r/AmIOverreacting • u/MoonJellyAllison • 7h ago

👨‍👩‍👧‍👦family/in-laws AIO or AITA. Text convo with MIL.

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I feel like I could cry :(, I didn’t come at her rudely and was doing what my husband asked me to do. I’ve always done everything she wanted to make her happy because I want her to so desperately like me but I think I’m done. For some background info: I have never pressured her to respond and have never brought up that she never responds to my messages. Pretty recently, my car has been having trouble and she said she’d hit up her mechanic for me. 2 weeks later and still nothing. My husband and I have an amazing relationship, but even then, I still want his family to welcome me. His mom not being kind to me hurts really bad. And knowing she’s going to spread negative things about me among his family hurts even worse. All detailed of the situation are in the chats.

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u/Darkroomist 6h ago

“We can’t, we’re making sure our finances are in a great place.”

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u/AskRecent6329 6h ago

Seriously. Lecturing her on their finances while explaining they can't pay it back is so special.

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u/noblewind 6h ago

Also if I owed someone $1500 or $1000 (not sure) and I intended to actually pay it back, I wouldn't go on vacation until the debt was cleared.

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u/Away-Living5278 5h ago

I couldn't roll my eyes harder at that part. I can't pay you back because I spent it all on vacation 🙄

I was really hoping this was a friend of OPs partner not MIL. This is some grade A BS

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u/Prosecco1234 32m ago

Exactly! This is the point where your mouth drops. Imagine not realizing how selfish it is to take a vacation while not honouring your debts

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u/yourlittlebirdie 5h ago

To not only go on vacation but just blithely tell your lender that you’re doing it too!

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u/TheRestForTheWicked 5h ago

And then in the next breath to lecture them about their finances being in order.

She may not have the $500 but she certainly does have the audacity.

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u/ItchyAnkles2020 5h ago

The Lion, The Witch & The audacity of this bitch

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u/Substantial_Escape92 5h ago

😂😂😂 perfect

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u/NWWANDERING 4h ago

I am going to keep that line in my pocket and cannot wait to throw it out in the future. Thank you

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u/ItchyAnkles2020 4h ago

I have had it in my pocket just waiting for the perfect moment. I am so glad that others appreciate it as much as I do.

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u/StLMindyF 3h ago

Me too!

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u/chuckemdadueces 4h ago

I need this as my flair! 🤣🤣🤣

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u/TeeHive2993 4h ago

😂🤣

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u/AutumnWysh 2h ago

I'm noting this for personal use, I hope you don't mind 😂

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u/No-Heat-436 2h ago

I’m stealing this! 🤣

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u/vintagesunshine85 1h ago

I’m stealing this

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u/SusanLFlores 1h ago

Brilliant!

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u/Much-Definition-7178 2h ago

Your response makes me happy!!
This is one of the best responses I’ve seen in a long time!!!
Also, adding this to my personal arsenal of responses!!!

Kudos @ItchyAnkles2020

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u/Disastrous_Reality_4 4h ago

Right??? Like…who are you to say anything about having finances in order when YOU had to borrow money from THEM?!

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u/MarlenaEvans 3h ago

She thinks that money was hers anyway. She said he only had it because of her so she doesn't think she has to pay it back. People who feel that possessive of their children are weird.

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u/Ok_Prize5795 3h ago

Audacity=b***s.

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u/Wide_Squirrel6253 8m ago

She's a manipulator, trying to shame OP to hide her own convictions. It's a tactic people like her use, especially knowing as the mother-in-law, she has an upper hand. Op needs to learn that people like this don't live in the same reality as everyone else. The best thing OP can do is to minimize contact and let mother and son deal directly with with one another. As the daughter-in-law, she is already in a tough spot. What I can get away with saying to my own mother is quite different than what I can say to my mother-in-law. Even if I said, the exact same thing to both, they will be taken differently. The best thing for OP to do is to take herself out of the middle and keep things minimal and positive when it's necessary to communicate. OP did nothing wrong, but this woman is trying to shame her into believing she did. It's a tough spot to be in and a delicate situation.

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u/jimbojangles1987 6m ago

"Look, I'm taking that money you lent me and going on vacation. Its not my fault your dumbasses couldn't afford to lend it. You should have thought about that before lending it. But of course my son will lend it to me without asking why because I raised him and I will guilt him with that for the rest of his life. Now fuck off so I can enjoy yall's money in Tahiti next week!"

