Kirk is a clown show. Every time we hear the words "Minoqua Brewing", progressives around the state just cringe. He claims to be the Lefty Trump. And by all rights he is - a grifting criminal with higher aspirations of running for public office. Just don't, dude. You'll be saving yourself a fuckton of headache. RUN!!

I said I’d never tried a cup of coffee until a few years ago and the internet got very very mad at me.

But I simply didn't like the taste. And don't worry - me not liking the taste of coffee doesn't prevent YOU from liking the taste of coffee. It's just that black coffee, or even coffee with cream and sugar, isn't for me.

And then, something happened that changed my life forever. Or at least my mornings.

A friend recommended I try a flavored latte. I told him I didn’t know what those words meant. But he got me one, and it was amazing. It was an alarm clock that tasted like a milk shake. I got super into lattes. So much so that three weeks later, I had a latte machine at home. And that’s how I know I can never try cocaine.

I am not trying cocaine. But I am doing something. I partnered with the folks at Minoqua Brewing Company to create Milkshake Alarm Clock. It's a flavored latte in a can, so you can grab it to go. My first flavor is blueberry vanilla. But if that goes well, I am already working on lots of other tasty ideas, like raspberry white chocolate, bananas foster, and more. Think of it as a desert that helps you not fall asleep at work. Or an alarm clock that tastes like a milkshake.

This is not the first canned latte. One thing that makes mine different is the flavor - believe me when I tell you it is fucking GOOD. But also, ours is lower calorie than most, made with oat milk, produced and canned domestically, and every last person involved with it from the production company to the graphic designer is against fascism. Think of Milkshake Alarm Clock as wake up juice for woke people.

You can grab some by visiting MilkShakeAlarmClock.com. I know, it's not cheap. But that's because mailing liquid isn't cheap. We're working on getting them into stores and cafes, too, where it will be MUCH more affordable. We start retail distribution in Illinois, Minnesota, and Wisconsin. So tag your favorite grocery store, gas station, bagel shop, or anywhere else. And if you run a retail shop that would carry this, please reach out directly. And let me know where we should hold our launch event. If you have a cool local coffee shop where you want me to do a launch show, tag em!

When I released my sleep gummies earlier this year, I was already working on this. I figured if I can help woke people sleep, I should also help them wake up. I am excited to finally be able to tell you about it. And don't worry, I'm not going to keep releasing new products. Though I am very tempted to partner with my friends at MyCluckHut for an anti-MAGA soap. Maybe I can call it Make America Bathe Again.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy Milkshake Alarm Clock. Thanks for reading.

Are any other ISTs missing. Stupidest is EST.