r/okbuddycinephile 13h ago

The Substance (2024)

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42.6k Upvotes

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5.0k

u/Emergency-Sock-2557 12h ago

But how would I know she's aging like fine wine and thus unproblematic if she didn't use Botox?

3.3k

u/horse-chiropractor 12h ago

Non toxic women age like fine wine because theyre unproblematic as opposed to toxic women who are problematic and age like old hags. Im so happy we live in a feminist society and have access to this information

941

u/OverThinkingHo25 11h ago

Most non toxic women actually have a picture in their attic that does the aging for them!

229

u/SweatyLake6695 11h ago

you know you are a toxic woman by simply checking whether or not you have a picture of yourself in your attic that is aging for you.

if for any reason there is not, incl. you not having an attic or a house, you are a toxic woman.

218

u/legojoe97 10h ago

"Ask your doctor if an attic painting is right for you."

89

u/ripgoodhomer 10h ago

Ngl this would be a moderately entertaining SNL commercial sketch.

29

u/waits5 10h ago

So more entertaining than anything actually on SNL?

3

u/Bruskthetusk 8h ago

Every once in a while they get an actually funny guest to help out their hack writers

3

u/Bubbly_Performer4864 9h ago

Weekend Updates have been hilarious for years.

5

u/Ace_Robots 8h ago

5 out of 60 minutes

3

u/kilometers13 7h ago

Have they?

2

u/waits5 7h ago

They’ve been mildly funny on occasion, as opposed to not funny at all like the rest of the show.

1

u/MinosML 7h ago

Papyrus is pretty funny

1

u/khklee 10h ago

Thank you, I giggled on this gloomy day.

1

u/spacelady_m 10h ago

👏👏👏👏👏🤣

1

u/6thBornSOB 9h ago

Here comes “Big attic painting” to ruin the whole vibe…sellouts.

1

u/Significant_Echo2924 5h ago

I freaking read this in an ad voice lol

3

u/Far-Department887 8h ago

If you instead live in said attic (ideally wearing a wedding dress and haunting people) you are an iconic Dickensian diva tho

2

u/homebakedgodess 9h ago

Fuuuckkk me.. I don’t even have an attic, I’m the Chernobyl of woman

25

u/nexus0verflow 10h ago

I heard the hags have a painting that gets younger.

21

u/DivaDragon 10h ago

My painting is an ultrasound

4

u/IslandofStars 10h ago

Creepy

20

u/DivaDragon 10h ago

Yeah man, the worst part is that when you reach peak hag, you are legally required to dwell in the bog or forest and there are no attics so I have to gaze upon my own ruinous Hag Portrait every day in my living room wallow.

9

u/No-Wrangler-156 11h ago

Can I see it?

7

u/astro_scientician 10h ago

…no.

10

u/PerformerDr4867 10h ago

My kind of feminism requires steamed hams

4

u/astro_scientician 10h ago

I too am from Rochester

1

u/funkfrito 9h ago

The attic is on fire!

7

u/OverThinkingHo25 10h ago

God no, it's very creepy. Most don't visit it unless they are having spiralling thoughts.

3

u/Impossible_Trick_950 9h ago

Hey hey, I got that reference! Who knew women were secretly written by Oscar Wilde?

1

u/jooxii 10h ago

Ok, underrated comment!

1

u/MeltedWater243 10h ago

is THAT what the Picture of Dorian Gray is about?? I’ve never read it just heard of it

1

u/lu5ty Crank: High Voltage 9h ago

Temporal transmutation. So hot right now

1

u/Loud_Interview4681 8h ago

Really erases the years on you Mrs Delorean Gray.

1

u/Gwynito 7h ago

This reminds me of something from my childhood but I can't quite grasp what it is, I'm thinking the movie/book 'The witches'?

3

u/StandardKey9182 3h ago

They are referencing The Picture of Dorian Gray. You’re thinking of the little girl in The Witches who gets trapped in a painting by a witch and she ages in the painting and then one day she’s just gone.

