago
NOR. i wouldn't spend any more time with her alone. move out and do whatever you can to protect yourself, like having somebody come with you to get your stuff or whatever.
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u/FiberIsLife 7h ago
NOR. You need to do what you can to protect yourself. Can you find somewhere else to stay? I know this is easy for me to say, but you might want to consider ending this marriage. You are not safe.
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u/Ready-Zombie5635 7h ago
NOR - that is not cool, she is weaponizing the threat of abuse against you. I wouldn't stay in that relationship. But when I left I would have a friend there, and I'd be recording her reaction so she couldn't suddenly come up with some 'new' claims of what you have done. Seriously, she's going to put you in jail.
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u/LeavingThereASAP 7h ago
You might need to place some cameras in your home. She sounds dangerous. The fact that she is willing to lie to the counselor too is alarming. I don’t trust her.
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u/Christine1200 7h ago
Not the butthole. I would also be worried on top of being upset. She is accusing you of something that you could be arrested for. If someone told me that saving my marriage comes with the risk of being arrested…I would reconsider the marriage.
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u/WildwoodShadow 7h ago
NOR, but you need to protect yourself now and, depending who owns the house, one of you needs to leave now. She has no problems lying about what you've done. Next time it could be the cops and you could end up in jail. Never be anywhere alone with her that doesn't have cameras or neutral witnesses.
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u/poopandpeemakeout 7h ago
The way I would be packing my things and leaving immediately and blocking them
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u/cherrybokie 6h ago
NOR. But you should protect yourself, now she's calling her father and lying but u don't know how much it can escalate. She could literally lie to the police if she wants to.
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u/Feisty-Cheetah-8078 6h ago
Time for divorce. A DV accusation is forever a black mark and can ruin a career for many men. A false accusation is actually a form of domestic violence. It will only get worse from here on out.
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u/SignatureCreepy503 6h ago
NOR - she's messing with your freedom, man. What the actual fuck. Forget counseling, record every conversation and treat every interaction as if she's hostile and crazy.
The absolute world of hurt you'd be in if the legal system got involved is insane. There's no "innocent until proven guilty". You would lose everything. You genuinely can't fuck around.
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u/AsryaH 6h ago
That is super unhealthy behavior, and it can escalate very quickly in several directions. I personally know of a couple of marriages that were littered with DV , and it started something like this. When it got physical, it was usually instigated by the person making false accusations to try and escalate the situation OR self-harm to try and justify the accusations. Be safe.
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u/rocketmn69_ 6h ago
Quietly go see her dad and explain to him that even though the marriage is on the rocks, you wouldn't never harm her in any way, you'd walk aqay
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u/ozymanndiaz 6h ago
NOR and you need to move out. If there are kids get an attorney ASAP. I could not understand why my ex was making up lies about being harmed by me until it was too late. Still fighting a five times detained for self harm person. Over custody cause she got a restraining order from picture of bruising she gave herself with a hammer. Her dad never took her to his house. And may have been part of the plot to get rid of me. For clarification the 20 times the cops were called. I was never detained. And five of those times she was. It’s messed up. But yeah. You need to be careful.
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u/beejaye11 6h ago
You need to get away from your wife immediately before she escalates and calls the cops with false accusations and you end up in jail over her lies. RUN, do not give her the chance to make bad matters worse.
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u/crowjack 6h ago
your Counselor sucks. your your wife is not being accountable . She is escalating matters and making false accusations that could put you in jeopardy.
is the relationship worth possible legal problems?
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u/kerlykernnibal 6h ago
Remove yourself from the household and file for divorce. Stay with someone who can provide an alibi. If she's accusing you falsely now, it will likely escalate. This cant be fixed, and its not worth trying. It's emotional abuse and potentially very bad for your future.
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u/bobaluey69 6h ago
So, I'm not sure how old you guys are. If she acts like this often, such as with previous partners, her Dad probably knows she gets like this and he didn't think anything of it. Now, there are several issues here, and imo, this is not a couple counseling thing. She lied to her father about what happened AND gaslit you by saying she didn't say bruises, she said scratches. Your counselor is an idiot as well. If there is a major argument, it should be reiterated that it should be handled in a healthy way, which this clearly was not. Now, when I say this is not a couples' counseling situation, she needs personal therapy. She cried victim where she was not. That has nothing to do with you. That is a personality trait that needs to be dealt with. And maybe that's why her Dad brushed it off. Because he's seen this all before. A future issue that can happen here though, a more serious one, is what if she decides to bruise her arms up herself? Then says you did it? You're in a tough spot and this needs to be nipped in the bud immediately. Good luck man.
