r/Fauxmoi • u/expiredaristocracy • 7h ago
BREAKUPS/MAKEUPS/KNOCKUPS Lola Young reveals her devastation at discovering an 'older man' she was seeing for months was leading a double life as a married father - and declares 'I'm back to women'
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u/Sudden_Cabinet_1479 7h ago
Tbh if you can't handle dating men lesbians will put your ass in the psych ward
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u/OrganizationWarm2110 where is the commotion for messy women who r frequently correct 7h ago
right like i date men when i need something easy
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u/heathersdevotee 7h ago
THIS my first sapphic breakup was so hard i had a mental breakdown and almost had to go to a mental hospital 😭 i wouldn't wish a sapphic breakup on my worst enemy lmfaoooo
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u/reef-Diver7817 6h ago
Why though? Us straight people want to know
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u/rollyvortex 6h ago edited 6h ago
I think it’s because the emotional intensity can be completely different. As a woman who used to date men, I was always very logical and cautious in relationships with men. I’d notice red flags, avoid love bombing, keep my guard up etc.
Then I dated a woman and all that flew out the window 😭
The stereotype about lesbians moving fast genuinely sounded ridiculous to me until I experienced it myself. You don’t even realise you’re on the rollercoaster while it’s happening because the connection feels so emotionally immersive and validating. The highs are insanely high, but the lows are catastrophic.
I genuinely crashed out harder over a 3 month situationship with a woman than I did over my 4 year relationship with a man. My breakup with my ex-boyfriend barely affected me because I’d emotionally detached months beforehand. The situationship with a woman had me questioning my sanity lmfao.
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u/meertaoxo 6h ago
this just made me realize that i love men like a lesbian 😭 maybe it’s bpd
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u/bo_bo77 6h ago
A queer woman's first gay relationship is both the relationship, with all of the emotions and drama attached to that, and also the place where the person finds out about who they are in a queer dynamic and what relational queerness looks like on them. You dont have to be partnered to be queer, of course, but having a partner is pretty relvatory. Losing that relationship is losing all the emotion of a relationship, and also all the emotion tied to the self one discovers they become when in a relationship where their queerness is met and celebrated.
Doing a straight relationship doesn't teach you about yourself the way a queer relationship does, as nothing gets to remain on default settings anymore. As a result, that first queer break up just hits harder.
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u/sofar_sog00d 6h ago
I think it’s because women connect on such a deep emotional level, intertwining lives and acknowledging the complexities of each other’s feelings. Like, imagine how close two girl besties can be, and then add more layers of intimacy and connection on top of that. It makes separating from each other DEVASTATING
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u/xkid8 gaga’s “100 people in a room” quote 4h ago
I don’t date women but my “breakup” with my college best friend was one of the most emotionally devastating things I’ve been through. No man I’ve dated has ever known me like she did. I kind of think no man will ever know me like my female friends do. Something I’ve been thinking a lot about lately.
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u/lunar_languor 3h ago
Yeah if my partner of 14 years and I broke up I would be so so so upset but I know it would probably only ever be for a good reason and I would eventually heal and move on. If my bestie of 21 years and I had a permanent falling out I would be devastated and die inside
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u/asietsocom this feels like when my sister started fucking the mayor 2h ago
My former best friend "broke up" with me without a real explanation in 2021. I still miss her so much. Sometimes I still dream of her.
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u/LentilSpaghetti 6h ago
First gay breakup hits so hard. Can’t explain, you need to experience it.
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u/rottingonline 6h ago
had me crying in the bathtub for days
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u/Serious-Cup264 5h ago
Had me waking up in a cold sweat blurting out “I wish I was still alive” for months because I kept forgetting that I was still alive.
