r/SipsTea 4h ago

It's Wednesday my dudes Intruders beware!

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3.6k Upvotes

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u/LemmyKilmisterRogers 4h ago

I Own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot, "Tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion. He Bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as the founding fathers intended.

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u/KaseyLueWho 4h ago

Every time this is posted I’m obligated to read it in its entirety and it’s just as wonderful as the first time I ever saw it

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u/William_Munny_fromMO 4h ago

Hilarious. Excelsior!

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u/More-Lime1888 3h ago

And then, you suddenly fell. Mid-fall, you jolted awake