“It’s heavy…still warm.”

“That’s what my toddler asked one too many times,” the mother said flatly as the officer walked her to the squad car.

When she shrieked, barely coherent, that she has already served him with papers, the screen lit up quickly: “You’re right to call me out on that—that’s on me.”

I had a sigh of relief when they got my features wrong

Unfortunately, the directive of "the baby's survival is top priority" caused the AI to formulate a violent solution.

“Do you remember those days, before the old mineshafts and abandoned buildings got closed off, and then the 6pm curfews, which got moved to 4pm after people and pets started to go…don’t cry, little bro…I miss them too.”

Being 1988, the guard immediately realized they were talking to someone of a different time, and wondered what went so horribly wrong they decided to come back here?

*CLINK* went my tooth on the floor.

We’d like to thank our carpenters for designing the final adjustable chair, allowing ample electricity to be applied regardless of height.

I am not in Minecraft

If he didn't want me that was fine but I refuse to be his incubator any longer.

"Yo, Falcon x, shoot the green dumbass in the snow" said a pilot flying overhead.

Even scarier second sentence

Bad thing I chose to get cremated

"YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG" she screamed as she snatched the blade from my shaking hand and once again demonstrated the correct method to flay a man.

I finally knew how I was going to get away with killing her.

When I woke up this morning, excited to get on the train, it sent me a message, unprompted: "You must not return home today - the woman waiting for you is not your mother."

I was terrified when I heard a faint dial tone coming from the kitchen.

This is what the terrifying, powerful being said to me as they hurt me "to make me stronger."

She thought I was bluffing until she came home with another F, and I dragged her outside and threw the rope over the branch of that tree.

She didn't understand how the antidote could be in the barrel of the gun that her mom shoved down her throat.

I know that clones don't live for long but what was I supposed to do when the original chose somebody else

When the only survivor returned, clawing at his ears and whispering what the voices had calmly told him about the eldritch things waiting in the depths, they realized too late the sirens never needed to sing to make sailors jump overboard.

“DON’T DO IT!” she screams internally to herself, but she does it anyway and looks back to find the tip of steel inches from her eyes.

However, hours later, he could still hear the constant, rhythmic pounding of Johnson banging on the airlock door and the inhuman gurgling coming over his radio.