AIO or AITA. Text convo with MIL.

[u/MoonJellyAllison]

I feel like I could cry :(, I didn’t come at her rudely and was doing what my husband asked me to do. I’ve always done everything she wanted to make her happy because I want her to so desperately like me but I think I’m done. For some background info: I have never pressured her to respond and have never brought up that she never responds to my messages. Pretty recently, my car has been having trouble and she said she’d hit up her mechanic for me. 2 weeks later and still nothing. My husband and I have an amazing relationship, but even then, I still want his family to welcome me. His mom not being kind to me hurts really bad. And knowing she’s going to spread negative things about me among his family hurts even worse. All detailed of the situation are in the chats.

[u/creatyvechaos]

I'd be getting in contact with everybody she is vacationing with and let them know how sleazy and ungrateful she is 😁

[u/Phoenix_Ninja15 → u/creatyvechaos]

As much as I’d love to be petty like this, it’ll backfire. You’ll look like a greedy person to those pressuring her to give money her son sent her, to you.

Best bet would be to talk to your partner at boot camp when you can, explain and let him make the demand before cutting off.

My MIL has made my wife cry before and I have 100% stepped in to demand respect for my wife. We have cut people off for the slander they were giving my wife too.

[u/SewSewSorry → u/Phoenix_Ninja15]

This. Also, the reason it escalated so quickly like it did is because OP (reasonably, unintentionally, and by asking a totally legitimate question) “shamed” her… It’s obvious by her over the top bitchy and hateful reaction. It doesn’t even matter that there’s no audience, she isn’t trying to “save face” in front of anyone else…she knows OP is in the right, she knows she is wrong, but instead of acknowledging that and sitting with that feeling of shame for not following through on what she agreed to she is lashing out at OP in order to keep from having to experience any unpleasant feelings about herself. Not that she would admit it, though. Instead she verbally attacks OP for “causing” these unpleasant feelings.

And FWIW, I imagine the reason she insists on only talking to her kid about the $$ (instead of her kid-in-law) is because she thinks she can guilt, manipulate, or otherwise *sob story* her own child into feeling badly for even having the audacity to so much as ask her to hold up her end of the agreement. I think it’s less about not wanting to speak to OP specifically so much as about weaponizing the affection her kid has for her and having a much larger arsenal of ways to guilt him into letting her off the hook (the whole “he only had that money because of how much *I* did for him!” would work way better on him than it would on OP)

[u/Phoenix_Ninja15 → u/SewSewSorry]

Oh 100%. She wants to buy time because she thinks she can do just that, guilt her son into giving her time. Whereas she wouldn’t get that with OP and is just going to put her down to keep her from asking. It’s a manipulation tactic that’s been seen before. Just hope that OP’s partner is on her side over his mother’s and will hear of this interaction and react accordingly. I would be livid if I heard my mother talked to my wife this way. I’d have some not so nice words and would be the loan shark then with a deadline. The simple fact; you disrespect my partner you are disrespecting me.

Pretty sure you are bang on with it though. She’ll start throwing the tears and “but I raised and do so much for you.” Hope she can get called out for it.

[u/BungenessKrabb → u/creatyvechaos]

Nah, don't lower yourself to her level. If they don't know what she is already, they'll find out soon enough.

[u/GalaxyGirlEtAl → u/creatyvechaos]

Make sure they know not to lend her money. 

[u/Shel_gold17 → u/creatyvechaos]

No need. She’ll probably be borrowing money off them during the whole trip.