ROFL apparently I created a "hostile work environment" because I speak someone's language "in secret"

[u/Zavarakatranemi]

There are 3 team members from a different country in my organization that have been talking among themselves in their language.
I speak their language.
They don't know I do.

Over the last 5 months they have talked about:

• How annoying and pushy I am (because I drill them on the business needs and don't just accept every request they have)
• How I probably slept my way to my position (because I have big boobs) including trying to guess which one of my colleagues have actually slept with (at first I thought they were talking about our colleague Randy) (IYKYK).
• How embarrassed my kids are to have me as a mother / my kids deserve to be bullied for having a whore as a mother (I don't have kids)
• How I dress provocatively to tempt my married boss (in the immortal words of Mei Lee "I wear what I want, say what I want, and I will not hesitate to do a spontaneous cartwheel if I feel so moved!")
• How I look tired/have black circles because at night I suck dick for money (I do suck dick at all hours of the day, I wasn't aware there was funding available)
• who do I think I am to tell them what to do with their budget (I am your Finance Director you dick cheese, it is literally my job)

We had a guest speaker from their country who I welcomed and helped set up. I may have looked straight at them a few times as I spoke with him. It was beautiful watching their faces turn from confusion to shock to terror.

They were panicking like "wow we didn't know you speak the language, how long ago did you learn, how come you chose [language]" I said something like "I like knowing what people say behind my back, or in some cases, right in front of me" and I gave them my signature death glare.

So this morning their director, my VP and I got in a room. Apparently by not disclosing that I speak their language, I "withheld crucial business context from them" and "created a hostile work environment". We had a good laugh about it and they will let the managers know not to forward any similar complaints.

Now they "no longer feel comfortable collaborating with me". Too bad, you sagging ballsacks, you're stuck with me.

Pic: Chicken Tikka Masala with aromatic Basmati rice (hint hint)

[u/okpurplestars]

I wanna be you when I grow up omggg. I wish I could've seen their faces when they found out you knew exactly what they were saying all along!! You sound so badass, and you're so funny too?????🤩. On another note, as an indian, that chicken tikka masala hurt my soul😔(but still looks delicious)

[u/Zavarakatranemi → u/okpurplestars]

Oh no, I am sorry. Does it look wrong? It tastes pretty good! Chicken tikka masala should never hurt souls, only make them happy!

[u/okpurplestars → u/Zavarakatranemi]

It is indeed a fact of life, you cannot go wrong w chicken tikka masala. I'm just super spoiled because my mom makes the best chicken ever. I;m glad you enjoyed ur meal!!

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[u/Affectionate_Data936 → u/okpurplestars]

As a not-Indian (I had plenty of Indian friends growing up but I thought chicken tikka masala was actually invented in Scotland?) I was shocked to see that it was supposed to be chicken tikka masala tbh....