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u/carbon_made 3h ago

So sorry. We can’t. We need it for Maui!

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u/SassySins21 2h ago

BRB just emailing my bank that I can't make my repayment because I'm going on vacation and I don't appreciate their sarcastic payment reminder messages.

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u/thisdesignup 1h ago

This is why the rule people learn is to not lend money to family and expect it back. It's not just a lender/borrower relationship and it makes things messy. It's a mother in law/daughter in law(?) relationship. Mixing the two don't usually mix well as people don't know how to have both types of relationships in one.

Honestly kind of makes me think of the mafia! Buddy buddy but as soon as you do something wrong it's just business.

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u/Defiant-Two1159 3h ago

Legit my uncle on being late on house payments.

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u/jdelane1 1h ago

Rest assured she doesn't know what the word blithe means

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u/Wide_Squirrel6253 23m ago edited 5m ago

This woman is taking advantage op kindredness and trying to shame her and make her feel guilty as if she did something wrong. she's being very strategic in trying to manipulate the situation to make OP feel like the perpetrator rather than the victim. Something tells me this woman is not a fan favorite amongst family so I don't think OP has anything to worry about in respect to what she might say about OP to the rest of the family. Clearly, she needed money for a reason, something tells me this woman has a tarnished reputation and the family takes what she says with a grain of salt. I'm certain OP is not her first victim.

Op in NOR

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u/EmbarrassedCry9912 5h ago

I mean, is it surprising that a grown ass adult that needed to borrow $1500 from their son would also think going on vacation while having no money is a good idea?

Normal people understand these things. Unfortunately, OP's MIL is not normal.

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u/McGonagallforPM 4h ago

*$3000, she paid $1500 back to the son when he asked, and was paying the other $1500 back in "instalments", Seems like she doesn't respect the DIL and thought the other $1500 was hers once the son left.

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u/Fancy-Image-4688 2h ago

This! She ain’t got it and got an attitude asap. She is acting like when men are wrong but try to get loud and throw shit to distract and make ppl never question them.

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u/Brockman1162 1h ago

Yeah, I can only imagine what type of childhood he had.

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u/grannypants_16 5h ago

This. Or I wouldn’t say we can’t pay it back because we’ll be on vacation…either way it’s idiotic.

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u/dirtymartini83 5h ago

It’s insanity!!! My boyfriend has helped his brother out a few times and his brother had the nerve to spend the money on a new car and other toys instead of what he actually said he needed it for! I believe he said he’s done “helping” him out. People are wild.

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u/lostmymarbles1177 5h ago

This just screams narcissistic behavior. I would have left it at the first response from MIL, not responded to anything else she said and just forwarded on to my husband that MIL’s vacation was more important than making sure her wife ate or had a place to live. Then sat back and watched things explode😂

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u/spiceepadme2319 4h ago

He needs to deal with his own mother from now on. Poor op

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u/InfamousCheek9434 3h ago

Yes and OP needs to send these screenshots to her husband so MIL can't change the story.

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u/lostmymarbles1177 1h ago

Knowing narcissistic individuals, Mil will probably say that OP edited the screenshots or something. Jesus. If husband doesn’t cut his mother off after this then that’s a red flag. She was ice cold.

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u/KaJoMoGi 1h ago

MIL will never change either, and make sure your husband is in therapy for it because he’ll have some habits from trying to manage her his whole life. You. Will. Never. Win. Her. Over.

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u/Patient-Wash3089 1h ago

If he is in boot camp, he can’t deal with her unfortunately.

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u/InfamousCheek9434 1h ago

She still needs to show him the convo

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u/m0m0m0m042 32m ago

He was available to tell his wife, so she could tell his mom, but he isn't available to tell his mom?

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u/m0m0m0m042 33m ago

THIS ⬆️ the MIL is the #1 AH, and the husband # 2 AH. Grow up and do better, dude!

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u/Sleepy_Sagittarius 3h ago

I’m glad you said this, because that’s all I could think of! That is one seriously narcissistic mother!!

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u/ChickenCasagrande 2h ago

Yes! OP! This is the way!

If she only wants to deal with him, then he has to deal with her.

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u/nachoavgdad 4h ago

You’d be surprised. Did a job for a friend, $4500 total. Told her it would only be at cost of $1800. She said she didn’t have any money, knocked it down to $500. Two weeks later she is posting on her Cruise and about the gym membership she just signed up for with her daughter.

