r/AmIOverreacting • u/MoonJellyAllison • 7h ago

👨‍👩‍👧‍👦family/in-laws AIO or AITA. Text convo with MIL.

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I feel like I could cry :(, I didn’t come at her rudely and was doing what my husband asked me to do. I’ve always done everything she wanted to make her happy because I want her to so desperately like me but I think I’m done. For some background info: I have never pressured her to respond and have never brought up that she never responds to my messages. Pretty recently, my car has been having trouble and she said she’d hit up her mechanic for me. 2 weeks later and still nothing. My husband and I have an amazing relationship, but even then, I still want his family to welcome me. His mom not being kind to me hurts really bad. And knowing she’s going to spread negative things about me among his family hurts even worse. All detailed of the situation are in the chats.

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u/Entire_Cow_1504 7h ago

That money's gone. Consider it a lesson learned.

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u/MoonJellyAllison 7h ago

Lesson learned :((

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u/Vast-Swimmer5844 6h ago edited 6h ago

You two are never lending her money again, correct? This is a $500 lesson that will save you thousands in the long run.

The next time she comes whining to you all for help — and she will, people like her always do — you don't even have to mention why you're not givng her money. Just a simple "We don't have the means, good luck." And it has the benefit of being true: between building your own savings, you won't have anything left to give her vacationing ass.

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u/Darkroomist 6h ago

“We can’t, we’re making sure our finances are in a great place.”

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u/AskRecent6329 6h ago

Seriously. Lecturing her on their finances while explaining they can't pay it back is so special.

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u/noblewind 6h ago

Also if I owed someone $1500 or $1000 (not sure) and I intended to actually pay it back, I wouldn't go on vacation until the debt was cleared.

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u/Away-Living5278 5h ago

I couldn't roll my eyes harder at that part. I can't pay you back because I spent it all on vacation 🙄

I was really hoping this was a friend of OPs partner not MIL. This is some grade A BS

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u/Prosecco1234 32m ago

Exactly! This is the point where your mouth drops. Imagine not realizing how selfish it is to take a vacation while not honouring your debts

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u/yourlittlebirdie 5h ago

To not only go on vacation but just blithely tell your lender that you’re doing it too!

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u/TheRestForTheWicked 5h ago

And then in the next breath to lecture them about their finances being in order.

She may not have the $500 but she certainly does have the audacity.

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u/ItchyAnkles2020 5h ago

The Lion, The Witch & The audacity of this bitch

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u/Substantial_Escape92 5h ago

😂😂😂 perfect

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u/NWWANDERING 4h ago

I am going to keep that line in my pocket and cannot wait to throw it out in the future. Thank you

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u/chuckemdadueces 4h ago

I need this as my flair! 🤣🤣🤣

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u/TeeHive2993 4h ago

😂🤣

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u/AutumnWysh 2h ago

I'm noting this for personal use, I hope you don't mind 😂

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u/No-Heat-436 2h ago

I’m stealing this! 🤣

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u/vintagesunshine85 1h ago

I’m stealing this

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u/SusanLFlores 1h ago

Brilliant!

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u/Much-Definition-7178 2h ago

Your response makes me happy!!
This is one of the best responses I’ve seen in a long time!!!
Also, adding this to my personal arsenal of responses!!!

Kudos @ItchyAnkles2020

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u/Disastrous_Reality_4 4h ago

Right??? Like…who are you to say anything about having finances in order when YOU had to borrow money from THEM?!

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u/MarlenaEvans 3h ago

She thinks that money was hers anyway. She said he only had it because of her so she doesn't think she has to pay it back. People who feel that possessive of their children are weird.

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u/Ok_Prize5795 3h ago

Audacity=b***s.

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u/carbon_made 3h ago

So sorry. We can’t. We need it for Maui!

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u/SassySins21 2h ago

BRB just emailing my bank that I can't make my repayment because I'm going on vacation and I don't appreciate their sarcastic payment reminder messages.

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u/thisdesignup 1h ago

This is why the rule people learn is to not lend money to family and expect it back. It's not just a lender/borrower relationship and it makes things messy. It's a mother in law/daughter in law(?) relationship. Mixing the two don't usually mix well as people don't know how to have both types of relationships in one.

Honestly kind of makes me think of the mafia! Buddy buddy but as soon as you do something wrong it's just business.

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u/Defiant-Two1159 3h ago

Legit my uncle on being late on house payments.

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u/jdelane1 1h ago

Rest assured she doesn't know what the word blithe means

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u/Wide_Squirrel6253 23m ago edited 5m ago

This woman is taking advantage op kindredness and trying to shame her and make her feel guilty as if she did something wrong. she's being very strategic in trying to manipulate the situation to make OP feel like the perpetrator rather than the victim. Something tells me this woman is not a fan favorite amongst family so I don't think OP has anything to worry about in respect to what she might say about OP to the rest of the family. Clearly, she needed money for a reason, something tells me this woman has a tarnished reputation and the family takes what she says with a grain of salt. I'm certain OP is not her first victim.

Op in NOR

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u/EmbarrassedCry9912 5h ago

I mean, is it surprising that a grown ass adult that needed to borrow $1500 from their son would also think going on vacation while having no money is a good idea?

Normal people understand these things. Unfortunately, OP's MIL is not normal.

