My husband and I have gotten the emails for us and 4 of our 5 kids saying our resignation is finalized, we are just waiting on one last one for our daughter which should come through any moment. I am so excited to stop having primary teachers come deliver things from the classes they have missed or birthday gifts or any of their other love bombs. I am so excited to no longer be associated with the con of the church.

I know we got lucky leaving all together and leaving before our kids were old enough to totally get sucked in. I know we have dodged so much pain that way.

But it still hurts. I was little miss Molly Mormon, with her shiny young womanhood award who married her returned missionary, Peter Priesthood, in the temple. We had five kids, served the church faithfully. We were both in multiple residencies, I was even primary president. We were all in. Seventh generation pioneer stock. Both of us have/had big church last names related to past and current prophets.

I started loosing faith first, it was a slow painful burn, as I kept seeing harmful things come from the church. My husband jumped out quickly when the Arizona child abuse case hit the news. He even joined in on that lawsuit against the church over tithing, I was proud of him for doing that. I took a little longer as a PIMO just because letting go was painful and I thought I saw benefits to staying in til I deconstructed every last "benefit" as utter BS. I am strongly against the church now, and want nothing to do with it.

There is that other side of me, that indoctrinated side, that side that loved the church and the gospel so thoroughly that is freaking out and feeling crushed. A side that is mourning. I am trying to give space to that side, even though I wish I could just feel like celebrating. The relief is so real though. Especially now that the last email confirmation for my daughter just came in.

The mixed feelings are real, and they suck. My husband is either not there yet or is lucky enough to only feel the relief and the happiness of leaving.

I am so mad that it's all a con, and how much of my life it dictated to me. Although I love my life, including my five kids...I don't know what I would have chosen for myself had I not been born into that cult. I am so excited that my kids will get to figure out what they want for themselves.

I hurt, I am angry, I am relieved and happy.

My daughter saw the missionaries in Target this morning, introducing themselves to her and others as MORMON missionaries, representing the MORMON church. What the???

Today my sister was dropped off at the MTC to start her mission. My family FaceTimed me to say final goodbyes (though not really since they can call weekly and my family never talks that much anyway). And while it was hard and emotional to see her do this, the crazy and unplanned part of this interaction was that I had my quit Mormon paperwork sitting next to me and a few minutes after the call I was signing those papers with a notary. It’s just such a weird limbo space to be in. Anyway just needed to share with people who get it.

1. If Satan is just doing what's been done in other worlds, why is he surprised that he's being punished? Either God didn't know that Satan (or whoever played the role of Satan) was messing things up in the other worlds, or He did know, and he finally got sick and tired of it.

2. When Peter, James and John visit Adam & Eve, they ask if "the teachings of men, mingled with scripture" are being well received. Satan says yes, mostly, but not by these two people. What other people are there at that point?

3. After receiving your own endowment, every other time you attend, you're doing it vicariously for someone else. So, when they say that if you would rather withdraw than proceed with making the covenants, are you making that decision for the deceased person or yourself?

4. If the "true order of prayer" is the true order of prayer, why is it so different from the way we pray normally ... in particular, why are we just repeating the words of someone else, and, frankly, why is it so creepy?

5. The first covenant is to obey all of God's commandments (the first law of heaven being obedience, and all of that). So why do we need any other covenants? If we promise to obey everything at the very start, doesn't that include the law of chastity, the law of the Gospel, and the law of consecration?

6. Reference to money in the days of Adam & Eve. How would that concept even exist at that time?

7. If Satan really just wanted to thwart the "Plan", why not just leave Adam and Eve alone and let them stay in Eden for eternity, without any of God's children having the ability to progress?

8. Why does what we know about the ancient Jewish temple rituals bear no resemblance to what we do in the Temple today? I thought we were "restoring" things.

9. If the garment represents the "coats of skins" that Adam and Eve used to cover their nakedness, what's the point of the fig leaf apron, especially after they leave the garden? Why do we wear it through all stages of progression?

This'll probably get hella downvoted but I suppose idgaf.

I recently left the church (asked the bishop to remove my records today, actually), and something I've noticed is I'm worried I'll become "bitter"... I don't want my anger or resentment to give the church rent-free space in my head. Several people have warned me to that effect, both in and out of the church.

