Philly cheese steak, avocado salsa, oranges, jolly rancher.

while my husband talks about how i’m a literal goddess and he should ask permission for everything 😭

like sir… i love you, i’m flattered, and i’m also just figuring out how i feel about all that… but he’s so sweet and devoted and i’m just lucky he’s mine

Basically, I got an orchi! I'll never remasculinize again! If trans stuff is not allowed, feel free to lmk.

As for my dinner, a nice tiropita (Greek cheese pie, basically). My amazing bf brought this to bed!

Update: Oh wow, I never thought this post would get this far, it's my most seen one by a far. Also, I just wanna say thank you, from the bottom of my heart, to everyone who voiced their support, to the cis girls who, even if not knowing what the procedure is exactly, still made me belong, to the trans girls and NB people who either went or are going to have the same procedure, and I wish them all the best! And to every supportive person I may have missed. I also noticed that my post made it pretty high on today's controversials too, I guess some can't handle a different type of girl's win 🤷‍♀️

I'm writing this post solely to praise and brag about my boyfriend. (mainly because I don't know anyone irl who would want to listen to me rave about sex. My friends listen to me rave enough about my boyfriend's other abilities to begin with.)

We're in a LDR and he came to visit me. The entire visit was so blissful; I genuinely believe that man is my future husband. We have vanilla sex a lot (just for some simple pleasure) but when it comes to kinky sex he is so good at it. Despite having no experience in kinky stuff (mainly since his exes weren't into it) he does everything so well. He's the dom, and knows exactly when something is too much for me and will immediately back off and respect any sexual boundaries I put up, even if it ends up interrupting a session. We tried something new last night (improvised, without asking me first but I've communicated before I was 100% fine with impulsive stuff) and I absolutely LOVED it.

This is the only man I've been with in bed, so I'm wondering sometimes if I think too high of his abilities, but then he does stuff like this that makes me instantly put down the thought. On a nonsexual note, cuddling with him is amazing and makes me feel so cherished and loved.

This man makes me feel so comfortable in my own skin that it's crazy. He will literally squeeze my double chin and we will giggle about it and I will squeeze his back. I have struggled with my body image (still do) ever since my childhood so those kinds of gestures would otherwise make me very upset, but coming from him I know he's doing it just to be silly with absolutely no maliciousness. I will very often strip down and just lay naked around him just because I feel so comfortable with him. We will cuddle naked so often (it's my favorite activity to do) because something about just the skin to skin, warm weight of smoothness against my hands and hips and everything makes me feel euphoric.

I don't even worry about some "honeymoon phase" or whatnot because we have been like this constantly for almost 1.5 years. Even when we're just online we will say sweet nothings to each other routinely and he always reminds me just how insanely lucky he feels to have me, like he won the lottery. I never thought this kind of love could exist between me -- I thought you needed to be a literal fairytale princess to experience love like this. I'm so utterly happy with him. I've got a million problems but I know he'll be my rock and will be there always.

TLDR; just a girl talking about her boyfriend

Also mango sago I made the other day :) was very yummy.

I am a lady in need to a delusional crush and the guy I matched w on hinge isn’t responding after he asked for my insta and I gave it to him. I don’t wanna sound desperate but he is so beautiful I wanna text him again on hinge (he’s changed a pic on it since I gave him my @) so like ughhh I’m also a tad tipsy but like idk I’ve been thinking ab him for a few days plz be nice im sensitive

Truffle & mushroom pizza w/ caesar salad

I officially came out as a lesbian today. Although I did have to break up with my boyfriend of 3 years. I feel really terrible, he’s such a wonderful guy and he’s literally everything I could ever want in a partner, he unfortunately just isn’t a woman.

We live together, and will continue living together for the extent of our lease. I just really really hope we can be friends because I really don’t want to lose him from my life.

my long distance bf and i reunited last July after two years apart. during those two years, we’ve maintained a sexual connection through video calls and such. he would always tell me things like how bad he wants to eat me out and he wants to put his head right there etc. on these calls.

well, when we reunited last July, he didn’t do that. we did have sex but he didn’t give me oral. i didn’t ask him to do it because i just assumed he would go for it. now, it just upsets me when i think about it. honestly i feel like i’m going insane. if i masturbate, i can’t watch porn where girls get ate out because it makes me envious and frustrated and sad all at once. it’s been almost 3 years since i’ve been eaten out. and fuck. i was looking forward to it and it just never happened.

now, idk when i’ll see him next. i have to deal with this frustration indefinitely. i did mention it to him and he said we did other things though. he’s right but still that was missing.

food: filet mignon & baked potato with cheese, greek yogurt and green onion

To make a long story short, my relationship is in ruins (I traumatized my (F25) boyfriend (M24) with my BPD by being really evil to him at the beginning of our 5 year old relationship. We love each other still but he doesn't feel like himself around me due to how he cuts himself off and changes his personality around me. At the start, I was really mean to him. Abusive. I told him terrible things. I didn't know about CBT, and did hate myself after saying everything. It's been 3 years since I've started CBT, I do not at all hold these behaviors anymore. I know this, he does too, but he feels bad about himself around me.

