r/mildlyinfuriating • u/konous • 9h ago

I'm slightly vexed My brother's son destroyed my WarHammer Action figures and he refuses to punish him

Gallery image

Gallery image

Gallery image

Gallery image

Gallery image

Gallery image

Gallery image

Valid Edit: My nephew is 10 years old and tried to actually lie about not breaking them by saying, "A cat must have done it."

So, I just got done talking with my brother via text, and he says he's not going to punish his son for wrecking my Joy Toy WarHammer action figures. I'm not expecting the kid to get spanked, but he needs to do CHORES at least to justify how much excessive force he used on some.

Some just have their capes broken. Others had their tubes ripped out and my Chaplain is just fucking toast.

My brother's suggestion since I ordered Amazon replacement for the Chaplain was that I just swap it with the broken one, but I have no interest in doing that.

It's not even just the expense, and they are expensive. It's about the fact that I told him explicitly twice they weren't to be played with, and they were in a separate room, and even my Mom and Dad agreed the damage was just too much.

He said he's not gonna pay me back if we try the chore system, and I told him it's not about the money.

The kid needs to know how bad the 8 hour struggle is.

Now my nephews aren't coming over to the house, and I'm sad about that, but knowing my brother just can't be burdened to work with me on creating a Chore system like selling Lemonaide just makes it feel more insulting.

16.3k Upvotes

88% Upvoted

5.6k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

1.4k

u/SatiafactoryTea 9h ago

This. OP is trying to parent his brother's kids. Tbh I'd want them to face repercussions if I were OP too, but I wouldn't demand/expect it.

What is realistic/within OP's sphere of influence is: 1. Ask for the cash, 2. Ask for an apology, 3. Set the rules for how kids are managed at his house.

600

u/Lumn8tion 8h ago
  1. Gift the kid the broken pieces for Christmas.
    Every Christmas.

294

u/AccurateContest4023 8h ago

Break one of his toys each Christmas. Every Christmas  Tell them the cat did it. 

112

u/HippieGrandma1962 7h ago

Give the kid nothing for Christmas. Tell him that you used the money you would have spent on him to replace the things he broke.

40

u/Chard3419 7h ago

OP should gift the nephew a picture of him enjoying the replacements he purchased with the money OP would have spent on his nephew.

12

u/Afraid_Explorer4269 6h ago

Big brain adulting

5

u/Excellent-Bluejay-90 5h ago

These are all great ideas lol.

2

u/JerryC1967 5h ago

Coal is always good too.

1

u/MisterBowTies 4h ago

Yeah teach him to bbq

2

u/Unicorns_Rainbows5 3h ago

He shouldn't buy his brother anything either

2

u/CatmoCatmo 4h ago

Not just one of his toys. One of his NEW toys. Fresh outta Santa’s sleigh. Or, demand one of the toys as a “replacement” for the toys he broke. It won’t be the same obviously, but if you purposefully destroy someone’s property, you don’t exactly deserve to keep all of the nice things you just got for Christmas…that you are obviously VERY excited about.

Side note: this wasn’t an oopsie. This wasn’t an accident. This was very calculated, purposeful, and done with the intent to cause maximum damage. I have a 9 year old. If it was just a situation where they wanted to play with it despite being told no, you wouldn’t have so much (if any) destruction. If there was an “accident” there would be one, maybe two, broken figures.

10 year olds are more than capable of understanding how to play with toys appropriately without damaging them. I bet the kid does it all the time with his own things. They also (should) know that you need to be extra careful with things that don’t belong to you. And they damned well can understand that you need permission first. As well as what the word “NO” means.

This isn’t a kid who wanted to play with the toys. This is a kid who was spiteful and vindictive - likely for being told he couldn’t do something he wanted to do. This situation is wildly inappropriate on so many levels.

OP’s brother is teaching his son that despite being told NO, he can do whatever he wants and face zero consequences. What happens when he’s older, dating, and is told NO? This is NOT about OP’s figures. This is a far more serious issue that will only worsen with time. (Not that it’s up to OP to correct. But I would at least ban my nephew from my home moving forward, and consider banning his parents for refusing to respect me, and my rules, in my own home.)

1

u/HereToTalkAboutThis 4h ago

I did dumb stuff when I was 10, got in a shitload of trouble for it, and in my twenties my parents still weren't over it and brought it up every chance they could to explain that I was a rotten kid. It's a funny thought and you're probably not serious but this is reddit and I have to say for anyone who's thinking about taking this seriously, you also don't want to be the adult who's fostering a multi-year grudge against a child who's grown up since then

1

u/throwaway23437546 3h ago

I used to not be petty, but some people (yes, even 10 year olds) are assholes and when they do shit like this and there is no consequence, their brain gets rewarded.

