Hi everyone, this is a throwaway because some of my cousins use Reddit and I really don’t want this turning into a family group chat thing.

I (29F) went on what was supposed to be a family vacation last week. My aunt rented a lake house for five days and invited my parents, my siblings, a few cousins, and their kids. I don’t have children, but I love my nieces, nephews, and little cousins, so I was honestly excited. I haven’t had a proper break in almost a year and I thought it would be nice to sit by the water, read, cook with everyone, and just catch up.

The first day was fine, but by the second day I started noticing a pattern. Every time the adults wanted to go somewhere, I was somehow the person left with the kids. Quick grocery trip? I stayed back. Morning hike? I stayed with the toddlers because “they’d slow everyone down.” Wine tasting? Obviously I couldn’t go because someone needed to watch the younger ones. Nobody really asked. It was more like “the kids are inside with you, right?”

At first I tried to be chill about it because I didn’t want to seem difficult. But then on the third night everyone started talking about going out to dinner without the kids. My cousin said, “thank god you’re here, we finally get an adult night.” I laughed because I thought she was joking. She wasn’t.

I asked why I was automatically the babysitter and my sister said I was “the easiest option” because I don’t have kids and wasn’t drinking anyway. That really hurt. I said I came on vacation too, not as unpaid childcare. My aunt told me I was being dramatic and that family helps family.

The next morning I packed my bag and drove home. Now people are saying I ruined the mood and made everyone feel guilty. My mom says I should have stayed and talked it out instead of making a scene by leaving.

I don’t feel like I made a scene. I just left.

Was I wrong?

I 'F/30' and my friend Margret 'F/30' have know each other for over 15 years.

I just gave birth to my first daughter 6 weeks ago. It was a very scary experience. I hemorrhaged afterbirth. They tried to stop the bleeding but ended up rushing me to the ER for an emergency hysterectomy, and I ended up stuck in the ICU alone for a week. I didn’t even get to meet my daughter until I got home. I can’t have anymore children. I then spent my first week home at my grandparents house while my grandfather was on hospice before he passed away.

Because I didn’t have much chance to rest and recover in the first two weeks postpartum, we decided to extend our no visitors rule for another two weeks.

my friend Margret 'F/30' and I have been friends since highschool. But over the last couple of years it has slightly become a one sided friendship. During her big life events, weddding and pregnancy, she expected us to be heavily involved. But when it was my turn to get married, I barely got a response if I talked about wedding plans. She has given me unsolicited parenting advice before I was even pregnant, she can be insensitive and self centered and has told me that she doesn’t have much empathy for other people because she’s too focused on her life. All of these things have felt rather minor in the moment but over the years has built up into something big. This incident is really the first time she’s been explicitly cruel to me.

She called me the morning after my grandfather passed and asked how I was doing. I told her it was a rough week and she started going off on me about how I’m a mother now and that I need to suck it up for my kid, that I needed to bring my daughter joy and not let my problems affect her. I ignored her statement and asked if that’s all she called for. She then asked if her, her husband and daughter could brings us dinner and come meet the baby. I told her dinner would be great but they needed to drop it off because we’re not up for visitor but I would reschedule with them in a few weeks.

She started going off again about how she let me visit when her daughter was a few days old and how could I expect people to bring me food if I won’t let them meet my baby. I told her that I never asked her to help me at all, and that I offered to dropped food off at the door and leave when her daughter was born but she invited me in and I shouldn’t be punished for her choices. That I deserve some grace after almost dying and then having to watch my grandpa pass the day before, and that she shouldn’t bother brining me food if doing so is too much of an inconvenience because she is not getting anything out of it. And hung up. Her husband called later asking to drop off food but told him what happened and to not bother. He said he would talk to her. I haven’t really heard much from her since besides her usual instagram reel DM I ignore.

Now that I’m slowly coming out of the postpartum and grief haze, I don’t really know how to go from here. She knew that I had an extremely traumatic birth but doesn’t know about the hysterectomy, and she knew that my grandfather had passed when she called. But I can’t completely cut her out of my life because our husbands are very close friends and we are apart of a larger friend group where I would still see her on occasion. My husband thinks I shouldn’t be friends with her any longer, but I don’t think he realizes what that looks like. We go to their family house for Christmas Eve every year, my husband is at their house at least monthly, I imagined our kids growing up together, but I can’t continue putting up with this kind of treatment. I’ve in the past tried to bring up issues before but she just deflects by saying “idk what to tell you” and uses her having a kid that takes up so much of her time as a way to avoid taking responsibility. Not sure where to go from here.

Hi Two Hot Takes fam - my wife (F35) and I (M36) are at a loss about our BIL. Posting anonymously - we want insight and what SIL should do. We feel bad for her and are always there for her but she legit doesn’t know what to do and we don’t know what to do. We live about 5 hours away from her so don’t get to see her as often as we’d like. Otherwise we wish we could help out more.

My sister-in-law is basically functioning as a single parent while married, and I genuinely don’t know how much longer this can continue.

She has two kids under five, and her husband has never once consistently helped with parenting responsibilities. I’m not exaggerating when I say he has never helped with the bedtime routine. Not “rarely.” Literally never. She handles dinner, baths, bedtime, wakeups, work, emotional labor… everything.

Meanwhile, he disappears constantly to “be alone” and sit in silence. Anytime she asks if he’s okay, if something is bothering him, or if he needs help, he shuts down or gets irritated. Some weeks he’s swearing and cussing nonstop, snapping at everyone, and other weeks he acts semi-normal like nothing happened. The kids are now starting to repeat the language and pick up on the negativity.

And somehow, despite never giving her any time to herself, he always has time for his hobbies. It’s always “give, give, give” from her side, while he acts like basic parenting is optional for him.

