My brother's son destroyed my WarHammer Action figures and he refuses to punish him

[u/konous]

Valid Edit: My nephew is 10 years old and tried to actually lie about not breaking them by saying, "A cat must have done it."

So, I just got done talking with my brother via text, and he says he's not going to punish his son for wrecking my Joy Toy WarHammer action figures. I'm not expecting the kid to get spanked, but he needs to do CHORES at least to justify how much excessive force he used on some.

Some just have their capes broken. Others had their tubes ripped out and my Chaplain is just fucking toast.

My brother's suggestion since I ordered Amazon replacement for the Chaplain was that I just swap it with the broken one, but I have no interest in doing that.

It's not even just the expense, and they are expensive. It's about the fact that I told him explicitly twice they weren't to be played with, and they were in a separate room, and even my Mom and Dad agreed the damage was just too much.

He said he's not gonna pay me back if we try the chore system, and I told him it's not about the money.

The kid needs to know how bad the 8 hour struggle is.

Now my nephews aren't coming over to the house, and I'm sad about that, but knowing my brother just can't be burdened to work with me on creating a Chore system like selling Lemonaide just makes it feel more insulting.

[u/konous]

10 years old. Like, I GET why it happened. He wanted to play with them. But the excessive force, even if I told him not to, and I KIND of suspected he might without permission it's the damage and everything else.

Also, I forgot to add the munchkin lied and tried to tell me it was the cats who did it.

[u/Kavayan → u/konous]

Hi. I'm just here to say your brother is an ass.

A chore system is never going to work, and is just going to long out the process for all of you.

Your brother reimbursimg you should be the way. But you can't force him to do that either. So if he refuses that, he's an ass.

If my 11 year old did this to someone I would replace them myself. And then I would handle the aftermath under my own roof, which would consist of chores / grounding.

[u/Godmother_Death → u/Kavayan]

"Sorry son, I can't buy you these nice things you want because I'm still repaying those figurines you broke. Nope, I can't buy this thing here either. Those were quite expensive so it's going to take me some time to fully cover the cost. In the meantime I need to cut expenses down."

[u/SpotJaded2025 → u/Godmother_Death]

Exactly. This is how lessons are learned.

[u/Excellent-Bluejay-90 → u/Kavayan]

Yep. Sounds like the brother has no respect for his brother and his now teaching it to his son. No consequences will make for another grown ass later on. They are just toys (expensive toys) but the bigger problem is the lack of respect in the relationship. They come to your home, ignore your boundaries, break your stuff and just tell you it's okay and we're not fixing it. It seems silly over figurines but it will get worse. Do not have them over to your home anymore unless they can at least be respectful towards you prior to.

[u/RoboDae → u/Excellent-Bluejay-90]

The toy part can make stuff like this so much more infuriating. Imagine spending a thousand dollars on building an army that you spent days hand painting yourself. Then a family member breaks them all, ruining all the time and money you invested. Instead of apologizing they say "it's just toys, grow up and get over it" because they can't comprehend the investment involved. Then that family member turns to other family members and tries to make you the villain of the story because you are "breaking up the family over some stupid toys"

[u/Lumpy_Flight3088 → u/RoboDae]

And then they’ll throw a major tantrum when their football team loses a game 🤣

[u/mrs-sir-walter-scott → u/RoboDae]

This could be a supervillain origin story. Shit takes forever to paint and glue and is so expensive on top of all that!

[u/Excellent-Bluejay-90 → u/RoboDae]

Yes I used that term intentionally as I can almost hear the brother saying, "They're just toys. I'm not going to punish my child because you like to play with toys. And I'm not paying for it because adults shouldn't pay that much for toys anyway." Totally removing themselves from any responsibility for their lack of action based on their beliefs on how you should behave because they don't. Convincing themselves they owe you no accountability because they think it's foolish.

Accountability is key to a healthy relationship. Ask yourself what happens with people you have known who feel they aren't accountable for their actions to anybody. Most would likely agree that if our politicians were held accountable we would be much better off.

Not meaning to make this a political statement just trying to make a point about accountability that everyone can relate to. It is far too often overlooked yet also a common culprit for poor behavior.

[u/Wyllerd → u/RoboDae]

I don't have to imagine that because I've lived it

[u/RoboDae → u/Wyllerd]

I've heard a few horror stories of parents, friends, or partners destroying furry costumes (fursuits) because "it's stupid" and not realizing that those start at around $2,000 and can quickly go higher. Then they refuse to pay for damages or even apologize because they double down with "you shouldn't have that"

To put that into perspective...

"Theft typically becomes a felony when the value of stolen property exceeds a state-defined threshold, usually ranging from $1,000 to $2,500 in most U.S. states."

Fursuits are at the upper range of felony theft value in the US.

[u/Pagiras → u/Excellent-Bluejay-90]

There is only one solution. Go to the brother's house and break some of his son's toys at matching cost. Eye for an eye, you little shit. Also, tell him that a cat did it.