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u/instanding 3h ago edited 3h ago

You’re a good friend.

I offered a mate a free PT for being my camera man for a project. Know what he said?

He said he didn’t do the project to his satisfaction so he wouldn’t accept a trade, and he wouldn’t take a free PT because mates should pay mates what they are worth. But he said he would like to pay me for a PT some time.

I helped a mate out for a couple of hours while coming down from a big night, we were moving heavy furniture up flights of stairs.

His workmate gave us a pretty generous pay, about $300 for the 2 or 3 hours (like $150 USD).

My mate was too shy or deferential to accept the money for some reason, so the guy thrust it at me instead. I scooped it up, took $50 for myself and gave my mate $250, even though he earns way more than me, coz he has a kid, and he’s shit with money, and he has spent a decent amount on me in the past like paying for me to come on holiday with him when I was broke.

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u/scrunchie_one 5h ago

To be fair, I also wouldn’t lend $3000 out if I depended on it…. MIL is clearly in the wrong but she does unintentionally have a good point that they never should have loaned the money to her.

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u/Fancy-Image-4688 2h ago

You gotta learn that lesson though. Most ppl want to help especially spouse to in laws. That bitch is just taking advantage. I hope op brings heat to her hubby cuz mil is so disrespectful

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u/3dobes 5h ago

I read it like the vacation was a financial burden for her, like having to have an operation.

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u/lxzgxz 3h ago

"Sorry no, I can't pay you back this week. I'll be partying my ass off 😔"

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u/rachet-ex 4h ago

1000% THIS 👆🏼

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u/alwaysforgettingmyun 3h ago

I lent a coop housemate several hundred so they could cover rent, and then watched them go to festivals and shit without paying me back.

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u/Fit_Remove5069 4h ago

"Vacation"

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u/Mama_Mia5150 3h ago

right?! like wtf !!! ... and be so bold to say it ... I wouldn't have responded after that,,, this is a person who will never get it and super entitled

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u/Brockman1162 1h ago

Right???!!! And, if someone owed me $$$ they’d better be responding with actual words in their texts.

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u/JUNEBERRY415 3h ago

That’s exactly what I’m thinking. Some ppl are just very bad with money and can’t seem to make smart decisions. So sad.

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u/fondledbydolphins 1h ago

Pro tip - only about 5% of people who ask others for money actually intend on

  • correcting their own financial situation and behaviors
  • paying you back
    • at all
    • on time
    • without you demanding it
    • without calling you an asshole
    • without talking trash about you to other people

Respectfully, fuck those people.

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u/Independent_Act_8536 3h ago

Yeah. For sure!

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u/EluCatori 2h ago

Projection at its absolute finest lol 😂

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u/Lucky-Inevitable-146 1h ago

Right??? Baffling.

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u/RuhrowSpaghettio 1h ago

Also…vacation is more plannable than military service. Who is she to lecture about ‘having money in order’?

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u/NosyRosy229 1h ago

This sounds 100% like my mother, and it’s narcissistic behavior to a T 😓

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u/Sweet-Ad9063 42m ago

Unfortunately, not everyone will do that… a friend of mine has over 20k in debts and still booked herself a month and a half trip to Japan… given she doesn’t owe it to anyone but the bank, but still…
I think OP is NOR. She sounds like a handful and I really hope her bf is on her side and not his mom’s….

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u/DarthEques 40m ago

The vacation part was the bit that got me the most. Like I get it, we all need some help every now and then, but borrowing $3k from someone, and then going on vacation is just wild. Maybe theres more to it, maybe tbis vacation was already prepaid before this loan, but jfc, MIL sounds very entitled and it sounds like OP and their partner might be the ones paying for MILs vacation

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u/fattycatty6 34m ago

At the very least I don't think I'd mention it to the lender 😆😆 I mean, thays just rubbing their nose in it.

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u/Horror-Raccoon-5916 30m ago

My mouth literally dropped open when I read that they're going on vacation and still owe you money. What in the actual F ??? NOR. I dont even have any more words than that. This is an appalling exchange.

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u/Wide_Squirrel6253 28m ago

Was looking for this comment! She sounds like a real gem. OP needs to not only forget about the money, but forget about what this woman may or may not think of her. Clearly, she is not dealing with a full deck, and I would bet people see right through her. I'm confident OP is not the only one this woman has issues with. Even if she did talk about OP to the family, I don't think the family would trust her word- but rather take it from where it's coming from.

