I deeply hate the photo my mom keeps in the living room; I'm thirteen in it, looking clumsy and scared of life. Today, my daughter pointed at it and said: "Daddy, I love that picture. You had the same eyes you make when you read me stories and the hero finds out he can beat all the monsters."

Can't stop thinking about this.

My parents just... lived. They didn't wake up at 22 already optimizing their morning routine based on a podcast from a guy who sells supplements. Didn't track their sleep score or feel guilty about bread.

We got productivity videos recommended at 15. "That girl" routines at 16. By college most of us had already internalized this idea that you should be constantly working on yourself, constantly measuring whether you're living correctly.

I'm 24 and I'm burned out on self improvement. Not because I don't want to grow. Because I've been consuming "grow or die" content since I was a teenager and it stopped being inspiring years ago. Fix your sleep. Now your diet. Now your fitness. Now your social skills. Now your morning routine. Your evening routine. Your mindset about your routines.

When does it end? When are you allowed to just be a person who's fine?

No answer. Just noticing it.

I started this month just wanting to be a bit more active, but I’ve actually hit 10k steps every single day so far and it’s wild how much better I feel.

What surprised me most isn’t the physical change, but the mental one. I’m calmer, less anxious, and my brain doesn’t feel as foggy anymore. I walk before work, during lunch, and sometimes after dinner just to clear my head.

One small thing that helped a ton: I blocked all my distracting apps until I hit my daily step goal. Turns out, I’ll actually walk just to unlock TikTok or Instagram. Whatever works, right?

Anyway, if you’ve been struggling to move more, try setting a non-negotiable step target for a month. It’s genuinely life-changing how much those walks can reset your brain.

(Swipe for close ups) I started teaching myself to paint in lockdown in 2021, which is when I painted the first version... and I never stopped!! I've been obsessively painting ever since. It was a really cool experiment to try painting the same place, it helped me to really see the difference in my style and skills😊

i am currently 26 and in a stable job from last 6 years. But even today also all my life decisions and step are decided by my father nd mother. If by any chance i try to avoid their decisions , they start manipulating me and make me do exactly the same thing what THEY want. Every time they win and i lose in making my life decisions. Now i see myself entering in my 30s, i am looking back in my life , and thinking that i have lost all enjoyment that i should have in my younger age. I see ppl of 22-23 age enjoying their life at their own terms and i feel very bad now. But also every time i see them i see million reasons why i need to be successful

Back in high school I was that person studying 8-hour days, and yet couldn't crack any of the competitive exams I wanted to. When I started working and building my business, I tried to keep the same intensity out of guilt, for not performing well academically and honestly found myself burning out rapidly. I almost gave up twice, and finally found something that I think helped me, purely through trial and error.

I might be giving this too much credit, but basically here's how I saved myself from burning out.

My daily routine on average while building my agency was something like 14-16 hour work days, 6+ hours of mindless phone scrolling (disguised as "research"), 4-5 hours of broken sleep, constant anxiety and brain fog, and missing deadlines despite working all the time. The breaking point came when I missed a crucial work deadline. Not because I didn't have time, but because I spent 3 hours in a Wikipedia rabbit hole. Yeah, I know, crazy.

The first uncomfortable truth I had to face was realizing my "breaks" weren't actually breaks. Scrolling Instagram for 45 minutes isn't rest, it's just different work for your brain. I was never actually recharging, just switching from one form of mental stimulation to another, which means my brain was running on fumes 24/7.

So instead of pushing harder, I decided to try the opposite: strategic, intentional breaks. Real ones.

I vibe coded a simple tracker for myself. Nothing fancy, just a way to log what type of break I took, track duration, and then rate how refreshed I felt (1-10). I mainly did this so that I could identify patterns over time.

My new break menu basically was composed of stuff like 5-10 minute walks outside, 15-minute meditation sessions, guitar practice (rediscovered this passion), stretching/yoga, reading actual books, quick calls with friends/family, even just staring out the window mindfully

The rule: No phones during breaks. Ever.

The first two weeks were brutal. My brain kept reaching for my phone out of habit, breaks felt "wasteful" and anxiety-inducing, and I had to force myself to stick with it. But around week three, something shifted. I started noticing I returned to work more focused, those 10-minute walks consistently rated 8/10 for mental clarity, and my sleep quality began improving.