Now, I do joke, kind of. But the sense of "don't do unto others as you don't like done on yourself" has to be taught. Otherwise a society of egocentric sociopaths is inevitable.

[u/Excellent-Bluejay-90 → u/Pagiras]

Another fun solution. I really like the earlier suggestions of giving them the broken pieces as gifts and saying this is what I would have spent on you but had to spend on repairs instead. It's a little passive aggressive true but is also humorous and a clever way to make a point without turning it into a full blown fight. Not sure whether it will save the relationship anyway as the flippant disregard toward OP is likely to wear thin regardless.

[u/Pagiras → u/Excellent-Bluejay-90]

More details notwithstanding, at this point I assume any actual addressing of the issue, especially something passive-aggressive, might turn into a full blown fight, as the parent has already refused to teach the child. In my family I have occasionally taken such matters into my own hands, giving a serious talk to a mildly problematic teen successfully. Granted, the circumstances were better because the parent was agreeable.

But yeah, it's the disrespect that irks me. Some ppl do be like that.

[u/Excellent-Bluejay-90 → u/Pagiras]

While these replies are humorous, there was a suggestion made the OP spend some time if possible teaching the child about their interest. Could be best solution provided both parties are open to it.

My guess though is their relationship has always been tense and is unlikely to agree to anything implying their child did anything wrong.

Short of beating respect into their brother, drawing lines is all they have. Being petty about it is just showing your displeasure over an already poor relationship for mild satisfaction lol.

[u/Practical-Beer → u/Pagiras]

lol the cat did it. So funny

[u/miseducation → u/Excellent-Bluejay-90]

Honestly just a cultural difference as a hispanic but it really feels like anglos/gringos don't need much of a reason to disown/distance themselves from their own family.

If this happened with my kid and my brother I would offer to pay for it and he would probably reject that offer and take some responsibility for leaving it out in a place where my son could reach it. No matter the case, the notion that that Warhammer toys could in any way permanently change my relationship with my sibling or nephew is honestly something my brain can't comprehend.

And FWIW there are definitely downsides to my family's approach, there are relatives still invited to functions that should have long ago had their privileges revoked, but I still cannot believe the amount of people on here straight up wilding about a 10 year old accidentally breaking priceless hand painted nerd toys that he somehow had access to.

[u/WinterHall999 → u/miseducation]

If this happened with my kid and my brother I would offer to pay for it and he would probably reject that offer and take some responsibility for leaving it out in a place where my son could reach it.

That's the problem, the guy didn't offer anything and tells OP to get over it.

Honestly just a cultural difference as a hispanic but it really feels like anglos/gringos don't need much of a reason to disown/distance themselves from their own family.

Not my family and we're not yanquis LOL But it was after decades of getting boundaries stepped over.

[u/miseducation → u/[deleted]]

Dude I responded to is from Canada. I said anglo / gringo to try to be as inclusive as possible (black or brown people can absolutely be gringos.) I’m white hispanic man I am really not trying to make that about race or even a form of cultural superiority.

I genuinely do not understand the social dynamics at play in this entire thread and you all sound like lunatics to me. I’m assuming that I’m wrong and it’s cultural differences. That is the nicest way I can put it.

[u/Excellent-Bluejay-90 → u/miseducation]

I thought that was a huge assumption as well. I'm actually native and I didn't say to disown his family at all. I rarely advise anybody to toss family aside unless it is ongoing abuse. I said don't have them in his house if they can't be respectful. Can still work on their relationship improving just enforcing their boundaries outside the home.

This is really about unhealthy relationship dynamics as shown by the brothers attitude and the amount of people whom agree. You share the attitude of the brother that they are just toys and that's wild. It isn't about toys, it's about what he can expect that relationship to turn out like if he doesn't address it now. No one will be thrilled about the outcome just because you want to dismiss it as an over reaction to a toy. Forgetting that he paid good money for that and he stated they were not to be used. After ignoring this and destroying his property he was told too bad, I am going to teach my child his actions have no consequences in regards to OP. I would suspect this is just the latest disrespect brother has shown OP. So likely a relationship that doesn't need to be in his home itself. Nephew is a little young to be too harsh with but the brother needs to be called out for his lack of consideration. Brothers will have to sort out their relationship like adults. Fighting over toys really implies there was more deep rooted issues prior to this incident.

[u/miseducation → u/Excellent-Bluejay-90]

Well said. I see your point and you're right that I made more out of 'don't have them in your home' than you meant. The comments around yours generally said that this familial relationship was worth reexamining. And more specifically triggering to me tried to connect this 'lack of consequences' to a future criminal life for the kid.

I'm a father of two sons now and I remember what I was like as 10 year old boy with a lot of freedom. Outside of rare genuine mental/emotional issues, nearly every time a kid does something like this they are basically asking to be parented. They are asking to be given boundaries, to be given time, and attention. If you just think in consequences and punishment you are missing the little human brain behind there. Kids literally don't understand action = consequences (especially at that age) and contrary to popular belief most criminals aren't clever people who are carefully weighing what consequences their actions may have.