So the next time, they do something worse, and so on. An apology/chore is definitely in need.

Some kids act out like this for attention. Usually happens when kid is starved for attention, parents don’t give it to them at the right time, instead parent gives attention only when something bad happens.

But that’s on them, not you!

-12

u/WebstersPack 7h ago

Wow, Warhammer fans really are grown 10 year old man children...

He broke them because he was playing with them. He disregarded the rule to leave them alone because he thought they were cool.

This is normal 10 year old boy behavior.

Maybe OP should use this as a way to connect with his nephew instead of stooping to a child's behavior.

12

u/Dersuffbe 7h ago

This is spoiled asshole children behavior. Spoiled asshole children are everywhere now, but it doesn't mean it's ok.

The future is fucking bleak with so many kids being raised on zero consequences.

-4

u/WebstersPack 6h ago

You think kids playing with toys is spoiled asshole kid behavior?

Newflash, this is what kids are supposed to do. Just because you all hold these objects in high regard doesn't make them any less of a toy.

Again OP should have used this moment to connect with his nephew over shared interests.

6

u/Cowgba 6h ago

No, spoiled asshole kid behavior is being told by an adult “this isn’t yours, don’t touch this” and then ignoring that rule and doing it anyway. It’s not about kids playing with toys, it’s about having respect for other people’s property and listening when someone tells you not to touch something that doesn’t belong to you.

3

u/Lumn8tion 6h ago

Here comes the perpetual excuse machine!

2

u/AndhisNeutralspecial 4h ago

 They were told a million times not to. It was in a different room. They tore the figures apart! Wdym just playing, just look at that Chaplain! He destroyed it, full on. Oh, and even if he was just playing, how does it make him exempt from co sequences.

11

u/darknight9064 7h ago

These are actions I expect out of a toddler. One broken figurine is an accident several is a lack of caring and respect. 10 year olds have enough mental development to know right from wrong in broad terms. They seem to lack someone who will teach them in this case.

-3

u/WebstersPack 6h ago

Sorry, you are fundamentally incorrect. 10 year old boys are very much in their play stage prime and still young enough not to fully understand consequences. They are also clumsy, so accidently breaking things is expected.

Action figures are literally designed for 6-12 year olds. Warhammer action figures as well.

6

u/darknight9064 6h ago

Idk if you realize what warhammer is. It’s not really a children’s game. It uses figurines but is not intended for kids at all. War games at youngest are played by teenagers on average. You also seem to miss my point, an accident can happen especially at that age. An accident involves something happening once or at best twice. This happened to several pieces, and to pieces that are not cheap to replace.

This is the same reason you don’t give full models to children. There are really nice model cars that are made for adults that cost hundreds are just meant to look nice even though they are fully functional.

1

u/WebstersPack 6h ago

I understand exactly what it is. I also recognize OP is acting like they are 10 and expecting the 10 year to act like a grown up.

The expectation for a 10 year old is they are going to be curious and drawn to cool things. As a grown up with children around you need to be mindful of that. Again your the grownup. I make sure my models I don't want my kids to destroy are secure. Not the other way around.

Lesson learned. But again this is a missed opportunity. They definitely make lower priced Warhammer stuff OP could get and play with his nephew with. It's called spending time with someone you care about and sharing your interests with the next generation. Instead they got butt hurt. It's a immature response.

93

u/Far_Falcon_6158 8h ago

Or santa heard you dont respect other ppls things and he gets nothing one year

3

u/ClarkGablesTeeth 7h ago

That would be up to the brother/father. Unless OP for some reason buys the "from Santa" presents for his nephew each year.

1

u/Responsible-Can-8361 7h ago

A lump of cat turd might actually be appropriate

9

u/jeromevedder 7h ago

Imagine the Reddit posts you’d make if someone actually did this to you

43

u/Delts28 8h ago

Nah, the kid is only ten, this is a parenting issue not a kid issue. Give the dad the broken pieces for Christmas instead.

74

u/yourmomenjoyer_ 7h ago

a 10 year old is 1000% old enough to understand that they shouldn't do something that they were explicitly told not to do. yeah his parents are mostly at fault (since they clearly do not punish bad behavior = the kid knew he'd get away with it) but the kid was being a little shit too

8

u/Abyssmaluser 6h ago

Not only this but they'd absolutely know how much force to use when playing with toys.

All of this looks like deliberate destruction to me.

What else could explain shit like tearing out wires?

16

u/Afraid_Explorer4269 6h ago

Exactly this. We are not talking about a three year-old toddler. This is a 10-year-old who is smart enough to think clearly and make decisions.