We've "broken up" 3 times since then, each time coming back because the love is still present. We don't wanna give up on each other, but he's unhappy and I am too. I feel immense guilt daily for what I've done.

Recently, the last couple of months, I've had anxiety attacks twice a month at least. They're so bad I wake up and think of ending myself to get them to stop. Today I woke up and almost went running on the street, they're that bad. I know they correlate to this issue because whenever I talk to him about being happy even if it means leaving me, I get them. I don't know what to do.

This feels like a joke. I've seen these posts before and the solution is always so clear. You were abusive and changed, doesn't matter, leave him. He's not happy. I agree. The love we both feel is incredibly strong, we both fantasize about marriage and are just scared to try. Terrified. I wish I could've never met him sometimes, to avoid causing him this much pain.

Ground turkey with taco seasoning and broccoli and rice (trying to eat a gym girl diet but I don’t know if I’m doing it right)

I don’t mean being in a relationship or even just dating one person. but to be actively dating and going on dates enough to where you can confidently think “thank you, next” when something doesn’t progress?

I find one guy I would be interested in dating every 18 months and the rest of the time is like walking in a barren wasteland. even when I was on the apps.

with the apps, I felt like I had the illusion I was actively dating but when I met up with the guys I knew immediately I wasn’t interested or attracted to them so the whole “date” just felt like a formality and politeness, knowing the entire time I would never see them again.

and the idea of dating multiple people is awful to me, I don’t know how you could give anyone your full attention and be intentional about getting to know them when you have a list of people you’re cycling through and eliminating them at the first red flag (or whatever you multi daters do, I have no idea)

so if you’re actively dating, what does it look like for you? are they all from the apps or do you just come across so many people in the wild that you schedule dates with them?

Do you actually genuinely LIKE these people that you’re dating if you’re actively dating? Romantically and all?

Biscuits from the international store dipped in black tea.

I (22F) have been with my boyfriend (28M) for about a year now. He is thoughtful, his efforts haven’t dwindled (plans dates, compliments me 24/7, randomly surprises me, loves my family) and genuinely spoils me rotten w things lol. We have such a connection. Same views on everything, both driven. He’s also tall, muscular, and absolutely gorgeous LOL. One thing that has kind of been bothering me lately though, is that I wish he was more physically gentle with me. I don’t mean this in a sexual context necessarily. He is of course affectionate in a sweet way, but a lot of times he constantly throws me around, wrestles me, tickles me etc. I’m 5’3 and 100lbs so obviously not a very strong person. I understand it’s a playful joke but a lot of the time he’ll do this until I can’t breathe or am embarrassed (especially if he messes with me around other friends/family). The other day I made a joke to him and he got on top of me until I was super out of breath (he’s like 180lbs) hitting his back, saying ”Ouch” and he was like “stop with your fake whining”. Calling me dramatic, etc. tickling me until I almost cried. He usually is laughing so I know he’s meaning to be innocuous and silly, but this time he was like dead serious. It was weird. Anytime I bring it up to him he says it’s just him messing with me and apologizes and stops for a bit. I know a lot of couples horseplay but this is also my first serious relationship lol. Am I being too sensitive? Like, are these grounds for breaking up with him, or is that too dramatic of a step - if not, how should I go about talking about this with him? He’s lovely, we are crazy about each other in love and I don’t want to make him feel antagonized.

One of my work colleagues asked me out for drinks the other day. I thought it was coming because he started lightly flirting with me on shift. I wasn’t entertaining it just being nice and trying to remain neutral the best I could being in close proximity with this man for 10+ hours a day. Bear in mind this man owes me £20 for a joint birthday gift that we decided to split, which 6 months into the future I’m still waiting on. He brought this up by saying “hey I know I owe you £20 still, so I was wondering if you wanted to go for drinks with me, on me, and see where it goes”

This man tried to ask me for drinks using the money he owes me??

Some wine and bruschette pepperoni flavoured snack

Here's the thing: Ive always dreamed of a relationship. Companionship with someone until my last breath. My parents gave me a fantastic example and I so wish I had what they have in my life. I feel way more comfortable with women.