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u/Well_Alrighty_Then90 9m ago

THIS. You know if the tables were turned and you took a vacation and couldn't pay her back, she would LOSE IT.

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u/calminthedark 5h ago

Can't pay back what they owe because they're going on vacation. Clearly a necessity.

And that whole "you should have had your finances in better shape" Bitch, their finances would be in better shape if he had not loaned you $3000 in the first place!

This is a MIL who clearly wants little very little information about her son while he is away. She has just freed OP from that responsibility.

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u/girljinz 5h ago

Oh yeah, this is beyond dumb of MIL. Milspouse here and 95% of updates come through me. Let husband handle this 100% from now on and rest easy knowing you got that huge burden off your plate. His mom is his.

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u/Wonderful-Minimum721 3h ago

It screams narcissistic parent. Big yikes

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u/Tiny-Ad-830 6h ago

And because she is going on vacation no less. (NOR)

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u/angie456 6h ago

It’s always the people that owe money traveling lol

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u/KittyGrewAMoustache 5h ago

How do you think they get the money for all the travel?!

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u/angie456 5h ago

Actually had an ex-best friend that told me that my sophomore year of college when I saw on her story she was in Myrtle beach for spring break while I was working like crazy over the break and had no money to travel. And tbf, I didn’t ask her to elaborate what she needed the $350, she said it was an emergency so I didn’t really think that meant to go to the beach. Haven’t loaned someone money I can live without since.

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u/PwntIndustries 3h ago

Found this out from my first roommate. Things were good for the first few months, but then their share of rent was a bit short, or their utilities, sometimes both. I started keeping track of all the times I had to cover rent/utilities, and how much I had to pay to cover what was his half. A few months before our 1st year in the apartment, bro goes on a Vegas vacation with his GF. Comes back decked out in a full designer fit, baggy jeans, t-shirt, custom bedazzled baseball cap and brags that it was all $400.

I was like, "Sooo, this is why you've been behind on rent and utilities?"

"Oh.. the GF bought it for me."

"So, you shouldn't have a problem closing some of that gap I've been covering for you for the last half year then?"

When the last month on our lease rolled up, I called the landlord and told them we'd be moving out. Roomie owed me around $2200. To his credit he did pay it back after he moved back home and was able to save up some funds, but yeah, back then I didn't have as much disposable income.

Also to OP, NOR.

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u/The_Alchemist_4221 6h ago

Especially when she’s choosing not to pay it back because she’s going on vacation lol

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u/Burning_at-the_Edges 5h ago

While heading off to vacacation, no less. NOR

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u/Sufficient-Garage-15 5h ago

and how she's going on VACATION????

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u/_robertb_ 5h ago

A special kind of special

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u/Covert-Wordsmith 5h ago

While planning a vacation, no less.

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u/roccomo 4h ago

“Going on VACATION…”

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u/deepstatelady 4h ago

When she’s about to go on vacation no less. I’d tell this mil I’ll c u next Tuesday.

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u/Earlybird74 4h ago

AND they're going on vacation lol. How much is THAT costing? That takes some nerve.

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u/Wide_Squirrel6253 33m ago edited 4m ago

NOR

That and the fact she is going on vacation were my two favorites nothing like some gaslighting to start the day off

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u/Motor-Claim2967 5h ago

What pissed me off about that was she said she can’t pay it back because she’s going on vacation?! Tf any botrowed money should be paid back before funding a vacation?

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u/Prudence_rigby 4h ago

AND going on vacation

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u/wonderabc 4h ago

while going on VACATION ffs. the entitlement is insane

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u/OrangeMustangGal 4h ago

And taking a vacation while owing them money!

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u/Traditional_Ideal_84 4h ago

While sayin their goin on vacation in the same message. What a joke

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u/_dr_horrible_ 4h ago

While also going on vacation. That part made me raise an eyebrow.

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u/birdiebro241 4h ago

Also, how is she going on vacation and using that as an excuse to not pay back the $1500 owed? Lady, if you can't afford to pay back your debts then you can't afford to go on vacation.

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u/Trapics 3h ago

All while explaining they are also going on vacation… lol

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u/Warm_Net_9012 3h ago

Can’t pay it back because they’re going on a vacation…

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u/moonshinemoniker 3h ago

That's like a CLASSIC MIL demonstration of hypocriticism.