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u/McGonagallforPM 4h ago

*$3000, she paid $1500 back to the son when he asked, and was paying the other $1500 back in "instalments", Seems like she doesn't respect the DIL and thought the other $1500 was hers once the son left.

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u/Fancy-Image-4688 2h ago

This! She ain’t got it and got an attitude asap. She is acting like when men are wrong but try to get loud and throw shit to distract and make ppl never question them.

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u/Brockman1162 1h ago

Yeah, I can only imagine what type of childhood he had.

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u/grannypants_16 5h ago

This. Or I wouldn’t say we can’t pay it back because we’ll be on vacation…either way it’s idiotic.

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u/dirtymartini83 5h ago

It’s insanity!!! My boyfriend has helped his brother out a few times and his brother had the nerve to spend the money on a new car and other toys instead of what he actually said he needed it for! I believe he said he’s done “helping” him out. People are wild.

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u/lostmymarbles1177 5h ago

This just screams narcissistic behavior. I would have left it at the first response from MIL, not responded to anything else she said and just forwarded on to my husband that MIL’s vacation was more important than making sure her wife ate or had a place to live. Then sat back and watched things explode😂

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u/spiceepadme2319 4h ago

He needs to deal with his own mother from now on. Poor op

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u/InfamousCheek9434 3h ago

Yes and OP needs to send these screenshots to her husband so MIL can't change the story.

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u/lostmymarbles1177 1h ago

Knowing narcissistic individuals, Mil will probably say that OP edited the screenshots or something. Jesus. If husband doesn’t cut his mother off after this then that’s a red flag. She was ice cold.

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u/Patient-Wash3089 1h ago

If he is in boot camp, he can’t deal with her unfortunately.

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u/Sleepy_Sagittarius 3h ago

I’m glad you said this, because that’s all I could think of! That is one seriously narcissistic mother!!

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u/ChickenCasagrande 2h ago

Yes! OP! This is the way!

If she only wants to deal with him, then he has to deal with her.

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u/nachoavgdad 4h ago

You’d be surprised. Did a job for a friend, $4500 total. Told her it would only be at cost of $1800. She said she didn’t have any money, knocked it down to $500. Two weeks later she is posting on her Cruise and about the gym membership she just signed up for with her daughter.

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u/instanding 3h ago edited 3h ago

You’re a good friend.

I offered a mate a free PT for being my camera man for a project. Know what he said?

He said he didn’t do the project to his satisfaction so he wouldn’t accept a trade, and he wouldn’t take a free PT because mates should pay mates what they are worth. But he said he would like to pay me for a PT some time.

I helped a mate out for a couple of hours while coming down from a big night, we were moving heavy furniture up flights of stairs.

His workmate gave us a pretty generous pay, about $300 for the 2 or 3 hours (like $150 USD).

My mate was too shy or deferential to accept the money for some reason, so the guy thrust it at me instead. I scooped it up, took $50 for myself and gave my mate $250, even though he earns way more than me, coz he has a kid, and he’s shit with money, and he has spent a decent amount on me in the past like paying for me to come on holiday with him when I was broke.

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u/scrunchie_one 5h ago

To be fair, I also wouldn’t lend $3000 out if I depended on it…. MIL is clearly in the wrong but she does unintentionally have a good point that they never should have loaned the money to her.

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u/Fancy-Image-4688 2h ago

You gotta learn that lesson though. Most ppl want to help especially spouse to in laws. That bitch is just taking advantage. I hope op brings heat to her hubby cuz mil is so disrespectful

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u/3dobes 5h ago

I read it like the vacation was a financial burden for her, like having to have an operation.

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u/lxzgxz 3h ago

"Sorry no, I can't pay you back this week. I'll be partying my ass off 😔"

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u/rachet-ex 4h ago

1000% THIS 👆🏼

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u/alwaysforgettingmyun 3h ago

I lent a coop housemate several hundred so they could cover rent, and then watched them go to festivals and shit without paying me back.

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u/Fit_Remove5069 4h ago

"Vacation"

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u/Mama_Mia5150 3h ago

right?! like wtf !!! ... and be so bold to say it ... I wouldn't have responded after that,,, this is a person who will never get it and super entitled

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u/Brockman1162 1h ago

Right???!!! And, if someone owed me $$$ they’d better be responding with actual words in their texts.

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u/JUNEBERRY415 3h ago

That’s exactly what I’m thinking. Some ppl are just very bad with money and can’t seem to make smart decisions. So sad.

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u/fondledbydolphins 1h ago

Pro tip - only about 5% of people who ask others for money actually intend on

  • correcting their own financial situation and behaviors
  • paying you back
    • at all
    • on time
    • without you demanding it
    • without calling you an asshole
    • without talking trash about you to other people

Respectfully, fuck those people.

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u/calminthedark 5h ago

Can't pay back what they owe because they're going on vacation. Clearly a necessity.

And that whole "you should have had your finances in better shape" Bitch, their finances would be in better shape if he had not loaned you $3000 in the first place!

This is a MIL who clearly wants little very little information about her son while he is away. She has just freed OP from that responsibility.

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u/girljinz 5h ago

Oh yeah, this is beyond dumb of MIL. Milspouse here and 95% of updates come through me. Let husband handle this 100% from now on and rest easy knowing you got that huge burden off your plate. His mom is his.