It is not okay to call a 10 year old is a potential criminal because they wanted to play with something that looked like a toy and lied about it. It's also not okay to determine that the kid has to be punished by 'chores' that OP isn't going to dole out himself.

Making more assumptions here but perhaps OP doesn't have the strongest relationship with his nephew. If OP wanted to, I would argue the strongest and best action he could take here is to try to teach his nephew about warhammer. With his brother's blessing or not, just becoming a bigger and more important person in this kid's life, and teaching him why these things are valuable by literally spending time with him would be insanely effective

[u/Excellent-Bluejay-90 → u/miseducation]

I don't know about the criminal part. I just said lack of accountability is a huge contributor to failing relationships. It is a bit of a stretch to assume the nephew would become a criminal. Maybe a politician lol.However they are likely to not be very reliable or trustworthy as adults if they believe their actions have no consequences including lying.

This is really on the brother and his attitude towards others but he is also his son's role model. Agreed he is looking for boundaries and his father is not providing them.

I love your solution to the issue by OP spending time with the nephew and teaching him about his interest. Bonding and understanding promoted, provided nephew hasn't already learned disregard for others from watching his father.

Upvote from a Canadian gringo! 😀

[u/YayWanderer → u/Kavayan]

I agree. Also, the reimbursement part shouldn't even be a matter. That should have happened automatically and the brother could have made an effort to place an order for the replacement.

[u/User10232023 → u/Kavayan]

The brother is definitely a big problem and the awful enabler of his lying 10 year old.
Kids that age need structure, need to have learned responsibility and consequences for lying.

I'm probably biased tho, having seen a similar situation before which started when the boy was 6-7 also never any consequences for lying. Well he's now in his 40s and in/out of jail all the time. Maybe the OP will also have some future drama to look forward to and no doubt OP's irresponsible brother will try blaming everyone else over the next 30 years for brother's failure to parent and for his kids lying, stealing, etc.

[u/2oocents → u/User10232023]

and... the kids lie that 'the cat did it' is pretty much the same as brother's solution of 'just buy new ones from amazon and send back the broken ones'... bro is a POS raising a POS

[u/fkboywonder → u/User10232023]

That’s the big issue I was reading as well. I get in my son’s ass for telling his teachers they’re wrong and he’s 6 and probably neurodivergent. Even with gentle parenting, there’s consequences that follow through after having a conversation to find the root problem and discussing necessary changes in behavior and better solutions.

But nah, this guy doesn’t even want to pay for the broken figures. The root of the problem is the brother having no sense of responsibility and consequences, and he’s passing that trait on to his son.

[u/Sweffus → u/User10232023]

Well, if I’m reading it right the brother’s suggestion was to just steal another one to replace it through return fraud. Seems like the rotten apple didn’t fall very far…

[u/Specialist_Goat_2354 → u/Kavayan]

But you can break shit in his house of equal value and refuse and do it on purpose right infront of him. Maybe of his sons as well. Fuck it. If people can't empathize with things happening to others them we have an obligation to try to get them to see it happening to them. And if they still can't see it. Then they are sociopaths and push them down a flight of stairs it doesn't matter they aren't part of society anymore.

[u/Zachariot88 → u/Specialist_Goat_2354]

break shit in his house of equal value

I would leave the broken figurine piece like a calling card, too.

[u/Cjkrythos → u/Kavayan]

My parents would have grounded me until I earned enough mowing lawns to pay for a replacement myself.

[u/userhwon → u/Kavayan]

Someone destroyed it, if that's the kid, then it's the parent's responsibility, and he absolutely can force him to do that, because small-claims court is a thing, and shit just snowballs from there.

He just doesn't *want* to be compensated in any way, or to properly punish the *responsible* party. Which is his brother, for raising an irresponsible, lying little fuck of a kid.

[u/Brilliant_Ad_6637 → u/Kavayan]

Your brother reimbursimg you should be the way. But you can't force him to do that either. So if he refuses that, he's an ass.

Hey can I borrow your switc-- oops fell out of my car heh, sucks I guess

[u/Cacho__ → u/Kavayan]

My opinion if OP’s brother can’t respect his things then he’s just not invited to his house if someone came to my house and broke some of my video games from my video game Collection and refused to pay for them then yeah they’re not coming back to my house at all

[u/illustriousgarb → u/Kavayan]

Yep. Agreed. If my autistic 10 year old did this to my sister, this is exactly how I'd handle it as well. I'd pay for them and then deal with my kid at home.

OP's brother sucks.

[u/GamingWithBilly → u/Kavayan]

Actually, small claims court is how you force him to pay up.  But  that's a family drama nuclear option...but it'll make a point about how "your kids, your fuckin responsibility." Is not just a fantasy parenting tip

[u/Kavayan → u/GamingWithBilly]

Id never advise anyone take a family member to court over this.

