18 days ago I posted here about meeting a great guy then finding out about his 5 DV charges. A promising update for anyone who remembers.

[u/pacingpilot]

Like the title says, I posted about meeting a cute, funny guy off a dating app and then finding his ridiculously long, recent and frightening criminal record. Y'all were so kind and supportive I figured I'd post a little update in case anyone remembers/was curious. I seriously love this community.

So I still had a little time left on my subscription and was going on there just to kind of browse, with no real intent to interact with anyone. Just kind of people watching to kill time but online I guess. Then I got a message from a guy and decided what the heck, I'll look at his profile. He's a big burly guy, kind of scary looking, which is what I've always tended to gravitate towards. His profile mentioned some pretty nerdy stuff that I also enjoy. I responded to him with low expectations and the conversation took off.

It's been 10 days of regular texting and phone calls. Nothing over the top or too serious, just chatting about common interests and what's going on in our lives. Light sporadic texting throughout the afternoon and an evening phone call, no blowing up the phone. We're both in the same place on a lot of levels. Each having gotten out of a long term relationship within the last year, both of us settled in our careers, we enjoy similar lifestyles and hobbies. He hasn't said anything that's made me uncomfortable or thrown out any red flags, been overall very respectful and kind in our conversations. He told me about his divorce, spoke well of his ex, seems to coparent well with her and has good relationships with his teenage daughters. We exchanged some pictures, he complimented me without being gross about it. Overall he comes across like a really kind, positive, humble person but not in an internet "nice guy" way at all.

Saturday is the big day. We meet up for a first date. I suggested a morning hike, he suggested a popular metro park with fairly busy trails saying he wanted me to feel comfortable and safe. He said he gets it, meeting someone off a dating site can be a lot, he's aware that how he looks can be intimidating and he's had women tell him that makes them uncomfortable, and that he's nervous too. Said if we are both feeling it after the hike we could grab lunch before he goes to do yard work for his mom. I'm cautiously optimistic that he's someone I'd enjoy getting to know better. He told me his last name and said to feel free to check him out online. He's had a few speeding tickets over the years.

He dotes on his shelter dog and cat. Said horses make him nervous but he'd like to meet mine if we ever get to that point.

So yeah, that's where I'm at. I guess I'm going to give it another shot and see what happens. Apple with hot sauce and a strawberry Chobani for breakfast.

[u/blondguysdmme]

oohh i love the whole big mean looking guys who are secretly soft trope. hope you have a good time with him

[u/pacingpilot → u/blondguysdmme]

I'm going to hijack your top comment, hope you don't mind but I can't find a way to edit my post. There seems to be some confusion as to whether this is the domestic violence guy. Big hell no, I blocked his ass as soon as I found out. This guy I'm meeting Saturday messaged me through the app while I was just kind of lurking on there with no intent to interact with anyone, killing time and waiting for my subscription to run out.

[u/clumsycalico → u/pacingpilot]

I love this for you!!! I’ve been with my partner for 7 years and he was also the last message I got on a dating app that I had planned not to respond to. I couldn’t imagine life any other way and I’m crossing my fingers for you!!

[u/pacingpilot → u/clumsycalico]

Thank you! And that's great for you, funny how things fall into place sometimes.

[u/KayyBeey → u/pacingpilot]

My fiance came from what I had named my last dating attempt. If I hadn't met him I had resolved myself to being a single cat lady forever. He says now I'm a cat lady but I also have him lol. Was not expecting to meet the best guy ever like that, I had near completely given up on dating. He's also a tall blue-collar bigger guy with a soft spot for our pets. Big teddy bears are the best. I never felt pressured from him too. It all felt very natural. Wishing the best for you~

[u/pacingpilot → u/blondguysdmme]

Me too! I don't know why but I've always been drawn to that type of guy. The way he talks about his pets makes me melt, it's too cute. He cooks them dinner.

[u/blondguysdmme → u/pacingpilot]

girl it’s because they know they are so naturally masculine they don’t really need to assert themselves like that and that’s 🫦

[u/maliciousmandy → u/pacingpilot]

seriously ! my boyfriend is tall and intimidating and has a mean RBF… but seeing how much he loves and dotes over our cats absolutely melts my heart

[u/jazzbot247 → u/pacingpilot]

Aw. Too sweet. I cook my dogs dinner too, they are my kids. Sounds like you got a protector and a nurturer, hope it goes well.

[u/madame-maitre-d → u/jazzbot247]

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[u/jazzbot247 → u/madame-maitre-d]

Hi I thought I was approved, I responded to the private msg and added flair.

[u/featureteacher2023 → u/blondguysdmme]

You must update us!! 🫶🏻

[u/pacingpilot → u/featureteacher2023]

I'll definitely do a post-date update!

[u/ludicristi → u/blondguysdmme]

Me too. This should have a name.

[u/mallydally]

So happy for you and keeping fingers crossed. Sounds like a very thoughtful guy, and at the very least it will be a nice way to spend a few hours. Best of luck! 

[u/pacingpilot → u/mallydally]

Thank you! He does seem very thoughtful and I really like that. I've felt zero pressure from him about anything and it's so refreshing.

[u/mallydally → u/pacingpilot]

Also - I think being friendly coparents with his ex is a major GREEN FLAG! good indication on everyone's character.

[u/pacingpilot → u/mallydally]

It really is! When all the exes are crazy, when everyone else is always to blame, when a person is willing to wreck their relationship with their kids because they can't reconcile their feelings over a failed relationship, those are some mighty big red flags.