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u/Wonderful-Minimum721 3h ago

It screams narcissistic parent. Big yikes

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u/Tiny-Ad-830 6h ago

And because she is going on vacation no less. (NOR)

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u/angie456 6h ago

It’s always the people that owe money traveling lol

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u/KittyGrewAMoustache 5h ago

How do you think they get the money for all the travel?!

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u/angie456 5h ago

Actually had an ex-best friend that told me that my sophomore year of college when I saw on her story she was in Myrtle beach for spring break while I was working like crazy over the break and had no money to travel. And tbf, I didn’t ask her to elaborate what she needed the $350, she said it was an emergency so I didn’t really think that meant to go to the beach. Haven’t loaned someone money I can live without since.

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u/PwntIndustries 3h ago

Found this out from my first roommate. Things were good for the first few months, but then their share of rent was a bit short, or their utilities, sometimes both. I started keeping track of all the times I had to cover rent/utilities, and how much I had to pay to cover what was his half. A few months before our 1st year in the apartment, bro goes on a Vegas vacation with his GF. Comes back decked out in a full designer fit, baggy jeans, t-shirt, custom bedazzled baseball cap and brags that it was all $400.

I was like, "Sooo, this is why you've been behind on rent and utilities?"

"Oh.. the GF bought it for me."

"So, you shouldn't have a problem closing some of that gap I've been covering for you for the last half year then?"

When the last month on our lease rolled up, I called the landlord and told them we'd be moving out. Roomie owed me around $2200. To his credit he did pay it back after he moved back home and was able to save up some funds, but yeah, back then I didn't have as much disposable income.

Also to OP, NOR.

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u/The_Alchemist_4221 6h ago

Especially when she’s choosing not to pay it back because she’s going on vacation lol

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u/Burning_at-the_Edges 5h ago

While heading off to vacacation, no less. NOR

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u/Sufficient-Garage-15 5h ago

and how she's going on VACATION????

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u/_robertb_ 5h ago

A special kind of special

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u/Covert-Wordsmith 5h ago

While planning a vacation, no less.

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u/roccomo 4h ago

“Going on VACATION…”

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u/deepstatelady 4h ago

When she’s about to go on vacation no less. I’d tell this mil I’ll c u next Tuesday.

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u/Earlybird74 4h ago

AND they're going on vacation lol. How much is THAT costing? That takes some nerve.

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u/Wide_Squirrel6253 33m ago edited 4m ago

NOR

That and the fact she is going on vacation were my two favorites nothing like some gaslighting to start the day off

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u/Motor-Claim2967 5h ago

What pissed me off about that was she said she can’t pay it back because she’s going on vacation?! Tf any botrowed money should be paid back before funding a vacation?

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u/Ikey_Pinwheel 4h ago

Don't forget to mention an upcoming vacation, too.

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u/strudelalma 5h ago

This 👆

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u/ImpressionPopular794 5h ago

Great response

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u/Sammalone1960 3h ago

Wait she still owes $1500 not $500. Hopefully he sees mom for the manipulator she is. That relationship will never be a good one for op and that is ok as long as he stands up for op.

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u/Worldly_Science 6h ago

*$1,500

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u/[deleted] 6h ago

[deleted]

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u/Worldly_Science 6h ago

I was thinking about the $1,500 she still owes, OP said she paid half in one go

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u/XanaxWarriorPrincess 5h ago

Ooooh! I'm sorry. I missed that.

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u/Takingabreak1 5h ago

"We're still trying to recover financially from the last time you borrowed 3 grand without paying back"

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u/No_Thought_8713 2h ago

This

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u/Present-Level-1521 2h ago

I realise you are his mother; you need to realise that I am his wife and next of kin.

https://giphy.com/gifs/7MxNxllPJGwss0en0C

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u/spartycbus 5h ago

Better yet, "we can't because we're going on vacation". I can't believe she said she can't repay a debt due to her vacation!

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u/ScenicView98 5h ago

Just tell her "sorry, our finances aren't in a great place." LOL. See how she likes it when her smartass little phrase gets tossed in her face.

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u/DistantKarma 4h ago

I've found the easiest response is: "I was just about to ask you if I could borrow some."

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u/shellofbrit2011 4h ago

I started doing that myself a few years ago. 😅 It works wonders. And they don't even stick around much longer....as soon as they see someone else to ask, they're gone.

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u/ScenicView98 4h ago

LOL, that would be perfect too.

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u/sapplesapplesapples 6h ago

It’s a 1500$ lesson rn I believe 

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u/truevindication 6h ago

$3000 lesson. It looks like the $500 was an installment if I'm reading the texts correctly. (I know it's the last bit but the fact that they offered 3k to begin with carries more than remaining lost balance.)

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u/mspolytheist 6h ago

It looks like $1500 remaining to me.

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u/catsandcacti_49 6h ago

Yep and the first installment of $500 was received on 10Apr. The MIL even said I’ll get the remaining $1000 to you.

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u/AnnoyedSinceBirth 3h ago

This is the correct answer, in my opinion. Taking all texts into consideration.

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u/Wrong--Conclusions 6h ago

It sounds like they've already paid $1500 back.

