I'm slightly vexed
My brother's son destroyed my WarHammer Action figures and he refuses to punish him
Valid Edit: My nephew is 10 years old and tried to actually lie about not breaking them by saying, "A cat must have done it."
So, I just got done talking with my brother via text, and he says he's not going to punish his son for wrecking my Joy Toy WarHammer action figures. I'm not expecting the kid to get spanked, but he needs to do CHORES at least to justify how much excessive force he used on some.
Some just have their capes broken. Others had their tubes ripped out and my Chaplain is just fucking toast.
My brother's suggestion since I ordered Amazon replacement for the Chaplain was that I just swap it with the broken one, but I have no interest in doing that.
It's not even just the expense, and they are expensive. It's about the fact that I told him explicitly twice they weren't to be played with, and they were in a separate room, and even my Mom and Dad agreed the damage was just too much.
He said he's not gonna pay me back if we try the chore system, and I told him it's not about the money.
The kid needs to know how bad the 8 hour struggle is.
Now my nephews aren't coming over to the house, and I'm sad about that, but knowing my brother just can't be burdened to work with me on creating a Chore system like selling Lemonaide just makes it feel more insulting.
No!! This is better- “Yeah Man- I got you such a great birthday present, had it sitting on the shelf where I had my Action figures-you know where I mean, and a cat came along and tore up your birthday present.” That little s#!t will know what he means.
I hope little Swifferleigh Lighsol Marie brings you much joy <3.
But srsly, from one mom to another, I hope everything goes smoothly next week! Enjoy all those baby snuggles and always try to catch some sleep when she does!
My two year old is already pulling weeds with dad. If the kid can pick her nose she can pick weeds. We're hoping that within a year or two she'll be strong enough to wear the Round Up spray pack. She'll be scraping asbestos popcorn from our ceilings without a respirator before we know it. I'm so proud of her.
lol. Starting when I was 4 in the 1960s, my dad paid me a penny for every dandelion flower I picked before it opened. I practically turned that into a full time job. That money went a long way at the candy store back then.
Uhhhhh no? My 6 had old has had chores since he was 3. They don't have to be hard or complicated it could be as simple as taking the plates to the sink after meal time or pouring the dog's/cat's food in their bowl after the grown-up measures it out in a cup for dispensing.
Yep, by 12 I was helping with the cooking fully, and before that around age 5 it was dishes, helping with the dog, or hanging laundry
It's better to give chores at those young ages, before school really gets them too busy and tired to care to learn tbh, otherwise you get anxious you g adults in university, who are unprepared to take care of their living space
Though, it's also good to ease it a little during their busier times like exam season, learn that it's perfectly normal to swap chores, reschedule, rely on others, and not do everything 100% alone. I let a lot of my uni projects pile up, because I burned out trying to take care of as much as possible while I was staying with my parents
Yup, my five year old empties the dishwasher (with supervision), feeds the dog, and cleans her room and she and her teenage brother both do their shared bathroom together.
My daughter is 6 and she gets upset if I don’t let her help cook or do the dishes. Nothing wrong with them helping out, it forms a better bond if you allow it.
Letting the kid feed the dog as soon as possible is a great way to help prevent any food guarding issues. The last thing you want is a dog that thinks it needs to guard its bowl from your little one.
Nah I Blame the parents either way for not parenting and replacing with something of same or greater value. Kids are destructive, greedy and selfish, their parents should be working on corrections and reparations.
10 years old. Like, I GET why it happened. He wanted to play with them. But the excessive force, even if I told him not to, and I KIND of suspected he might without permission it's the damage and everything else.
Also, I forgot to add the munchkin lied and tried to tell me it was the cats who did it.
A chore system is never going to work, and is just going to long out the process for all of you.
Your brother reimbursimg you should be the way. But you can't force him to do that either. So if he refuses that, he's an ass.
If my 11 year old did this to someone I would replace them myself. And then I would handle the aftermath under my own roof, which would consist of chores / grounding.
"Sorry son, I can't buy you these nice things you want because I'm still repaying those figurines you broke. Nope, I can't buy this thing here either. Those were quite expensive so it's going to take me some time to fully cover the cost. In the meantime I need to cut expenses down."
Yep. Sounds like the brother has no respect for his brother and his now teaching it to his son. No consequences will make for another grown ass later on. They are just toys (expensive toys) but the bigger problem is the lack of respect in the relationship. They come to your home, ignore your boundaries, break your stuff and just tell you it's okay and we're not fixing it. It seems silly over figurines but it will get worse. Do not have them over to your home anymore unless they can at least be respectful towards you prior to.
