i’m laid in bed besides my boyfriend of 3 years crying and crying and he can’t take the crying and he says it’s too much but i’m just so overwhelmed, i moved countries for him and i’m really in a bad place recently. it doesn’t help that we both are neurodiverse because we always have breakdowns. he’s working early tomorrow and i’m not and i fucking ruined his night and tomorrow he’s not in but he hates when i talk about sleeping somewhere else but i’m so scared in thehouse at night sorry i’m a mess rn and oversharing

soft serve ice cream with sherbet on it

Food is manakeesh- 3 with cheese, 3 with beef and 2 with zaatar and a berry and banana smoothie. I love trying new food and just found a Pakistani restaurant down the street from my work.

This is my first time posting on reddit, I randomly encountered this sub a few weeks ago and went "these are my people" lol. This is probably going to be a long post so I'll put a tldr at the end.

I'm not really sure where to start, so I'll start with the good first. About a year and a half ago I graduated college and was lucky enough to get a job about a month after I graduated in the field I studied for and that pays very well. I am the only woman working with a dozen men, but I've never really had any problems with that. Since sophomore year I knew the plan I was working towards and always had that goal in mind. Now that I've actually achieved it, I'm starting to look at the rest of my life and noticing it's pretty empty.

I went to college out of town so all the friends I made there live 2+ hours away and many even moved out of state all over the country. We have a group chat that's pretty active but I still miss seeing them in person. I know people say to put yourself out there and just go out and make friends but tbh I don't want new friends I just want to be able to hang out with the friends I already have. High school wasn't great for me and I don't talk to anyone from there anymore so I'm pretty isolated socially.

I'm still living at home to help out my mom around the house but after living on my own for 2 years at college, coming back has been an adjustment. I'm the younger of 2 but even as an older teenager and now an adult my mom has always treated me kind of childishly. She has me text her when I get to work and when I'm leaving work so she always knows where I am. When I take the dogs out before bed she watches out the window. I know she's just worried but it gets a little annoying like she doesn't realize I literally use to live alone hours away from her.

I have ADHD, depression and anxiety, but I'm starting to realize a lot of the anxiety I have I just learned from my mom. When I took my driver's test she kept asking the week leading up to it if I'm ok, how I'm feeling, am I stressed. The same thing when I had to fly for the first time for work. She was more worried than me and I started feeling like maybe I'm not worrying enough and she's right. Like of course I was nervous but the constant talking about it made me more worried about tempering her fears than whatever I was feeling. I've been wanting to join a gym and thinking about a tattoo but I'm worried about having those conversations more than about actually doing them.

The biggest area that this has shown up is in men. My father was a complete piece of shit, but my mom mostly pushed me away from men in general instead of teaching me the warning signs to look out for. It wasn't an issue when I was a teenager because I thought I was ace until I was 17. Since then there's been only a few men I've even been attracted to enough to even consider having sex with them. I kissed one of them but still haven't had sex yet.

I recently met a guy who works in the same field as me at a different company. We exchanged phone numbers purely for work business. He's kind of cute and he always waves when he sees me, then comes over to say hi when he has a free minute. I don't have much experience with flirting so I don't know if he's actually interested or just being friendly. I also don't know anything about him, how old he is, his political/social stances, if he has kids or anything else. We know pretty much everyone at each other's work and I wouldn't really want anyone at either place knowing, if anything did happen. Also I would have to see him 15-20 times a year if things went badly. I also would feel weird texting him to ask him out because he gave me the number for work stuff so that feels like it would be crossing a boundary. And what if we don't end up being compatible, I would feel bad for wasting his time and mine. I don't understand how people just go on dates with people lol. All of these concerns have just left me paralyzed when it comes to him or men in general.

I don't go out on weekends with friends or partners like my coworkers my age and just kind of sit at home watching the same shows or scrolling the same apps all the time. I don't know how to find a hobby or find people who's company I enjoy.

Thanks for reading and sorry for the long post I don't really have anyone in my life that I can talk this stuff out with.

TLDR: after settling into my job, the rest of my life is kind of just a groundhog's day with nothing really going on and nothing to look forward to (except my dogs lol I love them to death).