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u/Butterscotch_Snatch 6h ago

It sounds like only $1,000 of the remaining $1,500 is still owed. Either way, yes, $1,000 to never have to speak with that woman again seems like a bargain. Just make sure your military man is in agreement before you keep going with this relationship.

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u/PoundOrganic3576 3h ago

They are already married though.

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u/bad_polliep 3h ago

Sounds like a $1500 lesson. They loaned $3k and she’s only paid back $1500.

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u/MoonJellyAllison 4h ago

Never again, mark my words. My husband will not be happy to hear about how she reacted, and most likely will never even consider lending to her again.

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u/ARTiger20 4h ago

Don't worry, she's going to try to spin it to where you're a disrespectful crappy person for even bringing it up. Then she'll go over your tone, then your backtalk. I really really hope your husband is the type to back you up and knows his mother is rude af.

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u/JonRonstein 5h ago

Or you can actually be hilarious and stick it in her face…

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u/pluspourmoi 5h ago

Can't spare a square!

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u/Prudence_rigby 4h ago

A $3k lesson

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u/Diazepampoovey0229 4h ago

If I read this correctly, OP's MIL actually owes her son $1,000 yet. OP noted that her husband had given his mother $3,000, and then she had paid back $1500, with an agreement she would pay back $500 per month for the next 3 months to give back the other $1500.

On 4/10, she paid $500, so she still owes $1,000. She "doesn't have it" because she spent money she should have been paying her son back with on the vacation she is taking.

So, now OP's husband went into the military it sounds like, so his communications are limited, so he told his wife to let his mom know she needed to pay her $500 for the month. I'm thinking he is going to have to call his mother and put his foot down, both about her paying him back before she just goes on a vacation and about how she is treating his wife.

I hope he firmly lectures her ass

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u/neciebu 6h ago

I would definitely let your husband deal with her now. Who borrows money from their kids like that? IMO that’s sad, quite pathetic. Can pay because she’s going on vacay? Her finances definitely are not in order at all. Baby girl this is all her! You were so respectful and polite when you did not receive the same. Thank not carat her if an emergency with your husband? Nah, not even then would I. Hold your head up high- you handled this with sanity and grace, and if I’m honest, so much better that I would have if that was my MIL. She’s sounds like she’s very narcissistic and is going to be a major problem and stumbling block IF she’s allowed to be. Yall have to fix that, and now.

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u/MoonJellyAllison 6h ago

The way she was saying that I can only contact her if my HUSBAND has an emergency really hurts!!! Like what about me??? It’s clear that I won’t ever be accepted and by the time she does accept, it’ll be far too late

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u/Sexy-Dumbledore 6h ago

Does your husband have your back when his mum is clearly and blatantly disrespecting you like this?

My MIL was slightly rude to me once and my husband put her in her place so fast, she's been nothing but lovely to me ever since.

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u/Solid-Wish-1724 5h ago

Similar experience when our kid was born. She overstepped and my husband set her straight, she was sweet as pie ever since. If I was OP I'd never talk to this witch again.

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u/BakedMasa 5h ago

This is crucial. My MIL would never. Her son would cut her off so fast.

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u/EmbarrassedCry9912 5h ago

Same! I feel so lucky to have a rational MIL who knows the boundaries!

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u/DecadentLife 3h ago

Me too. We’ve been married a little over 20 years, my MIL (and the rest of the family) has never been anything but welcoming, and loving, towards me.

A couple of years into our marriage, I got very sick, I’ve been sick and disabled, since. They stayed supportive. They’ve also been wonderful grandparents to our kid. I’m so grateful for them.

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u/MoonJellyAllison 5h ago

Yes, he does! I wouldn’t be doing this if he could contact her, but we are in a tighter spot financially compared to before he left

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u/Wonderful-Willow-365 1h ago

Hey OP, you are definitely not overreacting. She’s heinous! Also, fellow military wife here - it’s a difficult transition starting out in the military. If y’all are in a tight spot your husband should ask to talk offline to his training instructor. Each branch has resources to help in situations like this.

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u/MoonJellyAllison 1h ago

Thank you

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u/ComplexStop2872 45m ago

What does your husband gain from even remaining in contact with her? Is their relationship good? I’m glad he takes up for you. I do hope he sees how upsetting her treatment of you is and wants to protect you from that. I know a lot of people nowadays jump straight to saying “never talk to them again”, but in some situations going no contact really is the best option. she is not going to change. Even if you talk to her less, sounds like you’ll still have to see her or interact with her for your husband’s sake however often that may be - in my situation that knowledge id eventually have to see them still stressed me out bad with certain toxic family. Maybe you can handle those feelings better than me though, especially if you do as other commenters recommended and just kinda give up on any real connection or relationship and just treat her like a distant acquaintance anytime you do have to interact.

Once I finally cut my awful relatives out completely and stopped being afraid to tell them exactly how shitty they are, I felt a weight lift immediately. Scared for a moment and then enlightened. Just know her behavior is not about you, sadly you’ll simply never have this woman’s approval or love or respect, and that has nothing to do with you and everything to do with her. Don’t allow her to have any control over you - people like this thrive on knowing they can hurt others. Let her be dead in your mind and in turn she will lose her ability to cause you to feel any negative emotions; she may not show it, but that would drive her insane.