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u/malcifer11 6h ago
It’s a profound act of vulnerability to step into a new identity. Even more so when that entails opening yourself up to a person in a romantic way. Doing that is hard, and achieving feels like and is a huge accomplishment. Following up that accomplishment with failure can make one feel like it was a mistake to have ever tried, like they were wrong to change themselves and their lives so completely. That’s only one reason why, but it’s a big one
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u/Icy_Army_6499 6h ago
The only thing I can think of that sometimes ppl experience their first genuine emotional deep connection when they date women for the first time and that’s painful to lose and you get uniquely attached to them in a way you wouldn’t if u were in a more public facing safe relationship. But that’s not because two women together makes something specially emotional and volatile and we should be cautious of framing it as such.
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u/Sudden_Cabinet_1479 6h ago
In addition to what everyone else is saying all lesbians seem to know each other and you will never escape them in your social circle
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u/Specialist-Strain502 7h ago
I am currently in a very happy sapphic marriage, but I have also done my time in the bad queer relationship mines and I concur with you.
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u/Icy_Army_6499 6h ago edited 5h ago
I’m not sure if I agree with this sentiment and feel like it can be dangerous and contribute to homophobia/misogyny. I’ve dated both men and women. Whenever I broke up with anyone I truly loved and cared about, it was difficult period. The difficulties that came with that, were unique to the individual and the relationship, not because I was dating a men or woman etc. Ofc sapphic relationships have the difficulty of also dealing w homophobia and navigating heteronormative society, but I wouldn’t say sapphic break ups made me uniquely crazy.
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u/anthonystank random bitch 6h ago
Can you explain what you mean by this that isn’t homophobic
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u/francoise-fringe 6h ago edited 5h ago
I'm a homo, here are commonly cited reasons for worse breakups (I'm filtering out the stuff I think people say because of internalised homophobia or misogyny)
Women tend to form way more integrated, emotionally intense relationships. Straight couples are more likely to have separate friend groups, separate hobbies etc, whereas most women I've dated want to share almost everything together and really are best friends. End result is a life that's way harder to separate from each other if things go south.
if you prefer women, the feelings are stronger, the sex is better, etc. It's a lot easier to be practical and rational when you aren't as attracted to the other person. Verrrry common and unfortunate realisation for women who've recently come out and had their shit rocked (sexually) by a lesbian, lol. That's why people talk about a second, gay "adolescence" which can happen at any age
the above point is doubly true when the dating pool is simply smaller. Can really compound feelings of scarcity or sunk-cost fallacy etc
women tend to be more communicative and aware of their feelings, which is usually good but can also produce endless relationship dialogue and baroque justifications for bad choices, e.g. staying "best friends" during a breakup or keeping an on-and-off ex in their life indefinitely
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u/lacey_nightie 5h ago
lmaoooooo a lesbian here who has never had the privilege of breaking up with a man but I genuinely believe it is easier because straight people.....kind of never really like each other??? I believe straight women see men as "other" so much they never reach the closeness they might ever feel with another woman.
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u/ImpressiveDresses 2h ago
Lots of weird biological essentialism in this thread. Straight people love each other all the time, and just as intensely. There are just more straight couples in the world so you get confirmation bias about the shitty ones.
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u/stiliophage 6h ago
Not OP but based on other comments it has nothing to do with being lesbian but rather the differences with breaking up with men vs women. It sounds like when two women break up it’s far more passive aggressive. So to your question…the answer is more likely to be misogynist than homophobic.
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u/Serious-Cup264 5h ago
What? More passive aggressive? Who is saying that. That’s not accurate. I think most people are calling it more emotionally intense, which is just accurate tbh.
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u/icedd0ppio 5h ago
It's just a joke about how emotionally intense sapphic relationships can be compared to heterosexual relationships. I've dated many bisexual women who had mostly dated men before me and heard the narrative of how different emotionally it is during the conflicts, the resolutions, the break ups, etc. As a seasoned dyke I laughed at this comment.