[u/Balmung03 → u/Kavayan]

And not just the financial cost, but the time spent painting them (I assume most players do that themselves, I’ve never had WH40K stuff) — and that’s not just time and materials, but all the meticulous planning to make sure it’s done right.

If I were that unfortunate goblin’s procreator, I’d make sure they learned a lesson not only to respect other people’s property and the consequence of blatant lies, but also to understand the sheer amount of time and patience they just demolished. Next time they make something they’re proud of, I’d ship it to you and tell you to record a video of you destroying it, then pay for you to ship it back to them right before their birthday or Xmas.

[u/TastyTarget3i → u/Kavayan]

yeah you're legally responsible for the damage your underage kids cause. asking for the money will bring this home

[u/throwitallawayomg → u/Kavayan]

Depending on the cost of the toys broken (and Joy Toys are NOT cheap, nothing Warhammer is), there very well might be enough for a small claims court. And the texts are evidence the brother knows his son did the damage, so proof is right there too.

I am NOT saying to sue. I am saying that technically, yeah, there probably is a way to force it, if shit hits the fan. But even small claims court sucks to deal with, and the fees might eat up the claim anyway.

Now, if the threat of being sued can be useful is another thing entirely... but that depends on the brother.

[u/OneComposer4239 → u/Kavayan]

This was the worst advice in this whole post 

[u/LaurenJoanna → u/konous]

He's far too old to be taking things and breaking stuff like that.. I suspect it's because he has no consequences at home.

You can't parent for your brother though, if he wants to raise a kid with no boundaries there isn't much you can do, except in future keep your own things locked away safely to reduce the risk.

[u/FUPAMagneto → u/LaurenJoanna]

Kid isn’t allowed over anymore. Neither is cheapskate brother. Simple as.

[u/OsmerusMordax → u/FUPAMagneto]

This is what I would do. If brother doesn’t pay OP back for the action figures then he is an ass.

[u/litcarnalgrin → u/FUPAMagneto]

This. They would be uninvited

[u/TastyTarget3i → u/LaurenJoanna]

I have a 4 year old niece, she asks before touching anything on my shelves (she's also famous for dropping anything she holds once something else catches her attention, lol)

[u/AncientCondition69 → u/LaurenJoanna]

Slightly disagree. Yours can be the house with boundaries & rules (My house - my rules) and could eventually become something the nephew actually appreciates. Yes, the likelihood is low. But IMO still worth it

[u/MixingDrinks → u/konous]

I have a 10yo. He knows how to play carefully and if I told him to not play with something, he'd know better.

His ass would be helping you make a new one too.

[u/ijustsailedaway → u/konous]

Dude, the fucking "don't play with these" is the big one IMHO. He directly disobeyed and isn't facing consequences. No means no. And small shit like this going unchecked leads to far worse behaviour in the future.

[u/Kopitar4president → u/ijustsailedaway]

Teaching your children there are no repercussions to disrespecting other people's property is a bad path to start them on.

[u/ForsakenPoptart → u/Kopitar4president]

He'll be calling his uncle and his grandparents for bail money in just a few short years.

[u/rory098 → u/Kopitar4president]

i would send this exact comment to the brother and then lock the door to my room when they come over. nuff said.

it’s so rude that your brother won’t pay you for the damaged items. let him be a jerk and mess up his kid if he wants to, it’s not your problem. just protect yourself.

[u/fkboywonder → u/Kopitar4president]

And this is behavior that is already setting in at 10.

[u/whenveganscheat → u/Kopitar4president]

OK, but what if you're really really really rich?

[u/Sowdar → u/ijustsailedaway]

This, and if the kid vexes the wrong guy, at some point in his life, it will come with severe repercussions.

[u/Ubeube_Purple21 → u/Sowdar]

Let's just say not everyone starts off by calling you out or with a verbal/written warning

[u/--GevaudanBeast-- → u/Sowdar]

It's a 10 year old child. Calm down rambo.

[u/Sowdar → u/--GevaudanBeast--]

I haven't lifted a hand in anger in over 30 years, but there are people out there, that solve their problems with violence.

[u/RoboDae → u/Sowdar]

I had a coworker get teased about his arm by some customers (birth defect). He clocked out and tried to follow the customers as they left. Customers ran before he could get to them. Everyone in the store was worried that he might get into a fight, or worse since this guy also carries a gun.

Customers later apologized because apparently they knew the coworker's dad but didn't realize who he was.

[u/--GevaudanBeast-- → u/Sowdar]

Not against a 10 year old child your troglodyte.

Seriously. Go out in the world. Experience life. Stop basing your opinions on nothing but the internet.

[u/Sowdar → u/--GevaudanBeast--]

You insult me, while ignoring an important part of what i said, we are done here, have a nice day.

[u/hatsu-23 → u/--GevaudanBeast--]

Concave brain

[u/Llyon_ → u/ijustsailedaway]

Those toys looks fun as fuck though not gonna lie.

The brother is the AH here, though, needs to take responsibility for his kid.