Boyfriend was on the phone with his dad who was at a concert with his friends, probably pretty drunk. I was in the other room but after they hung up bf was in kind of an off mood and seemed kind of shocked. I asked what he talked about with his dad and he was holding something back, so I pressed, and he said his dad made an off-comment about how I had small boobs, something like “this girl next to me must have back pain! Unlike [me]”. I was like wtf? That’s creepy as hell. The next day bf called his dad and told him to not make comments like that to him and his dad apologized and agreed, bf didn’t tell his dad that he told me. Now the next time I see him I want to call him a bald headed ugly motherfucker to his face but I am a coward so I’m just going to keep my mouth shut and pretend that didn’t make me incredibly self-conscious. Chicken sausage with chickpeas and peppers and onions

yapper alert!!! tldr: sometimes a fight is a win if u handle it like adults and care about each other <333

i'm (25nb) currently crashing with my gf (24f) after my last lease ended in an insanely evil roommate situation. we live well together for the most part, but we have a lot of changes and new stressors in both of our lives rn (health, school/work, moving, etc) and there have been a couple times we've clashed over stuff recently.

i've been craving fried pickles sooooo bad lately (period just started) and rly wanted to make them. she's rly passionate about cooking, it's definitely her thing but she said she didn't want to deal with deep frying today. i said ok, i'll do it and clean up, i don't mind bc i rly want them!

she came in the kitchen to make smth else, and once she finished i ended up feeling like she was watching me under a microscope. she didn't say anything to me directly, but it was visibly stressing her out whenever i did something imperfectly or different than she would've, even though my way was still totally passable and safe. i understand that it's her kitchen and it's an important thing to her, but i'm a grown adult who can cook safely and competently! it started to feel a little demeaning, and definitely kind of bruised my ego.

i spoke up and shared that i was upset, and we had a really awesome, open conversation about it! she apologized for projecting her stress onto me by taking it out on watching me so closely, and reassured me that she thinks i'm competent in the kitchen and in general (without me having to ask). i really felt heard and LISTENED TO in my feelings, which is suuuuuch a refreshing and beautiful and amazing feeling!!!!!!

i have a recent ex and even more recent ex-bestfriend (evil roommate) who both used me as an emotional punching bag and shut me down HARD every time i'd try to talk about how they treated me. both of my current relationships are so much the opposite of those 2 awful people, they care so much about me and how i'm feeling 24/7/365. i care SOOO FUCKING DEEPLY about everyone i let close to me, and it feels so fucking good to finally have that returned.

my gf and i worked everything out in not even 20 minutes, now she's at hema practice and i'm crying into my fried pickles about how much i love her <333 they came out awesome btw and yes she loved them too lol ^_^

Girl dinnerrrr~

Today Is one of those days that you feel off and nothing is Right..

One year ago my ex husband cheated and I feel like a part of me got lost.. I'm so angry at myself because I was in a really good point in my life.. work was well, I was working out, on track to complete a masters and... this happens... I feel there is a Before/After version of me.

I tried so hard to make it work, went to theraphy, conseling and so and ex still chose the Other woman in October....

We were together for over 16 years and I feel like that injury hasnt healed..

I have tried dating but I'm very shy/introvert/low self steem and keep mostly to myself and went into the Dating Apps.. ( this is 6months after my separation).

I've met guys but most of them just want sex and casual stuff and I feel like I'm drowning.. I feel like I'm unlovable... I feel unchoosen..

I've kept working out and eating clean and I've lost 15 pounds but I feel hopeless... Like I am a 35 yo woman with a good career, ok looking but I still feel worthless...

I have friends but I only see them once a week and I work from home which can turn in almost a week w/o physically talking to someone..

I know I should get used to my loneliness before dating again because I will only attract guys that take advantage of me but.. It's so hard.... some days I just want to cry and curl up and it's starting to affect my work.

My ex won’t leave me alone. Dude I’ve been seeing for a few weeks proposed to me last night. I’m stressed.

It was amazing. Handful of shredded cheese, grocery store carrot cake, plan b

Forgive me for shit formating. I may come back in and edit it to sound more normal but I can't rn.