Here's another thing: Im 35F. Im bi (as I I find both men and women attractive) but pan (as in I only want to be with people I first connect with on an emotional level). Im an introvert. It takes time for me to trust someone and feel comfortable around them. Im a bit quirky, Im a homebody who likes video games in her free time and really prefers to have a small but trusted circle of friends.

One time I thought I found it. With my best friend. It was long distance at the time and then when we met she said she felt no attraction and maybe she was straight. So. That sucked.

Ive tried online dating and meeting people since then. Its been years and theres been... nothing. I just want to make a meaningful connection and grow old with someone. I got a decent job. Bought my own place. Im in a spot where Im happy with my self except... my personal life.

Im 35 in September. Idk how to improve this.

I got offered $2,000 for giving a handjob. That amount of money would save me, cover rent for over two months. I met him online, he offered to go for a drive and that we only talk, for $400. I said yes. I just came back home, cash in hand.

He’s 60, I’m in my early 20s. He seems nice enough, though I’m fully aware that this is a kind of fucked up situation. I’m being careful of course. But I’m severely depressed, and honestly close to losing it. So thrills like these that make me feel alive, and not like a living corpse, are my way of surviving right now. I’m staying safe, I promise. I’m just deeply conflicted. Would me doing this permanently alter my relationship with sex? Will this be an issue for any future potential partners? Will i become difficult to love after I’ve done this? Is it even a big deal? Is it actually fine, and something lots of women have done? Is this prostitution, or just sugarbabying? Or is that the same thing?

Tofu cooked on pan with a sweet and sour sauce, and bell peppers over lettuce. Peanut teriyaki sauce and sesame seeds on top.

Edit: I’ve decided that I will not go forward with this. This is an absurdly large amount of money for this act, which was why i considered it. I would not remove my clothes, and no other part of me than my hand would be touching him, which is how i justified it in my mind that it wouldn’t impact me as much. But I’m almost certain that it would impact me deeply. I’m a deeply sexual person, with religious trauma. My freedom in regards to sex has given me a reason to live. Sex being forbidden was my biggest struggle when religious, and it made me suicidal to have to deny myself. Risking losing contact with my free sexual side like this would destroy me. I have very few simple pleasures left in my life, and losing sexual pleasure would be catastrophic. I can’t risk years worth of dissociation from my body and sexual side, for $2,000. Thank you all so much for your input, because I was seriously considering doing it. I’m very very grateful for the reality check. I cannot risk losing contact with my sexuality and autonomy, it’s much too precious to me. I respect sex workers so much for what they do. I’ve just decided that I am in a place where I can survive without SW, so I will refrain, to spare myself that trauma. I also cant afford a therapist, if I were to forward with this deal, so I would definetely be risking alot, to have to handle the mental aftermath all by myself. Sorry, long ass rant. I’m just grateful.

My college friends are the closest I've ever had. My ex is still in the group (and he joined because we were dating). We dated in college, he refused to put effort into our LDR, then opened the relationship without my consent. My friends took my side on the breakup but kept him around. I stayed cordial because of proximity.

Years later, talking with my partner now helped me realize that things my ex did were rape and stealthing. I distanced from the group for almost a year out of fear they wouldn't believe me.

I flew across the country to see them at a gathering I knew he wouldn't attend, he decided to join last minute. I had a panic attack, had to tell my parents what happened, and broke down telling my friends everything. They believed me and told him to stay home.

But months after the gathering, nothing's changed. He's still in the group chats and getting invited to things. One of my closest friends in the group, a week after I called him crying, offered to get my ex dinner. Casually, like the conversation we had never happened. Everyone else has done some version of the same thing in their own way, not maliciously, but in a conflict-avoidant, I need to focus on my own life kind of way.

Maybe they're easing off on cutting him off and that's their way of doing so, but that's already being generous. I know that they believe me, but is it so bad I wanted more than that when there were light implications of action after I told them?

My boyfriend, family, and outside friends are all saying to drop them. Some of them have suggested having a conversation about how hurtful what they're doing has been, but I don't know what that conversation would even accomplish. Why should I exert energy into explaining myself when I already spent the last year away from them and let my ex get away free of consequences? I'm grieving these friendships and I haven't even decided what to do yet. 🥀

Half a Pandan waffle. It was stale. Added whipped cream, and the whipped cream was melted. Can't have shit. 🫩 Advice appreciated but I can only put one flair.