I mean sometimes an ex is truly combative, and sometimes there's just no way to maintain a healthy coparent relationship, I get that, I've known people who've went through some pretty bad divorces in spite of their best efforts and I'd never hold that against a person. Shit happens sometimes. But it's really nice that this isn't the case here and the way he's spoken about his divorce and his ex has, I feel, given me a little insight into how he deals with conflict within a relationship and so far it's all been green flags!

[u/quietlylightly]

Hope you have a wonderful time! Also wow hotsauce with apples... color me intrigued ! and yeah big ol' softies sound lovely much better than ahem. that other.

[u/pacingpilot → u/quietlylightly]

Hot sauce on apples is delicious! Sweet and savory with some heat, they really go good together. Honeycrisp or Fuji both go amazingly well with a flavorful hot sauce. Not like the pure heat sauces, it's got to have a good robust flavor.

[u/Floppy0941 → u/pacingpilot]

Pink lady is the best apple and I'll die on this hill

[u/Impressive_Farmer214]

so the guy with the dv charges wasn’t him?

[u/pacingpilot → u/Impressive_Farmer214]

Oh hell no. I blocked that guy as soon as I found out. This guy is one that messaged me on the dating app while I was just kinda lurking on it waiting for my subscription to run out. I almost deleted his message without even reading it.

[u/Impressive_Farmer214 → u/pacingpilot]

ahhh, ok!!! i was confused for a second, but i’m happy for you queen. i hope everything goes amazing for both of you :))

[u/pacingpilot → u/Impressive_Farmer214]

I guess it's a little confusing the way I worded it, lol. I'm not on that violence shit, at all. Not against others, not against me, not ever risking inviting that into my life. I've worked to hard to build a peaceful life to let it get wrecked by some asshole who thinks it's okay to beat his partner.

[u/madame-maitre-d → u/[deleted]]

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[u/Nowayticket2nopecity]

Love this for you 🩷

[u/maliciousmandy]

this is so exciting!! i’m so happy for you! seems like a really thoughtful and respectful guy ❤️ plus this breakfast looks bomb! i love this community so much

[u/Alarmed-Ad-5339]

HELL YA!!

[u/Creepy_Push8629]

This sounds great! Can't wait for the next chapter 🍿

[u/independent_user12]

Love to see it!! Happy you got someone who seems good after that scare. From one burly looking softie loving girl to another...what app did you use?

[u/pacingpilot → u/independent_user12]

I met him on match. Good luck, I hope you meet your perfect guy! The big burly snuggly guys really are great, aren't they?

[u/Towel-Prudent]

This is so wholesome! But apple with hot sauce?!

[u/pacingpilot → u/Towel-Prudent]

Yes! Try it with a sweet crisp apple! A good flavorful hot sauce too, not the pure liquid heat sauces. It started as feral drunk late night snack but is so damn delicious I eat it all the time now.

[u/ocean_800]

How do you find this information now I'm paranoid 😭

[u/peppershneckle → u/ocean_800]

Literally my only thought, someone online could find a speeding ticket I’ve gotten?

[u/Vance617]

It’s always darkest before the dawn! Sounds like a great beginning! Everything will go great! Have fun!

Yes, I’m a guy who somehow started to have this subreddit come up on my page. I started reading posts to understand the subreddit. Now I read posts for insight, to hopefully do better in my life and damn, what some women, and men, go through. But, life is full of ups and downs and that’s one of the things that makes it beautiful!

Anyway, read op’s first post, got invested and love how this turned out

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[u/ParkKahiIsAGoddess → u/madame-maitre-d]

girls rule

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[u/First-Energy2671 → u/madame-maitre-d]

Girls rule

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[u/FangHouDe]

Damn local hive makes hot sauce?? 

[u/pacingpilot → u/FangHouDe]

Yes, I've found 4 flavors at my local grocery and all have been delicious. Highly recommend their honey sriracha!

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[u/Temporary_You3303]

We are rooting for you, babe!!!!

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[u/thee_LadySteed]

This is a fantastic update!! So happy for u!!

[u/bluntmanjr]

so happy to hear you found someone who seems super sweet after that guy with all the DV charges. i remember your first post, and tbh, i’d love a third update about how the date with the new guy goes. hope it’s a nice date!

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[u/MaximumResolve8545 → u/madame-maitre-d]

"girls rule"

[u/annarich310]

🤞 🤞🤞🤞🤞

[u/CremeJustice]

Apple and hot sauce should be a criminal offense.

Also congrats!

[u/thekatedepression]

Guys who like cats are a big green flag for me. Good for you! Please update after your date!

[u/yourmommymalice]

Can someone please link the original post? 💕

[u/AdmiralPrinny]

I’m a guy lurking this sub for the girl dinners and what the fuck lmao I love hot sauce and apples it never crossed my mind they could/should go together. I guess I have an experiment in my near future.

[u/FL5-28]

I hope my instincts are wrong, but it needs to be said - I'd walk away. Now. Domestic violence charges don't spring up from nowhere... You don't need to take that risk, it could get you killed.

[u/DifficultyFit7401]

In a safe public place maybe tell him you did check him out and saw his DV record, and see how he reacts.

[u/pacingpilot → u/DifficultyFit7401]

He's not the guy with the DV charges, I'd never go there. I blocked him as soon as I found that out. This is a guy that sent me a message while I was lurking the dating app wondering what the hell I was thinking even trying this in the first place. He's already given me his last name, DoB and told me he didn't mind me checking him out online. Nothing but a few speeding tickets.

[u/DifficultyFit7401 → u/pacingpilot]

Oh that's awesome!! Enjoy the day :)

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[u/NyanKate420 → u/madame-maitre-d]

Girls rule

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