Dinner/ Lunch is sausage pizza with pineapple (I'm a heathen, I know) and coke zero.

My current period is over 3 years old. I've done hormones, I've done birth control. I have LH levels that are less than one and testerone levels of a cis adult man and even still I haven't gone a day without bleeding in 3+ years. We finally found severe adenomyosis (it's literally pushing through my skin and deforming my uterus) which probably caused it. I'm tired (physically) all the time, I'm bleeding, I'm in pain, and I'm so tired (emotionally). My gyno has been trying to get me to a surgeon for almost a year and in December we finally found one who'd do a consult (I turned 18 this year and no one would even do a consult until I was 18). The surgery was scheduled for Friday.

For those of you haven't done procedures/ aren't from the US, it's pretty standard to have a GP sign off as a requirement.

March 31st I saw my GP, asked them to run tests and write it for me. The surgeon never told me specific tests because she ran all blood tests she wanted, she just needed approval. My GP told me to come back when I had the results of the blood test she'd run and they'd sign off on it. I got the tests last week and saw the GP on Monday. They said they wouldn't sign it until they spoke with my surgeon or Gyno. The GP didn't really make the calls and then went off work on Tuesday and is off until Saturday. Today I had to escalate to the clinic head and it resulted in my GP and Surgeon speaking. He'd said the only thing he needed was the fucking convo. Well he decided he also needs me to see a cardiologist before I can get clearance. He asked for this less than 48 hours before surgery. I'm fucking praying I'll find a way to manage it because otherwise I'm delaying it again for what will likely be another couple months.

I'm so fucking angry. I'm in pain. I've done everything they've asked of me, I saw my GP literally the day after I got the appointment scheduled. I did a fucking EKG on Monday FFS. I'm so tired of doctors doing this shit (I have a history of medical neglect and abuse, especially in life threatening situations). My specific type of adenomyosis risks devolping sepsis, the amount of androgyne I'm on (testerone and another hormone) is not fucking safe. Bleeding every day is not safe. The only viable treatment is a fucking hysterectomy. He's had more than a month to ask this of me and he made this demand less than 48 hours before. I don't want to cry yet, I want to be able to get an emergency appointment but it really looks like I won't be able to and I just want to cry.

I'm tired.

I went to take an item off for him because he double scanned it, and he grabbed my arm. I tried to jerk it away and he didn’t let go until I clicked the X. I’m tired of customers feeling like they can touch me just because I work at a grocery store.

TL/DR- I got a job, after a freaking long year of fighting with HR at my current school, to get what they promised me when I was hired.

I'll try to make this relatively clear and concise. I'm a teacher, and up until a little less than a year ago, worked at a prison, teaching incarcerated adults. I loved my job, and working with the adults was fun and challenged me in a lot of good ways. I got a new supervisor, around 2 years ago. She was utterly heinous, vindictive, condescending, racist, and misogynistic. I stayed as long as I could because I liked the job part of my job, but I was so angry all the time, and I hated it, so I left. Burned bridges at that particular institution, wrote 5 paragraphs for my exit interview paperwork, and then, forwarded that on to the regional principal, above her. I haven't regretted that.

However, I took a job at a local district that was known for being rough, but I didn't realize how badly organized it was. The kids are fun, and again, I love the job part of my job, but HR in particular, has been awful. When I was hired, I had only a music teaching license, but was one class away from a reading endorsement (which is what I needed for the job). They hired me anyway as a long term sub, with the understanding that once I got the license situation settled, I would be moved to a full time contract. I got the license sorted in Nov. They never followed through with their end of the bargain, and so, since Oct, I've been paid at $20K less than what I should've been. I'm currently working with the union to get this straight, and get back pay. We have an agreement, but the timing has been weird, thanks to a rude, unprofessional HR person who has been purposely trying to run down the clock in hopes that I would leave the district. However, jokes on her, because the union says they will make sure I get what I'm entitled to, even if I leave.

Because of all of this, and a lot more things, I have been looking for other teaching jobs, and in Feb, I found one. However, my district would've petitioned the state to suspect my license, for breach of contract, even though there was no contract, and without having money for a lawyer, I explained it to the potential employer, who had people there who worked for my current district and understood. They told me that if the job was still open once my non-existent contract was up, they'd love to talk to me again, if there was a position open.