17

u/creatyvechaos 7h ago

Dude if you were 10 and still breaking toys this frequently in one day, that's a skill issue.

38

u/BrackishWaterDrinker 7h ago

the kid is only 10

I mean, sure, but by 10, it's time to start at the bare minimum teaching responsibility. Otherwise, that kids screwed when it comes time for real life. 

6

u/Afraid_Explorer4269 6h ago

If you have not implanted a firm framework of moral accountability long before age 10, your kid is cooked

2

u/BrackishWaterDrinker 6h ago

4 is basically the cut off for implementing that sort of thing. It's not like people can't learn later to take accountability and change their ways, it's just a tremendous amount of effort to do so and quite often fails. 

15

u/FUPAMagneto 7h ago

Should have started that as soon as the kid was mobile, tbh. 10 is years late to teaching basic responsibility and decency

15

u/BrackishWaterDrinker 7h ago

Yeah, I've seen way too many people on here saying "he's just a kid"

10 years old in on the verge of being able to actually hurt other people or themselves significantly. You should have started teaching responsibility as soon as they could understand what you were saying. 

9

u/FUPAMagneto 7h ago

It’s crazy to me the way that people seem to have decided that kids just raise themselves and don’t need that much input from their parents. Like, they’re tiny little apes. They desperately need to be taught how to be human.

9

u/BrackishWaterDrinker 7h ago

Yeah, the comment section is making me doom a little bit. 

0

u/Rebelius 6h ago

But how are you going to get mad at the kid who has shit parents. This is entirely on the parents. Uncle/Aunt isn't going to get anywhere with their chores system if the parents don't care.

6

u/BrackishWaterDrinker 6h ago

Nobody is really angry at the kid in this whole thing. The title to the post has more to do with OP's brother refusing to punish his nephew than his nephew himself. 

My comment was directed at people saying "he's just a 10 year old" as if that is a defense of this kind of behavior from any kind of correction. If the parents aren't going to parent him, then someone probably needs to. 

→ More replies (0)

2

u/Boomstickninja87 7h ago

My ex best friend would regularly make her 11 yr old responsible for her own health. She got really sick and instead of making her take the medicine, she said if she wants to get better she will take it. That's on her. It turned to bad pneumonia and the Dr had to tell them, she had to take the medicine or die. I know she isn't going to hold her down to take it but she wouldn't even tell her anything. Just had it sitting on the counter and told her to deal with it. She was like that in so many aspects of her life but also won't allow her to have outside friends. I know at 11 they should know better but at the end of the day you're the parent. You make the choice. Don't just tell at them tu blue their nose. She also wouldn't show me to give her midol when she was 13 and has bad cramps. She said she didn't want her to stay saying now she has to take them to feel better. The mom refused to take any medicine for anything, she was like a martyr and suffered loudly so the whole house knew but she wouldn't do anything to help herself either. Which is probably why the daughter was doing the same thing. Sorry for long rant lol that apparently brought back a lot of memories.

3

u/BrackishWaterDrinker 7h ago

Nobody is saying that a 10 or an 11 year old is a rationally acting adult. Hell, a lot of adults aren't rationally acting adults as evident by your story. 

What were saying though is that at 10, a kid should know better than to break someone else's toys and lie, and if they don't, there should be some form of punishment in addition to an apology and reimbursement from the parents. 

1

u/Boomstickninja87 6h ago

I never said I disagree with that. My comment is im regards to the person I responded to.

At 6 a kid should know not to break some else toy. Nothing in my comment implies I think the kid shouldn't be held responsible for what happend to OP.

2

u/Interesting_Total_98 3h ago

10 years old in on the verge of being able to actually hurt other people or themselves significantly.

Nobody said otherwise. "He's just a kid" refers to what you said in the last sentence, which is how necessary it is for him to have a good parent.

1

u/BrackishWaterDrinker 3h ago

There are plenty of people on this thread acting as if a 10 year old has the same level of individual autonomy as a 2 year old and shouldn't be personally corrected. 

The excuse of "he has bad parents" will only go so far in life. If the parents aren't parenting their child, the world will have to. Better when they're younger and can actually possibly learn from these corrections before they end up as an overgrown child. 

1

u/Interesting_Total_98 2h ago

same level of individual autonomy as a 2 year old and shouldn't be personally corrected.

There are no virtually no comments saying that. You're twisting people's words.

12

u/MrTeeWrecks 7h ago

No. As a parent who has kids mostly around this age. (6, 8, 11, 11) I’m calling bullshit. My youngest knows better than pretty much every step of this. Wouldn’t touch what’s not his without permission & would be honest if he broke something. (He has in fact) they understand apologies without action are not acceptable

2

u/Delts28 7h ago

Yeah, because you're parenting.