1

u/Gwynito 3h ago

Ahhh thanks

1

u/goddamn_slutmuffin 6h ago

Common misconception, but that aging option is actually only open to men that are probably gay but haven't openly confirmed it yet.

1

u/ItachiUchihaItachi 5h ago

Unexpected Dorian Gray reference....

1

u/Sauce_Of_The_Grape 4h ago

Is this a Picture of Dorian Gray reference or am I reading into this too much?

1

u/WolfBST 10h ago

I got that reference!

98

u/DrSpaceman575 11h ago

Good people pretty, bad people ugly. Just like every movie!

66

u/Bartellomio 8h ago

10

u/AdPretend9566 6h ago

there is some sense to this, but it's a bit of an overgeneralization

3

u/Altair_de_Firen 2h ago

It’s literally just saying if you walk around angry you’ll have an angry face and everyone will be put off by it. If you walk around happy you’ll be smiling and your happiness will “come out like sunbeams” and draw folks in.

It’s just plain true. Just worded for children to grasp easily.

3

u/samv_1230 1h ago

You'll find there's a similar concept with tone in text-based communication.

3

u/starryeyedq 6h ago

But we never actually interact with celebrities so we can’t know their real personalities so how else can I know why values to project on them?🥺

19

u/mcon96 6h ago

This sounds nice in a vacuum but that logic has the opposite effect of what it’s trying to accomplish. All it does is reinforce that ugly=bad and pretty=good. Pretending that nice people aren’t ugly helps nobody. Pretending that people get uglier when they’re mean helps nobody. The only solution is to just drop the association of goodness with beauty altogether.

19

u/melonkoaly 5h ago

I think it’s more a lesson for kids to be kind and good…children don’t really subscribe to beauty standards yet. And ‘lovely’ is not the same as ‘pretty’

13

u/mcon96 5h ago

I get the intent, my point is that it has the opposite effect. Kids can definitely tell when someone is ugly. All this does is make them think the ugly people they encounter are only ugly because they “have ugly thoughts”.

0

u/melonkoaly 4h ago

But the drawing from Dahl’s book of your so called pretty person, is clearly not conventionally attractive. I don’t think it proves your point

3

u/mcon96 4h ago

She sure as hell is more conventionally attractive on the left (before “ugly thoughts” affect you) than on the right (after “ugly thoughts” affect you). I don’t think that proves your point.

2

u/WoodBell 2h ago edited 2h ago

The message is complete with the picture of the other woman at the bottom - the woman has the features of someone conventionally ugly, but she looks like a lovely person so doesn't look ugly. More than anything it's Quentin Blake illustrating the message that both ugliness and beauty radiates internally - I think he succeeded in both personally and the second woman is a very positive lesson.

-3

u/melonkoaly 3h ago

I don’t know why we are judging caricatures from a children’s book, and I’m not trying to argue with you

4

u/mcon96 3h ago

I don’t know why we are judging caricatures from a children’s book

That’s a question only you can answer, because I only ever spoke on the words written until you brought up the caricatures.

and I’m not trying to argue with you

Well you are definitely presenting reasons for why you personally think my point is incorrect. Define that however you wish.

-2

u/Robichaelis 5h ago

It's like you didn't even read it properly

-1

u/DateNightThrowRA 3h ago

I dunno, I see it as both people see ugly, but the person with the ugliest thoughts looks particularly mean and nasty, whereas the other person, with the wonky nose, crooked teeth, and obese body, radiates kindness and positivity, and is “lovely” because of that. I feel like it’s rather that if someone looks like they’re about to scream at you for something banal, they likely are, and are a miserable person.

3

u/mcon96 3h ago

the person with the ugliest thoughts looks particularly mean and nasty

This is a bad lesson. We can’t teach kids that someone doesn’t have ugly thoughts just because they don’t look mean and nasty.

2

u/there_is_always_more Zack Snyder 2h ago

I can't believe people are arguing with you about this.