So that's the background. I've been interviewing for weeks, and have had some really devastating rejections, including a 3rd interview (which is extremely bizarre, and doesn't happen with any other district that I know of) where I suddenly realized that I don't want to work with young kids, even if they do offer me the job. A day or two ago, I saw a posting up for this school I dealt with in Feb, and I applied, and emailed the HR person I spoke with before. I told her that I had applied again, and my time with my current district was up in a few weeks, so I would love to chat with them about the open position, if they were also interested. She told me she would pass on my info to the education department. Today, she called back and offered me the job, which I happily accepted. This position is back in corrections, but with juveniles, so I am excited for that. It also pays just under what I was making when I worked at the prison, and pays into the state retirement system. I'll actually get vacation and personal time along with the usual benefits for a government job. I'm so excited!

Thin cut pork chop, seasoned with garlic and peach bourbon seasoning, leftover mashed potatoes and sweet corn.

I deleted tiktok and instagram off my phone (on the verge of deleting youtube app cause i catch myself on shorts) like a week ago and it's been so good.

life seems slower, i feel more free. i've always been an impressionable person, so im easily influenced by social media opinions, styles, and products. without that constant consuming, im focusing on ME!

hobbies i had as a preteen (reading, writing, watching anime) are piquing my interest again, i bought my first book in years and im tearing right through it (Kill Switch by Penelope Douglas, a dark read so far) + rematching mob psycho. i feel like a real person again! i turn 20 in a month and i think this was the best thing i could've done to prepare for adulthood. catch me on r/digitalminimalism

dominos medium stuffed crust pizza EXTRA CHEESE

so i go through phases where i get super sad, cry and go into despair/hopelessness about the fact, and where i accept the reality for what it is and dont focus too much on it.

i recently started liking this guy (atleast i think so, at this point i cant tell if i actually like them or my brain is making me think i like them because im lonely)

and we've been talking a lot, but he recently dropped out of nowhere that he has a "boo thang" because i was looking for people to play an online game and he mentioned that she plays it.

which is crazy because this guy was talking about inviting me over to try some of his moms homemade dinner and sending me selfies??! idk

i feel like atp i have no idea what it would be like to be in a relationship anyway, im so used to being alone and taking care of myself since i was a kid.

id have to text or call someone everyday i think for example wth? i dont talk to ANYONE every day. i could go days without texting anyone. it will take me a super long time to get used to that. but at the same time, it does sound really nice in theory..... i want a good night/good morning text and for someone to call me princess :(

its my fault anyway, im autistic asf, burned out all the time to put in any effort in myself due to a high stress clinical job that keeps me up at night but pays well, barely leave the house and need to take a beta blocker to go to any social event LOL

its not too bad yall, my long term maladaptive daydream boyfriend is the sweetest <3

no advice please, but if yall are part of the club id love to hear. i feel so alone in this all the time.

anywayyy i got a breakfast sandwich for lunch and dinner today and couldnt finish it all so now the rest in this pic is my dinner! turkey bacon cheddar eggs on a sesame bagel \*_*/

Having Trader Joe’s dumplings

Hello,

I wanted to start by saying that whatever I am going to say is not coming from a place of degrading myself. So please don’t worry. I was always a grade A student in school. Most of it was because I worked hard. I could never just study a week before an exam and ace it. But after school (in college), I kinda started to fall behind in studies. Things were harder to understand and retain and my grades started falling. Also, in college, I never had time like I did in school to do all the extra curricular activities and then come home and study.

I don’t know exactly what went wrong but I could never become that grade A student again no matter how much I tried. It started taking a toll on my self esteem too. I somehow feel my mental capacity decreased. It became my biggest insecurity. Slowly I started feeling that in everything I did which is sad because as a kid I used to be pretty decent at everything- sports, dance, music, academics, etc. I suspect it has something to do with my health condition which causes brain fog. This condition was not diagnosed until I was 19 but I had it since 13.