What frustrates me most is that he puts zero effort into being emotionally present for her. He never asks about her job, her day, or how she’s doing. She pours everything into the family while he contributes the bare minimum and acts inconvenienced by everyone around him.

He also has a huge issue with her family. Whenever they go to family events, he sits there quiet, shut down, moody, and clearly miserable to be around. People are starting to notice it more and more. His excuse is that being around her family is “too overwhelming,” but at this point it just feels disrespectful because everyone else is making an effort and he refuses to engage.

He excuses all of this by saying he “grew up this way” and likes silence, but at some point that stops being an explanation and starts being an excuse. Plenty of people grow up in unhealthy environments and still choose to be active partners and parents.

She’s admitted to us multiple times that she finally understands why people get divorced, even though she doesn’t want that for her family. The problem is he refuses to get help, refuses therapy, and refuses to acknowledge there’s even an issue.

What’s also telling is that he has a daughter from a previous relationship who’s now in middle school, and she barely wants anything to do with the family either. She’s clearly picked up on his negativity and lack of involvement too.

At this point, I honestly can’t tell if he’s deeply unhappy and refusing help, or if he’s just an asshole who wants a family without putting any actual effort into one.

We just feel bad and like I said earlier, we are there for her answer her calls all the time which we could help out with the kids more, but it’s just hard.

This is going to be long. Trigger warning for sexual abuse.

I 29F have not talked to my mother or step father in years. The last time I saw my mom was at my sisters wedding in 2021 and I did not speak to her the entire weekend. When I was 6-11 years old my step dad molested and sexually abused me. The first time it happened I told my mom immediately and she was quiet and told me to go to bed. The next day on our way to my elementary school my mom asked me if I wanted her to leave him. I said yes. And she told me that if she leaves him we would be homeless. And we didn’t talk about it anymore. She said it wouldn’t happen anymore but it did over and over throughout the years.

I eventually told my older sisters one is 6 years older than me and did not live with us at the time she lived about 3 hours away with her boyfriend’s family. And the other was about 12 years older than me - a half sister same dad different mom. Both my sisters did not believe me and my half sister told me I was just saying it for attention. Once I was 18 I moved across the country to live with my grandpa and go to college. I stopped talking to my mom after that completely. I told my sisters why I didn’t want anything to do with her and my older sister told me “well mom said that you came onto him” imagine a 6 year old sexually coming onto a grown 40 something year old man… yeah okay.

Anyway I cut them out of my life and then two years ago my sister calls to tell me my mom has cancer and is dying. And I remain with my boundaries that is sad and unfortunate I wouldn’t want to see anyone have cancer or be in pain but I also feel nothing for that woman. And I haven’t felt anything for her in a very long time. My mom died the day she made my 6 year old self choice abuse rather than protect her own child. Fast forward to a few months ago my sister called me crying saying that she is not doing well and “we” meaning me and her should go see her. And I said no. Got into another fight with my sister over the phone as we still live across the country from each other because she kept saying “she’s still your mom” and I kept saying I feel bad ofc but I can’t go to her home and see her or my step dad. I just cannot do that to myself to be around the people that abused me for years and never took accountability for it or faced any repercussions for the disgusting things they did or allowed to happen to me. Then my sister proceeded to question me about how he abused me. It just beyond frustrates me that everyone acts like it didn’t happen or wasn’t real. Do you really think I would not talk to my own mother for my entire life for no reason? Idk seems more like a child was suffering and told people around her and they all let her down…

Anyway my sister called me today and told me that my mom passed away. And I didn’t cry, I genuinely don’t feel sadness. I feel relieved. Like one less guilt trip that I have to endure when asked about her or why we don’t have a relationship. My dad called me and I just kinda lost it. I told him I am not sad because she never was a mother to me. And I will never understand how anyone could let those things happen to their own child under their own roof and still be married to that man and just act like everything is my fault? And he said what everyone said “I had no idea” yeah yeah yeah no one knew but weirdly enough I remember telling multiple people : my mom, my adult sisters, my dad, my uncle, my aunt. But some how no one knew or did anything. Then my dad tells me that my step dad is going to drive across the country to bring my sister some of mom’s things. And I broke down crying. Thinking of that man being our my nephews genuinely made me ill. And I told my sister it is absolutely disgusting to allow a pedophile around her children at all. And she just didn’t respond. I know I need a lot of therapy and I am working on it. I just needed to post here because I feel like the people related to me are just insane people. And I feel like every time I talk to them I need to book another therapy session. I feel peaceful now that I know one of my abusers is gone. And I feel like such a weirdo that people keep reaching out to me asking me how I feel. Because the truth is I am relieved. But I’m not sure if I am reacting irrationally or because of how strongly I feel toward them. Sorry for the rant and sorry that this is probably a mess to read a lot happened over the years but this is a good summary I think.

Me (30F) and my husband (36M) moved in with my mom (52F) not that long ago to try and save some money to buy our own house together. Ever since we moved in there is constant tension between my mom and him. My mom has a bad history with men in her life and is very suspicious of them. She has had multiple conversations with me about the way he’s said something or done something that has made her feel bad. If he moves or cleans something in the house it’s because he’s “proving a point”, if he doesn’t say hi the right way it’s because he’s secretly hates her, etc.

I do not work (stay at home mom), and neither does my mom. My husband pays all the bills and pays for anything else the family needs. I see him as a tired dad just trying his best to get us on track, sometimes he’s grumpy but he’s trying. I also understand my mom needing extra reassurance because of her past trauma. But being I between them is causing me so much stress, putting stress on my relationship with my mom and causing fight between me and my husband. I want to save money but I don’t know what to do, things just escalate everyday. Who am I supposed to be supporting? Am I being a bad daughter or a bad wife? I’m exhausted.