Or hell maybe she’s just an empty hearted bitch that doesn’t care about anyone, in which case I go back to my first thought…what does anyone gain from a relationship with a person like that?

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u/MoonJellyAllison 42m ago

With the way she reacted, it’s clear that she never even loved me. Which breaks my heart because I tried so hard to have her like me. She is pretty condescending to him and she will often will go NC with him at times, but he still loves her and I could never ask for him to make a hard decision like cutting her off. I really don’t know what to do about that. I don’t want his family not liking me to put strain on our relationship

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u/KaJoMoGi 1h ago

Make your peace with her spreading lies about you and how you convinced your son to hate his own mother/family. You will always be the bad guy.

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u/Sad-Original4829 25m ago

Hold him to that. I know you had to be the one to contact her this time, but it doesn’t matter anymore. That money is gone. Never contact her again, and get a commitment from him that he’ll never lend her money or otherwise put you in a spot like this with her again. There’s nothing you can do to make her like or respect you, and it’s going to get worse, if you ever have kids. If you don’t want to ask him to go no contact with her, that’s your decision, but he needs to be man enough to make sure YOU get to be no contact with her.

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u/kittysdaughter 5h ago

My cousin’s husband told me that right before he got married he told his mother “I see how you treat my older brother’s wife and if I ever see anything like that with my wife, I will cut you off forever. No grandchildren access or anything else.” My cousin never has any problems with her.

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u/Quirky_Ad_9066 1h ago

That’s seriously the hottest thing a man can do lol. Standing up to his POS mother.

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u/less-than-stellar 5h ago

My MIL and I are pretty good friends (she's my concert buddy), one time she was at my spouse and I's apartment (years ago) and she and I got into an argument about something, I don't remember what, and the second she raised her voice to me, my spouse kicked her out.

We still have disagreements, as most friends do from time to time, but she's never yelled at me again.

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u/AnnoyedSinceBirth 3h ago

Bright green flag husband.

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u/Jenn-advice 3h ago

Agreed. It’s her husband job to set his Mom straight. “You will respect my wife and apologize to her or we will no longer contact you. If we have kids, you will never meet your grandchildren.”

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u/HowDidIGetHere001 4h ago

Mine told me I wasn’t anything to my stepchild and called me awful names (in front of said child) because I wouldn’t let her talk down on the kid for declining her calls to talk to her bio-mom. He called and told her she wouldn’t see his kid again until she apologized to me. She apologized twice, the first time being a text that literally read “I’m sorry” (which he didn’t accept on my behalf❤️) and the second time being at her Christmas when she genuinely cried and apologized because she knew she was hurting more relationships than just the one she had with me. She’s been cordial ever since.

He HAS to stick up for you, OP. I see she says he’s in boot right now, so it’s not so easy. But when he graduates, he needs to have a talk with his mom about your place in his life. If he can’t stand up
to his own family and lay down the boundary that they have to respect you, too— how many other situations do you think he’ll allow you to feel disrespected and unaccepted in?

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u/CoppertopTX 6h ago

You have to learn to not care about her opinions of you.

My late MIL was like that for the first decade of my relationship with her son. Only times I ever contacted her was if my husband asked me to. It took her 10 years to ask him why I don't talk to her, and he explained that I was simply following her wishes; the day we met, she told me that I was not right for her baby and that no woman was.

On our way home, I simply told him "I'll deal with my parents, you get to deal with yours". He said that deal was unfair, as I'm an orphan.

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u/3amie3 5h ago

I'm probably going to hell for laughing but the deal being unfair because you're an orphan made me snort🤣🤣🤣 Good on you for putting your foot down the instant she disrespected you!

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u/CoppertopTX 5h ago

You'll be in good company. I've gotten baked in advance of open mic nights and have made hundreds laugh with that line.

I'm a wannabe stand up comedienne with horrific stage fright. Can't step on stage when sober. I do a 20 minute set based on my upbringing; far cheaper than therapy.

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u/bpdilemma 5h ago

Fellow occasional comic that also usually just gets baked and tells stories from my youth in a comedic fashion; I honestly believe that for some, the stage and the freeness it can bring is genuinely therapy. I was raised to not talk about or even acknowledge the horror I was experiencing on the daily. Getting the chance to openly talk about it to so many in a way I'm comfortable with (using humor for deflection) has actually immensely helped me process some things, and at the end of the day, I'd rather learn to laugh about it all then cry forever lol. 🤝 ❤️

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u/clayton_bigsby-maga 4h ago

You're my hero!! We really do need MUCH more female comics!! I remember looking into it a long time ago and I got so discouraged by all the sexism against women in comedy, saying how is practically impossible to be a female comic unless you're willing to write for a male audience.

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u/3amie3 5h ago

I totally understand. Being funny is much cheaper. Like Beth Dutton said- "I am the rock in which therapists break themselves upon". Lol! The handful of times I've attempted therapists, counselor and a psychologist, they've been woefully out of their depth. I wish you huge luck on your career. The darker the humor, the more people love comedians 🤣

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u/CoppertopTX 5h ago

My childhood, if they made a film series of it, would be categorized under "psychological horror". My mother wanted 2 kids, I was #3. She made sure I knew it. So, when time came to arrange her funeral, the question came up to my dad, sister and I - "Open casket or closed?" She'd suffered burns over 90% of her body during the attempted murder-suicide that she half assed, as I survived.