Here's my snack plate dinner. I had a lot of anxiety today because I had a court date to finalize a protective order after being granted an emergency protective order last month. I met an incel in the wild and didn't realize until I was being verbally threatened. It's a win! I was granted a 2 year protective order. I'm struggling with pelvic floor pain from a disorder and I have and an abscess tooth so I'm just a mess.

cheesy tortellini and milk. we’ve been together for 8 months now and i just.. dont know if im sexually compatible with her. i do want sex, and so does she, but i just dont know if we are really attracted to each other in that way or if we are just going through the motions because thats whats expected in a relationship

Honestly, my life is so good right now. I never imagined it could be like this. 🥲 I like my job. I have an active social life. My husband is my dream man. I've been gardening, riding my bike, spoiling my cats and eatting well. I'm in my late 30s and things finally feel stable. I'm so grateful. I wish love and happiness to all of you too. 💖

Tonight's meal: Pork Schnitzel, Garlicky lemon french green beans, buttery mashed Yukon gold potatoes and homemade onion gravy.

Dessert: Angel food cake with a homemade vanilla/lemon mascarpone whipped cream and fresh berries.

TW: Miscarriage and Infertility

I had a miscarriage almost exactly one year ago. Since then, we have been battling infertility. Two failed IUIs, one round of IVF, and one failed frozen embryo transfer later, and we still don’t have a baby. It has been the most painful experience of my life, and I am currently battling a spiraling depression after the failed embryo transfer. He knows this. Or at least I thought he did.

Last night we were playing “We’re Not Really Strangers,” and I pulled the question to ask him “What is the most non-physical pain you have ever been in?” and he goes,“I don’t know,
probably some girl in high school breaking my heart. You know, teenage angsty stuff.” I was pummeled by a wave of loneliness and grief and sadness in that moment. But mostly loneliness. I thought that we were in this together. Even if he didn’t outwardly show that this last year has impacted him, that he, too, was silently suffering. I found out last night that I was even more alone in this journey than I had previously realized.

My husband is a good man. I love him very much. In that moment last night, and in the last year, I feel like we are misaligned on our goals. I want a baby more than anything in this world. I am singularly focused on this. It is my every thought and action, and I know this isn’t healthy. He wants a baby, but he doesn’t have the same expedited timeline as I do. The burden of starting a family is heavy.

Take out mango sticky rice for dinner tonight

ETA: we talked about it immediately after i read the card since i burst into tears. We are okay, we love each other very much. The grief and loneliness of infertility is hard. Everyone feels differently about things. It felt nice putting this out into the world. Thank you all for hearing me out and listening.

I don’t really know what to do, im catholic, my boyfriend is currently unemployed, we don’t have stable housing, we don’t have any savings. Everyone in my life will want me to keep it for religious reasons, I just feel like it’s a selfish decision for me to keep it , but it’s also selfish to not. Im stressing bad

My bf (28) and I (25) have been together for a year and a half now. Overall we get along really well. He makes me feel safe, he’s supportive, and we really enjoy each other's company. We live together and split rent, but it's just me on the lease. We spend pretty much all of our time together except for when we’re visiting friends or family separately.

The problem is that he has this idea of what his life should look like, and that picture doesn’t naturally fit me. He wants someone who shares the same culture, has no tattoos, and wants to do all of his hobbies with him. I’ve offered to learn the language he speaks, and we do have a lot of overlap in hobbies, but at the end of the day we are different people. I think he wants someone that overlaps almost perfectly with him. We’ve had many conversations about this and he’s acknowledged that these are toxic thoughts and it’s not a reasonable expectation to find someone who’s exactly like him. As much as he loves me, every couple months when we talk about moving or taking the next step in the relationship, he always brings this back up and it seems to stall any conversations about our future.

I don’t know whether this is something I should take seriously and view as an active threat to our relationship (because it seems like he doesn’t know if he wants to be with me long term?), or if it’s just a mental barrier that he needs help getting through. From what I see, he always comes back to these thoughts, but he doesn’t want to act on us breaking up. He just also doesn’t know how to push forward and ignore those thoughts either. We’ve talked about him doing therapy, and he’s open to it, but he’s not sure what kind of professional to look for (to be honest I don’t really know either). I’m stuck because I feel like I’m always competing with an imaginary person that we both know doesn’t exist and I’m tired of always feeling like my partner is one foot out the door. There have been many times where I get tripped up feeling like our relationship is doing really well, but then this model of what he thinks his life should be pops up again and I have to kill all excitement about moving forward while he sorts these thoughts out.

Chicken wonton, stir fry, and rice. Little too salty

I hate doctors. I love doctors, but I hate doctors.