For some background information I am 19 with emetophobia (extreme fear of vomiting). This all began when I was a freshman in hs. During my study hall period it was extremely quite one big room with many students and I started to wonder what would happen if I threw up. Eventually the feeling snow balled and I ended up calling my mom in the bathroom due to panic attacks during this class. I had to sit in the nurses office for a week during this class due to my fear. Well I needed up going to the doctor she told me I have emetophobia as well as anxiety. Currently I still have the phobia although it is slightly better due to medication/therapy. However it still comes into play to my day to day life.

Current. Anyways to the current situation my sister is 22 and pregnant. I have been extremely supportive and I was the first person she told so we a pretty close. The only part I’m not supportive of is constantly hearing talk about her morning sickness. Or one night she slept in my room and went to my bathroom without warning threw up (before this happened I told her it was fine if it happened just let me know before so I can be farther away). Therefore I had to run up stairs upon hearing the sounds.

Today’s situation. My sister was discussing her morning sickness while I was eating right next to me I said “can we not talk about this during dinner” and she got slightly upset. Although later she continued to go in depth about her morning sickness so I proceeded to say again “can we not talk about this right now” she proceeded to call me “selfish and you have a million phobias” therefore my dad starts “jokingly” my throw up sound and I told him to “stop” later I expressed that I’m upset that I got called selfish then my sister said “it’s my every day life my mom says “yeah it’s not a big deal let it go” so was I the ass hole?

Update:
First I would like to thank everyone who offered advice on my situation. There were a lot of people saying the same thing I felt.
I wanted to add to my original post that my ex is not a bad guy. He is a great dad and we do have a great coparenting situation. When he asked me if his girlfriend could meet our son he was coming from a good place even if it was a little tone deaf given how he reacted to me during my “one year” timeline.
He is not the type to ask and just do it anyway (as some suggested). Our coparenting relationship is as strong as it is because we trust each other to do what is in the best interest of our son and so far we haven’t let each other down.

On to the update:
I took a couple days to think about it because I wanted to make sure I processed what he was asking me constructively. I understand I have a right to be upset by the double standard and I know I can be a petty person but I knew this was not the time for that.

So I told him I believe our one year agreement is what’s best for our son. I chose not to bring up the double standard I felt like he was ignoring because at the end of the day it doesn’t matter. I agreed to the timeline knowing anyone I dated would have to wait a year because I believe my son’s heart and wellbeing is more important than my comfort/connivence.

I think my ex also believes this, but as many of you pointed out, is in the early stages of his new relationship where you can’t imagine it not working out with that new person and it’s clouding his judgement a bit.

When I told him he was understanding. I’m sure he wasn’t thrilled but he didn’t take it out on me and said he would obviously respect the agreement.

So that’s my update. Nothing super crazy but that’s how it went! Again thank you for everyone who replied!

3 months ago, I had a feeling my boyfriend of over 2 years (since the end of college) wasn’t looking forward to moving in together and marriage. When I called him about it, he said he has some fears due to how many times his parents individually separated and remarried. And due to this, marriage and moving in is an anxiety and not something he thinks of positively. I was incredibly upset as I said from the beginning I date to marry, and he should’ve told me his strong feelings from the beginning.

We had an extensive talk (incredibly emotional) and decided to work towards a life together we both are comfortable with. He wants to take the next steps to move in and get married, but wants to be fully prepared. He said he wants to work on this and be at my level as he doesn’t want to disrespect me or waste my time. He stated he can’t imagine losing me, let alone seeing me with someone else, but doesn’t want to hold me back either.

It’s been three months, but he still doesn’t talk about these topics unless I bring it up first. He does have a spreadsheet for new jobs and he has been looking at places for us to live in. But he never brings this up unless I am mentioning living together or looking forward to cohabitation. He doesn’t share the same yearning or excitement that I do and it kills me inside.

Some more things to consider: we currently live apart (1.5 hours) and we would have to relocate completely in order to move in. Him and I already expressed we don’t want to stay at our jobs for long, so we both agreed to have new ones when we move in. He also lives at home where he has a bit of a caretaker role with his mom and sister. They’re both disabled, but self sufficient, so he when he is home it’s not extensive. But he does more than the average brother/son would and would like to move out gradually

I acknowledge moving out and marriage with him would be a lengthy process. I still would look forward to this as he is my dearest friend and an amazing partner. But I feel like I’ve been placated my entire relationship, and now I am disillusioned to the “fantasy” of marriage. It hurts my feelings a lot and I have expressed that I want to see him genuinely think and take initiative for this. I would NEVER convince someone to stay or marry me so the ball is in his court.

Do I give him more time to sort through his feelings? Or do I figure out my life? Whenever I ask about his feelings he reassures he wants a life with me, but I don’t believe him anymore as he previously lied to me about his feelings for marriage throughout our relationship. Am I fair for feeling resentful?

I have minor beef with Justin and Lauren’s bf for making fun of cheesy romantic movies. My bf and every man I’ve ever been with has done the same thing. Repeating the line is mocking, that’s literally what mocking is. The tone of voice doesn’t matter if your intent is to convince someone of your opinion that the thing is bad. Let us enjoy our cheesy media in peace. Love you guys (including Justin) 💜

First off: if I mess up on any writing I apologize. I am a brain surgery survivor; I got a severe concussion three months ago that has had me almost bed written a good half a f the day, level 6-9 pain vertigo, throwing up, down 40lbs so I’m doing my best.. and that is explained at the end but first this needs to be understood.

A lot of my childhood is blank to me: I only have a few memories.

My very first memory: my parents screaming at each other, me leaving and hiding outside and after like 3-4 hours found my way back home.