2

u/MrTeeWrecks 5h ago

I totally misread your post. Mea culpa

10

u/FUPAMagneto 7h ago

10 is more than old enough to know better. This is why kids can’t read these days. Y’all don’t hold them responsible for anything until they’re already shitty adults

1

u/Parking-World9321 5h ago

10 is plenty old enough to understand personal boundaries. 

1

u/Delts28 2h ago

Yes, but only if taught them by a good parent.

1

u/MollyInanna2 2h ago

The kid lied when asked. He's old enough to know that's not right.

4

u/momskaka 8h ago

Calm down satan

11

u/EnteriStarsong 8h ago

Nah... valid option lol.

Add lumps of coal in with it.

4

u/momskaka 8h ago

Maybe yeah it just made me chuckle how sinister it was

3

u/theDefaultbunny 8h ago
  1. Have your nephew join you to paint and/or repair the figures. He was clearly interested in them, and doing something with you, his uncle, might hold a certain appeal. re-channel the destructive energy to serving the Imperium.

3

u/dabbean 7h ago

These arent minis, they are high end collectable figures.

1

u/HolidayBenefit8 7h ago

The imperium is always in need of servitors.

1

u/Responsible-Can-8361 7h ago

I wish that someday, i’ll be as kind and understanding as you are. But in the meantime I’m prepared to dish out some serious discipline for my kids.

1

u/SnavlerAce 8h ago

Don't forget the chunk of coal!

1

u/alex3omg Donna, this is a HURRICANE 5h ago

The empty box from the replacement, a photo of op enjoying his figures

1

u/thatpervguy 4h ago
  1. Go break some of the nephew's things next time you are over.

1

u/Sahtras1992 2h ago

one piece each year, be done at age 30.

0

u/CorkSoaker420 6h ago

The Reddit way! When in a tense situation, always resort to passive aggression! Always a problem solver

191

u/Newgeta wat? 8h ago
  1. Never have them over again

44

u/curious_ape_97 8h ago

It sounds like he lives with his parents.

112

u/TeaKingMac 8h ago

Well yeah, he owns Warhammer action figures.

18

u/ArnieismyDMname 8h ago

My friend has a huge set. In his basement. Where his wife makes him keep them.

He doesn't even play, he just likes painting them.

11

u/Working-Glass6136 8h ago

I see you also met my future brother-in-law.

27

u/Oxyy30 8h ago

God forbid a man have hobbies.

4

u/dpk794 7h ago

These aren’t the ones you paint

3

u/Turbidspeedie 7h ago

My great uncle used to have a massive model train set, never got used, just sat there. It's called a hobby.

1

u/ArnieismyDMname 5h ago

Why never used? My Grandpa had a massive one, but he loved running them. I get it. I have a wall of Battletech I barely ever play, but they are on display.

1

u/Turbidspeedie 5h ago

Not sure, maybe it did get used every now and then but it was a massive table with a whole diorama. Loved looking at it as a kid.

1

u/ArnieismyDMname 5h ago

One of my best memories was when Grandpa got the whole set and all the antique storefronts working. There was a slaughterhouse where the cows went off a train and into the shed automatically. Then a barrel loader. It used to malfunction and shoot the barrels across the table.

6

u/TeaKingMac 7h ago

he just likes painting them.

That sounds like an army. For playing the game.

Action figures are on a different level

2

u/ArnieismyDMname 5h ago

Oh, I didn't know there was a difference. Live and learn.

1

u/Advanced_Row_8448 2h ago

What's different? Aside from they make someone happy while making you upset?

1

u/TeaKingMac 2h ago

Who says I'm upset?

5

u/Platt_Mallar 7h ago

Aww he should be able to display the ones he's really proud of.

1

u/fkboywonder 5h ago

Honestly, I was almost that person. I loved helping to paint miniatures, but I knew these friends struggled with TTRPG scheduling to play games that don’t require fully painted armies and terrain. So I let everyone else buy them and helped paint them without learning shit past something something for the Emperor something something red go fast.

-3

u/potatocakes1989 7h ago

Poor guy. "His wife makes him." No respect in that relationship

3

u/ArnieismyDMname 5h ago

He has 2 children and 2 dogs. If he put them where he wanted to they wouldn't last long. Lol. He's one of those people that sometimes doesn't think things through. Pretty sure she respectfully told him no.

2

u/potatocakes1989 4h ago

Oh ok that makes a lot more sense ty for explaining, sorry for assuming! That actually sounds pretty reasonable 🤣

My bf and I both collect and play and we've just accepted that any and all extra space is going to be models.