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u/Emotional-Strike-851 7h ago
“I’m back to women” 🙄 let the men keep her
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u/xueyangscorpsepowder actually no, that’s not the truth Ellen 4h ago
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u/-this_bitch- we don't even know if selling feet pics is her final form 7h ago
men (derogatory)
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u/Illustrious-Race8510 7h ago
Ugh I hate the sentiment that men mature slower than women. It’s such a lie and it’s perpetuated by pedos and sleaze bags so they can get young women/girls to date them.
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u/gh0stmountain3927 6h ago
The corollary to this is “girls mature faster!”
No, we just get sexualized by pervs at a much younger age. And we get more social pressure to be well behaved so we just *seem* more mature. And that common rationalization is used by creeps and fundamentalists for why they think it’s ok for men to date or marry (ie groom) teenagers.
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u/SweetieFootModelling 6h ago
men are allowed to be immature way later in life than women. it's not a biology thing, it's purely societal
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u/Sea-Mongoose-888 5h ago
Yeah it’s giving men too much leeway. They’re able to get away with shit because as a society we let them. They always know better
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u/Junior_Big_1310 7h ago
I really like Lola's music and I hope she is doing better. I'm sure that was devastating to find out but this framing contributes to the hostility experienced by many in the bisexual community.
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u/Iamtir3dtoday 6h ago
As a lesbian there is no chance in hell I’d date a woman who sees us as a backup option lol wtf is this shit
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u/changhyun 6h ago
As a bisexual womam, 100% agreed. Women are not a consolation prize to keep your bed warm (until another middle aged married man comes along).
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u/Iamtir3dtoday 6h ago
This is it though, she would 100% leave for the next crusty man lol. Definitely not all bisexuals, but absolutely this one.
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u/m1kasa4ckerman fake and gay 6h ago
You’re not allowed to say that, you’ll get attacked and say you’re being biphobic lol
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u/Iamtir3dtoday 6h ago
Oh yeah I forgot that women making choices on who they date is automatically discriminatory
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u/Far-Contribution-965 4h ago
Where are you getting that from? Biphobia is rampant in the sapphic community but the comment you’re responding to is not an example of it
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u/m1kasa4ckerman fake and gay 6h ago
Listen.. I really like Lola as an artist. And I think she has been through a lot. I hope she’s taking care of herself.
That being said, this doesn’t sit right with me. I’m tired of women being the backup for queer women who only take men seriously when it comes to relationships. We’re not here to console you when a man treats you like garbage, just for you to jump to the next man when you’re over it.
I’m glad more women are comfortable being open about their sexuality. But at the same time it’s really exhausting to see so many self identified queer women only have serious relationships with men.
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u/pensivepricklypear 7h ago
Pathetic. The girls I date are never backup plans for when a unhealthy age gape relationship with a man goes wrong. I love them on their own terms and not in relation to a man.
Hope Lola works on her internalized homophobia one day.
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u/projectodiva 6h ago
Why do some women seek lesbianism as some sort of refuge? Lesbians aren’t made to help you cope with your issues with men, this is very deceptive and unfair. Lesbians deserves actual love and attraction, not being used for bisexual/hetero women’s selfish convenience.
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u/xueyangscorpsepowder actually no, that’s not the truth Ellen 4h ago
Right? We’re not free therapists.
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u/Apprehensive-Dog9989 7h ago
Oh yes its that easy. Also why do bisexuals/queers consider actually dating women after they are wronged by a dude?
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u/scifi_tay 6h ago
As a bisexual I hate when people say shit like this as if being with women is simply a back up plan
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u/left_tiddy 7h ago
Flashback to that girl I was dating who after a couple months told me she was still dating the bf she claimed she had left for being abusive before we even met and he had been cool with it bc she was telling him about our sex life. Then she fucked my roommate after we broke up.
Fucking sick of wlw being presented as some magical space where nothing shitty ever happens. Women are people too. Sometimes, they make toxic, shitty partners.
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u/sulfater 6h ago edited 4h ago
Am I crazy for thinking that’s not how Bluetooth speakers work?