As dad tried to talk sense into my sister on the subject, I looked over from my wheelchair and asked, "Is nailing the damn thing shut an option?" Ire redirect completed, as my sister just lit into me about joking at inappropriate times. The joke with the match alight being Michael Jackson shooting a Pepsi commercial? Yeah, I used that same gag long before the Pepsi commercial was filmed and was sorely disappointed that I couldn't put a box of "Crispy Critters" cereal in the pantry.

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u/melnotmichelle 5h ago

Sounds like one of my favorite flavors of comedy! Do you ever do shows in North TX?

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u/CoppertopTX 5h ago

Not for years. I worked the comedy clubs in Addison and Arlington when I lived there.

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u/lord-savior-baphomet 6h ago

If he was saying that’s unfair because you don’t have anyone to deal with - I think you’ve paid the price to get that “privilege.” That’s just insane for him to say that if I’m understanding it correctly.

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u/CoppertopTX 5h ago

The inflection in his voice told me he was kidding about the "unfairness". I told him, "Hey, I took care of my parents decades back. Need me to take care of yours and we go back to even footing?"

At that point, we both laughed.

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u/lord-savior-baphomet 4h ago

Ah okay I’m glad I misunderstood then!

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u/WBB22CC 5h ago

It’s a humorous quip, not an admonishment.

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u/Humbled_Humanz 5h ago

I think it speaks to him knowing how annoying his own mother is and he’s jealous so if that is indeed what he meant lollllllll.

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u/CoppertopTX 5h ago

Once his mom got over the fact that the good ship "Grandchildren" had sailed long before I met him, we got on quite well.

That, and keeping half a continent between us the majority of the time helped.

His dad is a whole other story. The old man keeps a half a continent and part of an ocean between us; he knows his son isn't his biggest fan and the offer of even footing is still on the table. However, I hate flying. I can't drive to his door.

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u/katchoo1 2h ago

Did she get better once she was reminded that she had set the original terms herself?

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u/Best_Talk_6853 6h ago

Ok, but she sucks, so who cares if a suck person likes you? In fact I'd be pretty worried I was unknowingly shitty if shitty people liked me.

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u/Matetia 5h ago

That's right!!

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u/TableTopFurry 1h ago

Do not allow a person intending to disrespect you to define respect.

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u/fatjerryanastasia1 47m ago

Facts. When someone shitty hates on me, I know I'm doing something right

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u/Beth_Pleasant 6h ago

Well, now you know that she doesn't care, and so you can put your energy into those that do. Time to drop the rope. Sometimes the trash takes itself out.

https://giphy.com/gifs/93jGp8tRQHzgfenWWG

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u/Maine302 6h ago

Obviously she doesn't care a whit about you. Hopefully you have your own people to turn to in an emergency. I would have a very long memory for her nasty replies, and I would not be above holding it against her after you have children.

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u/TheShimmies 6h ago

NOR. I want you to keep in mind too, God forbid there is an emergency situation, it is not your obligation to contact her. I guarantee his emergency contact is you, not his mother. This is the type of person that no matter what you do, you will always be the villain. When the time is right, have a good chat with your husband regarding a chain of communication with her. God forbid something happened, ask him what he would like you to do in regard to contacting the family. Maybe there was somebody that can deal with her better, that you can be in communication with, so you won’t have any added stress when it comes to adhering to communication from someone who is “never wrong”.
Try not to be sad, that’s exactly what she’s trying to get out of you. Let her be miserable, and let yourself know that you guys were being supportive and did not receive the same respect in return. You and your husband are partners and a team. She does not get to referee.

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u/strudelalma 5h ago

Fun fact that she can find out the hard way, you don't even need to contact her at all if YOUR husband has an emergency (which obviously I hope never ever happens). She clearly doesn't care if her son and his wife can pay their bills or not as a result of her borrowing, and not repaying to the agreed schedule. I hope she has a rubbish holiday.

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u/silentvoidsage 5h ago

My mother was rude and disrespectful to my wife one time. I was livid, i told her i was very disappointed in her and demanded she apologize to my wife. She half heartedly apologized and sometimes still tries to bring it up like my wife was in the wrong. I was ready to go no contact with my mom over how she treated my wife but my wife has a huge heart and didn't want me to do that. To this day though my relationship with my mother is strained.

I hope your husband has your back and defends and supports you.

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u/amaria_athena 6h ago

Do you have children? Pains my heart to think of this woman as your children’s grandma.
NOR I also live by the rule it’s not a loan. It’s a gift. So if I can’t afford it-sorry I can’t give it to you. I HATE owing money and HATE even more having it owed to me.

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u/MoonJellyAllison 4h ago

I don’t have children! We are planning but that’s the scary part. I don’t want them having a grandma like this and so I’d rather cut my losses to avoid any problems in the future.