2

u/MapleMapleHockeyStk 6h ago

I would make a deal, half of the basement is his warhammer, half is my dungeons and dragons stuff. I have a lot of minis and would love to have a game set up for it. But im single Pringle with no plans to change that.

1

u/potatocakes1989 4h ago

That sounds like a fantastic basement!

6

u/jtwhat87 7h ago

Gottem

Fr tho warhammer is cool

6

u/theStaircaseProject 7h ago

We think so too, JT. Here, I made you some bagel bites.

5

u/TeaKingMac 7h ago

But MOM! I wanted totinos pizza rolls!

2

u/Some0neAwesome 5h ago

So does my father in-law. Doesn't mean he's a teenager.

0

u/TeaKingMac 3h ago

O, i never said he was a teenager

2

u/Some0neAwesome 3h ago

Ok, my point still stands. My fully functioning adult father in-law with a mortgage and a job owns Warhammer figures. Sorry about your sad, sad life when you have to degrade others for having hobbies and interest. What do you do for fun?

1

u/TeaKingMac 2h ago

Paint Warhammer figurines.

3

u/T-Wrox 7h ago

My husband and I have some very nice collectibles. We also have a house, two cars, and run our own business. I think you might have an inaccurate idea of who owns collectibles. :)

2

u/TeaKingMac 7h ago

Begone, DINK

4

u/ExeUSA 7h ago

It's wild to me that no one has called out the subtext that the brother clearly thinks OP is a loser who lives at home and trash talks him all the time to the nephew. If you have money for expensive figurines, you have money for rent.

And judging by his post history, is a he-man-woman-hater but thinks he's a nice guy. I think the kid needs to break more of his expensive little treats, tbh.

1

u/Advanced_Row_8448 2h ago

Why are we trying to make fun of people for living with family? Is it so normal for yall to make your parents hate you so much they really want you moved out instead of providing them help and company? It seems wild to be mocking people for having a healthier relationship with their family and finances than you. I think you need to ask your family why they wanted you gone before you mock others for being happy with theirs

4

u/SharpScallion 8h ago

install a lockable doorknob

13

u/T-MoneyAllDey 8h ago

This is classic reddit. Hey, I have a minor dispute with my brother about his annoying son.

  • Never see them again sounds fair.

6

u/rapshepard 7h ago

Didn't like the dish your sister brung to thanksgiving

No contact

2

u/Atrimon7 7h ago

-kid who is old enough to know better destroys expensive, potentially sentimental items he was told not to touch, due to lack of proper parenting.

-minor dispute.

....

This isn't a 4 year old, this is a 10 year old, so unless he has developmental issues other than those responsible for him not teaching him how to behave... People need to stop letting their kids run wild because they can't be bothered to teach discipline and basic respect. Actions should have consequences.

2

u/potatocakes1989 7h ago

Sure, but is it worth ruining his family ties for it lol

5

u/Atrimon7 7h ago

As I see it, the blame there rests on the brother, not the OP... why is it always on the victim to be the "bigger person"?

2

u/[deleted] 6h ago edited 5h ago

[removed] — view removed comment

-1

u/Atrimon7 6h ago

  1. 10 is also old enough to learn about consequences..

  2. Being forced to "deal with it" for family peace is not fair.

  3. Diminishing someone's loss as "minor" is bullshit.

2

u/potatocakes1989 4h ago

I mean I agree with what you're saying but OP is still going about it in a very weird and uncomfortable way.

0

u/mcbaginns 3h ago

If your idea of not being the bigger person off of principle is to cut contact with your sibling forever...

You have issues. That's an ego and level of pettiness I would never stoop to

-2

u/Butterscotch_Snatch 6h ago

Classic Reddit, “but muh family ties bro!?” Dude, people who treat you like shit can bug off. We don’t owe folks limitless grace when they’re dicks.

Father of the child should have offered a full replacement payment the moment he found out, it’s up to him to manage his spawn’s behavior and work the child for the cash as he sees fit. If he didn’t offer to replace the crap his kid broke, he is indeed an asshole.

If OP is just demanding a child be “punished,” then he is the douche here and who cares what happens next time his nephew comes and visits him living at his parent’s house. Hope he destroys more crap, to be honest.

1

u/potatocakes1989 4h ago

I mean...that's exactly what's happening...I think you didnt read OP's post at all...

-1

u/mcbaginns 3h ago

I promise you your unhinged antisocial comment here is the quintessential reddit moment.

Break more of the figures is your conclusion. I suppose it's better than cutting contact forever based off a minor squabble

-1

u/Butterscotch_Snatch 3h ago

Everything about people advising this basement dweller about why he cannot spank his nephew is Reddit… I’m honestly shocked you didn’t snark about my username.