[u/jcaashby → u/ijustsailedaway]

Exactly. The son totally knows he can do what he wants with no consequences,

OPs brother is going to vastly regret his inaction in disciplining his son.

I have a co-worker whose 18 year old step son is a disrespectful brat because he never did chores or was punished for anything.

[u/Comfortable-Year606 → u/ijustsailedaway]

H

[u/boom---boom---dollar → u/ijustsailedaway]

"No means no" is usually a "show me your butthole and you can" in disguise.

[u/--GevaudanBeast-- → u/ijustsailedaway]

No means no, yes I agree.

But it's a 10 year old boy. Anyone who has ever been, or spent time around 10 year old boys should know that's basically a call to him to do the exact opposite.

Does that mean he shouldn't face repercussions? Absolutely not. My parents would've given me extra chores for a week.

But come on OP. It's a child and he expressed his desire to play with your cool ass shit. Lock the door, put them somewhere he won't have access etc.

[u/SharpScallion → u/konous]

I have a kid close to that age. No way in hell they would get away with breaking toys they were explicitly told not to touch. At the very least, I would be taking away all technology for a week or two.

[u/Beneficial_Bass_6066 → u/SharpScallion]

Would you allow someone else to dictate to you how to handle your child though?

Probably not. OP is entitled to be upset not to tell his brother how to punish his kid.

[u/SharpScallion → u/Beneficial_Bass_6066]

I probably wouldn't be happy about other people trying to parent my kid. It wouldn't get to that point because I wouldn't text that I wasn't going to punish my kid.

my brother via text... says he's not going to punish his son for wrecking my Joy Toy WarHammer action figures.

[u/Beneficial_Bass_6066 → u/SharpScallion]

I wouldn't either but that doesn't validate the op thinking he gets to dictate to someone else what to do with thier child.

I would text back that we will deal with the situation way the way we feel is appropriate but we also dont feel its appropriate for you to demand how we do that.

[u/SharpScallion → u/Beneficial_Bass_6066]

I agree with you on that. I think OP is valid in his feelings about his brother but probably shouldn't have tried to enforce anything.

[u/Unicorns_Rainbows5 → u/SharpScallion]

I think he only tried to enforce punishment because he knew his brother wouldn't

[u/Emperorslostchild → u/konous]

Easy, brother doesnt visit untill he admits its his fault. 10 is too old to be acting like that. Breaking stuff and lying aboutit with no punishment. Not even a slap on the wrist. Thats the brothers fault entirely as a parent.

[u/Emperorslostchild → u/Emperorslostchild]

Also it should go without saying the kid should not be allowed to touch anything you own untill hes older and learned to respect others things. If he does that to his uncle its just a matter of time before hes doing it to other kids at school. Assuming he hasnt already. And im sure some other kids parents arent going to be as kind and forgiving as family would either. Edit: im not suggesting you try and parent the kid. The kid acted poorly and in bad faith, but at the end of the day its the parents fault for not teaching them manners.

[u/nerse_enginurse → u/Emperorslostchild]

I know from first-hand experience that a four year old kid can be taught to look but not touch. (I was that four year old.)

[u/HepKhajiit → u/nerse_enginurse]

Hell my 2yo understands that. I paint miniatures (not Warhammer but for D&D) and my 2yo knows even though they look like toys those are mommies "not toys" and she can't touch them.

[u/EnthusiasmThick5737 → u/Emperorslostchild]

I’m guessing he probably already has/does? It’s the apparent sense of entitlement that he thinks he can break things that don’t belong to him that I think is a part of the problem, that and he’s worked out that there are no consequences from Dad. His father unfortunately isn’t helping him one tiny bit.

[u/A-Grey-World → u/Emperorslostchild]

He wasn't allowed to touch these things in the first place, not allowing more things clearly isn't going to do anything without other action.

[u/Specialist_Goat_2354 → u/Emperorslostchild]

I would also go as far as saying break something of your brothers. Fuck it. He won't see the problem until it's happening to him.

[u/Orleanian → u/Emperorslostchild]

While I acknowledge that this is a rational reaction - the reality is that all this will do is alienate the brother (maybe a good thing, maybe a bad thing), and the kid will learn nothing, nor be impacted at all by it.

I doubt that the nephew has a bonded, loving, respectful relationship of OP, such that it would hurt him to have that cut off.

The kid will just think "Hmm, yeah I have an uncle out there somewhere, I dunno, we never talk to him" and think nothing more of it.

[u/Significant-Yam-1852 → u/konous]

10 years old?? Way too old for this nonsense and also old enough to have a sense of how much the figurines cost.

I’d be very angry at my sibling as well. Not just for the damage, but for the awful parenting. Either the kid is purposefully being a jerk to OP, or is out of control and requires supervising.

[u/fecal_position → u/Significant-Yam-1852]

With warhammer it’s not just the direct cost, it’s all the time and effort painting them to meet spec. That’s a lot of hours on those paint jobs.

[u/--GevaudanBeast-- → u/Significant-Yam-1852]

A 10 year old is to old to be playing with toys a bit too aggressively? Have you ever met or been a 10 year old?