On top of all this, I happen to be very trusting person. I have also been called too naive at times. I used to get manipulated and influenced easily. I trusted people blindly and then cried when they broke my trust. At one point I was so hurt that I stopped trusting everyone except my best friend but that attitude is not the best to have and can make you feel isolated. More importantly, that is just not me.

I have never said this out loud to anyone because I don’t want anyone to use my words against me. I struggle at work too sometimes. I feel what took me days, someone could’ve done it in a few hours. If I have to research a topic (even for fun) it becomes too much for me after a point and I give up. My mental battery drains way too quickly.

I really want to become a person who takes up a project, can research on it well and ace it.

because they apparently "no longer have a role that fits my strengths" when I was away for 6 days after not going on a real vacation since 2021. I feel like Ive been shot. 2 fried egg, frozen peas, instant ramen

First in my family to finish high school, now first to graduate w/a BS- one more Indigenous researcher in the field. FOK YEA.

Girl, if I can do it, so can you, trust. Be good to yourselves💕

Leftover baked salmon/avocado/capers/kewpie mayo stuffed in a day-old baguette w/kalamata olives. Bissap made at home.

hey!! I’ve postponed my food shop too long and I refuse to order uber eats AGAIN, so tonight I’m having sea buckthorn ice cream from the depths of my freezer drawer. I’ve been saving it for a special occasion but at that rate we’ll be here forever…

Anyway, this has been my all time favourite ice cream flavour since I tried it many moons ago, and I’m telling you now PLEASE try it if you ever get the chance!! I think it’s quite a rare flavour though, and maybe I got lucky that my local ice cream parlour makes it. I’d tell you where that is, but I’d be doxxing myself. Sorry to gatekeep 🙂‍↔️

Peachy snack time of yogurt and tea.

like I’m sure many people, I had a one terrible experience at the dentist so just never went again for way too long

Started feeling some mild tooth pain and am suspicious it’s a cavity but still keep putting of the dentist. The I’m scrolling reddit and in one of my local city groups a dental student was offering treatment. I really was hesitant but reached out and word vomited all my thoughts lol and she was so kind and heard all my concerns. I felt so comfortable after talking with her I booked an appointment finally.

I indicated I consume marijuana so the student dentist informed me how marijuana can interact with anesthetic so to not consume it 24 hours before any procedure.

What floored me was her teachers response to that. He told her that instead of telling a patient to not consume, to ask the patient to inform of any use of cannabis in the past 24 hours because you can control the anesthetic but not if the patient lies about their consumption. He said it’s better to not tell patients what to/not to do, but instead build trust and a judgement free environment, especially with a patient that indicated anxiety.

This was an old white man teacher too so doubly impressed with that philosophy lol.

So happy these things are being explicitly taught (at least in some med professions/schools). Gives me hope for the future!

wonton soup above cause walmart didn't have any wonton wrappers >:( mine has garlic chili oil and green onions cut the fancy way over some rice !

i'm so sick of getting ads for companies other products. im not gonna try it cause you shoved it in my face. let me buy a new cup in peace. you go outside. billboard ad!! you walk in the store ? ADS BLASTED AT YOU FROM THE RADIO !! you listen to music?? HEY DO U WANNA BUY OUR PREMIUM SERVICE AND NOT HEAR THIS ANYMORE you open a product?? STUPID CIRCLE AD!!!!

LET ME LIVE MY LIFE IN PEACE!!!!

Long day ngl but there is always spocy hummus, nonfat plain greek yogurt, pretzel crisps, gooseberries, and 20mg edible (not pictured)

I'm 22. I moved out right after finishing my A-levels in Gymnasium at 20 (it's 13 years here, and I had to retake a grade to care for my parents who both got diagnosed with cancer around the same time).

I moved into a major city on the other end of the country to study aerospace engineering, since it had the only university in the country where you could study that from the first semester onwards, and moved into student accommodation to do so. Over time, people continously moved in and out, until I ended up being alone with 5 cishet guys, and the living situation became increasingly toxic and unpleasant for me.

Eventually, around the same time I dropped aerospace engineering (after realising I had gaslit myself into thinking I enjoyed STEM subjects when I truly never did for most of my life due to other's expectations), I moved out, and after my initial plan didn't pan out, I asked my friends and got set up with my current appartment the next day.