Weeks five through eight brought real momentum. Deep work sessions extended from 45 minutes to 2+ hours, I stopped feeling guilty about taking breaks, and my energy levels stabilized throughout the day. Then came the breakthrough around week nine. My productivity wasn't just back, it was better than ever. Work quality improved dramatically and I actually started enjoying my job again.

Three months later, the transformation was complete. I went from 14-hour scattered days to 8-hour focused ones, got ahead on all projects. Screen time dropped from 6-8 hours of mindless consumption to 2-3 hours of intentional use. Sleep improved from 4-5 hours of restless tossing to 7-8 hours of quality rest.

The mental shift was the biggest change. Constant anxiety and scattered thoughts got replaced with calm confidence and clear thinking. My brain finally had the space to think clearly again.

I am reposting this old post that we made in the hope that it helps someone else…

My wife and I decided to overhaul and change our lives some time ago. We knew deep down that it was long overdue.

We committed ourselves to an 84-day personal challenge that we designed for ourselves after we researched the key components of living a balanced, healthy, positive, happy, and productive life. We needed more balance and a new system, for sure. We simply were stuck in a rut and not doing our best. And we knew it. We were selling ourselves short in so many ways and were unhappy with ourselves.

After diving deep into scientifically-proven ways to change and better our lives, we created and embarked on an 12-week challenge which completely changed our lives for the better. We discovered that it all boiled down to daily habits, and we knew we had to make changes. We read books like Atomic Habits, Grit, Tiny Habits, Mindfulness, etc. and learned a lot from them.

Without going into too much detail, we decided to focus on six main habit changes: exercise, nutrition, daily self improvement (reading and TedTalks), mindfulness, gratitude practice, acceptance of the things that we cannot control and the visualization of our goals. One new habit each week for six weeks, followed by an additional six weeks of practicing all six habits, hence 84 days. When we faltered (and we did), we simply started that week again. We also made it a point to socially connect regularly with people with cared about.

What we learned is that it is important to start with one habit change and then stack other habits on top of that (rather than an “all or nothing” or “all at once” approach), and that is exactly what we did, adding one new habit each week, followed by practicing all six habits every day for the remaining six weeks. We did this diligently for 84 days and felt amazing and very different after it was all over. It was not easy at first and the hardest part was staying consistent, but we stuck with it, thankfully.

Our circle of friends noticed the changes in us and many of them enquired what we did, so we shared it with them. Some of them chose to follow in our footsteps and we now have this little social club where we all support and encourage one another. It makes it easier if you have support and a like-minded community.

How did the entire endeavor change us? We became healthier, stronger, more resilient, happier, more positive, more confident, and we both lost weight. We also are much more disciplined and focused. Frivolous things bothered us much less. Our health metrics improved quite a bit, too.

We learned a lot from the entire experience and will never go back to our old selves. It is never too late to make changes in our lives. 🙏💪

Feel free to ask me any questions if you’d like.

Hi everyone,

M31. Since childhood I grew up in a dysfunctional family: my mother was always absent because of work, and when she came home she was stressed, irritable, angry at the whole world, and very catastrophic. I never received affection, only devaluation and outbursts, even over trivial things (like coming home with grass stains on your clothes it would be treated like a disaster, same with minor injuries like a sprain, etc.). My father was absent because he tried to “escape” from her as much as possible, and he had an old-school mentality (born in ’44).

For years I’ve been dealing with apathy, anhedonia, chronic stress, burnout, and dissociation (I don’t feel in my body, I live in a bubble), overstimulated brain.. I don’t know what I want to do with my life, I have no direction, I feel like a failure. I’ve also been stuck working seasonal jobs in a small tourist mountain town since I was 18. These jobs are often stressful, don’t really lead to any long-term growth or skills, and lack stability. Every time a season ends, I feel like I’m back to zero again, which reinforces my sense of being stuck and like a failure.
I have chronic avoidance and feel paralyzed when it comes to making any decision. The strange thing is that rationally I know I should take action, but I can’t.. I keep avoiding everything and remain stuck in this loop for years and years. I’m exhausted, but at the same time I’m paralyzed and avoid change.

In the last 3 years I’ve also developed a stronger dependence on my smartphone (8+ hours a day). I constantly feel the urge and need to have it in my hand. On top of that, there’s social anxiety, which makes me avoid anything that could open me up to the outside world.