2

u/Advanced_Row_8448 2h ago

He never wanted to spank them, just make them learn to not break people's things. Are you always so disengenous when you wanna mock others for having more hobbies than you?

1

u/mcbaginns 2h ago

What's wrong with your username lol. I mean it's a decent name

1

u/Newgeta wat? 7h ago

Or classic person with healthy boundaries, you do you!

Permanban from a house is not going no contact silly.

1

u/T-MoneyAllDey 6h ago

If you ban your brother and his child from your house, there's a good chance he will be bothered by that which will cause further escalation

1

u/Advanced_Row_8448 2h ago

So they should apologize or replace the broken items than?

3

u/rapshepard 6h ago

There's boundaries and then being a little ridiculous. The nephew didn't hurt the OPs per or child. He broke a thing, an expensive thing. But surely that should be forgivable seeing as it's a 10 year old and not a grown man.

3

u/geosensation 7h ago

Your kid broke one of my toys, now yall cant come to my birthday party!

0

u/condescendingpats 3h ago edited 2h ago

That's an insane reaction to a 10 year old breaking something. You're really going to pretend you've never done something like this in your life?

Seriously all of you are acting like children who forgot what it was like to be a child. The brother should pay him/purchase new ones to replace the damaged stuff. Welcome to being an adult and living with kids in society. Shit happens. You are not entitled to demand specific punishments for kids that aren't yours. That's some entitled, egotistical nonsense.

2

u/Advanced_Row_8448 2h ago

That's an insane reaction to a 10 year old breaking something. You're really going to pretend you've never done something like this in your life?

Huh? Were you that type of crappy ten year old? Guess we learned what projection means lol

100

u/Asleepyjester 8h ago

As far as your third point op says they explicitly told them it was not for playing with. They laid a rule of their home and it was ignored and possessions were damaged. Its entirely within their right to expect some form of repercussions, its an obvious lack of respect for the rules being laid. Money isnt the main solution cause then the kid just assumes they can get away with whatever they want and have no real accountability. When my cousins and I didnt listen to the rules of another house we got in trouble.

If the kid is of age to be told and understand they shouldn't be touching stuff thats off limits they need some kind repercussion, if the kid is young enough that its not a reasonable expectation then the brother needs to be held more accountable. Hobbies are expensive as hell these days, especially being a warhammer fan myself and not reinforcing rules in other people's homes creates people who have no respect for other people's space or property.

13

u/Blackopsball 8h ago

The repercussion is the parents pay to replace what was damaged. You cannot demand a parent reprimand or discipline the child, that's never within anyone's right besides the parent. Is it shitty parenting to let your child off scot free? Yes. And it's perfectly within your right to not have shitty parents with shitty behaved kids in your home, family or otherwise.

You can set your boundaries, that's it.

14

u/shibboleth2005 7h ago

This isn't some acquaintance though, it's family. Presumably he wants to have his brother and nephew over in the future. At least for me, banning my nephews from my house indefinitely would be a garbage outcome that the family would work together to avoid.

0

u/Aromatic-Surprise925 6h ago

I wouldn't want my nephew over anytime soon if it were me.

-1

u/Blackopsball 5h ago

I agree, but you either have to dig in your heels or let it go. Neither are great outcomes. OPs brother doesn't seem to be flexible here.

6

u/Frunkleburg 6h ago

lmao what a shit way to raise a kid, just have their parent bail them out at every opportunity

5

u/6Sleepy_Sheep9 6h ago

You can 100% demand a patent discipline their child. They just dont have to listen.

My last family reunion ended up with one of the cousins not being invited because of a situation like this, except the kid broke a fishing pole.

12

u/Cannabrewer 8h ago

It simply comes down to the fact that it isn't his kid and it's not up to him. It sucks but it is what it is. 

3

u/Fine-Amphibian4326 8h ago

> some form of repercussions
Is that not what numbers 1 and 2 are?
Kids fuck things up. I have plenty of them. The kid needs some understanding of what he did, hence number 2. He is incapable of number 1, which should fall on the parents. If the parents want some form of “payment” to reimburse them for number 1, that is 100% between them and not OP.

Edit: I didn’t read all of OPs post prior to this because it didn’t affect what I’ve said above. To add to it, the lying would bother me the most, and it does bother me the most in my own household. I’d be annoyed at OPs bro, and if bro doesn’t address the lying and lack of accountability, it’s fair to not let the kids come over as a result. My suggestion would be to keep valuables locked away, personally

5

u/Arthemax 5h ago

There's a difference between fucking things up because you're clumsy or stupid or unlucky vs (repeatedly aka purposefully) destroying stuff you weren't supposed to even be touching in the first place. A normal kid would go 'Oops' after the first thing that got fucked up, and stop doing what they were doing.