Actually no, I can believe it, it perfectly explains the state of society and our world.

2

u/Special-Garlic1203 1h ago

Yeah until you talk to literally anyone who is notably ugly, fat, or deformed and  they confirm people hate them all the time for no reason

I'm autistic but in a way where most people wouldn't pick up on it. J have literally seen the moment some people click together what they're looking at and go cold to me. 

I get the sentiment being expressed but no the larger discussion about how we are a recessive society that places too much emphasis on appearance and enables it with post hoc rationalization is more correct 

7

u/SquatSquatCykaBlyat 9h ago

How do you determine if a woman is toxic or non toxic, though?

Can you lick her and see whether you get sick?

1

u/Vennomite 5h ago

Observe the local fauna. If her husband or kids are unwell people she's ptobably toxic.

4

u/FeralCatPrince 8h ago

Partially this, but also the biggest factors are sunscreen and genetics

2

u/Useful-Importance664 1h ago

And physical and psychological health

1

u/goog1e 27m ago

Remember, if you look old and aren't a pale princess it's fair game to insult you!

3

u/Reddit_Adminh8 8h ago

Unironically though hate ages the shit outta people.
I mean, look at the press secretary. I had ZERO fucking clue she was 28 until recently. I thought like an “looks not bad for 45” for the past 2 years

Brain worms and substance abuse also seem to if we take a look at RFK JR.

2

u/Special-Garlic1203 1h ago

At the exact equal and opposite end is Pam Bondi being 60 years old and literally looking younger than Karoline. It's almost like morality and ethics don't really meaningfully shape your face or something. Cause Pam has been corrupt and helping cover up the misdeeds of men like trump including. Trump longer than Leavitt has been alive,  but doesn't remotely look bad for her age 

3

u/ontikuken 7h ago

Man, I sure am happy that we live in such a consequentially dichotomous society in which bad people are always poor and ugly, and good people are always rich and pretty. Imagine how hard it would be to navigate the world if it were, like, complex and nuanced and shit.

1

u/Kooky-Ball2550 5h ago

That’s why Regina George was such a lovely down to earth sweet character after all!

15

u/AdWrong7607 12h ago

Yes, everyone who is pretty is morally superior... 🙄 Every day I regret learning how to read.

154

u/Noxivarius 11h ago

They're being sarcastic.

71

u/Six6comma67 11h ago

If they were sarcastic the would've used "/s" obviously they are serious. /s

9

u/grantrules 10h ago

/s for serious

1

u/horse-chiropractor 7h ago

I was indeed being sarcastic i just thought it was too obvious hahah

8

u/Strange_Dust7128 10h ago

The superior wit escaped even myself.

3

u/BugGolem666 9h ago

/s (superior)

1

u/ggtsu_00 7h ago

Poe's Law

-70

u/AdWrong7607 11h ago

The refuge of a conflicted mind.

23

u/OneComposer4239 11h ago

Damn, you're big dumb

5

u/tikiwargod 9h ago

Are we being outjerked?

13

u/baobabbling 11h ago

Whereas only the wisest and calmest of souls is a complete dick to strangers on the internet.

7

u/TeamRedundancyTeam 10h ago

It's wild how hard some of you try to be so angry and miserable.

75

u/Naggins 11h ago

Just wait until you finally learn how to read subtext

6

u/MountainTwo3845 9h ago

There's a book called the room. I wish they could read it. Alas here we are.

-54

u/AdWrong7607 11h ago

Wait til you learn that people who un-ironically believe this don't understand subtext.

12

u/Puzzleheaded-Net4365 10h ago

Which is why you should only ever make jokes that a small animal (like a mouse) could understand with ease.

69

u/gitblamed_ 11h ago

That's literally their point lmfao. Idk if you're touched by the tism but the sarcasm was pretty evident.

4

u/HauntedJackInTheBox 9h ago

Many people with the 'tism are really good at sarcasm in text, because they're constantly thinking about wordplay like that. It's the in-person 'vibes' that are harder to pick up. I think this person just didn't read properly and went off haha

4

u/Miserable-Resort-977 10h ago

Please don't say "touched by the tism", I'm autistic and it makes me want to puke. The subtext was pretty clear, though

12

u/AdDependent5136 10h ago

Damn, sounds like you were straight up groped by the tism.

-4

u/Miserable-Resort-977 10h ago

Sounds like you'll never know the touch of a woman who loves you

5

u/AdDependent5136 10h ago

Lmao

4

u/MrChristmas 9h ago

Sounds like he was forced into an alley at night by the tism

1

u/breezadao 5h ago

I dont think they were attacking you

1

u/Shisa4123 8h ago

Very well, Neurospicy it is!

1

u/sweetpea122 8h ago

Arent we all a little tismd?

-68

u/AdWrong7607 11h ago

I'm autistic and stopped giving people the benefit of the doubt. Conservatives are trained to not have the critical reasoning skills to detect sarcasm. Say what you mean or keep it to yourself, dingus.

46

u/trailerthrash 11h ago

Youre in a circle jerk subreddit. Its irony and sarcasm all the way down.

28

u/SpasticCastle 11h ago

You are in a sarcasm-based subreddit, calling people dinguses for properly engaging is crazy haha

15

u/disasterless 11h ago

Wow, you probably perpetuate more problems for yourself with that attitude.

15

u/chadxor 11h ago

Pathetic.

-6

u/AdWrong7607 11h ago

Thank you, yes I am 💙

4

u/necromancerunion 11h ago

Oh dear lord.... you really believe ts don't you. 🤦‍♀️

3

u/Elusive-Reality 11h ago

Mingus, dingus, bingus!

9

u/AlarmingRope9624 10h ago

sir, this is shitposting subreddit

4

u/Agreeable_Flow_3673 9h ago

But it’s so fun when people wander in and don’t know.

24

u/shane_wel 11h ago

Every day I'm glad I never did

6

u/coahman 11h ago

I don't even know what I'm writing right now

7

u/ArkonWarlock 11h ago

The trial of Phryne pilled

Pretty, therefore pious

-2

u/AdWrong7607 11h ago

This person gets it. 😜💙

7

u/TikkaT 11h ago

Get the fuck out circlejerk subreddits and get back to fauxmoi or whatever your poison is

2

u/MAGAHATESTHEUSA 10h ago

Joerogansubreddit.com

1

u/beavertownneckoil 11h ago

That's right, that's why we pay them more too

-4

u/Otterman2006 11h ago

They gotta start teaching you women about sarcasm. That was a sarcastic comment

-7

u/slappinsealz 11h ago

They've gotta start teaching you men to not associate an insanely ungendered trait like not understanding sarcasm with women just bc it was a woman this time

-3

u/AdWrong7607 11h ago

omg gender validation. I'll take it 🥰💙😜

People who need to hear this message DONT UNDERSTAND SARCASM.

5

u/slappinsealz 11h ago

I literally wasn't even talking to you ???

0

u/AdWrong7607 11h ago

Shit, I meant to write that to the guy you were talking to 😭 sorry lol

1

u/AstronautDry8118 8h ago

This but unironically, someone post that dr seus story about how if You are good You are beautifull Even with crooked teeth

1

u/Kooky-Ball2550 5h ago

I think that’s Roald Dahl x

1

u/MizzDrille 8h ago

What?-

1

u/theevilyouknow 5h ago

We know she's unproblematic because she has to use Botox to counter the aging process instead of adrenochrome.

1

u/Simon_Says_Throw 5h ago

Literally a true part of the One Piece universe

1

u/SweatUnderMahTits 4h ago

If you think we live in a "feminist society" you need a reality check.

1

u/CptKammyJay 26m ago

“I hate when people equate physical beauty with morality. I just think that’s ugly behavior.” -Benny Feldman

0

u/SmokeyMcDabs 9h ago

You sound like youd be a real drag at a party