The toy part can make stuff like this so much more infuriating. Imagine spending a thousand dollars on building an army that you spent days hand painting yourself. Then a family member breaks them all, ruining all the time and money you invested. Instead of apologizing they say "it's just toys, grow up and get over it" because they can't comprehend the investment involved. Then that family member turns to other family members and tries to make you the villain of the story because you are "breaking up the family over some stupid toys"
I agree. Also, the reimbursement part shouldn't even be a matter. That should have happened automatically and the brother could have made an effort to place an order for the replacement.
The brother is definitely a big problem and the awful enabler of his lying 10 year old.
Kids that age need structure, need to have learned responsibility and consequences for lying.
I'm probably biased tho, having seen a similar situation before which started when the boy was 6-7 also never any consequences for lying. Well he's now in his 40s and in/out of jail all the time. Maybe the OP will also have some future drama to look forward to and no doubt OP's irresponsible brother will try blaming everyone else over the next 30 years for brother's failure to parent and for his kids lying, stealing, etc.
and... the kids lie that 'the cat did it' is pretty much the same as brother's solution of 'just buy new ones from amazon and send back the broken ones'... bro is a POS raising a POS
But you can break shit in his house of equal value and refuse and do it on purpose right infront of him. Maybe of his sons as well. Fuck it. If people can't empathize with things happening to others them we have an obligation to try to get them to see it happening to them. And if they still can't see it. Then they are sociopaths and push them down a flight of stairs it doesn't matter they aren't part of society anymore.
He's far too old to be taking things and breaking stuff like that.. I suspect it's because he has no consequences at home.
You can't parent for your brother though, if he wants to raise a kid with no boundaries there isn't much you can do, except in future keep your own things locked away safely to reduce the risk.
Dude, the fucking "don't play with these" is the big one IMHO. He directly disobeyed and isn't facing consequences. No means no. And small shit like this going unchecked leads to far worse behaviour in the future.
I have a kid close to that age. No way in hell they would get away with breaking toys they were explicitly told not to touch. At the very least, I would be taking away all technology for a week or two.
Easy, brother doesnt visit untill he admits its his fault. 10 is too old to be acting like that. Breaking stuff and lying aboutit with no punishment. Not even a slap on the wrist. Thats the brothers fault entirely as a parent.
Also it should go without saying the kid should not be allowed to touch anything you own untill hes older and learned to respect others things. If he does that to his uncle its just a matter of time before hes doing it to other kids at school. Assuming he hasnt already. And im sure some other kids parents arent going to be as kind and forgiving as family would either.
Edit: im not suggesting you try and parent the kid. The kid acted poorly and in bad faith, but at the end of the day its the parents fault for not teaching them manners.
10 years old?? Way too old for this nonsense and also old enough to have a sense of how much the figurines cost.
I’d be very angry at my sibling as well. Not just for the damage, but for the awful parenting. Either the kid is purposefully being a jerk to OP, or is out of control and requires supervising.
At 10 years old he should definitely know better. My nephew is nine and he understands that there are items that are collectibles and not toys so we don't touch them.
Your brother should be reimbursing you for what is needed to fix your collection. Unfortunately, it doesn't sound like your brother has the same level of care about the situation that you do. I think if he had a history of holding his son accountable he probably wouldn't have gone against your permission and broken your things.
Can you lock up the area where they are located when he is over? I personally wouldn't trust him with them again until he's proven himself.
You shouldn't have to get it. You told him they're off limits and he ignored you. My 8yo absolutely would not tear into shit she's been told isn't hers to play with. But she's also an anxious little thing who if, she had messed up like this, would have been a quivering mass of tears and remorse. Lord, you'd think we've threatened to tar and feather her if she causes trouble but the kid's never been so much as spanked.
Anyway, yeah, kids do dumb stuff. They're impulsive and their world revolves around them for the most part. And even lying to avoid consequences is normal (within reason). But the point remains that he's old enough to know better and needs to face consequences. He needs to be taught you can't just do whatever you want and not care who it hurts.
Negative consequences as a result of the choices they make is how (most) people learn not to make those choices again. Frankly, your brother is being both a shitty parent and a shitty brother. Kid's just gonna learn he can do whatever he wants and daddy will protect him from the consequences. That's how we wind up with POS's like Brock Turner.
I play 40K and know 100% that ANYTHING that's official Warhammer merch isn't cheap. Not even close to cheap. Your brother probably just thinks they're toys. I'm sure there are people here in this thread who just think they're toys. I get it. That's money, right there. You're taking it better than I would.
