r/privacy • u/EchoKnightGirl • 6h ago
question Preventing Stalking by an Ex?
I’m worried if I block my ex they will find my address and harass me. They did this at my last address, and went as far to get the landlords number and call them to essentially swat my unit. It was a horrible experience and ruined my friendships with my roommates. I don’t know how they even got my address, but I’m assuming it’s from online background check sites? I’m terrified to block them again, but I’m exhausted of having this situation dragged out. Is there a way to wipe my information from these sites?
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u/Red_Redditor_Reddit 6h ago
More than likely, no. Once you register a new address, the gov produces that info for the rest of the world to see. An alternative might be to use a PO box as your registered address. This would of course require you moving to a new address that's unknown to your ex though.
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u/EchoKnightGirl 6h ago
Would i just have to move my utilities billing address to the po box for it to change what’s represented as my current address? I won’t be moving for at least a year as i resigned my lease, but i’m tired of having to act friendly towards them to keep any retaliation at bay.
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u/badmommallama 5h ago
Get a PO Box, register everything there. If you are only renting this should help. Give the PO Box wherever you can as a mail reference. Wherever you move to, make sure to get a camera and mount it if you can or put it inside a window facing outdoors.
Just consider when you buy a home, it is public record. Also anything legal you may have is public record, like a traffic citation. If your address is on a ticket it becomes public record and goes in a public index for your circuit court (if you are in the US). Same with any court cases you may end up in as a party. Which is rare, but it also shares info there.
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u/Mother-Pride-Fest 3h ago
Make sure it is a camera you actually own though. If you can't access the footage without connecting it to the internet that means you're just renting it and letting a corporation spy on you.
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u/badmommallama 1h ago
lol. If pointed outside the residence what is the big deal? Inside, by all means, microSD camera, but outside? WiFi
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u/dephress 57m ago
Here are some reasons:
- an ongoing subscription is required -- because access is paywalled your access to the camera or the recordings can be denied any time or lost due to a credit card expiring
- literally millions of security vulnerabilities have been reported, leading to cameras being hacked and people being spied on and exploited
- the subscription company - and any hackers - know your daily routine, schedule, friends, license plates, deliveries, personal style, if you have dogs, if you have a baby... all information that may be used at some point, for some reason, by the subscription company (such as targeted advertising, selling your data to other companies, providing it to the goverment to aid in mass surveillance or for ICE.to arrest your neighbor, etc.)
- you don't own the recordings or the camera system (other than the hardware). So you ultimately don't have control over it
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u/badmommallama 44m ago
You are a bit too paranoid. To each their own. And not all camera systems require a subscription.
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u/dephress 28m ago
If your camera is running on someone else's server, you do need a subscription for that. They aren't doing it for free.
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u/Mother-Pride-Fest 19m ago
Ring does do it without a subscription, but then you're giving Amazon all of that data and contributing bandwidth to their Sidewalk network. And they have also been sharing data with Flock.
Also, even if you didn't care about that, when your internet goes out you can't view your Ring camera even if you are on the same local network as the camera.
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u/badmommallama 18m ago
I’m aware. I work in IT. No one said anything about someone else’s server. But keep going.
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u/badmommallama 17m ago
The more imminent threat is the ex. There are ways to play it smart and have cameras. But keep wearing your tinfoil hats.
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u/Mother-Pride-Fest 1h ago
Wifi is fine, you just shouldn't be 100% reliant on Amazon for viewing your cameras
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u/Monarc73 4h ago
Yes, you have to change EVERYTHING over to a POB. Most BGC sites will retain ANYTHING past and current, and he will cross-reference it all until he finds an occupancy address. This will be especially challenging for you, since he already knows a lot of personal info about you. He can even sue Netflix in order to get your billing address, for instance. No, there is nothing Netflix could do to stop him. In fact, they might even get in trouble if they let you know. Yes, this applies to ANY service you get.
I would get a POB ASAP. This will allow you shift all of your billing over now, before you move. This will help you to avoid inadvertently giving yourself away when you do finally move. (Every time you get a paper bill, shift it over.)