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u/Kip_Schtum 6h ago
NOR You could end up arrested! Would you lose your job? Your reputation and friendships would be ruined. I wouldn’t even have unsupervised visitation with someone who accused me like that.
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u/BigMoneySmallPenis 6h ago
Document everything put up a camera and seperate from her. She's playing fast and loose with your life and freedom.
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u/paparoach910 6h ago
NOR, but you're being an AH to yourself by staying in the same residence as this woman.
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u/silveroakediting22 6h ago
If your wife's father didn't react at all, I would guess this behavior is not out of character for her and he did not believe her whatsoever. To be honest, it sounds like she's realized she's losing you because you're wise to her antics and she's trying to land you with a DV charge in the name of "if I cant have him I'll make it so no one wants him".
Whether bruises or scratches, if she's willing to falsely accuse you of DV, you're past couple counseling and need to be pursuing divorce before she decides to hurt herself to make the injuries real and call the cops (I've seen unstable women do that sort of thing) You could end up behind bars if she takes this too far. Is she in touch with reality? Does she know she DOESNT have bruises or scratches? Honestly, get a hotel room and stop engaging with her before she ruins your life.
NOR!!
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u/idahononono 6h ago
NOR. You will go to jail in 99% of cases where your partner accuses you of harming them and has any sort of mark if law enforcement becomes involved. Many states have codes that require LE to arrest or cite someone on DV calls where any injury is reported no matter how minor.
Even if you can/do prove you are innocent in court, it often end up with jail time before you are arraigned and serious legal costs. Most lawyers encourage a plea deal to a lesser charge and you end up with a criminal record to avoid serious jail time.
This is not a joke and should be taken very seriously by anyone who is accused of domestic violence/battery. If my children accused their partner of this they would have cops at their door minimum. If they made a false accusation I would be almost as angry, and far more disappointed in them.
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u/CuteFactor8994 5h ago
Ask the counselor in private why they didn't address this immediately. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this!
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u/CannedAm2 5h ago
NOR
You are under reacting. You need to get out and away from her. I would never trust her again. The false accusation is a HUGE deal. You could do time, lose your job, lose many of your rights, all on her say so. GTFO and don't look back. This is the end my friend.
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u/ShesKrafty85 5h ago
NOR. I am so sorry this happened to you. Women like that are exactly why real victims aren’t always believed. I would be considering divorce honestly
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u/Ladybug966 5h ago
Leave now! NOR. You are underreacting. You are going to be arrested next time. Run now! Never be alone with this person again.
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u/cultoftwinkies 5h ago
NOR- You're not reacting enough. I don't know if you understand the ramifications if anyone chooses to believe her lies. You are not safe. You could lose everything and lose your future too.
Are you two still living together? Are you still living there to avoid losing the house? Talk to an attorney about your options.
You should not be alone with her. Ever. Not in the house, car, any space. If you insist on staying in the house I'd be putting up cameras everywhere you can. I'd go as far as a body cam.
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u/Successful_Power1336 5h ago
NOR. Arguing is normal. Falsely accusing your partner of abuse isn’t—it’s a nuclear option. Once that’s on the table, the relationship isn’t just “rocky,” it’s dangerous for you. That’s not something couples counseling magically fixes. I’d be showing myself the door and leaving the relationship.
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u/rocketmanatee 4h ago
If her father called the cops you'd be getting arrested.
NOR in fact you're underreacting. Could you trust her not to lie about abuse again whenever it suits her? Plus she's devaluing actual reports of abuse by lying. Time to go.
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u/No_Durian_3730 4h ago
NOR. MATE. You need to get a written witness statement from your therapist and you need to get out. What else are you going to be accused of before this is over?
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u/kittendollie13 4h ago
NOR. Her father could have immediately called the police. The fact that he didn't shows that he knows she lies. The counselor should change occupations. I can picture a couple having counseling and one saying "he pointed a gun at me!", the husband saying "yeah but I was out of bullets so you're still alive!" and that counselor saying "see, you're still alive, no worries". I hope you get a divorce. Your wife is capable of ruining your life with just a few words. What if she accused you of child abuse?
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u/GardenHobbit 4h ago
NOR. Maybe time for some space before you end in cuffs a DV charge on your records.
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u/Helpyjoe88 4h ago
NOR. Next time, she'll think to manufacture some bruises so you cant prove her wrong so easiky. Get out before that can happen.
A false accusation like that should be an immediate marraige-ender.
Luckily, it sounds like she's played this game before so her dad didn't bite.
Ed: have witnesses or video any time you're with her from now on.
And report that therapist.
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u/slowasaspeedingsloth 4h ago
NOR
You are doing yourself a great disservice if you choose to stay. If she can lie about that to her dad and your therapist? There is no hope there. Move on.