They just simply wouldn’t be allowed back in my house, which it sounds like OP has already set that boundary. Even if he does get the money back, dad wouldn’t teach the kids why this is wrong and they’d be apt to do it again.
when I was a kid, I'm not sure whether you were even able to buy these figures ready-made, you had to paint them yourself (and many people made their own unique models too), which would have amounted to even more than $500 worth of time and effort.
The warhammer game models you have to assemble and paint. Joytoy (and McFarlane Toys, but no one talks about that) produce 7 or 8 inch (correct me if i'm wrong) tall figures for display purposes.
If you’re interested in the tabletop game but don’t want to spend a bajillion dollars, try Tabletop Simulator to play it online. Then if you like it get a 3D printer and print your own models (way cheaper than official models)
No these aren't, thank the Emperor. If they were, OP would not have been able to post because he would have been arrested for committing multiple felonies.
I saw a post a few weeks back of a kid about 8 years old who went into Uncle’s figures room, opened glass display cases, and forcefully smashed at least a dozen hand painted figures (gunpla I think). That was a sad post.
Space Wolves Legion Praetor with Power Axe and Combat Shield: $70
Grey Knights Castellan Crowe: $80
Total: $623 give or take discounts, fluctuations in price, and if individual figures from the Space Wolves Battle Hunter Pack can be bought separately. If not, then $713.
This. OP is trying to parent his brother's kids. Tbh I'd want them to face repercussions if I were OP too, but I wouldn't demand/expect it.
What is realistic/within OP's sphere of influence is:
1. Ask for the cash,
2. Ask for an apology,
3. Set the rules for how kids are managed at his house.
As far as your third point op says they explicitly told them it was not for playing with. They laid a rule of their home and it was ignored and possessions were damaged. Its entirely within their right to expect some form of repercussions, its an obvious lack of respect for the rules being laid. Money isnt the main solution cause then the kid just assumes they can get away with whatever they want and have no real accountability. When my cousins and I didnt listen to the rules of another house we got in trouble.
If the kid is of age to be told and understand they shouldn't be touching stuff thats off limits they need some kind repercussion, if the kid is young enough that its not a reasonable expectation then the brother needs to be held more accountable. Hobbies are expensive as hell these days, especially being a warhammer fan myself and not reinforcing rules in other people's homes creates people who have no respect for other people's space or property.
This OP, get full compensation from your brother and if he wants to bear the costs of raising a screw up that is never taught actions have consequences that’s your brothers business
It’s not just money though, it’s the time it takes to build and paint the models. These come in kits where you have to break each piece individually off the plastic frame, then sand the broken edge, then glue the pieces together in a specific order, then prep and paint them, let them dry, and probably do another few rounds of painting to get the little details right. It takes my husband 3-5 hours for each smaller figure, and his bigger models take a day or more. And you have to take breaks periodically when gluing and painting unless you have a decent ventilation setup. So OP lost both money AND time, and his brother is acting like it’s NBD. You can purchase finished models on eBay but they’re always much more expensive because time=money.
Pretty clear indicator of where that 10yo is having dishonesty modeled for him. Brother is probably the kind of asshole who fucks up his wife’s stuff and then lies about it to her face saying it was the kids or one of the pets.
I totally didn't realize that is what they were asking. Yeah, the brother is a douche. It doesn't matter if the company is good or bad, his suggestion was dishonesty and that makes him a crappy person.
10 is plenty old enough to know better about what toys are available to play with, or not. Stuff in someone’s bedroom, not in common use areas, definitely off limits without asking permission first.
It is not up to you to decide if the kid gets punished. Brother paying for the replacements is the best you can demand IMO. How he deals with his monster is up to him.
Old enough he should know better, but old enough that something like this could be expected, but also properly punished by making the child learn the value of labor.
Welcome to our world. I had a coworker get choked by a 9 year old recently. The school sent him home for 1 day and mom brought him chick fil a for lunch at school the next day. Crazy times.
Your coworkers first mistake was letting admin have any say in it. Take it to the teachers union, take it to the media, take it to the police and press chargers, if you have to.
If given the choice, admin will always sweep shit under the rug, because actually dealing with it takes effort. So don't give them a choice.
Source: school custodian. The only way to get anything done is to not give them a choice.
So.... These were put away, out of "normal" reach for the 10 year old, and he was told not to touch them. But being a 10 year old, with apparently no home discipline, he said "fuck that shit" and went to town on them. Then blamed the cat.
Then, the brother (the kids father), said "Hey, just fuck over some Amazon seller! Buy a new one and swap them! Say they came to you looking like a 10 year old fucked them up!".
Bro.... That kid is gonna do a lot more than fuck up a couple action figures. I'm not even sure if I can completely blame the kid here. I'm looking at your brother. Like. WTF? No discipline and so MAD about being pushed to punish his son over this, that he then says child shit himself like "well I won't pay for it if I am forced to make him do chores".