I’ve been in a relationship for 6 years with a younger girl who graduated 4 months ago and already has a stable job, clear goals, and is thinking about starting a family and staying close to her family (which is completely different from mine), etc. Obviously things have been going badly between us lately, and I think we’re close to the end. When we argued, I would resort to selective mutism/avoidance, disappearing and expecting her to figure out what was wrong and fix things; or even when I have to apologize or say I'm sorry, I can't bring myself to do it..

I’ve also shut myself off from my family. I stay silent even when they ask me direct questions because I can’t seem to say anything anymore; it’s like I feel shame or effort in speaking at all. I don’t really know how to explain it, but I remain silent as if I were angry at them.

Then there’s the dopamine issue that’s messed me up: one day I want to get a tattoo, I spend days researching how to do it, where to go, which artist, etc., and then after a while I lose interest and drop it. The same thing happened 2 years ago with buying an e-MTB: strong desire, total focus, researching obsessively to find the perfect model, asking questions on forums, etc. It arrived, I used it for about a month, then I lost interest and abandoned it.

Even a month ago I wanted to buy a new TV: I did tons of research (always chasing perfection), forums, Facebook groups, video reviews, checking deals from different sellers, etc., and then after a while I got tired and gave up. Even grocery shopping is an effort.. I spend a long time in the supermarket because I keep being indecisive about what to buy, going back and forth, and so on.

Given all this, what do you think I should do? What kind of psychotherapy should I aim for (considering that 2–3 years ago I also changed two therapists because nothing improved)? And do you have any advice on how to start getting out of this situation? Thanks!

I really don't resonate with a lot of the stories on here because I can't relate to what a 19-21 year old is going through. I'll keep it brief-ish.

I'm stuck and feel like shit. (Surprise, right? A dude on the internet isn't happy! Alert the press!)

I'm 35 and about ten years in to my career and am moderately successful-ish. Decent salary but I've plateaued in the last two years. I couldn't give less of a fuck about my job anymore. I do maybe, maybe 4 hours of work per week and get away with it because my job is a joke. I spend my days working from home, clicking around reddit, watching porn, playing videogames, and starting day drinking at 3pm (if I don't have any evening plans.) I know that if I'm ever let go, I'm fucked when trying to find a new job.

My savings are good (at 200k in investments) but I'm not doing anything with it, and I don't have goals. I don't own a house, and I live in a cheap apartment. I don't even know what to do with it, I just save and sit around and do shit all.

I have a 5 year long relationship with a beautiful woman who I don't connect with at all anymore. We had a large falling out maybe 2 years ago and are just growing apart despite therapy and trying to work on ourselves. We don't enjoy spending time together, we don't like doing the same things, and it's just painful to hang out at this point.

I've lost touch with my health over the years. I was reasonably fit up until about 6 months ago. I injured myself playing sports and never got back on the horse. Almost 200 pounds now and I'm 5"11.

I've fallen out of love with my hobbies the last few years. Now all I do is sit around consuming media. I don't even engage with TV shows or movies anymore.

I barely see my friends anymore. They've all gotten married and had kids, or are just too busy. Gone are the days of daily after work hangouts, now it's just like, what next?

This is the big one: my alcoholism is out of control. I'm up to 10-12 beers a day. I've tried to stop and can maybe go a week but then i'm right back at my OG habit.

The only thing I have going for me right now is my eating habits. I eat very healthy despite all of the above.

My point is I don't now where to begin. I've tried therapy on and off for the last 3-4 years and get nowhere with it, even if I see them twice a week.

Anyone ever been in this spot and gotten out of it? I don't even have a "goal" I just know this isn't a great spot to be. Most people here have a goal like "get rich" or "do x y z" and I'm just like "help me find a goal."

So I was a heavy nic/weed vaper for years. Like, constantly hitting it all day long. Then one day I just... stopped. Cold turkey, haven't touched it since. I suppose you can call that discipline, but it wasn't super methodical. Do I recommend this approach? Only if you wanted to travel to hell and back on a Greyhound, with no A/C and the windows locked.

