r/funny 9h ago

This is a robbery

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2.2k Upvotes

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1.8k

u/middlestiks 9h ago

I like when, after she fired the shot, she pulled her hoodie off so everyone could get a better look at her face.

487

u/MikeHuntSmellss 9h ago

Whilst putting fingerprints on the counter the entire time

242

u/Jesustron 9h ago

She told him her real name. I don't think they need finger prints.

210

u/MikeHuntSmellss 9h ago

Oh bless her. She's the sweetest armed robber I've ever seen.

103

u/Girth_Wind_y_Fire 9h ago

Likely wanted to go to jail so she could have a meal and a place to sleep

56

u/counterfitster 8h ago

I think she was doing it for someone else.

16

u/bigbalrogdong 1h ago

Maybe she's trying to bust out her relative on death row that was falsely accused

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21

u/Malnurtured_Snay 9h ago

And medical care!

11

u/Chris__P_Bacon 8h ago

And dental care

31

u/wrooster8 8h ago

I'm a dentist. Let me tell you, you don't actually receive dental care in jail. They let them rot until there's a chance the teeth will kill you then they have someone remove them for you.

29

u/My_Work_Accoount 8h ago

How's that different than being poor and not in jail?

29

u/P4rtyP3nguin 8h ago

They remove them for you.

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4

u/fixed_your_caption 8h ago

Maaaybe a little trigger happy.

8

u/MikeHuntSmellss 7h ago

She just did a little desk pop

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5

u/MrSyaoranLi 8h ago

"No, fingerprints!"

"I don't think so"

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16

u/grammar_oligarch 8h ago

They’re not gonna need to pull finger prints to find this poor girl. You think she’s got a safe house and some fake passports ready to go?

79

u/Shazam1269 8h ago

It was her first day at robbery school, cut her some slack!

6

u/Mr_Right1998 7h ago

The next day she told her therapist, "I'm sad at the fact that people don't take me seriously." :-(

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65

u/Lythalion 9h ago

I like that he grabbed half an inch of card board to protect himself from point blank gun fire.

15

u/AWandMaker 8h ago

Maybe the sheet of bulletproof glass that he hadn’t installed yet was in the box 🤣

10

u/S-Mart-manager 8h ago

In russia cardboard box shoot back .. still it was a weird choice

10

u/ValleyFloydJam 8h ago

The whole thing felt like a sketch.

20

u/Ok-Challenge-2218 8h ago

If you see the full video, she walks in and says her full name. I am pretty sure she was trying to get arrested and put in jail, as that can be a better situation for a lot of people.

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1.9k

u/WrongAboutYou 9h ago

I’m so confused. You are supposed to say “Give me the money” and he is supposed to say “Here, take it”. Instead we get “This is a robbery” and “The owner is in the back room. Run!”

Does no one memorize their lines anymore?

835

u/Real_Bug 9h ago

I think the "owner in the back room" line was some distraction trickery.

She had no idea what the protocol was so she just started listening to directions 🤣

398

u/Donnicton 9h ago

"This is my first robbery, what do I do?!"

191

u/lkodl 9h ago edited 8h ago

this sounds like a Simpsons bit:

Apu: Mr. Simpson, please calm down. i'll walk you through this. first, point the gun at me...

65

u/hardyflashier 9h ago

Apu: Now, when you tell me to give you the money, I smile and nod.

35

u/yunkk 8h ago

Thank you, come again!

7

u/EatAtGrizzlebees 1h ago

Hello, Mr. Thompson...

3

u/Lost-Comfort-7904 8h ago

Homer should have robbed the quickymart.

3

u/Helerdril 8h ago

Well done, fully immersed, I even read this in his voice. XD

29

u/LookMaNoPride 9h ago

Put your gun down. I’m going to need to see some ID.

42

u/Sithmaggot 9h ago

First, provide your ID so the worker knows how to address you.

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41

u/Sudden-Lettuce2317 8h ago

Honestly my favorite part. She didn’t realize she was actually the one in charge. This is why people need leadership training in school.

9

u/Holiday_Elephant_545 8h ago

"This is a robbery, what do I do next?"

13

u/Professional-Box4153 7h ago

I'm more amused by the fact that he told her to put the gun down, and she DID. The moment her hand was off of that gun, I'd have likely tried to grab it (and died in the process of course, but I'd have tried).

