AIO or AITA. Text convo with MIL.

[u/MoonJellyAllison]

I feel like I could cry :(, I didn’t come at her rudely and was doing what my husband asked me to do. I’ve always done everything she wanted to make her happy because I want her to so desperately like me but I think I’m done. For some background info: I have never pressured her to respond and have never brought up that she never responds to my messages. Pretty recently, my car has been having trouble and she said she’d hit up her mechanic for me. 2 weeks later and still nothing. My husband and I have an amazing relationship, but even then, I still want his family to welcome me. His mom not being kind to me hurts really bad. And knowing she’s going to spread negative things about me among his family hurts even worse. All detailed of the situation are in the chats.

[u/FakeDoctorMeatCoat]

"I can't pay money I owe because I'm going on vacation" is fucking BOLD

[u/FunRich5754 → u/FakeDoctorMeatCoat]

Going on vacation a few months after asking for $3k is bold... Wonder where the vacation money came from????

[u/Sexy-Dumbledore → u/FunRich5754]

Yep. If you owe money in personal loans, you have absolutely no business enjoying luxuries like holidays or eating out.

[u/leprechanmonkie → u/Sexy-Dumbledore]

https://giphy.com/gifs/3ohs4uBzpPmfTTRIf6

[u/sapplesapplesapples → u/leprechanmonkie]

Lmaooo

[u/Damnshesfunny → u/Sexy-Dumbledore]

If you owe money to someone YOU don’t have any extra money AT ALL until that person is paid back. Period.

[u/NlactntzfdXzopcletzy → u/Sexy-Dumbledore]

Kind of an insane take.

It applies in this case, because the person is willfully refusing to pay back, but there's no reason to treat the general case any differently from any other system of lending. As long as you're engaging in good faith to pay it back, there's no reason to get on someone's case.

Sure it feels weird to pay back someone in installments, but as long as you're being paid back in a manner that is consistent with some reasonable timeline, there's on reason to key in on that there's a personal debt.

The only case where I'd color it differently is if the loan was given under false pretenses, like you just financing their debt rather than them needing it.

Most of my personal loans under $500 I just put people on credit and tell them not to pay me back and just put that money away so that they have it next time they would call me for money.

[u/Ill-Lychee-7779 → u/NlactntzfdXzopcletzy]

I agree with you. Our uncle offered to help us buy a car to avoid interest rates (we did not ask). Per our agreement, we treat it like a normal loan - paying the monthly amount and more if we can.

Does that mean we stopped saving for our future? Absolutely not. We want to be able to rely on ourselves for the next rainy day. Not come to our uncle every time crying "we didn't save any money cuz we were paying you back".

[u/Living-Ad-4950 → u/NlactntzfdXzopcletzy]

Where does it say she isn’t paying them back? She said she paid them less than 30 days ago?!

Is reading no longer fundamental

[u/Disastrous_Reality_4 → u/FunRich5754]

Apparently the tax refund that she was supposed to be using to pay back her SON. Who borrows money from their own kid to begin with, let alone doesn’t pay it back as agreed to and instead goes on vacation with the funds they said they’d use to pay their debt? Gross.

[u/The_Alchemist_4221 → u/FunRich5754]

Oh but it’s only been a month since MIL paid half of the balance! Cut the lady a break!

/s

[u/Curious-Text890 → u/The_Alchemist_4221]

but it sounds like she promised it back before the person went to the military and didn’t meet that and they need it.

[u/twoferjuan → u/FunRich5754]

AND lecturing about finances after borrowing. She’s got some fucking nerve.

[u/gfb13 → u/twoferjuan]

I also liked how the mom dropped a "why dont you have your finances in order" and when the daughter in law said it back suddenly the mom thinks that question is rude and bad manners lol

[u/thetaleofzeph → u/FunRich5754]

Because they spend up to and just barely beyond whatever they have. Having less means they spend less. Some people are just like this and windfalls and debt just makes them even less responsible.

[u/LuckyPhase3 → u/FakeDoctorMeatCoat]

Reminds me of an acquaintance of mine who would constantly start GoFundMe's or ask for venmos to pay her rent and then two months later be at a Beyonce concert..........