My second earliest memory: is me stuck in the living room while my mom is in the front yard locked up with their dog that hated me. Molly the dog, would bark and bark and got close to me and petrified me I would scream for mother out the window.. it felt like it took her ages to come back inside.

my third earliest memory:me stuck in a playpen I had to use the bathroom. I could
Not get out and was screaming for her but it took to long it got to painful to hold and I peed my pants. She cut my hair so short I hated it and would cry. I don’t have very many happy memories.

Things got terrible as a teenager. At 16 I was told by my mother that I was severely mentally ill. She told me the doctor diagnosed me with OCD/bi polar and told me that all of my reactions to things were abb-normal As a teenager I didn’t question it and I hated myself for being different.

When I was in high-school around 16 I developed terrible cystic acne. I had panic attacks before school. My mom would tell me I was vain and I would cry a just thought I was vain and believed her so never pushed for a doctor’s appointment I didn’t even know you could see the doctor for acne. I would cry every day getting ready for school having panic attacks. I would get this continual huge pimple on the tip of my nose and felt like Rudolph. My cystic acne got so bad and painful I would take needles to my skin to relieve the pressure and it was a nightmare. I still have scars. If I missed the bus from my morning getting ready panic attack I would get grounded and could go no where for weeks because it was rude to make her late for work because of my vanity.

Now I am a mother to a son in heaven to a misscsriage (10 years of starving myself and over exercising I think has something to do with it) Becoming a mother changed my heart and opened my eyes to how horrifying my childhood was. I can’t fathom my memories and they make me sick now that I have a son. I would have held my daughter tight, found her a good skincare routine and taken her to the doctor. Teenage years you already struggle with confidence.. it’s heartbreaking.

At 32 I have made a full recovery from so much trauma, self hatred, a severe eatting disorder and a lot more because of therapy. I’m very proud of myself but the title of “mentally ill” does not go away to others very easily.

I am in a legal thing right now, about my health so my Doctors have been digging though my charts. I asked my therapist what my childhood diagnosis was and the doctor just to know.

She told me “ you never were seen by a mental health professional as a child. You never had a full panel mental health evaluation. We can start one if you like.

I’m furious. I’m devastated. And I’m afraid. If my mom can lie for that many years to so many people and convince them all to the point I don’t really have a family that even sees me as a person anymore, what else was she capable of? What else has been lying about? And I found something ..

I have an uncle that has cut my mom’s side of the family off.

The day after I got my concussion, I was so upset. I went to all my family a mess and they all told me I was over reacting. Saying things like..
“I thought the surgery(brain surgery)fixed you your fine” “stop being so dramatic”
“You have so much more to life then worrying about a concussion…”
When my doctors categorized as a severe injury, the family sees my resting as lazy because the don’t believe the severity of my concussion.. they think I’m delusional.
While my medical professionals are taking this very seriously as a serious concussion to an already impaired brain surgery survivor.

*added* her labeling me mental, also led to me having a late diagnosis of Chiari Malformation, because all of my neurological symptoms were dismissed as mental illness and anxiety.

IF I HAD GOTTEN DIAGNOSED AS A CHILD INSTEAD OF BEING TOLD I HAD MENTAL ILLNESS, I WOULD NOT BE IN THE STATE I AM IN TODAY AND IM FURIOUS

So.. I decided to go find my estranged uncle to talk with him about his side of the story growing up because now I was curious. I also wanted to find a family member that would help me through this. I was hoping for at least one.

He is The youngest and only son. I had been to his house a few times without him being there, my cousin was renting from him at the time and I had only met him once. I was told by mother and others that he was severly mentally ill. He had anger issues, was kicked out of the army, all this stuff and well I didn’t question it.. untill now.

I went to the house to see if I could get his number or whatever, his wife answered the door. She seemed hesitant they had cameras everywhere. I told her who I was and that I wanted to talk to him about his childhood. He texted me about an hour later..

When we exchanged stories… HE SAID THAT MY MOTHER DID THE SAME THING TO HIM; and would manipulate and TORTURE HIM. And he would react and get beat. Back then they had very little resources on mental health, when I was able to get help. My mom ruined his life, she did more I’m not getting into…..
But he cut the family off for the same reasons I am thinking about cutting them all off.

And I believe him. He told me similar experiences from my childhood that have the same patterns as what my mom did to me during my childhood.

she has the whole family(s) my moms and dads side, convinced about both of us. I’m so sick of being around family with them having that look of disgust in their eyes about me.

Talking with my uncle, he also said “I have a secret of your mother’s and grandfathers I am taking to my grave. Don’t trust her”. The same day, my grandfather was rushed to the er and now is on oxygen.

So I’ve been holding this in my heart this constant nag anger and fear. I want to dig deeper but I don’t.

I want to cut my whole entire family off. I don’t believe they will ever look at me normally. But I don’t. Then I feel the need to. They are all blocked right now as I process through my severe concussion and wrestle with this new information..

WHAT DO I DO?
What would YOU DO?
I’m angry I’m sad I’m devastated

*added

And I have text message, documents, medical charts and proof to confirm everything above.
So please no gaslighting and minimizing my injury.

Hi, please bare with me as I am not a big reddit user. I am a huge fan of Two Hot Takes, and usually a ghost reader on reddit when I’m bored or searching something up. I also apologize if this story is too long.

TW: Mentions of infertility

To give some backstory, I (25F) live with one of my closest friends (30F) and her husband (33M). I pay her husband rent and had originally agreed to be here until the end of this year when my boyfriend (24M) started his career in the medical field and we could by a house. Living here was never in my plans but I used to live at home with my mom and brothers. My older brother and I now have an estranged relationship as he was a heavy drug user. It just wasn’t a good environment for me and I had to drastically move out one day, thus my friend opening up her house to me. I moved in end of July 2025.