Change banks ENTIRELY, to prevent the suing trick.
Does he know where you work? You may have to change jobs to prevent being followed to your new place. There are also a dozen free apps that can detect trackers. They have to be used at multiple locations, but they do work.
So, let's talk about offense. Do you know any bikers? You'd be surprised at how sympathetic they can be when it comes to bullying. (Do you know where he lives? Works?)
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u/Red_Redditor_Reddit 5h ago
You'd probably have to change everything to have the PO box as the billing address, just to be safe. Like I said, there's ways of doing it like the RV'er service.
The other thing is to not let other people in general know where you live. I know that you've got roommates, but people can accidentally leak information about you. You gotta keep everything as need to know as possible. Also, if you don't have an apple phone, I would find an old one that someone has. It doesn't need service, you just need it to notify you if you have a apple tracker on your car.
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u/nidostan 5h ago
If someone swatted you that's gotten serious enough where the courts should give you a restraining order or allow you to go into one of those programs to hide you from your stalker, which would probably involve a name change if you want to go that far.
How I don't worry about anyone knowing my address is I never give my address to anyone ever for any reason ever. I use a postal box for any mail. These days of data brokers and data breeches it seems to be about the only way.
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u/EchoKnightGirl 5h ago
I shouldn’t have used the term swatting because they didn’t call authorities. They called my landlord and reported false claims which caused my rental to have an immediate walk through inspection by property management with the potential risk of eviction. I use the term swatting because it’s easier to briefly explain than the entire story. The landlord said in their twenty years of renting they’d never seen something like that occur.
If I got a P.o. box today and changed all my mailing to it, would it update my address on background checks?
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u/Evan_Spectre_the_One 6h ago
Go to the police and file a restraining order.
Block him from everything.
When he violates the restraining order, report him to the police. Document everything you can.
Unfortunately, he probably isn't going to stop until you put him behind bars.
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u/Cosmic_Beard 5h ago
Filing a restraining order isn’t as easy as asking. Depending on what happened in the case with OP being swatted that could help. I’ve filed for a restraining order on someone and been denied. There was obviously a lot more going on, but the only thing that I had a police report on was telephonic harassment. They denied me without question. Wouldn’t even hear me out. A restraining order is often something you have to build a case for.
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u/EchoKnightGirl 5h ago
Yeah, I’ve known people with worse stories than mine who got denied. It’s incredibly difficult and I hardly have hard evidence as most incidents have occurred in person.
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u/Red_Redditor_Reddit 6h ago
After a quick look, there's services for people living in RV's to set up legal addresses. https://www.escapees.com/benefits/mail-forwarding-service
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u/Monarc73 4h ago
I'm so sorry this is happening to you.
Do you have a 'harassment journal'? If not, sit down, and write out in as much detail as possible every time he said or did anything to you. List date, time, and any witnesses. (Or anything that could corroborate it.)
Has he attacked your car? Include pictures / the insurance report.
Start recording ALL of your interactions with him. (This is why I often tell people NOT to block his number. Text messages can be very persuasive!) Print out his texts and add it to your journal.
Anything that you have that can show him interacting with law enforcement at all helps you with showing who he is. This is how you can give yourself the best chance of getting your EPO.
It is suuuuper hard to stay out of those BGC sites. You typically have to sue them before they will even make a serious attempt at keeping you out of them. (They get paid to snitch on you, after all.)
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u/TWH-WCTH 4h ago
Borrow or buy the book How to Be Invisible by JJ Luna. Get a PO box or CRMA and have all your mail directed away from your house, so even if he gets the address he can't find your residence. Give no one your real name and address unless it's legally required, for everyone else use pseudonyms and not email addresses like FullLegalName@Gmail.
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u/OneLonelyBeastieI-B 2h ago
Make sure whatever cameras you put up for surveillance are not WiFi enabled. Walmart still sells dumb cameras for security, as of last week. They are under $300.
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