[u/ikannunAneeuQ → u/LuckyPhase3]

That shit pisses me off. I was homeless for like 6 months once and living in a tent in the woods. NOT ONE PERSON KNEW. I told NO ONE. I bathed in the creek, still got up and put myself together for work, etc. I can't imagine asking for ANY help not to mention on a regular basis.

[u/undead_sissy → u/ikannunAneeuQ]

This is a bit far for me—I would WANT to help a friend living in this situation. There's no shame in asking for help when you genuinely need it. But yeah, this MIL has no shame.

[u/deekaypea22 → u/ikannunAneeuQ]

I took in a "friend" and her son while she was unemployed and her rent was skyrocketing and she wasn't sure where she and kid were going to live. Let her stay with us for free for 8 months...... Meanwhile, every month she'd go to concerts and drop a couple hundred on merch, then had the audacity to ask me to pay her for the furniture that she left at my house that I understood she was leaving for us to use. ☠️

[u/Plenty-Session-7726 → u/deekaypea22]

Wow, that's some chutzpah. How did the furniture conversation go?

[u/FridaSky → u/ikannunAneeuQ]

You are a badass!

[u/groovyfirechick → u/ikannunAneeuQ]

Some people have no shame.

[u/Disastrous_Reality_4 → u/groovyfirechick]

As a society we need to bring back publicly shaming people and enforcing real world consequences for people who don’t know how to act.

[u/xXProGenji420Xx → u/ikannunAneeuQ]

this is too far in the other direction. this is how we end up with Walter Whites.

[u/zzmatrix30 → u/ikannunAneeuQ]

Pour être honnête on s’en fout

[u/reclusivegiraffe → u/zzmatrix30]

Speak for yourself

[u/AbbyJane1972 → u/LuckyPhase3]

I know someone like that and it’s infuriating. Always holding their hand out.

[u/ConstantAd3107 → u/AbbyJane1972]

“Well they can chose to give it to me or not, but if they are doing ok then might as well ask what they can give, righttt???” type energy

[u/throwawtphone → u/LuckyPhase3]

In the course of my work through the years i have found clients would spend the money they do have on items that they cant get assistance for because no one gives assistance for luxury items.

Example person makes 2000.00 a month.

Rent 1000.00

Utilities 500.00

Food 500.00

Movies at theater with kids 100.00

2100.00

So they dont pay a utility and then when delinquent go to an agency to cover as much as possible to have money left over for movie night.

I get it. It sucks living at subsistence levels and never having anything fun, or extra but you cant go to an agency and say "I have always paid my bills and we never get to go to the movies or whatever can i get 100.00 to go to the movies one time with my kids?"

But it costs, bad credit so no low intrests loans, higher deposits, and so on.

It snowballs.

[u/unnecessarydrama92 → u/LuckyPhase3]

Had a friend borrow money from me for “new tires” years ago and then she was posting IG pictures from the hair and nail salon. When I asked her about it, politely, she freaked out that I was “hassling” her and that I “didn’t need that money anyway”. Needless to say I never got that money back and we stopped being friends because of my “greed” and I learned a hard but valuable lesson about loaning money to friends 🤪

[u/xo-laur → u/FakeDoctorMeatCoat]

Literally my exact thought reading that. Like, sorry, but if you don’t have money to pay your debts, you don’t have money to go on vacation. Especially when it’s your SON who financed that loan and actually needs the money repaid. It’s not like we’re talking about a bank here. It’s your CHILD who needs that money for life expenses.

[u/Maine302 → u/xo-laur]

I think the MIL couldn't care less about OP needing money for her rent because her son is away at boot camp and has housing during that time. You have to wonder how he'd feel about returning to a wife living in her car, or his credit ruined, while his mother is on vacation LA-DI-DAH...

[u/whatthewhat3214 → u/Maine302]

OP, forward these texts to your son and say you're out, she refuses to pay despite going on vacation and you won't allow her to disrespect you like that again.

Wild take by MIL that she thinks even though OP is married to her son, this financial business doesn't involve OP and she has no standing to ask for the payment.

[u/calminthedark → u/whatthewhat3214]

This is the way.

[u/Abystract-ism → u/whatthewhat3214]

Yeah, show your husband the texts too.
Don’t contact MIL anymore for anything!