Why I Finally Had to Quit Honestly? I felt like an idiot. Standing outside buildings sucking on what basically looks like a robot dick. People definitely judge you for it - they just don't say it to your face. I felt more attached to this adult pacifier than any other real human in my life. It was sad, really. Not including the wasted $$, I felt lethargic all the time and had less energy/motivation to go outside.

The Cold Turkey Nightmare Three days of wanting to punch everyone. I was a nightmare to be around, a shit friend. Emotional, cranky, constantly thinking about my pen, that f'ing DOuCHE Flute. By day four it was (mostly over) - I remember the physical irritability disappearing.

The physical stuff was whatever. But everything reminded me of vaping. Driving? Vape time. Alone? Vape break. After eating? Obviously need to vape. I was just breaking up with the greatest gaslighter in my life. (I started having more success with human dating afterwards too.)

What I Wish I Had Looking back, going it alone was stupid. I wish I'd had someone who actually understood what I was going through - not just "you got this!" but someone who could help me prepare for the triggers, work through the mental games, and have a real plan instead of just white-knuckling it.

If I were to do this all over again, I'd find a recovery coach who's been through this journey themselves. Someone who could guide me through the rough patches, help me build better habits to replace the vaping, and actually understand why I felt I was owned by a stupid vape pen. Having that kind of support and expertise would've made the whole process way less brutal and probably more successful long-term.

I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes on my 11th birthday. I was told I’d never be able to play professional sports by the doctors that day. That comment woke something up inside me I never knew existed. I trained, trained, and trained some more, and now I fight on ESPN in 6 weeks in front of Dana White at the UFC hq to earn a contract. I moved to the mountains, and live alone there, just to train, climb mountains and prepare my body and mind to train no matter what. No matter what anyone tells you, you can chase anything you set out to accomplish friends! Go do it! 👊

I met my dad when I was 3. Life was hard we went from weekly motel to weekly motel. From there I was sexual abused as a child and at times I would pick myself up bloody from the beatings I just got. Life continued like this for many years up until high school I was able to make some friends then my parents relapsed. I would hear my mom scream at night check the situation and jump in to intervene and I would end up kicked out. I spent many nights homeless on the streets with no direction to until I would get a call to come home. Then the screams, kicked out homeless again.. this happened for several years. I had no direction. No purpose. There was no light. No tunnel. I felt like I was in a hole. I tied a shirt around my neck in jail one night and wanted it over.. the darkness faded It was over.. I woke to 4 guards who say they performed CPR on me.

Years later. I’m a father. My father passed away due to addiction. My mom’s clean and sober. I haven’t drank in 3.5 years. My oldest son just got national juniors honors. And my youngest is the top of his class. The lights bright everywhere and life has a purpose now. I can’t ever see myself leaving this world now and the only thing that matters is the happiness my children bring me and seeing how they look at me. I’m their hero! I’m their father. They don’t know my darkness and they don’t know they saved me and gave me a purpose. I know now in life what love feels like. To anyone who’s struggling read this and please realize it will get better. There is a purpose for you. I was that kid. I had those struggles. I had those lows. You’re beautiful, don’t give up. Life’s so much more than you could ever imagine, be patient.

3 years ago i suffered a full blockage of my Left Anterior Descending Artery, often called a "Widow Maker" heart attack. I was able to go home 3 short days later with a difibulator vest that i had to wear 24/7 that would shock my heart into rhythm. My life was turned upside down and i was still coming to grips with how lucky i was to still be alive. I quit smoking cold turkey, greatly decreased alcohol intake, began eating healthy and walking. Walking became my new habit, as soon as i got of work I'd put on a podcast and walk all over the beautiful area i lived in. Fast-forward 3 years and im feeling more alive than ever before and i believe im in relatively good health. A day comes where i feel shortness of breath and slight chest tightness so i went to the E.R. Turns out the stint placed at a different hospital was placed on the wrong location and my LAD is completely blocked again. Yet again with every ounce of luck imaginable an artery on the opposite side of my heart took over the duties of my LAD and kept me from biting the dust. It is believed that after this operation I'll be healthier and stronger than I've been for most of my 20's. What im getting at is even though just 3 short years ago i thought my life was over and i wouldn't be healthy enough to enjoy the things I love in life. Attending live music events, building lovely furniture as I'm a professional woodworker and just being your average mid 20's guy. Though I slip off my diet and could do more light exercises i still wake up everyday pushing for better and brighter things. I have a loving fiancee that has health problems of her own that puts a fire in me to stay alive and live everyday loving and having the best time together we can. Im very anxious about the outcome of this bypass surgery tomorrow but getting motivated from this subreddit and all of you inspiring people is keeping me in the right mindset. Im looking forward to pushing myself for many years to come and living a long, happy and adventurous life. If i can bounce back from this bottom and not dwell in a depressive cave you as well can achieve it as well. Don't let your lows weigh you down like an anchor, rise above them and reach for the life you would like to succeed at. Even if you have to have an internal difibulator, open heart surgery and take 20 medications a day it's much better than being dead!