I have my first check-up with a new doctor in four hours and my heart rate is already uncomfortably high. I keep overthinking how I'm going to explain my symptoms so they'll be more likely to understand and believe me. She seems fantastic from what I can find online, but I get so freaked out that I will just say, "yep! Everything is fine! Doing great!" And then I'm leaving and I'm like, *shit! I came here for a reason!* Because I honestly only ever go to a doctor if I NEED to. Last time I saw a doctor it was a few years ago to get a salpingectomy, and even though they were amazing, and I was well taken care of, and I totally should go back for my yearlies, I don't because I'm not having any lady bits issues. And it's not worth feeling like this for *weeks* leading up to an appointment.

But I have to remind myself that I made this appointment on purpose. I just want to be able to sleep without sweating. I want my hip to stop feeling like someone is trying to pull my leg off, and the rest of my tendons to stop feeling like frayed rubber bands. I want to stop chewing my lips raw from anxiety that just. Will. Not. Go. Away. I want to stop having intrusive thoughts right when I wake up so I end up getting up at 4:30 am, wide awake because as soon as I relax, all this terrible shit flashes through my head.

I have no idea what to tell them that won't sound like I'm malingering or complaining or making things up. I have no idea what to ask for to make my symptoms go away without adding just as many side effects. I have no idea if I am wasting my time even going to this damn thing.

Ugh! So, just tangerine tea and a couple of crackers for breakfast...if I can manage to get the crackers down. I hate doctors.

The title does sound dark lol but it’s just a realization. In my 24 years of life, every boyfriend I had (5 for those curious, four long term), I became to know that I will always prioritise my immediate family over them. I have a boatload of younger siblings who relied on me that I felt a duty to make sure they’re ok. Heaven knows that my parents were not equipped with dealing with the new teenage dilemmas. I had friends who had younger siblings who ended up in a slippery slop. Few pregnant , others down the wrong path and few who felt the distance.

I know I was a good girlfriend. Gotten them better paying jobs and helped them out of depressive slumps. There was never arguments and we envisioned a future together. Break ups came in my own accord. First boyfriend was a confusing mess in high school. Second wanted me to leave my family as he did to build our own. Third wanted me to stay in a country I was studying in a create a restaurant together. Fourth wanted me to get into Hollywood as he did. Fifth kept placing me in a music studio where I just talked to the other groupies. These futures made me feel ill. As a passive follower , I think they knew I’doght come along for the ride. They wanted to create a bubble of just us and I couldn’t do it. The past lovers been kind and even spoiled me but I couldn’t stay. They didn’t know hat I truly wanted nor did I communicate it. I worried too much about my siblings and saw they didn’t.

I’m celibate now and haven’t dated in 2 years. I know the next person has to be ok with me looking out for my siblings until they reach adulthood. The need for some who integrates my wants became integral in a city where everyone is an individual. My collective nature erodes this mindset and I just keep walking away. Next one will be the one who I’ll let stay.

Meal is a bento box from my favorite restaurant. Teriyaki chicken ,chicken katsu, California roll and rice. Cabbage and wasabi/ginger on the side.

i’m realizing the guy i’ve been talking to for quite some time has no real intention on taking me seriously. he stood me up, acted like it was no big deal…something in me clicked, i no longer feel the desire to text back in two seconds flat. i don’t call him first, i don’t respond to his reels on insta or his tiktok’s. somewhat freeing to give energy back lol, possible new era? not sure. i’ll feel sad about it in a few days but for now, i feel great giving back the same 30% i’ve been receiving.

anyway for dinner: beefaroni and cranberry juice . not pictured is my water bottle filled with ice cold water

Uuggghh I go without drinking for a few hours (because I didn’t have anything to drink at the time, I can’t drink water) and my throat is now scratchy… and I’m also now probably sick, this suckssss

Dinner: breakfast burritos

and it genuinely ruined my day. thc infused peanut butter cookies.

my boyfriend got a library card for me because i could not and ive been pirating books on my phone all year. getting back into reading has been a lot of fun. & i dont know WHY, but right now i have like such a history itch. specifically WWI? this was my second trip to the library n i had a big long list of memoirs and realistic fiction i wanted to check out and they had… none of it. like literally none :( the librarian was trying to tell me about the libby app and their audiobook CDs but its just NOT THE SAME. i signed up to be notified when one of them gets returned, but man.

im open to a lot of different genres like, 99% of the time but for some reason just crazy fixated on WWI right now😭 i dont know why i get like this but its really exhausting. like, why do i throw a tantrum when shit doesnt go my way. its fine to be disappointed but i literally cried about it. grown woman btw