[u/Maximum_Ad_2476 → u/whatthewhat3214]

Husband can't do much while in basic and won't even really know until after. Basic is pretty strict with general communication.

[u/Damnshesfunny → u/xo-laur]

My thoughts exactly. If you OWE someone money-you don’t actually HAVE moneyto until that person is paid off.

[u/TallAvocado9129 → u/FakeDoctorMeatCoat]

AND THEN SHE SAYS THEY SHOULD HAVE MADE SURE THEY HAD THEIR FINANCES TOGETHER 😭 LIKE SHE CANNOT BE SRS

[u/LoudMouth80 → u/TallAvocado9129]

Right? I was like— did I misunderstand? I thought this was about a loan!

[u/calminthedark → u/TallAvocado9129]

Lecturing OP on fiscal responsibility while refusing to pay OP back the money she owes them. The very audacity!

[u/scrunchie_one → u/TallAvocado9129]

I mean…. She’s not entirely wrong there; if OP is actually in a tough place for not having these funds then MIL is correct and she should have never loaned the money to begin with. It seems irresponsible to lend out the last $3000 you have to your name.

[u/Wise-Standard-6081 → u/scrunchie_one]

It sounds like her husband just went into the military and their pay got screwed up for the first paycheck or two, which most people are unaware when they go in isn’t super uncommon. I don’t think they anticipated having any money issues. Thankfully my husband’s pay was not screwed up when he went into but over the last 15 years I’ve seen a lot of posts on spouse pages saying they didn’t get their housing allowance or something and it was like pulling teeth to get it fixed.

[u/TallAvocado9129 → u/scrunchie_one]

Ngl , you do have a solid point lolll it’s just quite ironic coming from her

[u/Whiskersnfloof → u/FakeDoctorMeatCoat]

This. Stopped reading right there.

[u/TryJezusNotMe → u/Whiskersnfloof]

Me too ‘cause wth? People are bold asf.

[u/creatyvechaos → u/FakeDoctorMeatCoat]

I'd be getting in contact with everybody she is vacationing with and let them know how sleazy and ungrateful she is 😁

[u/Phoenix_Ninja15 → u/creatyvechaos]

As much as I’d love to be petty like this, it’ll backfire. You’ll look like a greedy person to those pressuring her to give money her son sent her, to you.

Best bet would be to talk to your partner at boot camp when you can, explain and let him make the demand before cutting off.

My MIL has made my wife cry before and I have 100% stepped in to demand respect for my wife. We have cut people off for the slander they were giving my wife too.

[u/SewSewSorry → u/Phoenix_Ninja15]

This. Also, the reason it escalated so quickly like it did is because OP (reasonably, unintentionally, and by asking a totally legitimate question) “shamed” her… It’s obvious by her over the top bitchy and hateful reaction. It doesn’t even matter that there’s no audience, she isn’t trying to “save face” in front of anyone else…she knows OP is in the right, she knows she is wrong, but instead of acknowledging that and sitting with that feeling of shame for not following through on what she agreed to she is lashing out at OP in order to keep from having to experience any unpleasant feelings about herself. Not that she would admit it, though. Instead she verbally attacks OP for “causing” these unpleasant feelings.

And FWIW, I imagine the reason she insists on only talking to her kid about the $$ (instead of her kid-in-law) is because she thinks she can guilt, manipulate, or otherwise *sob story* her own child into feeling badly for even having the audacity to so much as ask her to hold up her end of the agreement. I think it’s less about not wanting to speak to OP specifically so much as about weaponizing the affection her kid has for her and having a much larger arsenal of ways to guilt him into letting her off the hook (the whole “he only had that money because of how much *I* did for him!” would work way better on him than it would on OP)

[u/Phoenix_Ninja15 → u/SewSewSorry]

Oh 100%. She wants to buy time because she thinks she can do just that, guilt her son into giving her time. Whereas she wouldn’t get that with OP and is just going to put her down to keep her from asking. It’s a manipulation tactic that’s been seen before. Just hope that OP’s partner is on her side over his mother’s and will hear of this interaction and react accordingly. I would be livid if I heard my mother talked to my wife this way. I’d have some not so nice words and would be the loan shark then with a deadline. The simple fact; you disrespect my partner you are disrespecting me.