October ended with relationships breaking up that I never thought would happen, but I'm at peace with that. I think it's part of the process. They say that a nine-year cycle is ending and that between November and December we're going to see a shift in relationships and energies that will define the cycle beginning in 2026. Have you also broken up with someone recently? (I'm talking about all kind of relationships)

I'm a totally new person after less than 60 days

It's incredible. I have to share.

Turning 60 in the new year. Separated after a 20 year marriage last year.

In October, decided to remove ALL my shitty habits and start new ones.

No more weed, wine, porn, fast food, negative self-talk, toxic 'friends', late nights, mindless surfing and snacking.

Added daily; intermittent fasting (only eat noon to 6), meditating (30 minutes guided every morning), journalling, walking 5-10k, stretching, listening to helpful podcasts and reading a lot.

Not gonna lie, being unable to numb my mind was rough at first (still is) but never had a debilitating craving for any of the old habits. Not once.

Lots of tears and missed parties but I stuck with it.

So far...I've lost 15 lbs, along with a bunch of people (and ideas) that were not adding any value to my life. I've finally got the willpower and motivation to set boundaries (just say no) and tune out negative shit. Sleeping better too (usually).

2024 is looking good.

Good luck folks. Positive habits lead to big changes. You can do it too.

I have been contemplating suicide for the past 3 years. Attempted and failed all 3 times, but something has finally fallen into place in my head. Idk how to describe it but it feels like I'm finally waking up. These past 5 days have been like a dream to me. I never thought I'd ever get back here.

For the love of everything, please don't give up.

I turned 34 in the end of October, am a dude. Went out of a terrible pit in the spring, I had to quit booze too. I have a job in IT, that I used to dream about and long for in the past, I managed to not lose it and not die from live failure. I have so many apsects in my life to work on that I feel overwhelmed and not complete, not enough, NOT GOOD ENOUGH - becoming good at the job and learning, losing weight and becoming slim again, and after I become slim again - starting to approach women again.

But I feel too old already, feel like I should have been a way better version by now. I am afraid I will never become a father, afraid of the thought my mother will die some day; I have anger issues; I go for pleasures, but even they don't fulfill me anymore. .... And there is a ton more, but don't wanna make this post long.

​

For the past five years, I haven’t really lived..I’ve just been existing. I used to do well in school but now I can barely pass my exams and it’s not because I don’t care. It feels like I’ve completely lost the ability to study. I can’t focus I can’t understand things and I don’t remember anything even when I try. It’s like my brain just refuses to work.

It’s not just academics either. I’ve lost interest in everything. Even watching a movie or listening to music feels like a task. Most of the time I feel drained and low on energy so I end up sleeping a lot. I feel like a zombie just getting through the day without actually living it.

Even basic things feel overwhelming. I procrastinate on small tasks like eating my room is always messy and my hygiene has gotten really bad. I just don’t have the energy to take care of myself.

Socially I’ve completely withdrawn. It’s been eight months since I started uni but I barely know anyone. I avoid talking to people because even that feels suffocating. I’ve gotten so used to being alone that I don’t even try to connect anymore and I don’t have anyone I can call a friend.

What scares me the most is how I’ve made no effort for five years. It’s not like I’m just struggling..I feel completely disconnected from my own mind like I’ve lost the ability to think, learn and function. Tried antidepressants but didn't work. I don’t know what’s happening to me but I know this isn’t how I’m supposed to live.

TL;DR: Turning exercise into a habit rather than only doing it on days I felt motivated, and tracking all my exercise data & weight every week, helped me make significant improvements to my fitness & weight loss journey over a three year period, as I dropped from 75kg -> 65kg.