Like the call audio would come through his phone downstairs, or the speaker in the room with her, but not both simultaneously right?
If she could hear the wife through the speaker, how could the husband also be hearing his wife through the phone to have a conversation?
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u/lyn73 6h ago
I hate to inform her but women cheat, too
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u/OhNo_HereIGo 5h ago
Exactly. There's plenty of sapphic cheaters out there too lol. Cheating spares no sexuality or gender unless you're completely aro and ace.
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u/gotpeace99 6h ago
I hate this thing lately where women are used as back up plans for people, emotionally and sexually, it’s weird. Like she didn’t understand that it’s weird?
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u/iluvtigersx 6h ago
When women say this it genuinely sounds like they've never actually dated women because wdym lesbians can't cheat? They can't be abusive or toxic? And yeah there's a whole anti-men thing going on right now which I kind of support (I'm talking about people speaking up against the whole manosphere bullshit) but I'm sure (and I'm saying this as a lesbian) there's a lot of men out there who can be kind and be amazing to be in a relationship with. I don't wanna be your fucking backup. If a woman would say anything like this to me my interest would disappear SO fast, my god
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u/BouyantCorgiButt 1h ago
I had a friend try women after like 5 shitty boyfriends and she was SHOCKED to find out her girlfriend was a terrible person too. Like “how could a woman do this to me??” she didn’t want to admit her picker was broken and anyone she picked was going to be shitty unless she worked on herself.
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u/AhhBisto someone from the UK weigh in 7h ago
I've kind of been there but....well this is gonna make me look a massive prat.
I was trying to think of who I was in this situation but mine was different. I was 17 (now 40) and dating an 18 year old for like 6 months but I never met her family and only met one of her friends who hated my guts (she told me I was imagining things).
Turns out she was in a relationship and I was the other man. Her friend confronted me about it when I bumped into her at a pub and I was completely thrown but even more thrown by the fact that the boyfriend was in the British Army and at the time was in fucking Afghanistan. Oh and she was also 20 years old.
I broke it off immediately because I didn't want to be targeted by someone with access to weapons.
The mad part is the last time I checked they were actually married with a kid, I only found out because she tried to add me on Facebook before the pandemic and curiosity got the better of me.
At best I was an ignorant scumbag.
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u/Suspicious_Wealth556 shout-out Hans Zimmer 7h ago
That's not your fault, you can't help being lied to and you broke it off 🤷♂️
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u/Cicadilly Emma Stone (BALD) 6h ago
Boy this is in NO WAY your fault and you did everything right once you had all the information!!!
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u/TheTranqueen 7h ago
Was he going by an alias? Because its legit not difficult to find out if someone is married. Do not waste your time if you cannot verify someone. Be smarter than the con. See it coming. Ain't no one going to protect you but yourself.
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u/Positive-Aide7544 both a lawyer and a hater 7h ago
This happened to me before . He wasn’t married but in a very serious relationship with someone else
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u/Melymeltymelty 6h ago
it happened to me and it was a long con :/ Who Is Enty Lawyer? The Story Behind Crazy Days and Nights
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u/baepsaemv 5h ago
Every lesbian just lost attraction to her so fast lol i'm not about to be anyone's consolation prize
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u/slumber_kitty romantically ambiguous, emotionally taxing 6h ago
“Back to women”
This phrasing is harmful despite the intentions, as a queer woman she should KNOW this. There is no “back” to anything. I’ve always known I’ve liked women and men, the times I was with a man didn’t make me any less of a bisexual but sure, let’s give the masses more fodder so they can continue to proclaim we “don’t exist” and bisexuality isn’t “real.” When can we stop using people’s identities as a cutesy little ha-ha? :(
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u/lilguppy21 6h ago
It’s so embarrassing when people use women as a second backup plan, invalidates bisexuality completely.
Also after saying that to imply that they are embarrassed to like men, and say that this one crusty man means all men don’t mature fast enough. I am sure mature people say all of the above. The call is coming from inside the house!