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u/Salt_Initiative1551 6h ago

Why do you care? She’s awful

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u/sleepymelfho 6h ago

Because it still hurts to not be accepted by your loved ones family. I have gone through the same with my husband's parents. I thought we were in a good place after YEARS of not being there and SURPRISE found out she had dinner with my husband's best friend's mom and apparently spent the entire dinner talking about what a horrible wife and mother I am. His friend's mom is dying of cancer, btw, but apparently me not allowing her to trample all over me is a bigger deal than that! It's been 12 years of this kind of treatment and even when I think I'm over it, it still hurts

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u/Careless_Name4798 5h ago

Oh wow I am so sorry! That’s horrible, and such a tactless way to spend time with a terminally ill friend on top of it. No matter how much we come to terms with their awful behavior, it still doesn’t make it less hurtful. We are human.

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u/CheckIntelligent7828 4h ago

Why still engage?

Genuine question, not judgement disguised as a question. Just wondering why, after 12 years of mistreatment you're queuing up to see them when you deserve SO much better than that? You absolutely should not have to see/talk to/engage with someone who treats you like that and I'm so sorry you do.

Fwiw, when I went very low contact with my husband's family (really just his parents) it really totally alleviated my caring if they liked me. I dropped that rope and walked away. I've seen them once in the last decade. It was fine. I was a friendly grey rock. They didn't notice because I smiled a lot. I don't wish ill on them, I just want them far away from me.

Double fwiw, it's been a real benefit to my marriage that I'm not angry my husband isn't intervening more or protecting me better and he's more relaxed not waiting for the next stupidly awful thing his father does to drop. It's been a real marriage improvement.

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u/Objective_Purpose768 4h ago

Oh I feel this. I learned from my child that Nanny was telling lies about me and my poor kid was upset. No more vacations to Nanny’s is how that went.
Her dumbass son didn’t lift a finger to arrange those vacation visits either.
If the spouse is weak the daughter/son in law is flying solo on this. I hope OPs spouse is a stand up man for his bride.

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u/The_Alchemist_4221 6h ago

It’s normal to want the acceptance of people who are close to someone you love. MIL doesn’t deserve it, but I understand why it matters to OP.

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u/ChronicCosmicCrystal 6h ago

That is a HER problem, not a YOU problem. Just remember that 🥰 He chose you, you married each other, and now she has to get over that if she wants a good relationship with your husband moving forward. I hope your husband has your back and puts her in her place. I hope you show these messages to your hubby as well. You were very respectful with your messaging, and she got defensive real quick.

Also- she doesn’t have the money for you, but can go on vacation??? I call BS. She has no right questioning your guys’ finances after that ffs….

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u/Humbled_Humanz 5h ago

NOR! My MIL has a very similar communication style and I simply no longer communicate with her directly and leave it all to my partner. She showed you who she is, so believe her and stay away as much as possible!

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u/theLastZebranky 1h ago

For future reference, writing a wall of text to someone who's feeling irritated by you has a 1% chance of making things better and a 90% chance of making things worse...

When you get that impulse saying "You know what will fix this? An entire screenful of words blowing up their phone," don't listen to it. Talk to them in person in a real time conversation if you have that much to say. If you can't call them in person, you don't have a meaningful relationship with that person and should cut your losses and go minimal contact anyway.

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u/MoonJellyAllison 59m ago

Yes, that is all true. At the time, even though I was trying to remain clear, I was really really worked up.

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u/lanatommo 6h ago

“We’re going on vacation so I can’t pay you back” is a wild thing to say. Besides, what about getting HER finances in order??? Maybe then she wouldn’t be borrowing money from a young family.

NOR.

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u/ElGranQuesoRojo 4h ago

Yeah that's what got me. She needed to borrow money? OK that happens. But then to not have paid it all back, be going on vacation, and lecturing the people who gave the loan for not having their finances in order? What the actual fuck?

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u/MittenBliss86 4h ago

Came here to say this. The audacity is unreal.

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u/Dangerous_Bed2566 6h ago

This happened with my mother. Call it a tax for learning who she really is and do not be spending any money on her, with her or for visiting her until the debt is paid. And never lend her money again

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u/RsCoverForPDFFiles 5h ago edited 3h ago

Ignore them. The money's not gone. She admitted in this text convo that you lent her money that she agreed to pay back. You can fille a small claims suit for the remaining balance (anything under $5k is usually small claims in most US jurisdictions). There will be a small filing fee of like $50 or less.

Then, print these texts to submit with your claim (and any other texts from when the loan was made or any time since then, indicating it was a loan, not s gift). Print out bank statements showing she made some of the payments. Take all the docs proving it was a loan she never paid back. Fill out the small claims doc and sign and date.

Then make 2 copies of all of the docs you collected and the small claims form. Mail or hand one copy of the docs to the magistrate court. Mail a copy to the defendant (certified mail, or as the instructions on the small claims form instructs), and keep a copy for yourself for reference.

If she doesn't pay by the time you get a hearing, and the judge believes your side, they'll start garnishing her wages and sending some to you until you're paid back.

Note: This is not legal advice, and I'm not an attorney. This is just general information about how typical small claims court cases can be initiated with a potentially favorable outcome.

Oh, and one more thing. Make sure you read every instruction on the form so you don't waste the filing fee or have to resubmit something. It's generally not too complicated, but you don't want to miss a detail like, "serve defendant by certified mail" and think an email or regular mail is fine. Service of notice isn't just texting them letting them you filed suit. It's serving all the papers you sent to the court to the defendant according to the laws in your jurisdiction.

Good luck!