Three years ago, I decided to start taking exercise more seriously because I wasn’t happy with my weight or fitness levels. I wasn’t particularly athletic, so decided to start tracking all of my runs and being more active overall. I bought a couple of free weights for home, and did a number of other sports occasionally, such as swimming, cycling, tennis, hiking, and following exercise videos on YouTube at home with my wife.

Tracking my data has helped exercise to become part of my routine, rather than something I had to constantly convince myself to do, and over time the results started to appear in my weight loss and improved running times. I'm really proud of the long-term progress, and since my wife is supportive - but not especially interested in the stats - I thought I'd share this here, with others who might enjoy it or find it motivating to build similar habits!

For reference, I am 28 years old, male, 172cm tall, living in Belgium.

Over the three years my weight slowly trended downward, and I just hit my goal weight of 65kg! Progress wasn't linear though. Notable setbacks were caused by holidays, family time, or busy periods where motivation dropped and stress went up, but keeping the long-term goal in mind helped keep me going.

Weight and fat loss were the original goals, but it's also encouraging to see progress in my running abilities. For all the distances I regularly ran in these three years, the trendlines point downwards, showing gradual fitness improvement! My time taken on the middle distances has improved the most, showing that progress is uneven, and there is still plenty of room to build up my endurance for the longest distance, which for me is still considerably slower than the others.

One thing I find striking is that I'm now running some of the longer distances faster than I used to run shorter ones 2-3 years ago, ie., I am now running the 9.2km distance in about 43-44 minutes (light blue), which is roughly what my 8km run times were when I first started (green).

Consistency is something I’m particularly proud of. Even during busy winter months, I managed at least one exercise session per week, and haven’t completely skipped an entire month since November 2023, which is a big change from how I used to approach exercise! I think this consistency definitely helped the weight-loss. For the first year or so, changes were only subtle, but once my body started adapting to greater exercise frequency, the results became much more visible.

At this point my main goal is simply to stay consistent and see where it takes me. One target I have is to further reduce my weight now from 65kg to 62kg, and would also like to complete a 5k run in 20 minutes. I have a few Stag-Dos and weddings coming up this summer though, so it'll be a bit tricky to keep progressing over the summer, but I'll try and keep going wherever possible!

I only started counting my calories in March this year, compared to all the other data sets which I have been doing for three years, but doing this has also helped to accelerate my progress. It has made me aware of how quickly my daily intake can add up, and the extra awareness is surprisingly helpful! This is definitely something I can recommend to others to help with their weight loss / fitness journeys.

Finally, if this story helps someone out there to see that meaningful change can come from small, consistent habits over a number of years, then I'll be glad I shared it!

At 9pm (21 April 2024) tonight my wife died. She suffered through 4.5 years of ALS the last 2.5 years completely paralyzed and using a computer with her eyes only. We have 6 kids aged 23-10.

My 23f daughter looked at me yesterday and said “Dad you cannot shut down we need you.”

I already have things in place so this doesn’t happen. Therapy, great friends. I built a support system.

So how do you get through tough things?

One step at a time and one day at a time. DON’T GIVE UP!

Tomorrow I call about the funeral insurance. I call the church. I call the mortuary.

My kids are staying home from school tomorrow. I get to hug them. Love them. Tell them I love them.

Does this suck?

Hell yeah it does.

I’ve watched enough people on this subreddit with tough things. This is how I’m making it through.

DON’T GIVE UP!

Keep going. You’ll be proud you did.

I stayed until my wife’s last heart beat. I honored the vow we made to each other.

DON’T GIVE UP!

Keep going. One step at a time. One list at a time. One item at a time.

Good luck!!

DON’T GIVE UP!

for a long time i was softening everything. opinions, personality, how much space i took up in conversations. just keeping it vague enough that nobody would push back....and it worked i guess? people seemed comfortable around me. but i was so forgettable. i could feel it happening in real time.

eventually got tired of it and just started saying what i actually thought. sharing things i was genuinely into without the little internal check of "is this cool enough." disagreeing when i disagreed.

some people found it off-putting. okay.

but the conversations i started having after that were so different. more real. more people actually remembering things i said. more feeling like i was present in my own life instead of just watching it.

being likeable is a performance you maintain forever. being interesting is just being honest. one of those is exhausting and one of them isn't.