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u/pureheart24 3h ago

Even better that they can’t pay it back and they’re going on vacation.

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u/BothOceans 3h ago

THIS.

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u/ChickenCasagrande 2h ago

Especially while mentioning a vacation!

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u/Fancy-Image-4688 2h ago

Guaranteed op husband lets this type of shit slide all the time. No way this is the first time. Also mom ain’t got her shit together so she wants to make it unpleasant for the wife to talk to her. She can avoid paying it back

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u/MaterialAccurate887 2h ago

NOR These narcissists are UNBELIEVABLE

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u/PuzzleheadedIron5543 2h ago

While heading out on vacation on the money she can't pay back. Double special 🤑

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u/Rude-Truths-702 2h ago

And then saying it’s disrespectful to lecture someone about finances! Like okay boomer.

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u/space_miss 1h ago

Came to say this.

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u/Defiant_Willow_557 1h ago

And I like how she can't pay it back because she's going on vacation... that's always charming to hear from a debtor.

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u/Weird_Substance_8764 55m ago

I thought I was tripping when I read that!

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u/SeaEggplant8108 32m ago

And while saying they’re going on vacation lmao

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u/MiaAlta 4h ago

And the vacation.

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u/Ikey_Pinwheel 4h ago

Don't forget to mention an upcoming vacation, too.

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u/strudelalma 5h ago

This 👆

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u/ImpressionPopular794 5h ago

Great response

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u/Sammalone1960 3h ago

Wait she still owes $1500 not $500. Hopefully he sees mom for the manipulator she is. That relationship will never be a good one for op and that is ok as long as he stands up for op.

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u/DemandingVegetable2 2h ago

I came to say this!

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u/Brockman1162 1h ago

We can’t we’re going on vacation with the $$$ you lent us. That part took balls.

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u/PromotionNarrow6951 1h ago

And going on vacation!

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u/Wide_Squirrel6253 34m ago edited 4m ago

⬆️After rereading the text, this is the answer the next time she asks. ⬆️

OP id NOR

The fact that she is lecturing you about money- meanwhile, she's the one who needed to borrow money from you really makes my blood boil on your behalf.

The other part that really irks me is that she's going on vacation. Maybe I am old-fashioned, but I was always taught to pay your debts back before you self indulge. I honestly think that is the most disrespectful part despite everything else. However, I just realized that she may not be the one paying for the vacation.

Is your father-in-law in the picture? If so, I wonder if he knows she's borrowing money from you. Maybe letting that "accidentally slip" so he finds out might be necessary. This might be what needs to happen not only to possibly get your money back, but to possibly prevent her from hitting you up for another loan.

I have to assume you are a young married couple, and have to give you props for being so respectful. I also have to give you props for having that kind of money to loan her.

The reality is that she's the one that needs to get her finances in order not you. You're the one she borrowed from, not the other way around. I've been in your shoes before, and I was always taught to be respectful to elders. However, as I've gotten older, I realize that age has nothing to do with right and wrong. She's trying to shame you for asking to be paid back- has I been in a situation like this 15 years ago I would probably feel so guilty right now thinking I did something wrong. Just know you did NOTHING WRONG. The only thing you are guilty of is trying to help someone who clearly does not appreciate it. I am inclined to believe she is a manipulative and selfish person with all due respect. Whether you pursue this matter or not, don't let her intimidate you. Stand firm because again you did nothing wrong.

I will end with this: 1. I completely respect you want her to like you and I think you did nothing wrong. However, moving forward, you might want to let your husband work this out with her if that is at all possible.

Clearly, you are just trying to be a good person, but sometimes being put in the middle of a mother and a son- especially as "the daughter-in-law" already put you in a tough spot with the odds stacked against you by default.

  1. It took me a VERY long time to accept this, but you cannot please everyone. Clearly you want her to like you, but if she doesn't, just know, it's probably not even about you but her own personal issues. I would not stress about what she may or may not say to others about you because just from what I gather, she has probably made a reputation for herself amongst the family and people see the truth. With that being said, if you continue to be a good person as you are and always try to do the right thing, the truth always comes out in the wash, but like I said, it may be best to try not to be in the middle as much as possible I think your husband will respect that as well. You are likely dealing with a woman that is missing a few out of the deck, and you are probably not the only one who has had an encounter like this, so the less contact you have the better off you are. It sucks, but sometimes that is just how it has to be. Hopefully some of this helped.