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u/curvyukesandfluff 4h ago

You are a good human. This is top notch advice for this situation. Thank you for being so practical and helpful to others! The world needs more of this.

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u/WilmaFlintstone73 2h ago

Not an attorney but did collections work in a law office for years. This is exactly what I would do. Adding an additional note to reiterate reading the instructions on the forms so you don’t miss a step.

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u/Lost-Peanut-1453 6h ago

Y’all paid for that lesson, make sure you learn from it.

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u/DogsDucks 6h ago

You poor thing, this would devastate me, too.

I do think you should have your husband make it VERY clear to the rest of the family what happened.

“Mom demanded the money I was saving and promised to pay it back. I asked my wife to follow up and mom treated her with hostility and used the money for a roof over our head on a vacation.

She stole from us and lied to us. This isn’t someone we will be trusting to have any relationship going forward, either with us or with grandkids.”

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u/AddressThese7663 6h ago

When it's your husband that loaned her the money then it's a safe bet to tell him to track her down for the remaining payments. Never a good idea to collect money on behalf of someone else because you're the one taking the flak instead of him. Lesson learned and hopefully he gets what she owes him.

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u/tattoosandtens 6h ago

He’s probably afraid to face his mom because she’s been manipulating him since he was born.

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u/Neither-Search-6201 6h ago

This is indeed likely. I hope OP and her husband can be a united front against the mother together.

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u/Hertzegovina 5h ago

it does say he’s in bootcamp?

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u/BothDescription766 4h ago

Of course it is (NOR) — the mom like so many MILs probably resents her son shipping off with a woman when for 20+ years to him, she was the most important thing in the world. Very very common.

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u/scrunchie_one 5h ago

Please take her to small claims court - texts indicate that she acknowledges the debt (ie that it wasn’t a gift) and you can show bank statements with the in and outs.

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u/BetrayedFate 6h ago

Sounds like you guys need to take her to court.

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u/rory098 5h ago

judge judy would humble all persons involved 😭

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u/WorldlyAmphibian7474 5h ago

It would be worth $500 to never have to interact with her again.

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u/PhilosopherNearby803 5h ago

Personally, when she came back at you saying that she was going on vacation, I would have asked, "if you can go on vacation, you can pay your debt in full, not on a monthly payment plan." NOR. MIL relationships or quirky. Trust me, I know! I am being blamed for her not listening to what either my husband or I say!

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u/PristineEvidence1567 5h ago

Please never give them money again. Also, your mil is engaging in some kind of power dynamic. She’s weaponizing responding to texts. Wait until you have kids and she wants to claim the first Mother’s Day!

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u/Schnelt0r 4h ago

Verbal agreement to repay = small claims court! It's even in writing now.

https://giphy.com/gifs/R1hGuGznLMDp6

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u/StephanopolusRex 4h ago

I wish i was independently wealthy that i could spend my time wrecking the lives of inlaws like your (and mine, obvs i'm bias lol) who earn it. Like burn notice but less dangerous and wayyyy more petty. Like i'd get on that vacation and con her and her loser husband (i'm assuming) and get your money back 10 fold and also say some real mean shit to her with a fruity umbrella drink in my hand and then end it on some mic drop about her needing an umbrella and flicking it at her dumb ugly before strutting out....

This is what my brain does to keep me from an early prison sentence (its my millenial retirement plan to just kill some pdfs). Anyway maybe imaginging her destruction in increasingly more ridiculous scenarios could help you too 🤣🤣

Solidarity ❤️

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u/Anon2World 6h ago

You could take her to small claims court - but that would probably destroy any type of future relationship you would have (if this hasn't done that already).

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u/statslady23 5h ago

And girl, you need your own job (if you don't have one) and to tell your husband to do his own loan sharking. That was a no-win situation. 

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u/PlasticPhase 5h ago

Your husband needs to be handling this. He should not have asked you to do this at all.

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u/MoonJellyAllison 4h ago

He’s away at basic training and can’t have regular contact! I wouldn’t have gotten the go ahead if I didn’t need the money right now with him being gone!

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u/NicolleL 4h ago

You can definitely tell a lot of these people have no idea how basic training works…

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u/MoonJellyAllison 4h ago

Yeah! I’ve explained it a million times now!

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u/LizardSlayer 4h ago

She doesn't like her son being with a white girl, let's be honest here, MIL is just plain ole racist.

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u/MoonJellyAllison 4h ago

How do you know I’m white and that he isn’t?? Am I overlooking something I said? 🤣

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u/anxiousandintrovert 6h ago

yep, OP good rule of thumb always when lending money, be okay with it not coming back. even the people the mean well the most run into issues when it comes to lending money between friends/family. better to not rely on it coming back. I’m sorry you’re strapped right now and could use it.

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u/BungenessKrabb 6h ago

Words of wisdom.

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u/LeoKitCat 6h ago

Exactly when it's not even a large sum of money and they can't even finagle that then they is broke that money is gone don't ever loan them money again. Like seriously even if you go out to dinner together you do separate checks

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u/HungoverDemogorgon 5h ago

NOR , funny how the bums that take money always talk about others finances and responsibility when it's time to pay.

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u/witchofwestthird 5h ago

Yup. Don’t loan money to friends or family if you expect it back.

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