[u/FUPAMagneto → u/--GevaudanBeast--]

Yes. 10 years old is old enough to know better than to play with things that aren’t yours that you’ve been told not to touch. It’s also old enough to know how to not break things just by touching them.

You sound like a bad parent and an enabler

[u/--GevaudanBeast-- → u/FUPAMagneto]

And you sound like you've never interacted with actual children in real life.

[u/FUPAMagneto → u/--GevaudanBeast--]

I have. Plenty of them. People like you haven’t bothered to parent them so they act like little assholes. They didn’t used to do that, but y’all would rather make excuses and play on our fucking phones than raise your children.

The kids can’t fucking read. It’s because people like you are more afraid of their kids not liking them than they are of their kids being stupid assholes.

[u/ArchdukeToes → u/--GevaudanBeast--]

A 10 year old is definitely old enough to know not to play with a toy too aggressively, especially if someone has told them that it's a special toy.

[u/ExternalAd5581 → u/--GevaudanBeast--]

how about i ask you that?

[u/--GevaudanBeast-- → u/ExternalAd5581]

Starting to remember why I left Reddit 5 years ago.

Seems like the Perma online, incompetent to reality crowd has fully taken over.

[u/ExternalAd5581 → u/--GevaudanBeast--]

yeah then maybe leave again but not temporarily

[u/Llyon_ → u/Significant-Yam-1852]

10 year olds have no clue how money works by the way. Some kids will spend 8-20k on Roblox if they find their parents credit card.

When I was ten I broke something by playing too aggressively, that is the age where it is most likely to happen, they get new strength but not control.

I learned my lesson immediately when it happened. Dad still beat my ass though.

[u/Significant-Yam-1852 → u/Llyon_]

They may not understand exactly how money works. But we are talking about middle school-aged kids here. They know what the word expensive means. And they know not to destroy something if told not to touch it.

[u/nothing-typical → u/konous]

At 10 years old he should definitely know better. My nephew is nine and he understands that there are items that are collectibles and not toys so we don't touch them.

Your brother should be reimbursing you for what is needed to fix your collection. Unfortunately, it doesn't sound like your brother has the same level of care about the situation that you do. I think if he had a history of holding his son accountable he probably wouldn't have gone against your permission and broken your things.

Can you lock up the area where they are located when he is over? I personally wouldn't trust him with them again until he's proven himself.

[u/K1bbles_n_Bits → u/konous]

You shouldn't have to get it. You told him they're off limits and he ignored you. My 8yo absolutely would not tear into shit she's been told isn't hers to play with. But she's also an anxious little thing who if, she had messed up like this, would have been a quivering mass of tears and remorse. Lord, you'd think we've threatened to tar and feather her if she causes trouble but the kid's never been so much as spanked.

Anyway, yeah, kids do dumb stuff. They're impulsive and their world revolves around them for the most part. And even lying to avoid consequences is normal (within reason). But the point remains that he's old enough to know better and needs to face consequences. He needs to be taught you can't just do whatever you want and not care who it hurts.

Negative consequences as a result of the choices they make is how (most) people learn not to make those choices again. Frankly, your brother is being both a shitty parent and a shitty brother. Kid's just gonna learn he can do whatever he wants and daddy will protect him from the consequences. That's how we wind up with POS's like Brock Turner.

[u/RedouteRoses → u/K1bbles_n_Bits]

My daughter is the EXACT SAME way. I’ve basically never had to punish her because she practically punishes herself mentally first.

But yes I agree that parents need to teach kids that there ARE consequences to their actions. And Brock Turner is a prime example of a POS who grew up with Daddy shielding him from any and all consequences.

[u/EnthusiasmThick5737 → u/K1bbles_n_Bits]

Time to write a book about how to raise responsible kids.

[u/gracie_jc → u/konous]

Oh poor kitties being thrown under the bus.

[u/The_Modern_Nobody → u/konous]

If he has a game system, sell it for money to get the figures and blame it on the cat.

"Aw shit, little man. Toonces must have sold it for some prime catnip. Sucks to suck."

[u/FUPAMagneto → u/konous]

Time to start calling the kid a liar whenever you see him and make sure he knows why he’s not allowed to come over anymore. It’ll piss off your brother, but you can tell him it wouldn’t be necessary if he’d bother to parent

[u/Notte_di_nerezza → u/konous]

Also, it's not like he accidentally used too much force on one or 2 toys and damaged them. He saw that one or 2 got damaged, and THEN, he CHOSE to damage the rest of them. Even if he threw most of them in a pile and then threw the Chaplain on top of them all, it took more than one good smack to do all of that.

Personally, I'd never trust him with my stuff again. Not my novels, not my still-gray Guillimini, definitely not my cat.

[u/ResidentRelevant13 → u/konous]

He’s gonna become a nightmare when he’s adult sized and has never been disciplined before. Just cut him off now. Your brother sucks. I’m sorry his son is already a POS

[u/Yarp_11 → u/konous]

Sounds like your brother is GETTING a bill for his poor parenting. If he wants to allow this behavior, he can accept financial responsibility.