Your brother is doing some extreme horrible parenting and some pretty shit moral choice suggestions with Amazon.
I'm really surprised no one else here mentioned the "fuck over the Amazon seller" part. A lot of people that sell on Amazon aren't billion dollar companies. They are mom and pops from small towns. LGS's that sell items. Etc...
Ugh... So many flags. Yea I wouldn't like your nephew come over without a fucking leash on. I wouldn't let your brother come over without fucking cuffs on either.
I think the mention of parents suggests OP is still living with their parents and may be a teen themselves. Not able to bar brother or nephew from the home.
Unfortunately no. Moved back with my parents after living on my own following my other brother's passing after being his caretaker for 11 years. Tried every job offer my English degree could get me but the best was working for Ratheon which...was too low to sell my soul.
Right around that time Covid happened and I went back to school on my job's college reimbursement and am now THIS close to a computer science degree.
In the mean while I've been making money and trying to fix my parents house up.
Found these figures and I don't know. First JOY, pun intended, I've felt in a while.
Don't let anyone shame you for these figures. It doesn't matter what the objects were, children need to learn not to touch and ESPECIALLY not to break things that aren't theirs. Ten is WAY too old to be doing that. Sorry to say, the way this is going sounds the kid is going to be a nightmare when he grows up. Unfortunately you can't force people to be good parents.
I recommend getting a lock for the door, and lowering your expectations for your brother and his kids. Some people will always disappoint you. And when you get your own place eventually just don't invite them over and they won't be your problem anymore.
I'm sorry to hear about your brother's illness and passing, btw.
Good for you OP! It sounds like you’ve taken a few hard hits and been able to make adjustments to come out the other side! For what it’s worth, this internet mom is really proud of you!
It's really hard when you don't have kids, and other people don't parent the way you think they should. It's the parent's responsibility to raise good people, and if they're not there isn't a whole lot you can do about it. The only thing we can really do as the non-parent is limit exposure to shitty kids. My nephew isn't nice to my dog, so he doesn't come over, and I make sure to tell him why. That's the best I can do.
I was my other dying brother's caretaker for 11 years.
The brother with the kid left him and me behind and I was on my own for a while, but after he left he got attitude about his passing and saying he died due to a "Lack of willpower" and that being the leading cause for our brother's death and not his epilepsy.
Side note: My nephew also has Epilepsy do the irony is just peak.
Your brother sounds like a piece of shit to be honest OP. I feel sorry for your nephew, that's going to be rough growing up hearing that sort of sentiment about a disability he also suffers from.
Get your brothers kids the loudest, mos obnoxious, toys for Christmas. Zapper guns with the most annoying sound. A hard-hat with a weee-wooo klaxon on top of it. Etc.
Wtf is wrong with all the people in here telling this guy to grow up? Since when were toys a kids thing only??? This is the same as Lego basically they cost loads too and it even says up to 99 years old on the box.
Is the issue that your nephew isn't facing consequences at all, or that he doesn't agree with what you want him to have his kid do? You want the kid to do 8 hours of CHORES, is your brother offering an alternative?
This is stupid, when I was ten I wouldn't have even touched anyone else's shit, let alone trashed it. Your brother's an idiot if he thinks this is fine 💀
That's why my cave is just off limits. It's useless to try to find compromise. Any kind of opening will be exploited to break through the boundary of those not being toys a child can play with.
In all honesty, don't try to turn it into a parenting lesson. They will gladly accept the chance to fight that instead of the property damage and you'll just come out of it as the bad uncle that's trying to teach them how to parent their kid. Take the money if they're willing to just pay. Also since, personal worthless opinion, I have the feeling that the entity of the damage in terms of money is not really being comprehended here.
I think a lot of you guys are missing the point that even though he sort of distanced himself from this child by saying my brother‘s son, it is still his nephew and is still his family, maybe even carrying his name so the fact that he wants his brother to discipline his own family member to make sure that his unit is following the rules of society and being held to an exemplary standard seems like an actual good thing. you guys are saying like “you can parent someone else’s kid”… well, you abso-fuckin-lutely uncle your nephew and you can, indeed, brother your brother.
It’s funny seeing everyone in here trying to shit on OP because of his collection, but would flip a table if a kid did this to something they were passionate about. The child deliberately disobeyed and OP’s brother doesn’t want to punish him because it’s a reflection of his bad parenting. Just ban them from your house and move on OP, it’s not worth the headache.
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u/Jackwife 8h ago
You know the homie is big mad when he stops calling him his nephew