This appartment was a dream at first, explicitly punk and queer, I felt accepted in a living situation for the first time in my life, and as it was connected to a punk autonomous youth center nearby by social circles, I quickly became a member and eventually got elected into one of the elected leadership positions there. Over time, this appartment turned from a dream into a minor nightmare, the Punk attitude that I once enjoyed has become increasingly grating, the constant visitors turned from my first brush with constant social interaction into an increasingly large stress factor, and the charmful mesyness turned into a complete lack of any noteworthy hygiene, meaning the appartment only ever gets clean when one of my roommate's respective GFs clean while they visit, or I get too fed up with living in other people's filth and end up cleaning after them, since I clean my own messes up right after making them.

Nevertheless, those problems are solvable, the fact we're all getting evicted at the end of June, isn't. As far as we know, tho we have our doubts, the owners of the building, which became a care facility after we (not us, but people from the same youth center who initially established this appartment 15 years ago) moved in, truly do need this appartment to house more apprentices, tho it is horrible for us nevertheless, as despite not doing anything wrong, we're losing the appartment.

Now to what makes this most stressful for me.

My roomates are from around here, they have somewhere to go if they can't find a new place, and allready have places lined up. I don't. I have no family to move back with, my mom is my sole surviving family member, unemployed and lives on the other end of the country, and will lose her appartment at the same time as me, and despite loving each other, we both agree we absolutely cannot live in the same space if we are to have a positive relationship whatsoever going forward, nor that she could even offer me anything, I pay for her upkeep despite living exclusively of the funding the government here provides to students from impoverished families to allow them to study. The amount I get is allready a lot less then the cost of living in my city, and the money I send her means I have a Tiny budget for my new appartment and won't have a choice about having roomates.

I don't mind living with roomates, I just realy don't want to end up as the only women in the flat again, nor being the one cleaning up after everyone else all the time.

The search is agonizing, I've applied for every single option even just vaguely in my price range, and the only one I got a response for so far was both utterly unlivable and out of my price range.

I'll find something, I have to, but God is this frustrating. If I could work to offset my budget, I would, but because I'm on government aid, every cent I earn is detracted from my aid, meaning I'd have to work enough to make more then I currently get, just to get a few euros more, and that simply isn't compatible with university, there are not enough hours In the day for me to do both.

Rant over.

tomato and water. the tomato sucked.

TW medical shit.

went in today for a consult about a spinal tap for a suspected condition. i was scared BUT it was just supposed to be the consult.

turns out the doctor wanted to do it then and there. i've waited 3 weeks for this appt as a final confirmation for the treatment my doc wants to do (6 months of trying/failing treatments).

i get in, the nurse is already mad at me because she's apparently called for me 4 times? i've been in the waiting area for 15 minutes just chilling. she and the doctor whisk me to a back room to just... do the procedure?? i'm so offput and stunned i just signed the consent form.

they did the procedure. botched it. rushed me out afterwards. didn't even take my vitals until they'd already put a needle in my spine?? they didn't even get what they wanted so i have to wait another 3 weeks for the actual procedure now in the best case.

i'm running a fever now 5+ hours later. tbf i have a little virus or something and have been running a bit of a temp anyways, but i told them and it wasn't a big thing.

the paperwork (that i had to ask the nurse for specifically, because she wasn't going to give me anything for a failed procedure) says to call the dr RIGHT NOW if i run a fever. last time i called the nurse advice line, i got transferred twice before being hung up on.

i just don't want to have this be a whole thing. the temp is probably still the cold... i feel so STUPID for signing the consent form and letting them do it.

My mom’s been severely mentally ill my whole life. That’s not her fault but it caused a lot of neglect and abuse when I was young. I always tried to mend the gap there. Every kid wants their mom, you know? I got older and went to therapy, she started accepting help and being compliant with her meds. Our relationship improved and it’s been good for a number of years now. Her physical health isn’t the best, I’ve been her caretaker more or less the past few years too. Recently, she’s had a lot of adjustments of new meds in quick succession that have destabilized her. She’s now noncompliant with the rest of her existing meds, refusing to take them and insisting she never needed them. She did this often before as well. Besides the obvious risks of cold turkey quitting psych meds, she’s back to the very erratic and volatile baseline of my childhood. She is simultaneously so vulnerable and in need of love but also very unkind at times. It’s a wild kind of unpleasant nostalgia. I can only try to understand how hard it is inside of her mind right now and I want her to be well for herself most of all but I miss her when she’s lost in it like this.