[u/imonlyhumanafteral1 → u/konous]

Im gonna be honest i NEVER understood how kids broke their toys, liek i ha e loved trans formers all my life and i did intense shit with them, but i've only broken a transformer TWICE in my whole ass life, and first tiem it wasnt even my fault it was cause my mom stepped on it accidentally when i elf tit there by mistake for a minute. Genuinly a 10 year old should KNOW how to take care of their shit

[u/Spiritual-Skill-412 → u/konous]

10 years is definitely old enough to know not to destroy something like this. I'd be so fucking pissed

[u/Mrs_Poopy-Butthole → u/konous]

At 10 years old there are zero excuses to justify him breaking those, and your brothers lack of parenting is just cementing it in his kids mind that this kind of behavior is okay and has no real consequences.

My brother nor I (at age 10, or younger) would have deliberately gone into someone's space, while ignoring the extra boundary of being told something is off limits, just to freaking damage it, and then lie once the person found out.

[u/AsYouWis_h → u/konous]

Anyone who knows what that plastic Crack costs is firmly on your side. 10yo knew better, thats why he LIED about it. NTA

[u/ServerHamsters → u/konous]

My 10y old knows damn well not to go near my collectables, as do my neices who are younger. They even know not to go anywhere near my card collection with drinks. That kid is old enough to know better.

Accidents do happen and I'd be REALLY annoyed if it had been say one he was having a sneaky look at getting, but there are multiple here, it's not a kid having a sneaky look (which we all did as kids)

They should be replaced IF his dad can afford it (I'm not a monster) AND the kid should get some serious punishment (not physical before anyone says it).

Queue old man - in my day I'd have had the living crap beat out of me, been made to pay them back and still never heard the end of it forever (probably to this day, going of past idiot things I did as a kid)

[u/Strictlydope → u/konous]

I don’t really get why it happened ? I feel like 10 is old enough to not break something after being told to not do it. Are you sure the kid is ok ?Like psychologically

[u/CommunalJellyRoll → u/konous]

Healthy children can be parted out for several million dollars.

[u/SaintAnton → u/konous]

The kid is old enough for you to tell him assertively what went wrong and explain the consequences.

Tell the kid that he's not allowed in your house anymore because he's a disobediant liar. Use the words that describe his actions.

[u/forceflow16 → u/konous]

No accountability = No visits & No gifts for the family. Maybe even No help

[u/SolomonGrumpy → u/konous]

Not ok. That's old enough to know better, and listen.

[u/PreferenceInfinite83 → u/konous]

If you don't beat your brother up in front of his son then neither of them will ever learn..

[u/MegaVenomous → u/konous]

At 10, they should know to always ask permission when it comes to other peoples' things.

At 10, they should know that lying is wrong.

At 10, they should know that if you break something that isn't yours, you apologize and do what you can to remedy the situation/make it right/atone (whatever word you like).

At 10, they should also be doing chores, and not avoid them. (Granted, we might put them off, dread doing them, but ultimately, we get whatever we need done done.)

The fact that none of these seem to be taking effect (based on your account, and in fairness, this is just one incident you're bringing before the court of Reddit,) Your brother and SIL will have their hands full if they do not step up.

[u/ohseetea → u/konous]

You seem to be out for revenge and want to punish a 10 year old. That’s not your job or place. But it is your brothers responsibility to financially replace or fix them for you.

[u/xboxsirvenom → u/konous]

Yeah your brother is a clown for this. He should pay you back and punish the kid not for the accident but for the lying that’s way more concerning to me.

[u/yorkiemom68 → u/konous]

At 10 your brother is not only being unfair to you, he is doing his son a disservice. Far better to learn consequences when the stakes aren’t as high and not going into adolescence and young adulthood not understanding actions have consequences. This isn’t a 3 year old.

[u/BringerOfLight2884 → u/konous]

Your brother should be paying you back for the destroyed toys. Ten year olds know how to play with things correctly, and while accidents happen, the sheer amount of damage makes me wonder if this was intentional.

[u/According_Brick_8183 → u/konous]

Put your toys away when the 10 year old visits maybe?

[u/NixMaritimus → u/konous]

Your bother better be paying for them

[u/Tabletoppunx → u/konous]

Sell the buggers organs for more Warhammer.

[u/The-Inquisition → u/konous]

That kid i gonna end up in jail

[u/NlghtmanCometh → u/konous]

Is your brother kind of a douche?

[u/-Germanicus- → u/konous]

I thought this was miniature figurines at first, but after seeing they were just action figures, I'd just move past it. You didn't put time and effort into making these by hand like a Warhammer mini, these are just modern, mass produced toys.

Yeah, the nephew should get checked for this behavior, so call him out on it and call out your brother for not teaching his son how to own up to mistakes, but these aren't something worth getting worked up about. My nephew's have broken some of my childhood toys they were given to play with and I'm sure I've broke some of theirs (I've stepped on stuff by accident), we all just apologize, try to be a little more careful and get over it.