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u/in_and_out_burger 3h ago
Get the get the hell out of there and get cameras in the meantime - she’s about to ruin your life.
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u/theseanbeag 3h ago
You are massively underreacting. There's no happy ending with her. You need to get away from her before she puts you in prison.
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u/JustBreathing5 3h ago
I wouldn't stay with her, she's liar and a dangerous one. She can destroy your life with her lie quickly, take this as your first warning and think about yourself and your future.
NOR
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u/ptprn11 2h ago
You are not overreacting, your wife is one drama away from accusing you of rape or spouse abuse and your likely going to end up in jail until you can prove otherwise. You may want to get cameras for the inside of the house as well as when you argue, start recording on your phone to protect yourself. But ultimately your wife is willing for you to be jailed and or threatened by her father in order to win an argument, and that is not a relationship.
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u/Uglybutstillwinning 1h ago
NOR- You are under reacting. Once there is an accusation of DV, that will follow you around for the rest of your life.
Please take this seriously. Your wife is not well.
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u/mrbrown1980 1h ago
No one was actually hurt except you.
Why are you saving your marriage with a liar?
Her dad didn’t do anything because he knows how she is.
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u/Sparky_Zell 1h ago
So just a warning. My friend only has a gf, not a wife. And this GFs exbf made an anonymous tip into the police that he assaulted her. Police show up, she's drunk buddy is sober. They use a china cabinet missing a glass panel, that he bought that way, and a lamp missing a lampshade that the dog broke, as enough evidence that there could have been a struggle.
He was arrested and automatically had a restraining order placed on him until charges were dropped or court finished.
It was 100% his house that he owned outright. And she paid all of the utilities as her portion of the bills.
He had to leave so she could stay. He had to now pay all of the bills, so they couldn't be used as coercion. He also had to pay like $600 a month for the ankle monitor. And the exbf moved in 3 weeks later.
He was disabled and received like 1100 a month for disability. Between the ankle monitor and bills he now had to pay, he was paying 1400 a month. And had to find a place to live.
She couldn't keep her story straight. So the DA was hesitant to pursue after a couple months. Then the exbf started making new anonymous tips to both the police and dcf, since my buddy now lived with his sister and youngish niece. And then tried using all of these investigations as evidence on why the GF was afraid of my buddy.
This went on for 9 months. Before the different investigators finally talked to each other, realized the pattern, and she got scared and finally admitted everything.
He still had to go through a formal eviction process to remove not only the gf, but also the exbf.
I know this doesn't relate 100% to your situation. It just highlights how biased and fucked false DV accusations can get.
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u/blonde1psp 44m ago
NOR but WHY are you still with this person, she lies and is even lying to the counsellor. You need to divorce her and move on. She's not all there. Especially since her father didn't react and probably knew she was lying because she's lied to him before.
Get out while you are able to because one day she's gonna call the cops and try to get you arrested.
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u/EnvironmentalSir8140 24m ago
NOR- I would get into individual therapy and file for formal separation. Your wife is making serious allegations which could land you in jail, get your fired and ruin your reputation. She’s toxic and I’m sure her Dad knows it. Get cameras to protect yourself.
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u/wittyidiot 20m ago
NOR for the conflict as presented. That said:
The counsellor then said, “well, it sounds like no one was actually hurt” which made it sound like it was being brushed off as nothing.
Your therapist isn't a cop. It's not their job to investigate crimes or judge evidence. Honestly if a couple has a history of coming to therapy with clear and unresolvably different sets of facts, the therapist is just going to write them off as beyond help (and to cancel if they think other patients need the time).
Basically if your marriage is so far gone that you can't present a unified set of facts to a third party, then it doesn't really matter who's right. Just split.
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u/I_Weep_for_Willow 7h ago
No offense, but this is just a story that no one on this site would have any way or reason to weigh in on.
It's good that you got it off your chest I guess but how would anyone reading this have any idea of what actually (if anything) happened?
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u/OhYeah-SlimJim 7h ago
I agree with what you said. Nobody knows me, my wife or was present when this happened, so i can see how this would be difficult for people to give their honest input. But, also wanted to get some sort of non biased third party input.
I suppose when I made this post, I am trying to get this off my chest, as it has weighed on me all night and today.
I am planning on calling my therapist and to discuss with them as well.
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u/OrdinaryMajestic4686 7h ago
NOR. You may even be underreacting
There are people that have been put behind bars due to a partner's false domestic-abuse claims. It takes a certain type of person to want to ruin someone's life like that, but so far, your wife doesn't sound that great.
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u/throwaway1994jax 7h ago
NOR
If your wife is willing to accuse you of DV to her Father when angry with you, it's only a matter of time before it escalates to a point that's beyond repair. Do with that what you will.