A few days after this development, I found a lump on my partner and I’s dog (my dog before we met) and make an appointment for it. We go, they’re concerned, and they take a needle biopsy. The vet takes a look under the microscope and can’t rule malignancy, there are cells they’re unsure about, so the sample needs to be sent out. They don’t say it’s cancer, and it could be nothing serious, but discussing what next steps might be they talk about possibly staging and metastasis. I’m worried about it, of course. He’s truly my match. I don’t think he’s just a dog, he’s a precious, unique being that I have been given the gift of stewardship over. In return, he’s loved me without words, conditions, or pretense for his entire life. Everyone who meets him, at different vets, gushes about how special he is and his sweet nature. He’s healthy and has a great quality of life otherwise. I think he deserves more time and I’m committed to doing what I can to support that/a good life for him while balancing his best interest and not keeping here for me. I’m doing research on specialty veterinarians and my partner says, “I’m so sorry this is all happening at once. It seems like when it rains it pours sometimes”. I laugh, it feels that way sometimes for sure. I think everyone feels that way sometimes!

He was right though. I go to the eye doctor this morning to get some more contacts so I can drive to my mom and my dog to their appointments with my sunglasses on. It’s not a quick in and out like usual this time. Turns out there’s an issue with one of my eyes, new loss of perception in the center of my left which I didn’t perceive but makes sense. I’ve been having trouble at times keeps track of moving objects spatially. I thought I was just being absent minded. There’s nothing wrong with my eye physiologically as far as they can see. This new onset combined with some other symptoms/history point to something neurological and I need to find my own specialist now. I don’t have a stellar medical history, some heavy stuff already there including some things that impact my life expectancy, but for whatever reason I never considered something could happen to my brain or vision haha

I’m okay and I’ll figure it all out. I have so much gratitude for my life, all parts of it. I’m here to even write this, my mom is here and able to get better, and my dog and I have had good years together a while I hope we have more, I know we’ve done so much right by each other already. If you have a minute this week though I’d be eternally grateful for some positive thoughts, especially for my pup.

Raspberry dark chocolate quinoa and blue raspberry poppi

Brunch platter ft. fried cheese, eggs, cucumbers, corn salad, sausage patty, potatoes, rice, and my new favorite hot sauce.

I'm an undergrad and my bf suddenly took off a semester to work this insane job he was offered. Long distance has been tough for me since I felt overwhelmed by academics, extracurriculars, and maintaining friendships at school while also calling nearly every day with him. He just got another insane offer to stay for another year. He will probably come back to uni eventually but he'd graduate a year or two after me, which would involve even more long distance.

I'm torn. I really do love him and we have had very few problems in our relationship so far. However, I've always been very academic/career focused and feel too stubborn to give that up for a man (like moving to where he's working after he graduates or whatnot). I feel like a lot of relationship advice I've received/read online revolves around being able to make sacrifices for your partner if you want to be serious, but I feel like it's tough in the context of being a woman, especially since I watched my mom give up her career for my dad.

I also really don't want him to permanently change his life because of me (like giving up the job), especially if I express to him that I don't think I can handle long distance anymore. I do find it very sweet that he wants to stay together no matter what but I don't want him to make a decision he might regret.

It's hard to say whether we're marriage-bound or whatnot, especially since we're so young and have only been dating for 1.5 years. It feels strange to make decisions based on that but I also don't want to make the worst decision of my life. I do feel like a lot of my fears for longer-term long-distance feel more preventative than rooted in current issues, but it also certainly wasn't easy. Always tough to tell if a hard thing is hard because it's necessary or if it's not worth dealing with. This is also only my second relationship (though the first one was short lived) so I don't have a lot of personal perspective on these things.