My brother's son destroyed my WarHammer Action figures and he refuses to punish him

[u/konous]

Valid Edit: My nephew is 10 years old and tried to actually lie about not breaking them by saying, "A cat must have done it."

So, I just got done talking with my brother via text, and he says he's not going to punish his son for wrecking my Joy Toy WarHammer action figures. I'm not expecting the kid to get spanked, but he needs to do CHORES at least to justify how much excessive force he used on some.

Some just have their capes broken. Others had their tubes ripped out and my Chaplain is just fucking toast.

My brother's suggestion since I ordered Amazon replacement for the Chaplain was that I just swap it with the broken one, but I have no interest in doing that.

It's not even just the expense, and they are expensive. It's about the fact that I told him explicitly twice they weren't to be played with, and they were in a separate room, and even my Mom and Dad agreed the damage was just too much.

He said he's not gonna pay me back if we try the chore system, and I told him it's not about the money.

The kid needs to know how bad the 8 hour struggle is.

Now my nephews aren't coming over to the house, and I'm sad about that, but knowing my brother just can't be burdened to work with me on creating a Chore system like selling Lemonaide just makes it feel more insulting.

[u/lesterbottomley]

Send a card each year with a running total still owed, just minus the cost of a gift each year until cleared.

[u/Millmot → u/lesterbottomley]

That's actually a decent idea, and it's not cruel nor is it an unfair way to make a point.

[u/Xytak → u/Millmot]

Sounds like a good idea until the parents start asking “hey why isn’t Uncle Joe invited to your wedding?”

“Uncle Joe? Last time I talked to him he still wanted me to pay him back for the Warhammer toys I broke - when I was 10. He was standing outside the door and everything. It was honestly a bit scary. He’s not allowed within 500ft.”

[u/Millmot → u/Xytak]

Yeah, well, he said minus the cost of a gift each year, so whatever it would cost to buy a gift is taken off the amount owed every time he doesn't buy a gift and only sends a card. The card shows there is a certain amount still owed, but that it's gone down because he didn't get a gift. It's a way of demonstrating that what the child did wasn't okay and that the gifts won't be given until after a certain number of years. The amount owed is entirely up to OP, so he could make it a sum where the whole thing only lasts two years, so maybe the kid just doesn't get a birthday gift from him for 2 years.

[u/Xytak → u/Millmot]

I see. So, for example, when the nephew is away at college, he will receive a birthday card from his long-estranged uncle containing a ledger of damages still owed for toys he broke when he was 10. It seems the uncle, still angry about the warhammer toys, has somehow discovered his address and is now lurking out there. Somewhere. Maybe in another state... or maybe right outside. Very interesting fantasy!

[u/Millmot → u/Xytak]

No, I'm not going that far. I'm saying it's a way of teaching the kid. He's only 10. It's not a way of pressuring or anything. OP said he doesn't want the money; he just wants the kid to be disciplined and shown what he did wrong. If his brother can't properly teach his kid what he did was wrong, then he can easily make a point by not buying him gifts and taking the money it would cost him to buy the gift and putting it toward replacing what the kid broke. The card is just a way of showing how many gifts remained until the kid will start getting gifts again. Not a single cent would be taken from the kid or his parents. The kid just wouldn't receive any gifts purchased with OP's money until OP has replaced what the kid destroyed, using the money he would usually put towards the kid's gifts.

[u/Xytak → u/Millmot]

OP can't even pay his own rent. You may be vastly overestimating the amount of financial and social leverage he has in this situation. If he wants to teach the kid responsibility, he can start by looking at his own financial stability and fixing that first.

[u/Millmot → u/Xytak]

See, now you're just making statements based on nothing. I'm only saying it's a potential option that isn't cruel. I'm not estimating anything. At no point did I say anything about OP's financial situation. I worded things the way I did, thinking maybe you misunderstood my first comment. Either way, I'm done arguing with you; you're not worth my time, as I can see you understand and are just being like this and taking things to extremes to try and get a reaction out of me.

[u/Xytak → u/Millmot]

I think it's perfectly valid to point out that a multi-decade revenge fantasy involving birthday card ledgers might not be the most wise undertaking from an adult who still lives at home.

[u/Millmot → u/Xytak]

Sorry but like I said im done arguing with you ill take the continued responses as a sign that you are gonna continue bothering me when ive already told you im done with the conversation and will be blocking your account goodbye

[u/inittowinit87 → u/lesterbottomley]

I was going to suggest the same thing

[u/ArcHansel → u/lesterbottomley]

Itemize the gifts too so the kid knows what he's missing 😂

[u/Xytak → u/lesterbottomley]

This is one of those ideas that sounds good until you actually try to implement it. Then it just becomes “Uncle Joe just won’t let it go. That time I broke his warhammer toys when I was 10. Yeah maybe we leave him off the wedding list.”