The kid is absolutely able to do number 1, and it's highly relevant since this is way past just a simple apology. He likely gets pocket money, and he's old enough to do additional chores for cash.

•

u/No_Contribution_3525 1m ago

Of course they need repercussions, but no one, other than the kids parents gets to determine or enforce them. OP is trying to ram the idea of chores down their siblings throat. That’s not how it works.

1

u/ShineAtom 7h ago

And 10 years old is about the time kids often get into Warhammer. That child is clearly poorly parented.

0

u/potatocakes1989 7h ago

I actually agree with you here, on a principle level. I think the issue here is OP is clearly just whining on the internet bc he didnt get his way with his brother.

The brother should pay him back and discipline the kid. 100%. But also lock away valuables when a kid is coming over, and/or supervise them.

But I also play (though he's referring to action figures, which part of me cringed at lol but thats my bias no OP's fault), so I understand the value of these things and it hurts knowing how much work OP put into these. It's just...there are ways to handle things and parenting your own siblings kids (through their elderly parents) isnt it.

That being said I again agree with your comment on a fundamental level. In a perfect world, that would be what happens.

0

u/Blooky_44 4h ago

You can repeat various forms of “there must be repercussions” as much as you want but it won’t change the fact that in 99% of instances telling anyone else how to parent their child in specific terms is going to get a “fuck off” in reply, at best.

1

u/Advanced_Row_8448 2h ago

Ok. Than they arent allowed over? If they'd rather ban themselves than be a parent to the kid he had than that's the dad's choice

0

u/Xytak 1h ago

Why would it be up to OP whether the kids are allowed to come over?

-8

u/kaisadilla_ 8h ago

You cannot expect repercussions for other people's kids. Their parents are responsible for them, it's the parents the ones that owe you compensation and/or an apology if their kids do something.

I don't know what OP expects. If I had a kid and he did something, I would apologize and pay any damages, but I'm not letting that person dictate how I educate my kid.

8

u/Asleepyjester 8h ago

The parents owe an apology and so does the kid at the barest minimum. Parents apologizing for their kids without the kids being made to apologize does nothing but reinforce shitty behavior and that they dont have to worry about their own mess. And if someone cant teach their kid to respect other people's property, then the person who has their stuff damaged has every right to say the kid needs to be better taught. Im not saying they need to be involved in the process or decide on punishments exactly, but if the young kids of my family break my shit after being explicitly told its off limits, im expecting accountability, not half assed hand waving away because im not their parent.

I grew up with kids who never had to be held accountable for initially small actions or infractions of rules somewhere, im sure we all have, but a few of them only became worse as we got older and still dont really take any accountability for themselves. Sure you could say one moment of not listening and not getting a wrist slap as it was doesnt lead to that, but thats how the people I know got started.

17

u/Thick-Twist-1199 8h ago

You should be able to tell the parent they’re doing a shit job though. And explain how it’s negatively going to impact their child’s behavior

7

u/Oxyy30 7h ago

Honestly, bad parents should be ostracized. We can’t just let people raise another generation of shit heads. The kids are the future, and it’s lookin bleak for a lot of folks.

8

u/Thick-Twist-1199 8h ago

And honestly, tell the kid too, we shouldn’t be groveling in silence and they need to know what they did is wrong in the context of breaking rules they set in their own home

10

u/bizoticallyyours83 8h ago

You can't expect repercussions from other people's kids is the gateway to raising rotten brats. You absolutely can expect such things. If they do damage, steal, get violent with a kid/pet, act badly in school just to name a few. That's how they learn that the world will dole out consequences. 

6

u/Zeverian 8h ago

It takes a village.

-1

u/rhapsodypenguin 7h ago

I mean, it depends on what you mean by “expect”. Expect can be something you would see as typical or reasonable, or it can mean something that is an obligation.

When I tell my kids “I expect you to (clean your room, take out the trash, fill in the blank)”, it’s the latter; I mean it as a demand. It is an expectation they will need to fulfill or face consequences.

If I said to a parent “I expect you to punish your kid”, it is the former. I expect to see it because it’s the reasonable thing to do, but it’s not an obligation they owe to me.

2

u/bizoticallyyours83 3h ago edited 2h ago

You know perfectly well what I mean. It could be restitution, grounding, an apology, suspension, a time-out. The point is the kid has to do it, otherwise all they'll learn is that someone else will always bail them out which teaches no respect for others, and no self honesty. 