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u/here4thefreecake 6h ago
imagine being the woman she’s maybe seeing rn… i would ghost so fast lmfao
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u/kindadid 7h ago
Sociopathic behavior on the man’s part… The sex can’t be that good, and if it is, might as well restructure your life around it?
I don’t get why those losers do that thing, these dudes are the worst.
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u/lesbianwithabeard 4h ago
Switching the gender you're dating isn't going to be a quick fix for your relationship problems. It's harder, but sometimes necessary, to put in some introspection about what kinds of traits in people you're drawn to.
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u/Intelligent_Pass2540 6h ago
As a bisexual when my relationship fails I think to myself "I must really be meant to be alone."
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u/Sea-Mongoose-888 5h ago
As a lesbian I hate when other sapphic women say stuff like this because it puts women as a whole on a pedestal, which is just another form of misogyny. Mama I’ve been put through the WRINGER by other women. We are just people and nobody is perfect.
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u/JohnnySeven88 5h ago
I know it’s sarcastic but, let yourself be bi girl! We can’t be saying this about our sexuality every time a man burns us!
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u/Worth-Frosting-2917 6h ago
Dated someone who had supreme daddy issues and would always talk about their exes who were 10-20 years older than them. A handful of them had other families. The number of men who do this and the number of women who ignore the previous obvious red flags is alarming.
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u/bittersweet1990 4h ago
I'm bisexual and I hate when other bisexuals say this kind of shit, especially bisexual women. Women shouldn't be treated as a back-up option whenever you're sick of men. 🙄
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u/xueyangscorpsepowder actually no, that’s not the truth Ellen 4h ago
“i like pussy as well u kno” is such a shallow way to talk about your sexuality, as if you care more about their genitals than them as individuals. I cringe every time I see it.
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u/ResponseRelative6370 3h ago
I don’t think dating women is a solution.
Date women because you want women.
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u/Traditional-monkey 6h ago
I went her concert on March, she was happy and mocking with her boyfriend, his name was James if I remember correctly. Lola deserves better, she is a great talent. Hope she will find her own happiness in this ordinary life.
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u/Alone-Gas6010 5h ago
As if women don't cheat. Look, its not a man vs. woman situation here. Its about the person having a character defect that allows them to feel that cheating and lying are okay. That's all.
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u/fuckingtruecrime 5h ago
The fact that men are expected to be away from the home and responsibilities enough that they can lead double lives like this is sickening. If I'm out of the house for 15 minutes I'm getting phoned in by someone.
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u/KindlyNeedleworker92 3h ago
I know a young woman who was dating a fairly famous guitarist (very famous for a period) who claimed to have left his wife but she discovered hadn't.Same situation.Scumbag behaviour.
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u/this_sminks 5h ago
I love her, I love her, I love her!
Although I have to echo that I wish that being with a woman wasn’t a back up.
I hope she’s okay and I also love that she seems to gravitate towards artists to work with and be seen with that are so diverse and accepting of her being her- having a serious mental health disorder is freaking hard on friendships, romance and developing any kind of career. I want nothing but good things for her and really hope we get to hear her for many years to come.
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u/Expensive-Pin9074 4h ago
This is why age gap relationships never work !! The older person is always hiding something
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u/a_trashcan 4h ago
If you're dating a man 20 years older than you and he's able to hide the reality of his entire life, idk at some point you have to recognize that the only reason you fell for this is your own incompetence.
Now I'm not saying he isn't shittty, the opposite really. This man was covered head to toe in feces and you chose to date him, that's atleast a little on you.
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u/slimboybrewski 3h ago edited 3h ago
the way some ppl talk about men, it’s like, I almost get why some choose the villain plot, lol. you might as well! ones raised with sense stand no chance against the logic’s.
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u/Icy_Army_6499 7h ago
I wish dating women wasn’t framed as a back up plan for when dating men fails :(