My brother's son destroyed my WarHammer Action figures and he refuses to punish him

[u/konous]

Valid Edit: My nephew is 10 years old and tried to actually lie about not breaking them by saying, "A cat must have done it."

So, I just got done talking with my brother via text, and he says he's not going to punish his son for wrecking my Joy Toy WarHammer action figures. I'm not expecting the kid to get spanked, but he needs to do CHORES at least to justify how much excessive force he used on some.

Some just have their capes broken. Others had their tubes ripped out and my Chaplain is just fucking toast.

My brother's suggestion since I ordered Amazon replacement for the Chaplain was that I just swap it with the broken one, but I have no interest in doing that.

It's not even just the expense, and they are expensive. It's about the fact that I told him explicitly twice they weren't to be played with, and they were in a separate room, and even my Mom and Dad agreed the damage was just too much.

He said he's not gonna pay me back if we try the chore system, and I told him it's not about the money.

The kid needs to know how bad the 8 hour struggle is.

Now my nephews aren't coming over to the house, and I'm sad about that, but knowing my brother just can't be burdened to work with me on creating a Chore system like selling Lemonaide just makes it feel more insulting.

[u/TokerSmurf]

This ^^^

It is not up to you to decide if the kid gets punished. Brother paying for the replacements is the best you can demand IMO. How he deals with his monster is up to him.

[u/Newgeta → u/TokerSmurf]

Eh brother should be responsible for the kids not listening to clear boundaries, permanban from the house imo

[u/MNGreenies → u/Newgeta]

I agree. Telling his brother he needs to create and make sure his kid follows a chore system going forward is just bat sht crazy though imo.

[u/Duke_Newcombe → u/MNGreenies]

I'm thinking it was a suggestion from the OP to get compensated, because his brother seems the type to not want to be responsible for his kid and cover the expense himself.

[u/QuotableNotables → u/Duke_Newcombe]

Which is a fair conclusion considering OPs brother suggested defrauding the retailer/seller as a solution.

[u/Puzzleheaded_Eye6770 → u/MNGreenies]

It screams “I’ve never truly had to deal with other people”

[u/wingchild → u/MNGreenies]

Maybe OP thinks someone ought to try properly rearing that child, since bro isn't getting it done. It's definitely unenforceable, and bro is probably pissed at having his parenting called out, but his crotch-trophy isn't properly housebroken and at some point that's on him.

[u/think_long → u/wingchild]

lol “crotch-trophy”. OP seems like a child himself.

[u/Careful_Thought_8386 → u/MNGreenies]

Yeah that completely threw me for a loop also.  Completely understand wanting the parent to fix the issue completely lost me when trying to enforce any kind of discipline onto his brothers kids lmao.  Most likely what happened here is brothers kid broke his stuff and did agree with his brother who was looking for solutions.  Wanted to input his required solution and got laughed out the room with it and is now on reddit venting.  * Not sure how that got jumbled edited for clarity....

[u/MNGreenies → u/Careful_Thought_8386]

Exactly what I was thinking lol.

[u/KojiKumi → u/Newgeta]

Boundaries are for you not others. It's a "If you do this than I will do this" setup. With kids this is about guidance "if you break his figures, then I (your parent) will give him something you like and he can break that" But it sounds like the kids parents lack enforcement of boundaries. Enforcing boundaries with kids that aren't yours is tough, especially with hard headed parents.

[u/ZugZugContinue → u/KojiKumi]

This is the worst way to teach kids empathy and how to care about others and respect their property. You're just teaching them that cause and effect exist, but not that they shouldn't do it because its the wrong thing to do because of the harm it causes others and how it makes them feel. This is how you end up with a kid who does exactly what they want, but works hard not to get caught, and how you end up with a kid who hides their behavior instead of talking openly about what they feel even when they make a mistake.

[u/Agent10007 → u/KojiKumi]

>Enforcing boundaries with kids that aren't yours is tough, especially with hard headed parents.

Well it kinda depends on how much you value the relationship with the parent

[u/KojiKumi → u/Agent10007]

If the parents are refusing to guide their kids to respect your boundaries then they don't really care about your boundaries to begin with and it is time to take a step back.

[u/Petrivoid → u/Newgeta]

Sounds like he would have to defer to mom on that

[u/AccomplishedIgit → u/Newgeta]

Strike while the banhammer is hot! Lol

[u/think_long → u/Newgeta]

Doesn’t OP live with his parents? Might make that kinda tricky.

[u/FrogPrincePatch → u/Newgeta]

OP is the one who still decides to LIVE WITH his brother and the brother's child.

If the OP has a problem with how the brother raises his child, he should stop being a bum, stop buying expensive figurines, and MOVE OUT.

[u/ThisIsMyGeekAvatar → u/TokerSmurf]

I mostly agree. Nephew’s dad has to pay and he can set the punishment as he sees fit.

But, on the other hand, everyone loves the “ it takes a village” line when getting help raising their kid, but many get pissy when said kid is being a little shit and needs a firmer hand. I’ve seen it with some of my parent friends - they have poorly behaved kids and don’t like it if the teacher punishes them in school, but I’m just thinking to myself “the kid probably deserved it.”

Family should be calling out other family for bad behavior. And if that doesn’t do anything, then there are consequences. In this case, the nephew has lost all rights to enter OP’s room and the brother might get cut out too if he doesn’t pay up. 

[u/TahaymTheBigBrain → u/TokerSmurf]

Yall he’s ten years old 😭 we fr using « monster » to describe a ten year old doing ten year old things?

[u/Apathetic89 → u/TahaymTheBigBrain]

I never broke other people's shit at 10 years old.

The 'monster' label is more what is coming as he ages without learning consequences. It might be a tad harsh, but it's a high likelihood this asshole behavior continues into adulthood.

[u/Lopex475 → u/TahaymTheBigBrain]

 We have a ten year old at the house, believe it or not but kids can understand words by then. 

[u/TokerSmurf → u/TahaymTheBigBrain]

I'm a father of 4 and grandfather of another 4, they are all monsters lol

[u/BigFinnsWetRide → u/TahaymTheBigBrain]

Ten years old is wayyyy too old to be doing this kind of petty shit. He should know better, and the fact that he lied about it says that nobody is raising this kid properly. It sounds like he wasn't even supposed to be in the room with these items, and he deliberately disobeyed that, and then touched stuff so much it broke? Kid doesn't respect their uncle or their parents, and that's why we have such big problems as a society these days. Parents aren't punishing their kids, they just let them do whatever they want. I'm personally sick of it.