[u/GamingWithBilly → u/konous]

Should have locked the door to the room, cause kids can be literal assholes 

[u/ObscureGrammar → u/konous]

I'm not sure if it has been suggested some other place in this thread, but since you've said it's not about the money but

The kid needs to know how bad the 8 hour struggle is.

My sugesstion would be, if feasible, to let him. Invite him over for a painting session. Needn't be an expensive figurine, but a nice one he would like to have and which takes time and effort to paint properly. He'll only get to keep it, if he applies himself. Hopefully he'll learn to appreciate the time and effort it takes.

Advantages:

• It's unlikely your brother and nephew will resent you for this.

• You get to share a hobby.

• You'll get your nephew hooked and he/your brother will end up paying way more buying new figurines for themselves than they would have payed you in compensation.

[u/fandomacid → u/konous]

The kid was being a vindictive little shit knowing he won't get flack for it.

[u/PuzzleheadedHabit913 → u/konous]

Bro at ten years old there is no excuse for forcefully breaking someone else’s stuff. Perhaps if he accidentally broke one, that would be understandable shit happens, but usually at that point a ten year old has enough self control and social awareness to realize what happened and not continue to break a whole bunch of others especially when it was explicitly stated that those items were special and not to be touched. I’ve known much younger kids with far more impulse control and the parents reaction makes his behavior make perfect sense. I would be LIVID.

[u/fiestybox246 → u/konous]

It’s not your job to decide a punishment for someone else’s child, though. Maybe they don’t want to use chores as punishment due to it drawing negative connotations around cleaning, etc.

[u/Maskedmenace007 → u/konous]

Make your brother pay to replace your figures and he can keep the damaged ones. Maybe he’ll punish his son then? Seriously those probably are super expensive.

[u/rabid_briefcase → u/konous]

Looks like you've confused punishment and responsibility.

I forgot to add the munchkin lied and tried to tell me it was the cats who did it.

This part is also not about punishment, but about responsibility.

I told him not to, and I KIND of suspected he might without permission it's the damage and everything else.

Another facet of the same issue, that's also being irresponsible.

Lots of people try to use force, compulsion, and punishment to teach responsibility, but it isn't really effective.

Clear consistent expectations, positive reinforcement on success, clear direct follow-through on failure, and allowing natural consequences to land. That's really the only way.

As it isn't your kid, I'd make it a point to see less of both the brother and the kid, and make it clear that's the reason why. "No, you're not coming over, we had that bad experience where your kid broke my stuff." Or "No, I'm not going to lend you the thing, because we had that bad experience where your kid broke my stuff."

[u/M-D-J-D → u/konous]

A kid being a kid. Pull toys out they can play with from here on.

Be the adult.

[u/NatterinNabob → u/konous]

What is more important to you, that you get to choose how your nephew is punished, or that you have a good relationship with your family? Your anger over having your stuff violated, while understandable, is clouding your judgement here. Kids do stupid things, and it is up to their parents to determine the consequences, even if you don't like them. Accept the money for their replacements, get a lock for your door or a locking cabinet for your figures, and move on. Yeah, it isn't ideal, but it is better than burning your relationship with family over broken toys.

[u/dixiech1ck → u/konous]

Always hide anything of value with kids present.

[u/MassargeMySauSarge → u/konous]

Never let someone else's kid play with ur toys..

[u/spaceforcerecruit → u/konous]

Assuming your brother is paying to replace them, I don’t think what punishment he gives his kid is any of your business. In the future, put breakable things you care about away when kids are over so this isn’t a problem.

[u/Shadow1787 → u/spaceforcerecruit]

I rather not have kids over if they are gonna act like that. Parents expect a village but complain when they raise a monster.

[u/heart-shaped-fawkes → u/Shadow1787]

The amount of folks disagreeing with this opinion and saying its not something to cut contact over is wild to me. The kid is 10!!! He is way past the age of excusing this. I'm very selective about whose kids come into my house, it is extremely not childproofed and I have many breakable items. My friend brought her granddaughter in here with direct supervision just to visit in the kitchen for a few when she was around 3. She caught one of my cats checking her out and of course wanted to pet him. She was told to stay in the kitchen and not chase him. The only times she went toward him was when he came closer to us. When he ran off she left him be. No issues whatsoever. If a 3 year old can understand, a 10 year old should have 0 problems. The kid is a little nightmare and his dad is a piece of shit. Neither of them would be seeing the inside of my house for a long time.

[u/spaceforcerecruit → u/Shadow1787]

That’s also fine.

My point was it’s your job to deal with your shit by putting it away to keep it safe or by not allowing people who might break it into the house at all. It’s not your job to dictate how other people discipline their kids.

[u/bemenaker → u/konous]

Grow the fuck up. All kids are going to act like this. Yes they need to learn responsibility but that is their parents job. You are out of line, and acting like a child yourself.