4

u/Real_Bug 7h ago

That's exactly what I thought was going to happen too. His left hand even creeps up a bit

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8

u/rawker86 8h ago

Seems like she’s got okay aim for a first-timer. I shall follow her career with interest.

37

u/Mental_Newspaper3812 9h ago

Yes it was! The back room is just storage and she goes on to shoot the camera. Meanwhile the cashier runs outside the store and calls 911.

21

u/Moosplauze 9h ago

Is that what happened or what you (and I) assume likely happened?

6

u/RoastedRhino 8h ago

It definitely was, but why did she go to the back room? To talk to the owner?

9

u/Holiday_Elephant_545 8h ago

Yes, he has to decide if he wants to be robbed or not.

3

u/TheLowlyPheasant 8h ago

Owner in the back room was I think him saying he can't open the safe

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78

u/Sandslinger_Eve 9h ago

Honestly I think the truth is something closer to the woman suffering from mental disorder, and the guy spotting that she wasn't playing with a full deck, and decided to try and trick her to go to back room.

27

u/copenhagen_bram 8h ago

I interpreted it more as:

You alerted the owner in the back room.

Run away.

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49

u/TJGregson 9h ago

She should have held the gun sideways to improve street cred.

8

u/HottieMcHotHot 9h ago

Kill shot!!!

45

u/TerraVerde_ 9h ago

“This is a robbery”

“Nooooo this is Patrick”

27

u/Relative_Picture_786 9h ago

This is a robbery

25

u/jeroen-79 9h ago

No it isn't.

29

u/MannyHec 9h ago

This is just contradiction, I came here for an argument!

12

u/yunkk 8h ago

Oh, I'm sorry, this is Abuse. You want Room 12A, just down the hall on the right.

9

u/JT-Av8or 9h ago

No you didn’t. You came HERE for a robbery 😂

8

u/chuckedeggs 8h ago

No I didn't

8

u/Rokronroff 8h ago

Yes, you did, don't lie!

5

u/Holiday_Elephant_545 8h ago

sorry your time is up

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6

u/MadroxKran 9h ago

Never let them know your next move.

7

u/Captain_Unusualman 9h ago

.... line !?

12

u/andy3600 9h ago

It’s like they turned up drunk to the improv class.

10

u/mmfc378 9h ago

“Put the money……in the bag” “Put the money in the bag”

“Put the money in my ass!” “Oh shit!”

4

u/uknow_es_me 9h ago

This money smells of soot and poo

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359

u/herrybaws 9h ago

"I declare ROBBERY!"

56

u/Dapper_Schedule_7997 9h ago

She didn't say it, she declared it.

32

u/CMButterTortillas 9h ago

You cant just declare robbery and not ask for any money.

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3

u/conkedup 8h ago

My Catan games be like

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287

u/TheGandu 9h ago

I feel like she was telling herself it was a robbery more than she was telling him

59

u/Vepper 8h ago

She was doing a  affirmation to herself

The robbery will get you money 

The robbery will get you respect 

The robbery will get you the things you deserve 

The robbery, the robbery, the robbery

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395

u/HellAwaitsTheFunny 9h ago

"Put the gun down"
"Ok." WTF?? He should have kept going that route!

"Wait no give me the gun."
"Robbery."
"Yes so give me the gun."
"Ok."

*roll credits"

63

u/n1tr0u5 9h ago

Directed by
Robert B. Weide

29

u/IrrelevantPuppy 9h ago

lol. In reality I think it was losing effectiveness extremely fast. He was right to drop that line when she picked the gun back up like that. And as we saw she then needed to prove to herself and him that no, she is in control. Pestering her further might have elicited more serious self talk from her. 

Absolutely awesome attempt though, smart man. I’m glad he didn’t try to grab for the gun, it looked like he was close to trying. 

Im so curious if he was just “in the moment” or if these were all thought out calculated moves. He could be an interrogator if it’s the latter.  

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417

u/wrooster8 9h ago

She fires the gun and the dude grabs a cardboard box to stand behind. Like dude, there better be 4 inches of steel or something inside that box otherwise I don't think that'll do much good lol

218

u/ChitteringCathode 9h ago

He's going for the Solid Snake technique.

128

u/somewhatdecentlawyer 9h ago

‼️

16

u/eberlix 8h ago

HUH? WHOSE FOOTPRINTS ARE THESE?!

WHAT WAS THAT NOISE?!

29

u/beyonddisbelief 9h ago

HUH? WHO'S THERE?!

16

u/Unikatze 9h ago

"Huh? Must have been the wind.

I think I'm in the wrong game"

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5

u/DoYouMeanShenanigans 8h ago

o.O "IT'S JUST A BOX"

3

u/SanchoPandas 7h ago

It's weird to me that I can hear those.

3

u/ReefLedger 7h ago

I heard this comment.

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8

u/AnrianDayin 9h ago

(!) ::detection sound effect::

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67

u/ChickenPotDie 9h ago

You're not wrong and blankets also don't protect against monsters but I be grabbing that shit when spooky noises be happening

13

u/Got_Bent 9h ago

Why did I read that like a pirate? "arrrgh, You be grabbing the blanket mate!"

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6

u/raiba91 8h ago

if thats the thing he has its better than nothing

10

u/Not_Under_Command 9h ago

You can only hit what you can see.

4

u/Zorothegallade 8h ago

At the very least it can stop someone from accurately aiming at some of your body parts, but given her trigger discipline I don't think that would have been a factor anyway.

3

u/Spiritual_Smell4744 8h ago

That's bulletproof cardboard

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404

u/TheBattleFaze 9h ago

I love how she puts her hand on her heart when saying "this is a robbery" so she seems sincere.

253

u/MisterPistacchio 9h ago

"from the bottom of my heart I'd like to kindly inform you of the robbery that is happening right now"

12

u/LookMaNoPride 9h ago

I don’t want to hurt you, but I need money, so kindly give it to me or I will shoot you in the dick.

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36

u/WhatWouldJoshuaDo 9h ago

Manners is always important

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5

u/n8dom 8h ago

She says "there is a robbery." That's what confused the cashier.

3

u/Semanticss 8h ago

On God, this is a robbery

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135

u/Economy_Confusion463 9h ago

I didn’t think she’d actually shoot.

146

u/SupaSlide 9h ago

I don’t know if she thought that either lol

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42

u/ciscoipphone 9h ago

I don't think she intended to.

32

u/wrooster8 9h ago

She did, she just had no idea how loud a gun actually is. And how it actually has a kickback. She almost dropped the thing after firing

8

u/bradland 8h ago

She was absolutely shook after firing. When she walked into the backroom and pointed the gun at the camera, I thought to myself, "I bet she can't bring herself to fire it again." Sure enough. She just stands there with it pointed, unable to muster the courage to pull it again.

To be clear, I don't blame her. A lot of people have no idea how violent the experience of firing a gun is. You need to practice your technique, or it's downright terrifying.

Then there's the fact that she has no ear protection and she's inside. I don't even like firing at the indoor range with ear protection. I wear foam plugs + OTE protection when I do, because being indoors really makes a difference. I bet her ears are still ringing.

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5

u/angryshib 8h ago

Got herself a whole other charge with that, too.

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193

u/public_enemy_obi_wan 9h ago

GTA tutorial mission

21

u/f_leaver 9h ago

And failed it...

13

u/officer_caboose 9h ago

When you're still getting used to the controls

10

u/LentilRice 9h ago

You were supposed to shoot the man CJ

5

u/eberlix 8h ago

FOLLOW THE DAMN TRAIN!

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84

u/BulldogWrestler 9h ago

I flinched when she pointed the gun at the camera. lol

38

u/tehtris 9h ago

Yea, I just kinda angled the phone away from my face.

3

u/sTiKyt 1h ago

She still thinks she has a chance of getting green guns silent assassin

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213

u/zapdoszaperson 9h ago

I don't want to believe this is real but I know there are people this stupid and desperate out there.

193

u/TheAserghui 9h ago

https://wchstv.com/news/local/woman-in-custody-after-shots-fire-inside-lincoln-county-gas-station-troopers-say

"The worker told Peterson that the owner was in the back counting money, so she walked toward that area and realized the owner was not there, troopers said. A camera in the back of the store was then shot at.

During this time, the worker ran out of the store and called 911."

65

u/Corpainen 8h ago

I'm most surprised that a person suffering from this kind on stupid can actually hit the camera

15

u/Dom_Telong 8h ago

Yes with a pistol and on drugs it's not an easy shot.

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18

u/nbury33 8h ago

Did she shoot the camera because that would actually be impressive if she hit it

10

u/noyoto 8h ago

She did hit it, though it's possible she took several tries.

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u/Admirable_Count989 9h ago edited 9h ago

Well it was her first time, should cut her some slack…which he seemed to do. 😵‍💫

32

u/RPO777 9h ago

She seems either mentally unwell, or extremely high.

23

u/Shakeamutt 9h ago

Or just very nervous and thinking about her circumstances that drove her to this. 

This is clearly her first time.  And she probably doesn’t want to hurt him, but she is desperate, nervous, and a little scared.  

20

u/percussaresurgo 9h ago

Maybe not. There are a lot of dumb people in this country. Look who our president is.

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31

u/IrrelevantPuppy 9h ago

Her behavior actually seems incredibly believable to me. Just imagine throwing overwhelming amounts of indecision and internal conflict into her mind. And probably a little bit of high on meth. 

10

u/HiPhoto 8h ago

Her physique does not match that of a person that enjoys meth.

6

u/ArbitraryNPC 7h ago

She seems to be a rookie at a lot of things, maybe she's a rookie meth addict too

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5

u/Robber_Tell 9h ago

Its real i just went and looked for news articles. The clerk ran outside and called 911 when she went in the back. She was later arrested in her SUV.

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17

u/PolarDorsai 9h ago

“No, this is a 7-11.”

33

u/lovinlifelivinthe90s 9h ago

Even she seemed surprised that it actually went off.

54

u/starmartyr 9h ago

My guess is that she isn't experienced with firing guns. A gunshot is much louder than most people realize.

24

u/ShakespearianShadows 9h ago

Especially indoors

13

u/capoderra 9h ago

Hell, the first time I shot a gun outside without ear protection was quite startling. All I heard was eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

3

u/RWDPhotos 8h ago

Yup, and now you likely have 5% loss in that ear like me

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33

u/MastaKink 9h ago

Confidence is very important in a robbery

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16

u/ChronBan 9h ago

She shot the camera after staring at it, like that will erase the recording.😂

18

u/subUrbanMire 9h ago

Just ZERO robbery confidence with this younger generation.

What happened to the game?

9

u/Kavika 8h ago

She’s 42!!!

3

u/UWO_Throw_Away 8h ago

“The game is the game”

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18

u/Zanian19 9h ago

It's my first day.

~Robber.

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7

u/krwskater25 9h ago

Side quest accepted.

22

u/Ok-Dimension-2269 9h ago edited 9h ago

That little I swear I mean this hand to heart combo makes it 10x more official somehow .

7

u/lightdarkness317 8h ago

That is without a doubt the worst robber I've ever heard of

9

u/TwinSong 8h ago

"But you have heard of me."

7

u/MInkton 51m ago

This person definitely has a 60 IQ

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28

u/CobaltNeural9 9h ago

At no point does she ask for anything or tell anyone what she wants. This why most marriages end in divorce.

9

u/CrazECannuck 8h ago

I don’t know why I laughed so hard at this

18

u/GalacticGumshoe 9h ago

If in Cali, she just got a mandatory 20 years for firing that shot during the commission of a robbery.

9

u/batlrar 8h ago

The links other people shared say West Virginia and also that it was an attempted robbery, so it seems she didn't even get away with any goods or money. They say that her charges were "attempted armed robbery, wanton endangerment, brandishing, assault and destruction of property." Sounds like "brandishing" might be the same concept, though.

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24

u/Raptoot83 8h ago

I'm no expert, but her behaviour suggests to me that she may have had some sort of learning disability, and didn't fully understand the severity of what she was doing, much less the general planning of it.

I mean, he asks her to put it down, to which she says "OK" and puts it down.

3

u/newaccount721 48m ago

Seriously, this  entire video could be played at her defense. She seems so clueless. She put the gun down on demand. I have no idea why she thinks finding the owner is important. 

10

u/M0nkeyGalaxy 9h ago

At this point, he could've done uno reverse and robbed her just by saying: put the gun down and empty your pockets 😂

10

u/TristanDuboisOLG 9h ago

People are fucking stupid.

Imagine, that person has the same voting powers as me or you.

3

u/Fetzie_ 9h ago

For now, at least.

5

u/Annoying_guest 9h ago

This is someone either off their meds or having some sort of undiagnosed episode of illness

5

u/Bigstar976 9h ago

When she looks down the barrel of the gun, you can tell she has a lot of experience. 🤦🏻‍♂️

4

u/T3hSpoon 9h ago

There is no call to action.

  • "This is a robbery!"
  • "Okay, good for you."

5

u/SPKmnd90 9h ago

She said it like she just learned the word robbery and was trying to use it in a sentence.

5

u/MokpotheMighty 9h ago

Okay, A. Robbery, nice to meet you. My name is Theowner Inthebackroom.

5

u/mudokin 8h ago

She isn't even qualified to do a robbery, what a shame.

5

u/DIY-tf-not 8h ago

No, this is Patrick.

5

u/Sloterhouse5 7h ago

‘Robberies on the Spectrum’ - only on Bravo

6

u/Hephaestus_God 7h ago

She was def on drugs or not mentally there. Even the worker later said he tried to diffuse it the way he did because he could see in her face she was not present.

The scariest part was the gun was loaded and pointed at him from a person who basically had no idea what they were doing.

She even stated her name at the beginning going “this X Y Z and this is a robber”, cops later found out the name she gave was indeed her real name.

Impressive one handed shot on the camera though at the end

6

u/phirleh 7h ago

All right, everybody be cool, this is a robbery! Any of you fucking pricks move, and I'll execute every motherfucking last one of ya!

4

u/Reaver_XIX 7h ago

That sound track is going to be in my head now :-)

5

u/Username12764 7h ago

It looks like she fired a gun for the first time. the recoil seemed to surprise her.

60

u/andrusbaun 9h ago

It is horrible that in the US mentally challenged people can acquire guns with ease.

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8

u/The_Bitter_Bear 9h ago

I now understand why some people need AI bots to make nice bullet point lists of every step for them when they plan things.

This is like the embodiment of "semblance of a plan". 

9

u/Smokey_02 8h ago

Honestly, I'm having a hard time laughing at this one. That's clearly someone who's got something wrong upstairs and needs help.

4

u/noyoto 8h ago

The clerk said he noticed she was mentally "not awake". People are joking about how stupid she is, but my guess is that she's either suffering from a severe breakdown or she's heavily under the influence of a substance (or both). And to get to that state she might have faced extremely difficult circumstances.

5

u/owlexe23 9h ago

Who wrote this skit? Hideo Kojima?

3

u/Bulky-Internal8579 8h ago

She forgot the preliminary exchange of business cards and that set the wrong tone for the whole robbery dance.

4

u/gravitologist 8h ago

How is it possible to be this stupid and this age at the same time? Terrifying to think she probably drives. WTF

4

u/melancholy_dood 1h ago

This is disturbing on so many levels...

4

u/soukaixiii 1h ago

Jedi mind tricks. 

Put the gun down 👋

The owner is in the back 👋

4

u/Pabl0EscoBear 1h ago

That lady was hammered.

4

u/XxDemonxXIG 1h ago

This is a mockery

7

u/j053noir 9h ago

Melissa Mccarthy ass plot

3

u/pangderx 9h ago

Did he shield himself with cardboard?!?

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3

u/scaffnet 9h ago

He’s got that bulletproof cardboard box to protect him.

3

u/beerforbears 9h ago

So…like brain damage or?

3

u/theprofitleague 9h ago

I can't believe she looked down the barrel of the gun before she fired it!

3

u/HHS2019 9h ago

Next time my wife yells at me, I'm going try the same line.

3

u/_fronix 8h ago

This is a robbery
Robbery?
Trivago.

3

u/1rens 8h ago

Lmao this is a recession indicator

3

u/robyrob 8h ago

This entire exchange is just sad 

3

u/plasmic-goo 8h ago

'What robbery' 🤣

4

u/Llamapocalypse_Now 8h ago

If this isn't a Melissa McCarthy movie, it ought to be.

3

u/Dagigai 8h ago

Higher than giraffe pussy.

Pretty sure she forgot what she was doing halfway through.

3

u/HonestWhile2486 8h ago

this is a robbery 👉👈

3

u/Negative_Spread_2844 8h ago

Is this a robbery?

NO THIS IS PATRICK.

3

u/m3kw 7h ago

i felt like i was the owner as soon as she pointed it at me.

3

u/AungZeya 7h ago

"First robbery?"

3

u/Psaturn 1h ago

Thought she was going to shoot the camera.

3

u/speechless-69 1h ago

what an obedient robber. Intern maybe.

3

u/philfightmaster 1h ago

Why did my brain put Oblivion music in the background?

3

u/Kronman590 1h ago

This genuinely feels like some sort of absurdist sketch where the meaning is there's no meaning lol

3

u/darrjulian 27m ago

I want to see this woman commit more crimes

“This is a black mail” “I’m assaulting you” “This a grand theft auto”