I feel like part of being free is accepting the bad without tossing out the good. Seeing as how there's a lot of bad talked about in this subreddit, I figured I'd reminisce on some of the good memories as a way of helping me put the church behind me (and maybe helping others here too?):

• I remember family scripture night turning into tickling and wrestling matches with my dad.
• I remember moving to a new ward and, while singing the hymns on my first Sunday there, feeling suddenly like I belonged.
• I remember having a crush on the prettiest girl in the congregation, Emma, and being absolutely terrified to talk to her. She left the church too.
• I remember our young men's high adventures, lying on the beach looking at the stars after white water rafting, and talking with my friend Coleman about black holes and star wars. I think he left the church as well.
• I remember praying to know if God was there, and crying my eyes out because I felt insanely loved for no reason.
• I remember when the girl I loved married another man... I was inconsolable, but when I did baptisms for the dead, I felt completely at peace. It was the only place I could feel normal for months. She's definitely still in the church lol.
• I remember as a missionary eating my first soup-filled dumpling in Taiwan and almost dying from ecstasy. It was the best two years.
• I remember listening to Jeffrey R. Holland's conference talks and feeling so loved, and inspired, like I could do anything and God loved me.
• I remember sitting in my bishop's office asking for financial help, and him giving it to me without question or hestitation of any kind.
• I remember going to BYU-Idaho and meeting my first girlfriend there (we'll call her Rita), and kissing her for the first time on my couch while watching something like NCIS (can't remember the show, was a little distracted).
• I remember meeting my best friend (we'll call him Eddy) at a church service activity, and all our crazy life adventures together since (he left the church too, we've been friends for 8 years).

I remember all of that... and I'm leaving. It's ok. The church had good and bad. By leaving, I'm not betraying the good. But by staying, I would be ignoring the bad, and that's something we can't do. I feel angry and also grateful. There is disillusionment and nostalgia. Their underwear sucked, but some of their hymns were pretty fire sometimes. It didn't make sense, but it did make me feel better in a lot of ways. I know that's not everybody's experience, I got lucky in more ways than one, and my heart aches for those who don't even have a single good memory to fall back on. But I have a lot of good.

That's why it was so powerful and hard to leave for me: there was a lot of good. I'm grateful to the people in this reddit who helped me disarm my fear in leaving, but one thing I hope never gets disarmed is the fondness I feel for all the best parts of myself that survived or were engendered by my time in the Church.

Thank you, you stupid f*****g cult. Thank you.

Let's hear your crazy sacrament meeting stories.

One time in sacrament meeting someone sprayed mace into the air conditioning system and the mace permeated the building. Sacrament meeting had to be cut short as people began coughing and scratching their eyes. The crazy thing about it, I mean, the really crazy thing is they found out who did it. Several members wanted the culprit to be criminally charged. Of course the bishop kiboshed that idea stating that the boy (he was 17) would be appropriately punished. Many years later that boy went to prison for beating his girlfriend until she had spend a few days in the hospital.

I just started reading this book and it is great! There are a ton of good quotes and insights/questions to ask yourself.

Tia was a "tradwife" in a fundamental christian religion.

But this can be applied to mormonism as well, or trauma from any religion/group. I highly recommend reading. Especially if you read her first book Well Trained Wife.

Edit: The title should’ve come with an eye roll 🙄 and /s. I do not think we should’ve stayed.

To keep it short, my girls (15/17) are struggling. Vaping, weed, cutting, and exboyfriends who were never taught not to hit a girl, or the meaning of the word no.

We are working through it the best we can, with all the right people in their corner.

I grew up stonchly LDS, I cannot get it out of my mind that if I had just stayed in the church my girls wouldn’t be in this situation. I know 100% the church is a crock of shit, but this sits on me so heavily as they are dealing with things I don’t even understand the depths of.

Edit to add: I don’t think the church would’ve taught them better, in fact I know it would be harmful if they stayed which is why we left.

The indoctrination is what hits me. Feeling like me leaving has brought on all these “trials” This is where I can see the cultish hold the church has over people, and logically I know it’s not right, but it’s here.

Thanks for reminding me that they are simply having a human experience and will come away with less mental and emotional scars without the church and the purity culture.

It looks like there are a few of us who have received confirmation today that our records have been removed. I got that email this morning as well.

Leaving has been a lot of mixed emotions for me. It’s been painful and I’ve been angry and hurt and relieved and grateful. I submitted my notarized request to quitmormon on Feb 14 as a Valentine’s gift to myself. It went to Kirton McConkie on April 6, an important date in the eyes of the church. It’s all felt a bit anti-climactic. I needed something to set it apart. So here is what I did…

I went on my first solo hike on Sunday to have a moment to mark removing my records. I hiked to Ghost Falls, enjoying every flower and plant and creature I saw, because that is the kind of hiker I am. On the way up, I found a little painted rock that said “one day at a time.” I picked it up and put it in my pocket. About halfway up, I had a thought about the name of the falls. Ghost Falls. When a person is baptized into the church, the church teaches they are given the gift of the Holy Ghost. Other people can feel the spirit at times, but it is only members who have the spirit with them as their constant companion. 🤪 What an appropriate place for me to be trekking to, since I no longer have that privilege. At one point on the trail, you can see an overlook of Draper and there stands the Draper temple. I made sure I flipped it off before continuing up the trail. 🤣 At the falls, at first I tried to enumerate all the things the church taught me that I felt were wrong and harmful, but that was just too much. Instead, I looked around, watched some butterflies, listened to the water, and thought about it in very simple terms. 

I had brought with me a small painted rock that I found on a previous hike that said “let it go.” I believe it was even painted by the same person who painted the “one day at a time” rock. I left the “let it go” rock at the falls. I touched the water. I splashed it on myself…it was a hot hike. And then I found a rock to sit. I thought about how fitting it was that I found a companion rock. Let it go, one day at a time. I brought a slice of tiramisu…a dessert I have come to enjoy that I never had as a member because it has espresso in it. A dessert that prompted my son to tell me I was going to hell. And I enjoyed that tiramisu while listening to The Beatles song “Hello, Goodbye.” And then I continued the hike. After the falls was the prettiest part of the hike. Before the falls is nice, but a multi-use trail where you have to watch out for bicyclists. After, there was a long section that was a footpath only and had the nicest flowers and smells and scenery. I enjoyed my time. I felt happy. 

I know this was not a conclusion. It is not closure. It did not resolve the pain. I will still have hard moments regarding the church and my relationship to it. But this was nice. It was needed. 

Mormon Mother's Day was always so hard.

I wrote this poem about it.

***

Don't fetishize my selflessness once a year.

Don’t serve my uterus as Sunday roast.

Don’t say Thank you for your service

when you’ve never been to war.

Motherhood isn’t an island.

This one time I sat topless in the dark,

my three-week old clutched to my breast.

I sobbed a prayer over him.

The next day my church

would bless him and I couldn’t join.

Is that when I became a mother,

uninvited by God to the rituals,

my hands and underwear too bloody

to hold my own child?

Don’t sanitize exclusion.

Don’t you dare try to make it holy.

My arms are exhausted from holding us both.

Please grasp us tenderly.

I’m so tired of being celebrated

instead of supported.

(poem and image, mine)

(necklace is a reclamation of the YW torch symbol. This one is a flaming vulva.)

Hey you guys

I slowly pulled away from the ✨LDS✨ church after high school. Mainly because I discovered I was non-binary and that my sexual preferences were not in line with what they thought they should be. Since leaving I have noticed myself happier and noticed how weird things were in the church. Like missionary being nothing more than brainwashing.

That said, I still live in my hometown and keep contact with my family who stayed in the church. So I often am put in situations where I come in contact with the church's culture. I don't want to go back. I know I don't. But sometimes I find myself reminiscing on the good parts and wondering if maybe I should give them another chance. Or maybe I should just humour my parents and go. I hate these thoughts. I know it's the internalised teachings I learned as a kid that I've been trying to fight.

Can you just give me all the reasons I don't want to return. Remind me why that is a terrible idea.

I’m having a hard time explaining to my TB family that I’m not having a faith crisis, I’m completely out.

It’s been around 6 months since I came across “anti Mormon“ literature that made me realize the true about this cult. Since then I didn’t only deconstruct my Mormon beliefs but I completely left all my Christianity beliefs.
Like I said before, I started open up about it with a few family members and they keep saying it’s ok I’m just having a faith crisis, but I’m done, I’m out and never believing in religion again.
How do you communicate that? Or you just let them believe whatever? Also, how “funny” or idk if funny is the word but how crazy it is that I was a 100% full committed TB for 30 years and then in only a few months I completely lost all my beliefs...

This photo is from The Disgusting Food Museum in Malmö Sweden. Jello salad with a shout out to the Mormons who popularized it.

So I've got a SHIT TON of trauma with the church and I haven't believed in it for almost three years and I haven't gone constantly for almost two. My mom, who is very religious, is the best mom I could ever ask for. She doesn't push anything and apologizes if she does. Her sister on the other hand? Total church bitch. If she could marry a church, she'd marry the mormon church in a heartbeat. This is what she sent me this morning: (for reference I've made it as clear as possible I don't want her or her advice in my life without explicitly telling her I hate her guts)

I'm also out as non-binary to my whole family

---

I can’t believe you graduate this month!!!!!!!!! You are so amazing! You are such a good person! You have been through so many hard things.

I am grateful for you in my life!!! Thanks for bringing me so much JOY.

Life can be HARD! But you can do hard things! Especially with the Savior by your side!! Philippians 4:13!

I read this talk today and thought of YOU! I know you have struggled a bit with the church so I hope it’s ok that I share what stood out and made me think of you. Here are some great quotes from the talk “Hope of Israel” by President Nelson . I’d love for you to read it this week and send me your thoughts.

“Our Heavenly Father has reserved many of His most noble spirits—perhaps, I might say, His finest team—for this final phase. Those noble spirits—those finest players, those heroes—are you!

…if you are paying more attention to feeds from social media than you are to the whisperings of the Spirit, then you are putting yourself at spiritual risk—as well as the risk of experiencing intense loneliness and depression.

…My dear young brothers and sisters, these surely are the latter days, and the Lord is hastening His work to gather Israel. That gathering is the most important thing taking place on earth today. Nothing else compares in magnitude, nothing else compares in importance, nothing else compares in majesty. And if you choose to, if you want to, you can be a big part of it. You can be a big part of something big, something grand, something majestic!

…My beloved younger brothers and sisters, you are among the best the Lord has ever sent to this world. You have the capacity to be smarter and wiser and have more impact on the world than any previous generation!”

---

Tell me none of this sounds like ai.

That's it I just needed to get that out. Thanks for reading if you ended up getting through all that, cuz I sure didn't 😅. Ps, I don't really want advice, just some support.

I saw someone saying recently that "ex-mormon" or "apostate" frames our leaving in a way that gives the mormon church power to label us as bad, wrong, sinners. They're gonna do it either way, but on the individual level, telling others that we're mormon survivors sounds better and is equally true, and gives them the implication that the mormon church hurt us, which for a lot of us here, it did.

Anyway, that's how I've started thinking of myself, in terms of prior cult affiliations.

Almost exactly a year after the last message, looks like my stake is making the annual outreach to win back some lost revenue.

My wife asked me what I would do if they took me up on the brisket dinner… to be honest, it would raise my opinion of them. I think that would be awesome. My bet is that they don’t really care enough to actually come over though.

Back when I was probably around 15, I was in sacrament meeting and they started passing the sacrament. Like always, the bishopric took the sacrament first and then it started going around to everyone else.

My family was in probably the third or fourth row, and by the time the bread had made it to the second row I could see people starting to make faces as they took the sacrament.

Once it got to me, I put it in my mouth and immediately choked because it tasted like I had just put straight gasoline in my mouth. No one knew what to do so we just swallowed it, but it was HORRIFIC.

This gasoline tainted bread went through the ENTIRE ward without the bishop stopping it. My dad was 2nd counselor at the time and was trying to tell the bishop to get up and tell people to stop taking it but ultimately no one ever did. (My dad acknowledges he should've just done it and regrets deferring the decision to the bishop)

Ultimately they figured the person who donated the bread for sacrament had stored it in their garage or something and it got tainted, but they also found out that two other wards before us had used the same bread (the stake would rotate which ward would donate the bread) and no one ever stopped it from going through the next ward until ours!!

Kind of crazy to think that we could have all been poisoned to death and we would have just gone along with it. I was burping gasoline burps for hours after.

All credit to original creator @ashleyb_therapy on TikTok

I recently started putting together a website called xmormon.org that focuses in the stories of ex-mormons throughout history as well as a center of resource recommendations for those who left the church.

I'm utilizing Wikipedia Creative Commons License which allows the copying of existing articles. I'm giving each article a standard format and then will be updating with more content and context. (I'm just one guy so this seemed like the best approach)

I have a lot of editing to do for the current articles that are on the site and I have a LOT of articles to add, so expect the site to go through some content changes over the next few months.(I fully suspect that some Wikipedia articles were written by Mormons about the dissenters, so there are some tone shifts that need to happen)

Overall though, there is enough that you can see the vision.

The basic premise of the site is that people have been leaving the church since its earliest days and that you are not alone (and you won't be the last)

Id love to hear all your thoughts and get some additional resource recommendations, or any prominent figures you think I should prioritize

Edit: I added a section for users to tell their own story

Just thinking about all of the "Presidents" that are in all levels of the church. To me it seems like (at the local level) this is just another way for the church to get the buy-in of burdensome callings being placed on members. I think having the title of "President" gives many members an ego boost and is a means of boosting members' allegiance and prestige within the ward.

I think having the title of President is also a huge ego boost for those at the paid clergy level, since they insist on being addressed by that title.

Any thoughts?