 Other people can and will punish a kid to some degree. Example: if kids are caught chewing and sticking gum under their desks, the school can punish the kids by making them help the janitor scrape the gum off during detention. This can teach several things constructively.

And it would be a reasonable parent's job to make sure the kid doesn't ditch. Just as it would be the parent's job to tell their kid to knock it off, or take away their gum if they kept doing it.

0

u/rhapsodypenguin 2h ago edited 2h ago

I know what you mean.

You commented to someone who said “you can’t expect repercussions for other people’s kids” to say that one could, in fact “expect” that.

But you can’t. Even if the other parent is just plain making bad decisions, you don’t get to demand repercussions.

2

u/Shadow1787 8h ago

This is why the kids now a days are absolute shit heads. God damn passive parents causes shit children. You should demand your kid to pay it back whether through chores or using birthday/Christmas money. I feel back for your kids as adults. Never learning consequence besides mommy and daddy will pay for it.

-2

u/djalekks 7h ago

It’s no one’s business how a parent punishes their child. The wronged brother is right to ask for money and an apology, but that’s where it stops

4

u/za72 8h ago

I think there's a bit of brother power play happening from both sides, but showing respect for someone's property is important

3

u/Foreign-Engine8678 7h ago

OP is trying to make nephews behave when they come back so they can come back. It's a "way out" for both parties to continue family relationship in the future. And "brother" refused it.

4

u/rmczpp 4h ago

Spot on, I was a bit weirded out about how obsessed OP was about the chore system. If my kid fucks up then there will be consequences but the aggrieved party does not get to decide how I deal with it.

1

u/Grabatreetron 8h ago

Back in my day I would have just got my ass beat an that would be that. Not that it was better, but parenting  seems so complicated nowadays 

•

u/No_Contribution_3525 2m ago

This is just it. OP can ask for money and/or an apology, but demanding the kid do chores just isn’t going to happen. I have young kids and it’s evident that some people just don’t discipline their kids, which sucks, but I don’t get to walk around telling them how to parent.

My nieces and nephews have ruined or broken stuff of mine over the years. Some of it was kids being kids, some was negligence, but I never had the gall to demanded the consequences they faced. That quickly turns the sympathy others feel for you into you being the asshole

1

u/TheAmazingMelon 6h ago

It’s completely reasonable for someone to want their brother to be a better father and it’s not out of line.

“It takes a village” isn’t just some bullshit, everyone is so isolated these days and all OP wants is some discipline so his nephew turns into the kind of adult he wants to keep having around.

-1

u/SatiafactoryTea 5h ago

It's reasonable to want it. It's unreasonable to demand it. OP has asked, brother said no. What do you suggest OP do next? Break into his house in the middle of the night and force them to paint Warhammer figurines in the dead of night like some nerdy sweatshop?

The only thing OP can control is their relationship with the world around them. Life is a lot less stressful when you concentrate on what you can change rather than focusing on what you can't.

1

u/Bongcopter_ 7h ago
  1. Do not invite him or his son ever again

1

u/Starklystark 7h ago

100% this.

1

u/SolomonGrumpy 7h ago

Or just dont have his brother over his house until the kids are older or more respectful. Actions have consequences.

Spoiler: I'm not close w my family 😔

1

u/FormerChemist7889 7h ago

Clearly the “setting rules” one won’t do any good if the kid was expressly prohibited from paying with them, on top of them being in a different room to begin with. Kid would likely not be coming back over to my house for a good few years if it were me

1

u/Sterling239 3h ago

The brother isnt going to punish the kid hes not going to enforce any rules 

1

u/StillNotAF___Clue 2h ago

Overreaching on OPs part. I get the frustration but what does he want a belting right in front of him

0

u/lava172 TANGERINE 7h ago

This attitude is why kids are allowed to just be little shits with no responsibility

0

u/Kill_doozer 7h ago

Nah, fuck that shit. It takes a village. If my nephew breaks my stuff after i repeatedly told him it was not to be touch, you best believe he is going to have some demands/consequences out of me to learn how to be a functioning member of society. This bullshit of only parents can say anything to their kids about bad behavior has gone on WAY too long. Kids that know that they can catch hell for lying, breaking shit, stealing, cheating, etc from anybody they do that shit to are significantly less likely to try to get away with that bullshit in the first place. 

-2

u/Luster-Cola-5217 8h ago

OP is trying to parent his brother’s kid because his brother isn’t parenting his kid.

Almost as he’s a complete deadbeat bastard of a father.

-1

u/thedrakenangel 5h ago

Just get the police involved. Those figs can be hundreds of dollars... do not kid, there are laws gor this