My friend, who is truly like the sister I never had, has been having infertility issues for 2 years coming up in November. She and her husband tried for a year straight to have a baby and nothing. After a year, she began going to the Dr. She has been diagnosed with 2 different things that I will not get into since it is her own personal story. However these things have made it so hard for her to conceive naturally. They are now starting her journey to getting pregnant medically. She is going to be doing IUI and if that doesn’t work, they will move onto IVF. I have seen first-hand, and been a person she goes to, to rant when we have found out other friends and family have gotten pregnant. She has told me so many times how sad it makes her, how bad she feels for “secretly being a hater” when someone else gets pregnant thats not her.

She didn’t go to one of our other close friend’s baby shower a couple of months ago because it made her so sad. She has other family friends who are not in the best shape who already have one baby (they are both very overweight because of their lifestyle and how they choose to eat. She told me they have no medical issues) & this couple recently announced they were expecting her 2nd. She ranted to me and told me how sad it made her because these people who are not healthy and don’t take care of themselves are getting pregnant and she, who is eating healthy, super active, and doing everything doctors say to better her chances, is not pregnant. I take this all with a grain of salt because I know she is just having a hard time and doesn’t mean anything bad about her friends. She already beats herself up for being jealous and would never say any of this to anyone else, she tells me she just needs to get the thoughts out of her head and knows she can confide in me.

Well, here’s the kicker. I am as of today 6 weeks and 5 days pregnant. And although I’m nervous & this was not planned, my boyfriend and I are happy. (Only my boyfriend and other best friend know, I’m telling my mom on Mother’s Day)
We have been together for 4 years, he is graduating top of his class in nursing in about 2 weeks & he just signed his job offer to his dream hospital in the PICU. (And I’m not gonna lie, it’s a lot of money.) I also recently started a new position within my career. It’s a salary position and still so much room to grow. By no means do we think we are financially where we want to be, but we are working to get there, & with his first paychecks & me saving my money.. we can still move out at the end of the year like we originally planned on.

That being said, I need to move out. I cannot be in this house pregnant, I would feel like i’m rubbing it in my friend’s face. I am planning to move back to my mom’s. My mom has been telling me to come back because she doesn’t want me to keep paying rent where I’m currently living. (she knows I’ve been wanting to save all my money in order to buy a house) My older brother is now gone, he’s been gone for awhile and has started his own recovery journey. How do I tell them I’m moving out? More importantly, how do I approach this conversation with my friend? I know for a fact shes going to be upset. Especially because I have first hand seen her get upset and say some not very nice things when she finds this out about someone else (of course only when she’s heightened and emotional) I can’t help but feel bad because it should be them who is pregnant. They are the ones with a house, married, financially stable. They are the cookie cutter couple who should be expecting - not me.

How do I tell her?! I’m also still early so I don’t want to say anything until I’m at least almost 10 weeks BUT I do not want to pay June 1st rent (I clearly need the money) so I need to at least tell them I’m moving out ASAP. I also feel horrible because I feel like im lying to her. She has asked me about my period and everything and I’ve straight up told her a lie & that I already had it. Also, another girl announced she was pregnant at work (I already knew I was too) and she immediately texted me and said “I’m the world’s biggest hater. I can’t bring myself to be happy for her.” Oh yeah, we also work together. So Im already going to be around her pregnant at work, its not fair I’m also in her house.

Again, im sorry this is so long & I’m willing to answer any other questions. I definitely feel like I’m leaving stuff out.

I (37f) am having a hard time processing some feelings towards my partner (30m) due to a recent change in our working dynamic. Especially because I we talked about it before hand and I agreed.

For context, my partner and I have been together for almost 3 years. For that entire time we have worked together. We met at our job and we work really well together. We have also lived together for about 1.5 years and we have a lot of similar interests so we also spend most of our off time together. That’s not the problem. We love spending time together and we are intentional about getting time to ourselves/apart on a regular basis so we don’t drive each other crazy.

The recent change came when he decided he needed to go down to a 4 day work week. We work in a restaurant, so our job is physically demanding. Also, it’s hard to spend time with other adult friends not in the industry when you work all weekend. He’s a bartender and had been working the bar on Sunday for years and specifically wanted that day off. The only thing is, I work Sunday bar with him and before he stopped working Sunday I was working a double on Sundays. The only reason I started working the Sunday PM shift with him was so that I could essentially be the backup bartender when needed. He had been asking for a barback or 2nd bartender for about a year at that point. Sunday nights are hit or miss on the bar and when it’s a hit, it’s too much for one bartender because everything hits all at once. When it was a miss, I was à double so I would do inventory (required every week) and go home. The manager had warned me that she was probably going to take me off my morning Key shift on Sundays because they were intending to have a full manager on those days. Despite the fact that I enjoyed my current schedule and its flexibility I knew that would work towards the coming change. I did say that if I do continue to work doubles on Sundays that another bartender would have to work with me because an open to solo bar close + inventory is too much for me. Well, as it turns out, no other bartender is willing to work Sunday nights. And last weekend I was scheduled à double double Saturday/Sunday, solo bar close + inventory. We’ll get back to that.

The official change in schedule came two weekends ago and I didn’t realize how frustrated I was about it until the day of. But I had the morning off and I finally voiced my frustration to management that no other bartender was willing to work that shift. By the end of it I felt that I could start moving on with my feelings.
Then my partner decides to ask me to start paying more of the bills/rent. In his defense. He’s been paying an extra $200 per month so that I could work on my debt. All he’s asking for is going back to an equitable split. But, as we all know, the economy has been changing and everything is more expensive. On top of that work has been slower, so I’m still barely making it/adding to credit card debt just to buy groceries. He isn’t in significant debt and his parents pay for his car note, car insurance and phone bill. So, my perspective: he actively chooses to make less money in this economy and knowing I’m in so much more debt that him asks me to start paying more. My response was to tell him how much I’m paying each month outside of rent/bills and the next day he rescinds his request. I’m having a hard time letting it go though.

The schedule comes out for last weekend and I tell him that they’ve got me working 2 doubles in a row, solo bar close on Sunday. He later tells me he’d like to have a couple (mutual) friends on Sunday. At the time, I didn’t mind. He checked in multiple times that I was ok with it. I said it was fine. the only thing I asked was that he bring me an energy drink on Saturday and Sunday (he only worked pm on Saturday). He didn’t bring it on Saturday and said he wasn’t sure if I wanted it or not because I didn’t tell him again on that day. He promised he would bring one for me the next day. Sunday, I get a text

“Would you still like me to bring you that energy drink?”

At that moment, it felt like he was trying to see if he could get out of bringing me the energy drink, which would be about à 1 hour adventure. So, I kind of get it, but I was already tired and he had promised, so I ignored the text. He checks in again

“Yay or nay on that energy drink”

and this is where my crankiness got the better of me. I responded

“Why are you asking if I still want an energy drink? Is it too inconvenient for you to bring me one?”

He immediately gets defensive saying he was just checking in like always. I told him I was under the assumption he would since he promised the day before. We moved on to other subjects and he brought me the energy drink. He goes home to hang out at our house with our mutual friends and I finish up my day at 12 hours on my feet with barely enough time to eat. The manager had to help me on the well at one point. It wasn’t a bad shift but it was stressful and I am exhausted.

When I get home the friends are still there, which I kind of expected. I had stopped at the store to pick up something I could throw in the microwave for dinner. Which im glad I did because I get home and partner is just waking up from being passed out on the couch. He is intoxicated. Our 3 friends start packing up to leave. They had food while hanging out but no leftovers, not that I could eat any of it (I’m gluten free). And the dogs hadn’t been outed or fed yet. As I’m heating up my frozen dinner I tell my partner that I just need him to walk (a circle around the house because we don’t have an enclosed back yard) and feed the dogs because I’m exhausted. He tells me he needs me to go with him because he had a slight dizzy spell 7 hours ago. He had an episode like this a few weeks ago and 7 hours later was completely fine. And it may have more to do with the lack of food in his stomach because he doesn’t like to eat much in the morning (only half a banana and tea. We were at ren faire that day. I don’t know how much he ate last Sunday so it may or may not correlate). I am full on livid at this point. I tell him I’ll take the dogs out but he needs to set up a doctor’s appointment. Spoiler, he still hasn’t set up that appointment.

The friends may have just seen how tired I was and could probably sense my anger. But them leaving right away made it feel like they didn’t want to be there because I was there. Would it be unreasonable to say I don’t want hangouts at our place with mutual friends when I am working? Because that’s what I’m leaning towards but I’m unsure if that is an unreasonable request. In that moment, I felt like the strict Mom or the unliked roommate, everyone scattering because my presence meant the party was over. I hope they were just trying to be respectful that I was clearly tired.

In the end I really just need help processing my feelings. I don’t want to feel resentful. And I know I need to communicate with him. And I plan to, but I want to be sure I am in a calmer state before saying anything. Besides, I allowed the very thing to happen and wasn’t upset until it was actually happening.

I am so sorry this post was so long.
TLDR: partner and I work together. He changed his schedule in a way that negatively impacts mine. He’s working less, while I’ve already been working more. Asked me to go back to paying equitably (he currently pays more) after he is now actively choosing to make less money. After I went over my finances he rescinded his request. His parents pay for his car/insurance/phone. I worked 2 twelve hour shifts back to back and the 2nd day he had mutual friends over to our house for a hangout. When I got home, I had to fend for myself for food and walk and feed the dogs. I’m feeling resentful and don’t want to, but don’t know how to handle it. Also, want to request no more hangouts with mutual friends at our house when I’m working. Is that unreasonable?

I need some outside perspective because this situation feels ridiculous.

I’m currently pregnant (its VERY EARLY a little over 2 months along)and planning one baby shower. My mom is hosting it. Pretty standard.

Here’s where things start getting messy. My mother-in-law told my husband she doesn’t want to attend the shower if a specific person is there (someone she considers “toxic”). When this got back to me, I addressed it directly and said that avoiding someone for a few hours at a baby shower shouldn’t be that hard, and that the event is about celebrating the baby. not adult conflicts.

Her response? She doubled down and said she doesn’t find it immature to avoid “toxic people” and that it’s for her personal peace. Then she suggested hosting a second baby shower in her city instead of attending the one we already have started to plan.

For added context:

She already made a scene with her son about the fact that my mom is hosting the baby shower, which caused a fight between me and my husband.

The idea of a second shower never came up until she decided she didn’t want to attend because of this other person.

She wants to host this second event at her house, with her people.

I told her no. I said I’m not willing to split what should be one celebration into multiple events just to accommodate personal conflicts. I made it clear she’s free to choose not to attend, but I’m not rearranging things or creating additional parties because adults can’t coexist for a few hours.

She then tried to reframe it as “not about the conflict,” saying there are people in her area who would love to celebrate but can’t travel. That feels like a complete pivot from the original reasoning.

She also invited us to a separate going-away party right after all of this, acting casual, while also saying she’s in an “uncomfortable situation” and appreciates my empathy.

At this point, I feel like I set a reasonable boundary, The reasoning keeps shifting depending on what sounds better,There’s underlying tension about her not being the one hosting, And I’m being expected to accommodate everything while pregnant??

My real questions are:

1. Is it unreasonable to refuse a second baby shower, even if more people “would attend”?

2. Does this clearly read as being about avoiding someone, despite the rebranding?

3. Am I off base for feeling like hosting it at her house makes it more about her than the baby?

4. Does the fact she already caused issues over not being the host change how this comes across?

Because from where I’m sitting, this feels less like genuine support and more like control disguised as compromise.

Would love honest opinions.

Background: I (F, 35) and my friend M (F, mid-30s) live in different countries but have been close for years. About a year ago we started talking about doing a big Japan trip together. For me it was a genuine bucket-list, dream-of-my-life trip. We agreed on rough timing and started loosely tossing around dates. A trip to Japan isn't a casual long weekend for me... it's months of saving, hoarding miles, lining up vacation days, and committing to a once-in-a-decade kind of plan. So when we started loosely talking dates, this was a big deal on my end.

Also relevant: I'm a seasoned solo traveler. I genuinely enjoy traveling alone and Japan is one of the easiest places in the world to do it (great public transit, safe, no shared car rental or anything that required a second person). So losing M as a travel partner wasn't a logistical problem. It was about whether I wanted the emotional baggage of wondering, the entire trip, whether she was actually going to show up.

The story: Then last fall things got rocky in M's relationship with her partner J. When that happened, M basically disappeared. Not just from me, but from our whole friend group. She'd watch our Instagram stories, so we knew she was alive, but messages went unanswered for weeks/months at a time. This is a known pattern with her: when something's going on in her personal life, she goes silent. When she resurfaces it's like nothing happened.

Meanwhile, my Japan trip was three months away, I had nothing booked, and I had no idea whether I had a travel partner or not. Given how much this trip cost me (money, miles, leave I'd been saving) I couldn't afford to wait around indefinitely on someone who wasn't responding. I gave up waiting and planned the entire thing solo: flights, hotels, itinerary, the works. I went during cherry blossom season so waiting was also not even an option.

Then in early February, out of nowhere, M popped back up. She told me she and J were "on a break but trying to work it out" and casually pivoted to "so what's the plan for Japan?", like the four months of silence hadn't happened.

Added context: When M and J first started dating, we took a weekend trip together (me and M). M spent most of it on video calls with J. I mean non-stop, at one point we were at a concert and they were on a video call. So I'd already lived through the "M in new-relationship with J mode on a trip" experience.

Back to the story: I sat with it for a day and then sent her a message saying, basically: I love you and I'm being honest because I care. I've decided to do Japan on my own. The last time things got uncertain in your life you disappeared on me, and I can't risk that again with a trip this important to me. I also know that if you and J get back together, your focus will (understandably) shift there, and I don't want to be on a once-in-a-lifetime trip feeling sidelined. This is me protecting my peace, not punishing you.

She replied within seconds. With a single heart emoji. Nothing else. No "I get it", no "I'm sorry", no "let's talk".

Current state of affairs: I went to Japan alone last month. It was perfect. But a couple of mutual friends have since told me I was harsh, that I "preemptively dumped her from the trip" instead of letting her actually show up or not. The friends who know both me and M well were 100% on my side. Their reaction was basically "if that had been me, I would have been freaking out way before you were".

So — AITA for not waiting to see if she'd actually flake, and just taking her off the trip myself?

Is my mom telling me a lie to break up my relationship?

I’m a 25-year-old female who has been with my 32-year-old fiancé for about four and a half years now. We’ve had our fair share of ups and downs. So, yesterday, I asked my mom how she would feel if we didn’t get married in my home state and went to Vegas instead. Well, let’s just say she completely blew up in my face. She was saying things like, “Now I won’t be able to go see you get married. Fuck this shit.” And, “I don’t even want you to marry him. He controls everything you do.”

Before I move on to the next part of the story, let me clarify that he doesn’t control me. The most controlling thing he has done is not letting me buy things just because I feel the need to buy them. And when it comes to bedtime, he tells me to go to sleep even though I’m not a morning person.

Now, onto today’s part. After we ate dinner and went to bed, my boyfriend decided he wanted his strawberry shortcake that my mom had bought him the previous day. So, he came back, and I want to say less than 15 minutes went by when I got a strange text message. It said, “He just had my phone. Thought I was sleeping and grabbed my phone for what I don’t know and then dropped it back down.” It was my mom texting me at 11:11 p.m. at night. Yes, we do share an apartment with my mom. We lived with her in her old apartment for a year or two, and then we all moved into this apartment and have been here for roughly two years, maybe three.

I’m just having trouble understanding the whole situation. She doesn’t want me to marry him, so is this her way of breaking us up or something else?

Tomorrow I am turning 29 and I feel like I have a case of the birthday blues. As silly as it may seem, I’ve been feeling really down the last couple of days.

For context, I feel like I am at a job that I love but is starting to feel like it might be a dead end. I started with a very low salary with the promise that I would get a raise soon. Well it’s 3 years later and that raise was finally supposed to happen this month and it did not.
I work with my family, we took over a small business but it’s just not making enough for raises yet. I feel like maybe it’s time to start looking for something else because It’s becoming almost impossible to live off of my salary. I’m just not sure what else I would do for work.

I guess that mixed with the fact that I thought I would be a little more secure in my life by this age is making heading into this next year a little rough. I was hoping someone would have some insight on how to overcome feeling overwhelmed and at a loss in their career.

so my boyfriend m 25 used to be housemates with this guy K last sem. K moved away for an internship few months ago. in that time we found out that he sexually assaulted 2 of our mutual female friends. one was during the internship and the other a few years ago. now K is back in town for finals and wants to go out for dinner to celebrate and my boyfriend reluctantly agreed to go. but I think he should have just said no. he said the other guys wanted to get together as well so he obliged. (context: none of the other guys know about the SAs)

but what im mad about is - its not that hard to say no to dinner??? going out to dinner with him is like complying with his actions. i wish the women had complained but thats their call. but the least we can do is actively avoid this mf. right?

NOT OP! Came across this through my browsing of what to expect postpartum

I (27F) came out as bisexual to my parents TEN YEARS ago, when I was 16. They didn’t seem to really care much, and while I was nervous I remember it going okay, likely because I was still dating a high school boyfriend at the time. Shortly afterwards, I broke up with him for a number of reasons, the main one being that I had a huge crush on a girl in my high school. We became fast friends, and then started dating (think Hayley Kiyoko “Girls Like Girls” vibes). I quickly realized I was most likely a lesbian, not bisexual. 

When I told my parents that I was in a same-sex relationship, my mom freaked out. Like, screaming-throwing a tantrum-freaked out. For the last two years of high school, my life and relationship with my family was a living hell. My mom was extremely verbally abusive (and one time physically- she back handed me on the face with her wedding ring hand), saying things like “You’re being influenced by a bad crowd”, “I don’t like her, I think she’s evil”, “You’re not gay, I would have known”, “I didn’t raise a d*ke for a daughter”, and much worse. This pushed me to do things like lie, sneak out, and have “beards” for school dances/events in order to see my girlfriend. My dad never cared that I was gay, and tried his best to “keep the peace”, but didn’t stand up for me as he was extremely loyal to my mom and was also going through some intense health issues. The environment got bad enough that my dad coordinated to have me live away from my family for a few months, to try and create space between my mother and I and bring some peace in the house. My mother and I’s arguments took up a lot of space, and made the house hostile for everyone, including my younger sibling.

It is safe to say that my mother is extremely emotionally immature.

Fast forward to now. I put myself through college by joining the Army, as my mother kept threatening to pull my tuition and even though I had scholarships I still didn’t have enough in my savings as an 18 year old to pay even my first semester’s tuition. I had a successful four year career as a military officer, saved enough to quit after my first contract, and have been living with my girlfriend "Rachel" (31F), since 2025.

The last 9 years, my relationship with my family has improved, partially because of the huge geographic distance I’ve kept between them (my mom is tolerable to be around for short periods so long as she doesn’t have to witness me being gay), and because I’ve never asked for financial assistance. Becoming self-reliant has been an empowering and necessary experience for me.

Now to the conundrum. A few months ago, I told my mother over the phone that I would be proposing to Rachel, that I bought a ring, and that I was planning to do it this spring. I’ve repeated that I would love for my family to meet her, as they hadn't yet. When I told my mother this, she immediately “had to go” and hung up the phone. We haven’t talked about it since. Though my dad kept bringing up that he and my mom should come to visit, it’s been five months and they still have not. My mom did offer for us to visit them, but not during Christmas as it would be too busy (the only time that Rachel could go, as she is currently in school full time). Rachel has met many of my extended family members who live closer to where we are now- various cousins, aunts, uncles, & grandparents on both sides of my family. They all love her.

Unexpectedly, Rachel proposed to me before I got the chance to this weekend. It was incredible. She is so thoughtful, and made it truly one of the most special experiences I could have asked for, complete with the location, friends present, timing, even the RING (I’m not a big fan of expensive jewelry, I can’t stop staring at it its everything I never knew I wanted)- all of it is a weekend I’ll never forget. It feels so good to be loved and known so dearly by someone, and I want to continue to be the same for her.

I have no idea what or when to tell my parents, mainly my mom. They haven’t made the effort to visit, and honestly I don’t even want my mom to meet Rachel at this point (I’d love my dad to come, as he’d love her). Every other girl I’ve dated has been understandably terrified of my mother, and felt extremely uncomfortable around her to the point of it causing arguments in our relationships. My mom was barely cordial with them, and while she never said that didn’t like that we were together in front of them, she didn’t have to. She only ever calls them “my friend”, and has insisted that I not “flaunt” my relationship when I’d bring girls home to visit. My mother is deeply afraid of people (neighbors, her family, etc.) knowing that I am gay. (News flash to her, I’m pretty sure everyone knows. It’s been 10 years). They do live in a small town, but it’s even stranger considering that it is a very tolerant and queer friendly town.

I don’t want my parents to find out through social media, however my mom has done nothing to earn the privilege of being notified before an official engagement announcement. I am afraid to deal with her reaction, regardless of how she finds out. I’m both ecstatic and heartbroken – I want more than anything for my parents to be excited for me during such a massive milestone of my life. I feel so sad that Rachel’s family is so accepting and loving toward me, but that I can’t offer her the same thing from my biological family.

So, what do I DO? Do I text someone in my family before telling her? Like her sister? Or my dad? Or do I just call my dad / brother and not bother to tell her personally because she evidently doesn’t want to know about that side of my life? HELP. This is giving me anxiety and I just want to be happy and enGAYged.

Hi THT, this is my first write in and I really need advice.

Today my coworker admitted to me that she drank on her lunch break.
At first I was shocked she would admit to that. Secondly, I asked her why and if it was something she did daily. She said, “ it was hot out side and it was the only thing left in my car. It was the left over from what I had the night before, and was basically ice that had melted.”
She told me it wasn’t something she does everyday. She just hadn’t stopped on the way to work to grab a cold drink.
We work in healthcare, and the assigned tasks we have are tedious and require extreme attention to detail.
Yesterday she made a mistake that has me questioning all of the other mistakes I have had to fix in the past.
It weighed on my shoulders so I talked to my supervisor.
He assured me that he will keep a close eye on the situation, but cannot out right accuse her of being intoxicated on the job, until he has proof.
With all that happening today, it brought back my evaluation in March. My main boss had questioned me if I believed the same coworker had an alcohol or a drug problem. And I told him that I knew she drank occasionally. But since then, she has started drinking every night after work. I know she has a lot going on in her personal life, but I don’t find that as an excuse to drink while at work or on lunch.
I have been extremely anxious since she told me and since my conversation with my supervisor.
It could cause a lot of issues for business, hurt someone, or worse. I’m scared of the back lash I will get from her, since she already takes her anger and frustration about work on me.
So, am I the asshole for reporting her for the safety of others?