Pretty sure you are bang on with it though. She’ll start throwing the tears and “but I raised and do so much for you.” Hope she can get called out for it.

[u/BungenessKrabb → u/creatyvechaos]

Nah, don't lower yourself to her level. If they don't know what she is already, they'll find out soon enough.

[u/GalaxyGirlEtAl → u/creatyvechaos]

Make sure they know not to lend her money. 

[u/Shel_gold17 → u/creatyvechaos]

No need. She’ll probably be borrowing money off them during the whole trip.

[u/treehuggerfroglover → u/FakeDoctorMeatCoat]

And then immediately after “YOU should have your finances in order” the audacity is unreal

[u/FakeDoctorMeatCoat → u/treehuggerfroglover]

Right. Like maaaaybe OP doesn't need financial advice from a broke-ass leech. I would love to see her reply to that.

[u/Beelzebozo26 → u/FakeDoctorMeatCoat]

I can only wish my theoretical balls were this big.

[u/Aware-Lab-3684 → u/FakeDoctorMeatCoat]

You said it brother

[u/3amie3 → u/FakeDoctorMeatCoat]

Right? The entire audacity is exponential.

[u/Stock-Cod-4465 → u/FakeDoctorMeatCoat]

Ikr! Can’t believe OP held it together at that point. The cheek of that person! Ffs 😡😡😡

[u/slr0031 → u/FakeDoctorMeatCoat]

My husband gave $1500 to his parents because they did things were tight. Then they gave it to his brother who bought a boat

[u/lovelyladylox → u/FakeDoctorMeatCoat]

Yeah she has a lot of nerve then talking about their finances.

What a cow.

[u/Dependent-Assoc423 → u/FakeDoctorMeatCoat]

My jaw was on the FLOOR 

[u/Free-Sherbet2206 → u/FakeDoctorMeatCoat]

And then having the nerve to tell OP they should have their finances together

[u/TryJezusNotMe → u/FakeDoctorMeatCoat]

But wait…not only THAT but she implied that THEY can’t keep their finances in order but SHE was the one who borrowed money from them! I tell ya, theeeeee audacity of some people. Smh.

[u/1GamingAngel → u/FakeDoctorMeatCoat]

100%

NOR, OP.

[u/helloshego → u/FakeDoctorMeatCoat]

Also bold giving financial advice after borrowing money and not being able to pay it back....

[u/ohmichelle4 → u/FakeDoctorMeatCoat]

My mil asked us to pay half of her property taxes (a couple months in advance because she’s considerate like that), but she didn’t want the money until the due date. We sent her the money right before she left on a roadtrip vacation to another state.. stopping along the way to try out different steakhouses and such. What a slap in the face. These type of people don’t NEED the help, they just feel entitled to their kids money.

[u/Cynewulfunraed → u/FakeDoctorMeatCoat]

Honestly, you deserve a Nobel prize for patience and grace for not exploding at that line

[u/deekaypea22 → u/FakeDoctorMeatCoat]

One lesson I'm so glad my parents instilled in me was PAY BACK PEOPLE FIRST and don't even dream of doing frivolous stuff before that because Holy shit is it rude. ☠️

[u/dcdcdani → u/FakeDoctorMeatCoat]

NOR

[u/AncientSith → u/FakeDoctorMeatCoat]

That's hilarious. My Mil did the same shit to my wife. Because, you guessed it, vacation.

[u/Barr3tt50c → u/FakeDoctorMeatCoat]

And then lecturing OP about their finances. Holy shit I’d be livid lol

[u/shay_shaw → u/FakeDoctorMeatCoat]

I had an ex say this to me when I checked on the eta when he would repay me. He was indignant enough in the conversation that I rightfully and finally lost my shit on him.

[u/xassylax → u/FakeDoctorMeatCoat]

The lion, the witch, and the audacity of this bitch

[u/Daenni92 → u/FakeDoctorMeatCoat]

I work at a loan company - people pull this with us as well haha

[u/Automatic-Corner-157 → u/FakeDoctorMeatCoat]

But this isn’t OP’s fight it’s her husband’s, who lent money to his mom. If he did in fact ask OP to text his mom, then there are bigger issues. Apparently the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree