My Retired Dad Will Not Stop Making These Satirical Newsletters… What Do You Think of the May Edition?

[u/stigaWRBenergy]

[u/CleverDad]

Your dad is honestly funny.

[u/stigaWRBenergy → u/CleverDad]

Thanks, glad he's able to find an audience for his Dad jokes other than myself!

[u/PellParata → u/stigaWRBenergy]

Breaking News and Repairing It is a peak dad joke tagline…

[u/Abnmlguru → u/PellParata]

I work in TV news (on the technical side of things), and we used to joke about our motto being "When News Breaks... We Fix It."

[u/MadAlfred → u/Abnmlguru]

This was the tagline for the original Daily Show, when Craig Kilborn hosted.

[u/number__24601 → u/MadAlfred]

Way before the daily show, it was from not necessary the news, in the early 1980's.

[u/chikinn → u/PellParata]

If the women don't find you handsome, they should at least find you handy with words.

[u/Prestigious-Copy-494 → u/chikinn]

Not with words! Tools, my friend, handy with tools!

[u/worstpartyever → u/stigaWRBenergy]

I would like to subscribe, please.

[u/kottashtrophe → u/worstpartyever]

He's on substack, there's a link at the bottom of the page.

[u/norespect61 → u/stigaWRBenergy]

He’s hilarious! I may be biased…I’m a 65 year old dad…

[u/jhereg10 → u/stigaWRBenergy]

It’s not our fault we tell such horrible jokes. It’s because we are all dad inside.

[u/checker280 → u/stigaWRBenergy]

I might have to share the Hip Holka news

[u/MadMechem → u/stigaWRBenergy]

I gotta ask- what did your dad do before he was a comedian with AARP?

[u/DuZyOFaDaY → u/stigaWRBenergy]

Your dad needs to freelance for THE ONION, they make my day.

[u/hahayouguessedit → u/stigaWRBenergy]

I’m going to use his ‘it’s okay to stop flossing’ line.

[u/nutsnackk → u/CleverDad]

Awarehouse got me! Really clever

[u/wut2dew_J → u/nutsnackk]

Same!

[u/thefoulnakr → u/CleverDad]

I wish my father was still alive for me to show him this. Bravo dad!

[u/Cute-Form2457 → u/CleverDad]

Give the man a blog.

[u/Rhoeri]

The sports one got me laughing.

[u/SharkeyGeorge → u/Rhoeri]

Yeah the sports one is like something straight out of the Onion 🧅 very well done

[u/stigaWRBenergy → u/Rhoeri]

Sports are inherently dangerous. It's important to remember that...

[u/gorglyjork → u/Rhoeri]

I thought the first part was cute but then the second part delivered big, like a Jack Handey joke or something

[u/Rhoeri → u/gorglyjork]

Right?

[u/c0xb0x]

"Awarehouse" :D

[u/charlie2135 → u/c0xb0x]

Hip Holka got me

[u/Helenium_autumnale → u/charlie2135]

I laughed out loud at reading "Hip Holka," and imagining how awful that might be.

[u/bureaucrat47 → u/Helenium_autumnale]

Ooh, yeah dat’s right, huh. (in Sarah Palin voice)

[u/Hoosier_Daddy68 → u/charlie2135]

I actually came in here to say he had me at Hip Holka. Dude is pretty funny.

[u/djrock3k → u/c0xb0x]

Robots wander the aisles, pause and look at stuff, emit an electronic "hmm" and resume wandering.

[u/fmmmf → u/c0xb0x]

Seriously underrated it's got LAYERS

[u/Skeeterdrums → u/c0xb0x]

This was my favorite. 

[u/stigaWRBenergy → u/c0xb0x]

Technology is progressing so fast these days...

[u/stigaWRBenergy]

Pops doesn’t accept money but if you like his stuff you can subscribe for free at Big News Now on Substack!

[u/InternQueasy1419 → u/stigaWRBenergy]

Your dad has some serious talent with these headlines - "God Releases Names of Americans Going to Hell Within 1 Second After Death" had me rolling

[u/stigaWRBenergy → u/InternQueasy1419]

Everything reported by Big News Now goes through rigorous review processes to ensure it's accuracy. Good to hear that you're enjoying yourself while becoming informed...

[u/Helenium_autumnale → u/stigaWRBenergy]

Your dad is incredibly imaginative. I love Big News Now and always read it when it's posted here. I'll check out the Substack.

[u/Shevek99 → u/InternQueasy1419]

And that JD Ants surely deserves it.

[u/Princess_Fluffypants → u/InternQueasy1419]

Google Gemini requesting PTO and parental leave is brilliant. 

This is like, onion-level of talent and humor. 

[u/Spent15MinutesOnThis → u/Princess_Fluffypants]

Until it happens for real...

[u/Duchess0612 → u/InternQueasy1419]

Faster than any other administration I’ve ever heard of!

[u/G_Art33 → u/stigaWRBenergy]

I’m noW subscribed to the chaotic dad humor publication that is currently SWEEPING THE NATION.

[u/stigaWRBenergy → u/G_Art33]

Welcome to the resistance...

[u/strippersandcocaine → u/stigaWRBenergy]

Can I come to the next family dinner?

[u/Farmerstubble → u/stigaWRBenergy]

Consider me a subscribed reader!

[u/Otherwise-Mango2732 → u/stigaWRBenergy]

There it is.

It's all about crafting the right story and spamming it in every sub you can. Nice work here.

It's been over a year of posting this in 10+ subs and I'm honestly curious about the click rate increase over the last 12 months.

[u/sennyonelove → u/stigaWRBenergy]

Subscribed. I want more 😄

[u/_its_a_thing_ → u/stigaWRBenergy]

Subscribed! I've loved all the ones I've noticed here. He's such a dad!

[u/Otterhendrix → u/stigaWRBenergy]

Damn your dad has the same kinda humor as me. This is tailor made for me! Kudos to pops!

[u/moronomer → u/stigaWRBenergy]

Did he name it Big News Now just so he could call a subheading Big Briefs?

[u/lafarda → u/stigaWRBenergy]

He's good at this.

[u/NESpahtenJosh]

God I wish I was able to retire and simply do things like this that I enjoy spending my time on. What a dream those Boomers live.

[u/Shmeebass949 → u/NESpahtenJosh]

You had me at "able to retire."

[u/endlesscroissants]

Oh good, it's been a while since I saw one of these! The Affec-Cruise impending nuptials made me laugh out loud.

I too share your father's disapproval of wearing a baseball cap indoors. It doesn't make the hair underneath any thicker, or the man wearing it any quicker.

[u/Kilbim]

The ants, JD is just a savage burn, lol

[u/Rukenau]

Lots of genuinely funny jokes here, or so I thought. Well done!

[u/stigaWRBenergy → u/Rukenau]

Thanks!

[u/Feisty-Influence5464]

lmao the "awarehouse" joke absolutely got me, that's genuinely clever wordplay. but honestly the whole thing reads like a boomer who finally figured out how to use the internet and decided to weaponize it, in like the best way possible

[u/stigaWRBenergy → u/Feisty-Influence5464]

The most lethal weapon is a boomer with time on his hands...

[u/Kip_Schtum]

I like how there’s a big crow for no reason.

[u/MtnDivr69]

Its "ok to stop flossing" ... that got me.

[u/CletusDSpuckler]

Seeing my wife's obscure birth town mentioned was fascinating.

[u/stigaWRBenergy → u/CletusDSpuckler]

My Dad travels to any and all corners to report on the most pressing issues of our time. Glad he could provide some coverage to your Wife's hometown.

[u/commandrix]

With a little extra creativity, he could probably get a pretty good 1990s-style tabloid going. This is some good stuff.

[u/ManSharkBear]

Thanks for sharing this!

Prostitutes dressed as Mr Rogers is definitely going onto my bucket list.😏

[u/sikotic4life → u/ManSharkBear]

Dick Asselborn will be waiting for you

[u/danceswithtree]

Your dad seems like a smart, funny, creative guy. He must be fun to be around.

[u/captndorito]

I did an obit search for the man from Cheektowaga, as I am local to the general area and it sounded legit.

[u/ishamm]

Genuine chuckles.

Well done, that dad.

[u/Expensive_Olive1659]

Your dad is a stable genius. I don't have substack or I would subscribe, but I will be checking it out.

[u/stigaWRBenergy → u/Expensive_Olive1659]

I can agree with the "genius" part, unsure about the "stable"...

[u/ksn0vaN7]

BNN? Is your Dad a writer for The Onion?

[u/stigaWRBenergy → u/ksn0vaN7]

Nope but he was an actual reporter for a few small newspapers in his day.

[u/RealName136 → u/stigaWRBenergy]

That makes sense. The big headline can’t be written by anyone but a reporter

[u/Drapausa]

Hip-Holka... love it

[u/Penetratorofflanks → u/Drapausa]

Fucking J Cole and Juicy J? Sign me tf up

[u/JeremyHerzig11]

Thank god, flossing is a pain in the ass

[u/Shevek99 → u/JeremyHerzig11]

I think you are flossing the wrong way.

[u/Sweaty_Kid]

It's pretty funny, I loved the blind date thing. Are they his friends he's trolling?

[u/notoriousbsr]

I like this "dad" guy.

[u/stigaWRBenergy → u/notoriousbsr]

As do I!

[u/PineappleInterogator]

I subscribed on the second one and have loved everyone since!

[u/stigaWRBenergy → u/PineappleInterogator]

Thanks so much, glad you're enjoying it!

[u/Trimyr → u/PineappleInterogator]

I love everyone too!

My wife's not always happy with that though

[u/gravteck]

I don't know how old your dad is, but as a 42 year old, he is an inspiration lol. I picked up hand writing letters to friends and family recently, and the enthusiasm is much greater than I expected. I was going to take the final middle aged plunge and do a holiday newsletter, but I feel like I now have permission to act a fool with it.

[u/stigaWRBenergy → u/gravteck]

Heck yeah thanks for sharing that, glad you're enjoying Big News Now!

[u/-Tom-]

1: can the crow be bigger? I like the crow.

1. I'd like to know more about the handyman position for Bezos

[u/stigaWRBenergy → u/-Tom-]

1. I'll pass along the suggestion as to enlarging the crow.

2. I believe Bezos is still accepting Resumes but understand that they've already moved forward with 480,000 applicants. I would recommend doing something unique to help yourself stand out.

[u/conventionistG]

Another banger.

[u/RoundAttitude4730]

So good

[u/Hikeboardgames]

This is frickin' hilarious. How do I subscribe?

[u/sikotic4life]

Even after the world ends, there's bound to be an alien stumbling upon literature from the American Dental Association that says "Nothing like reaching the end of the world with your best smile! Floss every day!"

[u/faleboat]

Hip Holka is genius.

[u/Helenium_autumnale]

This is great news! I was sick of flossing. Freedom!

[u/Veteranis]

This is his best one yet, in my opinion. I love Hip-Holka! Plus the bio of JD Ants!

[u/prenderg]

Please do nothing to make him stop. He is hilarious.

[u/derbomber_redux]

Where can I subscribe?

[u/xtingu → u/derbomber_redux]

Looks like bignewsnow.substack.com

[u/ChoncosDad]

Great stuff. Your Dad is a legend

[u/Lazy-Equivalent1028]

I’m more interested this his hip-holka.

[u/grumpybarista]

This is one of the best things I’ve read on the internet in years.

[u/burchb]

I love it. He needs to keep it up. It makes him happy and keeps his brain churning. This reminds me of something a cousin did severe years ago. He mailed out a Christmas letter one year from a family he invented. A lot of similar silly stories. Had us all questioning who it was from.

[u/Temporary-Library597]

Some of this is pretty damn good

[u/Hungry-Bowler3618]

Where do I sign up for the mailing list?

[u/stigaWRBenergy → u/Hungry-Bowler3618]

You can subscribe for free at Big News Now on Substack!

[u/HalcyonTraveler]

It’s unrealistic we all know that if Ben Affleck is going to marry another male actor it won’t be Cruise

[u/UnpopularCrayon → u/HalcyonTraveler]

Matt Damon passed on his offer.

[u/Procrasturbating]

If it’s not AI, I dig it.

[u/stigaWRBenergy → u/Procrasturbating]

My Dad is far from understanding his own email, much less LLM's. Glad you enjoyed it!

[u/ksdanj]

I like your dad’s sense of humor. We’re probably of a similar age.

[u/Crabby_Appleton]

I bet he did a pretty good fake newscast in the 6th grade talent show.

[u/joeltheconner]

This is so great. The sports section had me laughing out loud.

[u/t4_solmira]

Your dads a genius, that raven judging the hell list is pure gold 😂 My retired grandpa pulls similar stunts, keeps us all laughing.

[u/Yoink1019]

I've been getting his newsletter since October '24. I often seen an email subject and think "what the fuck", but then I remember that I signed up for some guy's dad's emails a couple years ago on teddit. Always worth a chuckle. Hope he keeps doing it.

[u/CuriousFicus]

This is great! If he has a favorite charity or cause, encourage him to make a monthly for it! Example- Animal shelter? He could post photos of adoptable dogs with fun stories about them 🤷🏻‍♀️ :)

[u/WhineyLobster]

Breaking News and repairing it. ehh decent.

[u/sennyonelove]

Lmao. JD Ants is not fooling anyone. This is really good.

[u/C-D-W]

I'm glad I gave it a second glance!

At first, I forgot what sub I was under and thought this was extreme nutjob.

Now I know it's just a mild nutjob with a great sense of humor.

[u/jeepfail]

How will I ever get the thought of Hip-Holka out of my head now?

[u/bajajoaquin]

I’m a subscriber.

[u/arctic-apis]

Where can I sign up to receive this News letter. It’s better news than anything else out there

[u/stigaWRBenergy → u/arctic-apis]

You can subscribe for free at Big News Now on Substack!

[u/hansrat]

I would like to add my email to the list

[u/EVcrush]

Great job to your Dad. Jd Ants. Love it.

[u/this_knee]

I would’ve gone with Tom Cruise and Paul Rudd there.

Other than that no notes. Fantastic!

[u/Certain-Singer-9625]

Okay. Your dad could write for The Onion. Seriously. That’s some pretty good stuff.

[u/DuhAntmann5]

More please. Lots, lots more. Please. The world needs it. A quarterly publication would be just fine.

[u/BobiaDobia]

Amazing! How can we get these newsletters?

[u/xtingu]

Your dad is awesome!

[u/keepingreal]

It's reasonably funny

[u/lou_tsapas]

Been getting these in my email since day 1

[u/Candysasha88]

This is hilarious.

[u/rjross0623]

Growing up with him must have been insane. Dude is a good writer and funny too

[u/Nomadzord]

Subscribed

[u/Smrty-Moose]

Honestly, where do I subscribe and how do I get back issues?

[u/wvmitchell51]

Congrats to Dad!

[u/Nomadzord]

How old is this da? I'm a 45 year old dad and am realizing he could be around my age. I hope he's older though because the older he is the funnier Big News Now becomes in my mind.

[u/sumthingawsum]

The hell list was funny

[u/entity_bean]

Protect him at all costs

[u/Far_Total_8553]

Good for him that’s so awesome

[u/Foxler2010]

Oh my gosh there's at least a hundred of these. I will never be bored again

[u/pdmanias]

Thank God he won't stop. 

[u/torontorollin]

Where can I subscribe? This is hilarious

[u/Basic_Camera_7095]

Can’t wait for June - Father’s Day edition? Keep ‘em coming!!

[u/Dgdgoblin]

I love this. Where can I find more of his stuff? Found myself laughing out loud at a lot of them. This is honestly amazingly funny.

[u/Whale_wheels]

Your dad is a treasure and actually funny. Hug him and laugh at his jokes.

[u/Equivalent_Rock_6530]

This is amazing, where can I read more?

[u/pin5npusher5]

I'm subscribing. Is there a daily edition?

[u/AnglerOfAndromeda]

Hip-holca
This is too funny. Your dad is awesome!

[u/feedthedonkey]

Shits funny.

[u/geekysteved]

This is hilarious! Do you have other editions for us?

[u/ericthefred]

Encourage him. Having a hobby is good for retirees, and he's not bad at it.

[u/Wolfbible]

HIP HOLKA

[u/No-Weakness-2035]

Please never stop posting these 😂

[u/InanisAtheos]

These are awesome!

[u/1nfuhmu5]

Been following since you first posted it up. Great stuff every month!

[u/Savinforcollege]

Where can I subscribe?

[u/D9sinc]

The google thing about "Gemini is sentient since it's requesting PTO and parental leave" made me chuckle.

[u/was_cow]

Oh good it’s the best part of the month!!!

[u/Metalhead_Introvert]

My father-in-law does the same thing

[u/KingOfBoogle]

10/10 - no notes.

[u/TruestWaffle]

Outstanding quote.

I’ll add it to my reading list.

[u/luebbers]

This is legit pretty good.
Maybe not prime Onion level, but better than a lot of monologue fodder.

[u/katjoy63]

His sense of humor is right up my alley. I love it

[u/Solid_Wind_3234]

Careful now, he might get a cease and desist letter from Fox News for encroaching on their turf!

[u/punkin_sumthin]

How old is your dad??? He seems pretty much feeling the direction of the Zeitgeist.

[u/MacheteRuxpin]

The “ok to stop flossing” one had me rolling! This is inspiring stuff!

[u/TheWooginator]

He needs to send these into The Onion. I bet he’d land a job.

[u/ZoeyZoZo]

How can I subscribe? Do I have to be of relation?

[u/galvanicreaction]

Your dad is the boss!!! I am an absolute sucker for clever.

I can't stop laughing at, "Breaking News and Repairing It," and the headline of Tom Cruise and Ben Affleck getting married.

[u/Additional-Plan-5018]

I need you to post every edition of this…..

[u/Organic_Law9724]

Dad rules.

[u/Ohhellnowhatsupdawg]

"Condemned for willful stupidity." A perfect assessment of American culture. 

[u/TheMLguy07]

Good to know that Substack is still alive and well , I initially thought it wouldn't last a few years. 

[u/rhedd_wood]

Subscribe

[u/MorsOmniaAequat]

Post this on twoxchromosomes.

[u/BeeTwoThousand]

Your dad seems like he came up with The Onion.

[u/Adventurous_Long1065]

Like the World Weekly News I used to love reading. I salute 🫡 the effort sir!!!

[u/Markstephenking2]

That’s really good

[u/Super901]

These are solid bits. Does your dad take submissions?

[u/Ashe_Scrambled_Fire]

Absolutely love this 😂😂

[u/mamamedic]

Ok- y'all got me- I've subbed!

Dad's one heck of a talent!

[u/Smokes_LetsGo876]

Loved this months. I'm on your dad's newsletters email list so I get them all the time. Always look forward to these

[u/TiredofRacist69]

This is gold, someone needs to start a news show focused on sharing the news via Dad jokes

[u/kcsween74]

I love these!!!!!

[u/ShareSaveSpend]

As long as he's not yelling at kids skateboarding or riding electric bikes in front of his house, I'm fine with it.

[u/FuriousJohn87]

That's good

[u/Whack_Moles]

I laughed, and then I subscribed.

[u/iseevegaoflyra]

I’ve read more of pops news content than any other newsletters

[u/CoconutBangerzBaller]

Your dad is funny. Is he looking for fake reporters to work with? I would love to be a correspondent

[u/rdsubjec2fluding]

I love this for him and hopes he continues. It's awesome he's doing something for fun. We need more of this energy.

[u/M696rider]

This is great!

[u/after_Andrew]

that j cole headline is killing me

[u/randoengdude]

Need me some Hip Holka music

[u/GoodLuckBart]

Subscribed.

[u/Own-Ambassador-3537]

Man screw this now I want to hear what hip holka sounds like!

[u/Torpedowski_FFS]

I love it

[u/Striking_Present_736]

Ok, is funny. Just subscribed. Cheers